by Brown, Tara
I scowl, "For what?" I have a bad feeling he's about to confess to sleeping with Star, who is my sister.
He shakes his head slowly, "For trusting him."
I watch the road for the truck, "he might be on our side. He might truly be good."
He leans on me, "I doubt it. We aren’t that lucky."
I laugh and then sigh, "I know." The hopelessness of it all is writhing around inside of me. Anna is infected, she is going to turn in a few days. I have the cure, if it's even the cure and Will is possibly dying next to me. Maybe he's going to turn. Maybe it's all been a lie. I grip his hand.
He kisses my cheek, "Thank you."
I look at him and shake my head, "For what? Poisoning you?"
He kisses my lips softy, "Giving me a chance to be the person I would have been, before."
I see the sweet face and feel the soft lips, and I can't see him any other way any more. I can't see the man beating the other men to death, or the man who gripped me and shook me so hard, he left finger marks on me. I see the man I wanted him to be all along.
"Thank you for not ruining the chance I gave you," I whisper back. Our silence is broken by the sound of a truck. I see him stop at the end of the alley and get out. He scratches his head and looks around.
"He looks innocent to me," I mutter.
Will nods. I run down the stairs and down the alley to the end of the building. As I get to the end of the building, I see headlights. I freeze and press myself against the glass window. I wave back at Will. He does the same. A truck stops behind Bernie.
"Bernard!" A man's voice rings out into the dark.
Bernie turns and I see his face change. He looks scared, truly scared.
"Richard, what's up?" Bernie sounds nervous.
My heart is attempting to beat out of my chest, and my lungs are with my stomach in my throat.
I hear footsteps.
"Why were you in the lab this late? Michael sent me to find you, when he heard you were there."
Bernie shakes his head, "Friend got sick. Thought I would try to save her."
A man with dark hair and the same linen clothes as the rest of us, walks up to Bernie. There are other men with the man.
"What friend?"
Bernie shakes his head, "Girlfriend of mine."
Richard’s hands go out, "Is she in the city?"
Bernie shakes his head, "No. She's at a friend's house. I came here to get the cure for her. I thought you wanted it tested on pure people, not wasted on the borderland trash."
Richard crosses his arms. I can't see him in the light from the trucks. He shakes his head, "I do. Why didn’t you bring her here? Or Spokane?"
Bernie crosses his arms too, but he looks like he's hugging himself, "She's sick. I didn’t want to risk anyone else."
"When was she bit?"
"Yesterday."
Richard nods, "Okay. Michael doesn’t like people sneaking around his lab. You know that."
Bernie nods nervously, "I know. I'm sorry, Richard."
"The guards said you had some friends with you when you came through."
Bernie looks stunned. He swallows and I can tell he's lying from the distance I am. He licks his lips, "I did. A nurse and doctor from the breeder farms. One of the outlying ones, where they don’t really come here much. It was one of the ones that was destroyed. They're staying at my place for a few weeks. I'm never there anyway."
"Get in the truck, they'll drive you to the girl."
Bernie hesitates and then walks toward Richard and the men, "She's a long ways off."
"Okay. The guys haven’t been out of the city in a while. Michael will need a report on how things are out there, anyway."
Bernie nods once, "Okay."
Richard looks at him, "Where's the cure."
I want to smack myself in the head.
Bernie stops. He doesn’t know what to do, neither do it.
One of the guards slams him against the truck, "Why are you lying?"
Bernie shakes his head, "I must have left it in the lab."
I take a deep breath and walk from the alley. One of the guards turns and looks at me.
I smile, "Good evening."
He frowns. The others look.
I wave, "Hey, Bernard."
He waves, looking lost.
The men all watch me walk up to them, "What's going on?" I ask casually.
Richard scowls, "This is none of your concern."
I clear my throat, "I'm staying with Bernard."
He raises an eyebrow, "You are the nurse he's got staying with him?" His eyes are dark in the dim light of the headlights.
I swallow and nod, "I am."
"What's your name?"
I panic trying to remember the name on the card, "Lainy Swanson."
