by Brown, Tara
"How are you feeling?" I ask him.
He shrugs, "Sick, like a head cold. I haven’t felt like this since the last time we slept together."
I hold Anna's burning body next to mine and close my eyes, "Can you stay?"
I feel him adjust on the bed, "Yup." I open one eye and see him lying next to us. He puts his hand over hers and squeezes. I close my eye and try to imagine how it would have been if we'd just stayed in the damned mountains, at the cabin. I hate that I dragged them down the damned hill for my own revenge.
I fall asleep, bitter and pissy.
I wake to movement on the bed. I open my eyes to see her staring at me. I jump back, prepared for her to try eat me. She grins. Her lips are pale but her blood-shot eyes aren’t milky.
"Em," her voice is gravely, like it's barely there. Jake is gone.
Tears spring from my eyes. I jump on her, hugging her tight to me.
"I'm sorry."
She shakes her head, "I'm an idiot."
I pull her back, "Your voice?"
She nods, "My throat still hurts. I don’t think it's ever gonna be okay again. I coughed a lot of blood."
The hoarse sound of her voice made me want to clear my throat. I put a hand up, "Don’t talk."
She smiles.
I kiss her clammy forehead.
She gives me a look.
I frown, "What?"
She looks around and whispers, "Star and Jake."
I nod and grin, "I know."
She grimaces, "You okay?"
My cheeks blush, "Yeah." I'm whispering back for whatever reason.
"Where's Will?"
I bite my lip. I don’t want to tell her but I have to, "I left him with Leo."
She wrinkles her nose, "Yikes."
I nod, "yeah. I didn’t have a choice. He was puking everywhere and super sick, so we left him in the woods with Leo to guard him. We came here to get the cure to you."
Her eyes widen, "He's sick?"
I shake my head, "From the vaccine. He's not sick."
She looks worried, "Jake?"
"He's fine. He took the cure too. He was getting sick."
Her worried look doesn’t leave. She whispers, "This is my fault. I wanted to act brave in front of Bernie. I wanted him to think I was strong like you. I tried to fight them, but too many came."
I roll my eyes, "I'm not strong or brave… I'm an idiot."
Tears, with a slight pinkish hue to them, leak from her eyes leaving pink stains on her cheeks. I stroke her hair back, "Hey, I'm a mutant too. You’re smarter than me. It could have happened to anyone."
She shakes her head, "I kinda like him."
I grimace, "He's like twenty-nine or some shit."
She laughs and it makes a squeak like the infected. A raspy squeak. My heart is literally tearing from my chest. She isn’t going to make it. I know that.
I am useless to her. So I lay there and watch her eyes. The blue is so bright, compared to the pink blood-shot of the whites.
She smiles, "I like that he's smart and he cares about things we haven’t had for a long time. He's like Jake. He can remember the taste of the burger he ate when he was fifteen. He can remember the smell in the wind when he was at the beach."
I smile through the tears, "Suntan lotion."
She beams, "Exactly what he said. You could smell the sun in the lotion. It was summer and popsicles and grass and staying up late. He remembers those things and I like that."
I point, "He's too old for you."
She shrugs, "I'm too old for me."
I sniffle and nod, "You are. You're older than both your brothers."
She laughs the squeaky wheeze again and closes her eyes. I panic when she does it, but I see her chest rising and falling in jerky breaths.
The room goes dark. I keep my hand on her stomach and stay awake. Bernie comes in and sits in the chair next to the bed. He reaches over and grabs a hand to hold.
"She's got no throat left and pink tears," I whisper.
He whispers back, "We'll take her to the city. Your dad has solutions to things. I've seen him bring them back further than this."
I scowl, "He just picks and chooses?"
"Pretty much."
I shake my head, "I don’t care. She's worthy."
He sighs, "She's an amazing girl. She's so strong and kind of crazy. I should have protected her. I should have fought with her and I didn’t. I tried to get her to run away. She wouldn’t. Leo saved her and I hid."
I want to blame him but I can't. I know where the blame belongs, "This is my fault."
The sun rises as we talk. The room fills with pink light, like the tears she cried.
I see his face and sigh, "We should get going."
He stands and scoops her up. She sleeps still, snuggling into his arms.
I follow him from the room. When we get downstairs, we find Jake and Star sleeping on the couch, wrapped in each other.
Bernie glances back at me, "I told Star we would be back for them in a week or not at all."
My breath gets caught in my chest, like it's trapped in a sob. Jake's sleeping face is beautiful, as is hers. I want them to come. I don’t want to leave them behind.
"What if the bad people come?" I ask.
He looks back at me again, "I have bunkers, where the food is stored. They won't ever find it, you could burn the house to the ground and not find it."
We leave the house for the truck, "Good to know."
The drive is silent. I wouldn’t have noticed it before, but now that Jake has said something to me about it, I do. I am still wooden in so many ways. I still don’t talk for no reason and it never bothered me before.
I look back at Anna in the backseat; she's sleeping peacefully. Her skin is normal colored again, not so pale.
"I think she's getting better," I mutter.
He glances at me, "She needs medical help still."
I nod, "I know."
He taps his fingers on the steering wheel, "You and Will…you are… uhm…together?"
I frown and nod again.
"And Jake and Star are obviously together. Is Anna…"
I see him look at Anna in the rearview and feel my insides churning, "She's seventeen."
He looks shocked, "Is that all?"
I bite my lip to stop myself from saying something that would be bad.
He sighs, "I figured twenty."
I purse my lips, "You like her?"
He nods, "I do. I admire her, but she's a child."
I furrow my brow, "You wouldn’t want to be with her?"
He scoffs, "If she were a few years older, at the very least. I'm not a pervert."
A smile breaks across my lips, "I like you, Bernie."
He shrugs, "Okay. Thanks." He stops the truck as we near Will's spot in the woods.
I open the door and whistle. Leo comes running fast and then back into the woods. I know what that means. I look back, "You have weapons?"
He grins and gets out. He opens the back door and lifts the floor up. He hands me a shiny steel handgun. I almost hear angels sing as he passes it to me. I see him take one and scowl, "How good are you?"
He shrugs, "I'm alright."
I put my hand out. He makes a face, but I cock my eyebrow, "Will's possibly hurt. I'm better than alright. Stay here with her. Leave if you have to, just keep her safe."
He resigns and hands me the gun. I turn and follow Leo into the woods.
I hear the birds and insects. Everything is moving, as it should. We run over logs and bushes and suddenly the noises stop. Slowing my pace, I can hear ragged breaths. I wince and lift the guns.
I hear a high moan and close my eyes. He's turned. The vaccine never helped him, he's sick now instead. He's sick.
Leo stops and paces the spot where I am standing. He whines. I grimace, "Sorry, buddy."
He tilts his head just as I slide against a tree and feel something land on my shoulder. I look up as slime falls from a branch. I move out of
the way, to discover a puddle of slime on the ground. Will is in the tree, clinging to it. The slime is his vomit.
He looks rough but manages to point. I turn in time to see it. I fire. The gun jerks in my hand, causing me to miss. I fire a second time, dropping the infected man to the ground.
I look up at Will in the tree and shake my head, "You aren’t one of them?"
He chuckles, "I'm gonna kill you and Bern when I get outta this tree, Em. Kill you."
That answers that. I look around the forest and realize how many there are.
"Oh shit," I mutter. The forest is filled. I am surrounded. I swallow and look down at Leo, "Stay low." He crouches and growls.
I nod and he's off. He takes the first one down, I shoot the ones coming for him. I hear something behind me. A tall man with bloody tears, and a shriek that could make my ears bleed like his are, stumbles at me. I shoot him between the eyes and then a shaggy looking man behind him. Leo yelps. I shoot the one that has him on the ground. I run closer and shoot the one grabbing at his back legs. He snarls, taking a lady down.