He looks me over once, "You look young. How old are you?"
"Twenty seven."
He arches an eyebrow, "And you're a nurse?"
I scowl, "I am."
"Your institution was attacked then? By the vigilante?"
I remember them calling me that on the back of the truck, during the flashy crow conversation. I nod, "It was."
He folds his arms, "What was she like?"
I glance at Bernie. His face is stricken with fear, "Me," I say. "She looked similar to me. Thin, mid twenties, long hair, but mean. Really mean. She shot the doctors in the head in front of the children. She was horrid." I try to remember the last one we attacked.
He sighs, "Why are you here? Why aren’t you helping with the other institutions?"
I rub my belly, "I'm married and we're trying to have a baby."
He looks at my stomach, "I see. You've been given permission?"
I nod once. He glances at Bernie and nods at the guard, "Let him go." He points at me, "Don’t go with him to see the sick girl. Some of the mutations aren’t up to date with our vaccines. Bernard doesn’t know that. He doesn’t work the labs." He sneers at Bernie and walks back to his truck. Bernie walks to the truck. I mutter, "You forgot the cure in the lab."
He looks at me and nods, "Be right back."
I widen my eyes and climb into the truck. My hands are shaking. I don’t look back at the alley. I don't know what to do. The trucks behind us leave.
A knock at the window scares me. I jump and look to see Will. He's pouring sweat. I open the truck and pull him inside. He weighs a ton and squishes me into the backseat with him. Bernard comes back within minutes. He's huffing and holding another cylinder.
"Jesus, that was brilliant, Em."
I hold Will's burning face to my chest, "Hurry."
He turns the truck around and drives back to his apartment. He parks and leaves us in the dark of the parking spot. Will is shaking and heaving.
"Em, I'm gonna die."
I shake my head, "No. Bernard said it made him sick, like he was dying too."
He shakes his head, "Baby, I'm dying. I know it. I got this bad feeling."
I shake my head, "I had that feeling when I was in Spokane and you came for me. You, Anna, and Jake. You found me. I am here, you'll be okay."
All of the pieces of my heart feel like they're up in the air, hovering. And any second they're all gonna drop at once, and I have to try to catch them all before they break. I have a sick feeling, I won't get them all.
Bernard comes back in.
"Slide on the floor."
I frown, "What?"
"Will, lie down on the floor and you on top of him. They won't check me on the way out, they never do."
I push Will onto the floor and lie on top of him. Bernard covers us with something.
I whisper, "Am I squishing you?"
He shakes his head, "No."
I press my ear to his chest and listen to his racing heartbeat. He is dying, that’s how it sounds.
Bernard drives and we hide. I feel the truck slow several times, it makes my stomach burn, but he always drives on again. I don’t know how close we are to the guards and if we will get stopped. They'll see Will and sh
oot on site. I'll get discovered and dragged to my dad or worse, back to Spokane.
I'm about to throw the blanket back and savagely attack Bernie, when I feel the truck come to a complete stop. I hold my breath. Will is passed out.
I hear muffled voices and Bernie's nervous laugh. He needs to work on his inner calm.
The truck starts moving as he shouts, "See ya in a couple hours."
He presses hard on the gas and Will and I are shoved back against the seat in a jerk.
The blanket comes off, "Is he okay?"
I shake my head, "I don’t know. He's sleeping."
"Wake him up."
I sit up and scowl, "He's sick. Let him sleep."
He shakes his head violently and drives like a psycho, "He's gonna be barfing in about ten minutes. Trust me. I've lived through this."
I close my eyes and sigh. I want to choke Bernie, but I don’t. I slap Will across the face hard. His eyes shoot open. He sits up hard and fast, wrapping his huge hands around my throat. I break his grip. He sees it's me and gasps, "Em. I must have had a nightmare. You okay?"
I laugh, "No. Remind me never to wake you by hitting you again."
He wrinkles his nose, "You slapped me?"
I laugh, "I did."
"Why?"
I point at his belly, "That’s about to get bad."
He burps, "Its bad already."
I shake my head, "Bad!"
He winces.
Bernie pulls the truck over when we near the spot we let Leo out. I whistle.
Will stumbles out and gags. He gives me a deadly look, "What did you do?"
I put my hands up, "Bernie. Not me."
Bernie rolls his eyes, "You're fine, princess. It lasts a few hours." He looks around, "Can Leo stay with him, while we go for Anna?"
I nod, "Yeah," and whistle again.
Will puts a hand out, "No. That damned wolf will eat me. No."
I laugh and whistle again. I hear a crack in the woods and turn to see his sloppy face as he leaps from the woods. I drop to my knees. He runs around me, sniffing and checking. He growls at Bernie and Will. I chuckle and let him nudge me a couple times. He wraps his paws around me and nuzzles me. I hug him back, "Hey, boy."
I scratch his ears, "You have fun in the woods?"
He makes his weird noises and nips at me. He sniffs me and sneezes. I laugh. He turns and looks at Will, growling again.
I grab his mane, "No."
He snarls once and then coughs. Will walks to the edge of the road and sits on a log just inside of the forest.
I walk to Will and kneel in front of him, "You okay?"
He shakes his head, "I'll be fine. If I'm not you kill Bern for me okay?"
I laugh and look at Bernie who rolls his eyes again.
I give Leo my severe look for when I want him to listen to my command, he cowers. I point at Will, "You keep him safe. I'll be back okay?" I kneel again and lean into Leo's fur, "I like him. Please." I stand up and look at them both.
Leo growls.
Will looks like he might growl too.
I pout my hands on my hips, "Make it work."
Leo looks at Will and lifts his lip. Will does the same. I clap bringing their faces around to me, "BEHAVE!"
They both have the same look.
I turn and stalk back to the truck with Bernie. He looks back, "He's gonna eat him."
I shake my head, "No, it's an act for me."
He shakes his head, "No. Em, he's gonna eat Will."
I look back and notice Leo is in his stance for attack. I laugh and get into the truck. I shout out, "I mean it!"
They both look at me and then Will loses his breakfast all over the forest floor. Leo jumps back, horrified.
I laugh, "He's good."
Bernie starts the truck, "That’s a big friggin’ wolf."
Chapter Thirteen
We race inside with the cure. Anna is out completely, on the couch. Star looks like she's been crying and Jake looks sick.
"Where's Will?" he asks.
I ignore him and pull apart the cylinder as Bernie wipes her arm down. He puts a hand out. I pass him the huge needle. He injects it into her arm. He looks worried. That makes me sick.
"How long has she been like this?" he asks and puts the back of his hand on her forehead.
Star hugs herself, "Two days."
Jake grabs my arms hard, "Where's Will?"
I shake my head, snapping out of the million things I'm thinking that are not good. "He's back on the road puking. He's sick from the vaccine."
Jake scowls, "You left him?"
I nod, "He's with Leo."
Jake shakes me slightly, "Em, focus. Is he okay?"
I look away from Anna's sweaty face to him and nod, "He's fine." I frown, "Is your throat sore?"
He swallows and shakes his head, "It's fine."
Bernie arches an eyebrow, "The other one in the truck is still good."
I clench my jaw, "What if he's not sick?"
He shakes his head, "I don’t know. Want to wait for him to get sicker?"
I grimace and process it. Star jumps up and grabs his arm, spinning him, "You're sick?"
He clears his throat, "No."
She puts her hand on his forehead and nods, "He's sick."
"Shit," I mutter and run back out to the truck. I grab a wipes packet and the cylinder and run back inside.
I tear the packet and wipe his arm down. I give him a grin, "This is gonna sting."
He furrows his dark brow, and as I slide the needle into his arm, he winces. I inject him slowly like we were shown at camp.
I notice the way Star is gripping to him and smirk. His eyes dart back and forth between us. The blush on his cheeks and the worry on her face, makes me feel better about the choice I've made.