"Behind you, Em!"
I look where Will is yelling and shoot almost point blank. The lady drops to the ground and I fire at the one behind her. A small child rushes at me with blood dripping from her lips. She froths the yellow foam. I don’t like killing the small ones. I fire and look back at Leo. He takes a man down by biting his entire head off. The squishy crunching noise is nasty.
I don’t have the second to focus in on it. I blast one rushing me, she jumps a log and I hit her mid air. She drops, breaking the old rotten log under her. There are seven left. I shoot five as Leo takes the other two. Not fearing them touching or biting or infecting me, changes the way I fight them. I would have run after dropping the closest ones.
I look up at Will in the tree and wince, "All night?"
He nods and throws up again.
"Anna is sick," I say it and leave it out there to hang with his heaving that’s filled the whole forest. It's no wonder, really, that so many came.
He stops and glances up, "Did she get the cure?" he coughs.
I nod, "Not sure it's worked though. Jake got it too but we gave him the cure. He wasn’t far along…she had the fever."
He closes his eyes and breathes deeply. I look at Leo who is eating one of them. I grimace. But he makes his sloppy wolf face and chews away. I shudder, "You're riding in the back of the truck."
Will struggles climbing down. He stands uneasily smacking his lips together.
He points, "I have never been this sick in my life."
"You stink."
He nods, "I know, baby."
I put his huge arm over my shoulder and start the hike out of the woods, "They're starting to pack like animals," I look at the dead.
"Yeah, it's weird. Six or seven was a lot before. Now you can find ten or twenty together," he mutters and struggles with the walk.
"You're cold now. The fever is gone."
He nods and spits on the ground, "Thank God."
Leo catches up and nudges against Will. I smile and walk to the truck.
Bernie is still there. He's holding a shotgun, shaking sort of, as he stands there.
"What the fuck?" he shouts at me.
I shake my head, "Infected. They treed him like a cougar running from wolves."
He looks around, "They gone?"
"Yup."
He takes Will for me. I stretch my arm and shoulder. He weighs a ton. I look down at Leo, "You go back to the house."
He whines. I drop to my knee and grimace at the greenish goo on his muzzle, "Jake needs you." He shakes his head and turns and runs into the woods.
"You're a stubborn brat!" I call back.
I sigh and climb into the truck. Will sits in the backseat looking like he might die any second. Anna is asleep across his lap.
Bernie gives me a look, "Thought you said you were a good shot?"
I glare at him, "I am."
He arches an eyebrow, "You fired like sixteen times."
I blink at him, "I only missed once."
His jaw drops, "There were that many?"
I shake my head, "Leo killed his share."
He moves back a bit, lifting both eyebrows, "Oh." He starts the truck and drives in silence.
We arrive at the guard gate. I tuck the guns that I'm not giving back and pull out my ID card.
The guard gives me a look. It’s a different guy. He seems mellower than the first guy.
"How's it going, Bern?" They know each other.
Bernie nods, "Alright, Dan. I got a couple of sick people. They took the vaccine."
He makes a face and looks over my ID card, "I hated that stupid vaccine. I was sick for a week."
Will moans. Bernie passes Will's ID card. The guard doesn’t even bat an eyelash at the fact Anna doesn’t even have one.
"I'm bringing her in for Michael. She isn’t doing so hot with it," Bernie says like he has done this before.
The guard nods, "Move ahead. They just need to make sure the virus isn’t live. Take it easy, Bern."
"Will do, you too, Dan." Bernie puts the truck in drive and heads slowly to the next guard stop. We each give a saliva sample on the stick and are moved on.
"No live virus?" Bernie asks. The guy shakes his head, "Nope."
Bernie smiles and drives on. We don’t go to his house. We stop in front of a building that looks shiny and pretty. A lady is walking past in the linen clothes. She glances our way, probably wondering about the truck.
"Can you find your way back to my place?" he asks.
I look around and shake my head, "No."
He sighs, "Will?"
"Yup," he croaks from the backseat.
Bernie gets out and opens the back door. He lifts her out, "I'm taking her in. Go hide at my place. If you hear anything, there is a spot in the bathroom where the tiles open. You'll be fine down there for a few days."
Will climbs out and grabs Bernie's arm, "You keep her safe or I will skin you alive."
Bernie nods, "I won't let them hurt her, I swear. The key on the truck that looks funny is the one for the apartment for when the power is out."
Will nods, but all I can think about is the fact he's going to see my dad. It feels weird for me that the man in the building who will fix Anna is my real father. The uncle I never knew.
Will gets in and drives away as Bernie slides his card and walks into the shiny building.
My stomach is in my throat, "We should go back."
He ignores me and drives. I don’t think he's doing well enough to be driving. It takes longer than it did for Bernie, but he finds it.
When he parks the truck he looks at me in the dark, "You gotta be calm, okay?"
I realize my breathing is a bit intense. I swallow and nod, "Ok."
He climbs out clumsily, almost falling onto the ground.
I hurry around the side of the truck, tucking my guns in the back of my pants. I help him up and open the back door. I lift the floor and grab the ammo from the small space and the shotgun from the floor.
He takes the shotgun and walks casually. If anyone sees the amount of firepower we have, we're dead.
He uses the key and opens the door. We walk into the hall, both looking for people. He gets to the door and opens it fast. We scramble inside and close it, locking it. We both lean our backs against the closed door, panting.
"I'm going to take a shower," he mutters and walks away.
I take deep breaths and nod. I reload the guns and refill the empty cartridges.
I feel like I'm having a heart attack. I need a shower too.
Chapter Fourteen
Six days pass in silence. We don’t talk, mostly because neither of us needs to. We don’t kiss or touch. We pace, take turns cooking and sleeping. The walls slowly creep in on me and I think we're avoiding each other.
My heart hurts.
He passes me a stale bun. I eat it like I'm one of the infected. I chew and swallow and ignore eve
rything about it.
I reach down and lightly finger the gun in the back of my pants.
The sun sets and I shake my head, "I have to see."
He turns and grabs the shotgun from the wall where he has it resting, "Yeah."
"How are you feeling?"
He shrugs, "Normal."
He grabs the keys but I stop, "We're walking."
He nods, "I know but we have to lock this place up and I want to be able to get back in."
I sigh and walk to the door, "If we can't find them, I'm leaving here. I never want to come back."
Will grabs my hand, "What about your dad?"
I shake my head, "I'm an idiot. That was a childish, stupid plan. You were right, I should have formed a proper plan. I should have left Jake and Anna up the hill."
His eyes narrow, "This isn’t your fault."
I shrug, "It doesn’t matter now."
He leans over and kisses me. It’s the first kiss since the day we had sex. It makes my belly heat up. He gently caresses his lips against mine and sucks my lower lip in. He pulls back smiling, "It matters. You can't take on that kind of guilt. You didn’t do anything to deserve it. You wanted to stop the injustice. No one sees that as wrong."
I walk out the door, peeking both ways, "I spent so long not caring about any of it and anyone, I swear I don’t know how to just do anything a little. And I can't seem to just care about the people with us."
He laughs, "You still kill pretty easily."
I look back at him as we make our way to the parkade, "Those people chose the wrong side. They chose to be on the side of the tormentors. It's like Anna said, they probably have families and loved ones, but they made the wrong choice. That's all I see."
He opens the door to the parkade. A man walks towards us. He smiles at me. I smile back. Will holds the door for him, holding the shotgun behind his back at a weird angle.
I turn my back too, hiding the guns stuffed down the back of my pants. He frowns and hurries inside.
We close the door and run for the truck.
We hide beside it for a minute, not talking but clearly thinking the same thing. Seconds later, a man comes out with a gun and a flashlight. He looks around and talks into a radio like in the old shows. I glance at Will. His jaw clenches.
"Should we go back and hide?" I ask, never imagining those words would leave my lips.