I love him but not in the right way. I want to suck him dry of the goodness inside of him. I want him to fill in the cracks inside of me, smooth out the edges. But what was he ever going to get from the deal? A surly, mean, cross girl who would never know how to love him the way he deserved. Star on the other hand, is light and flighty...like him. She finds joy and peace, even though her life has been hard. She smiles and jokes and wears too short of shorts in an innocent way.
I think Marshall and the others have always seen her as a joke, just like I did. But seeing her as my sister, even a half, was changing things about her…like I was giving her the benefit of the doubt.
Bernie stands and looks at us all, "This is not good." He presses his lips together, "How old is she?"
"Young, not old enough for this," Jake says and rubs the spot where I've taken the needle out.
Star kisses it better. He looks uncomfortable with her affection in front of me. I wink at him, "I'm glad you guys were here with her. Was she scared?"
He shakes his head, "You know what she's like…you, but chatty."
I scowl, "I'm way more chatty than I used to be."
He looks at Bernie, "Did she even talk once on the trip?"
Bernie shrugs, "She asked a couple questions."
Jake laughs, "Mission questions. She does that."
I sigh and squat next to Anna, "Is it too late?"
Bernie shakes his head, "I don’t know. She's young, they always bounce back faster." He sounds defeated.
"Carry her to the bed for me?" I ask Jake. He nods and lifts her like she weighs nothing.
When he lays her down upstairs, I lie beside her and look at him, "I'm happy for you."
He frowns, "I just wish you…"
I put a hand up, "I'm happy for you."
He nods, "Okay." He smiles and makes everything better, if only a little.
I stroke her hair, "She's so sick. I haven’t ever watched them change before."
He shakes his head, "It's bad, I think." He sits on the bed and puts his face in his hands, "I didn’t know what to do. She just started to get sleepy and I let her. I should have kept her awake."
"No. She needs sleep."
He runs his hands through his hair, "this cure better work."
I yawn, "Yeah, I'm not gonna imagine the possibility of it not working. I don’t think that’s going to be good for me."
Bernie pops his head in, "I'm gassing up and we're heading back to the city first thing tomorrow morning. It's her best bet and we can't leave Will in the woods longer than a day. He has nothing."
I frown "You sure about taking her to the city?"
He nods, "She has the cure. The virus can't be given to anyone once the cure is in the system. It can still hurt her if it's done enough damage."
"Okay."
He nods at Jake, "You and Star can stay here. You're not going to get sick now and she's immune. You'll be fine here. My dry storage is filled with food. A year or two worth. So if anything happens, Star knows what to do. She knows where the food and hiding places are."
I feel a heavy sickness in my chest. Bernie leaves and Jake shakes his head, "You can't take her to the city. She'll end up in a breeder farm."
I shake my head, "She'll be lucky to live long enough for that."
His hands grab mine and cover them, "Don’t leave."
I feel tears slip down my cheeks; I don’t even know why. I don’t wipe them away. If I acknowledge them, he'll see them and know I'm crying. I just stare down at our hands and wait for the heavy feeling in my chest to go away.
"We've been so lucky, ya know?" I mutter.
He squeezes, "Not really."
I laugh and look up. He sees the tears and just like Leo would, he pulls me into him and holds me. I lose it. I sob, "Will is in the w-w-woods with Leo and Anna is s-s-sick and it's all my f-f-fault. I had to go and k-k-kill my dad. We were all at the cabin. We were all s-s-safe there. I n-never even g-g-got to k-k-kill him. I nev-never even s-saw him."
He strokes my head, soothingly, "how fair is that though? We were safe. No one else was. Meg, Sarah, and Anna deserve to live in a world where they don’t have to worry about breeder farms and creepy men. The world is fucked and it deserves a do over. We all do. It's not fair that people like your father get to run the world like that." He pulls me back and wipes my tears, "You were right. This is the right path. Anna is going to be okay. I know it."
I sniffle and shake my head, "If it was any of you putting us at this kind of risk, I'd kill you."
He laughs, "I know. But you're insane."
I snort and wipe my eyes. I lie back next to Anna and snuggle into her.