by Ellen Devlin
“Are you kidding?” She looked at him, and he could see in her eyes he had hit a home run with this. “I love it. Thank you.”
“Turn it over.”
She did and saw “#40” etched into the center.
He leaned down and in his deep, low voice said into her ear, “My number, Liz.”
The result of this was immediate. Her pulse raced and blood rushed toward all important erogenous zones. She started breathing hard. And fast. And she grabbed his hand, holding onto it for dear life, so she wouldn’t do what she wanted to do, which was to grab other parts of him, right there, on his parents’ couch.
Tom noticed all this and asked curiously, “Liz?” He was still talking into her ear. His voice was still the sexiest voice she had ever heard, and it made every part of her insides melt. “Am I imagining this, or did you just get really turned on?”
“Not imagining.” She was trying not to think about what it felt like to grab his inner thigh.
Tom moved his lips to just below her ear and brushed them there.
Liz shivered through her whole body and whispered, “Tom, you are making me crazy.”
He brushed aside her hair and moved his kiss closer to the back of her neck. She let go of his hand, turned to him, and pressed a kiss to his parted lips.
They had just reached a deep tangling of tongues when they were interrupted by a deep-voiced throat clearing behind them.
“Honestly, Tommy, either you were less trouble when you were seventeen, or you were better at not getting caught.”
Tom’s laughter was quiet but genuine. “Or maybe I just never dated anyone this much…fun.”
“You did not just blame me!”
Tom just smiled that damn little smile that twisted her heart, and big Tom laughed.
“I’m going to bed. You two…” he pointed at them, “Tommy, I know your mom is being a little over the top about not sharing a room here, but try to keep it together for one more day, okay?” He chuckled as he walked away and added, “Besides, it will make it that much better when you get home.”
Liz stared at Tom, wide-eyed, and whispered, “Did your dad just give us sex advice?” She giggled, then snorted, because the look on Tom’s face was a mixture of humor and horror.
They both started laughing, using the pillows to try to be quiet, eventually calming down enough to speak again.
“I love the necklace, Tom. And now I’m going to go to bed.” She leaned in to kiss him, stopped, and said, “I’d better not. Although I really want to.”
Tom stood up, pulled her close, and kissed the top of her head. “Merry Christmas, Liz. I will see you in the morning.”
***
Christmas morning with a big family was a completely new experience for Liz, and she enjoyed every minute, from coffee and cinnamon rolls to weird, friendly, sibling rivalries and traditions (which brother was more inept at wrapping presents, whose job it was to get stockings down from the mantle, or hand out presents, et cetera). It was fun. Just plain, silly, loving fun.
Tom was handed a smallish, flat box with his name on it. Liz said, “It’s possible that’s from me,” with a wink and a smile. She was wearing her new necklace.
“Ah, so you did break our agreement.”
“I saw it as…not so much an agreement as a suggested course of action.” She raised an eyebrow. “As did you. Open it.”
Tom opened the box to find an envelope. The envelope was addressed to Joe. There was nothing else in the box. “Really?” He looked at Liz. “That’s mean.”
“Give the envelope to the addressee.”
Tom handed it to Joe, who looked confused. Anita did not, Tom noted with interest. Joe’s wife had a smile and a look of happy anticipation on her face.
Joe opened the envelope and pulled out and opened a folded page. A Guardians ticket was inside. He looked at the page, looked at Liz, and said, “Are you serious?” He turned to Anita. “Did you know about this?” She nodded, smiling like crazy.
Tom said, “What? What is going on? Liz, why is Joe so happy with my Christmas present?”
Joe said, “It’s a plane ticket and a game ticket to come see you play in February.”
Tom felt his heart catch and a knot in his gut.
“You can stay in my apartment while you’re there. I’ll stay with Paige and Chris in their guest room.” Liz smiled and added, “There is one catch. I have the matching game ticket. You have to sit next to me, and I yell. A lot.”
Tom looked at Liz, while the rest of his family chattered about this development. All his feelings showed on his face. “For his birthday?”
She nodded. “He hasn’t seen you play since that night, has he?”
Tom closed his eyes. Liz stroked her thumb across the right side of his forehead, trying to smooth out the furrow that had started, not from anger, but from anxiety. “I did give you full and fair warning that I’m a pain in the ass, Tom.”
He smiled a little, opening his eyes.
She looked at him, took his face in both her hands, and said, “What can I say, sweetheart? I get jealous too.”
He looked confused.
“She’s living in your head, and I want her to move out.”
Tom leaned over to kiss her. It lasted long enough for Joe to say, “Oh, for God’s sake, Tommy.”
Standing up, Tom pulled Liz into his arms and held her, bending to say, “Thank you.”
The rest of the family continued with other activities, allowing them to talk for a few minutes.
“Are we okay?”
“Yeah.” He took a deep breath.
“Are you okay?”
Another breath. “I think so.” He paused. “I will be.”
Liz looked up at him from under her lashes. “I will be at the game. If you want, I will come out with you guys after the game.” She smiled and winked and said, “Hell, if you want, we can arrange ways to sneak off and fool around while we’re out.” More seriously, she said, “Anything to change that narrative in your head. You should be able to have your brother come see you play any time without only having bad memories attached. That’s your present, Tom. Merry Christmas.”
His hug was almost crushing.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Tom hadn’t been in a mood this foul in quite a while. Bad game last night, bad practice today, bad traffic, and an encounter with Zee, which had just pissed him off beyond reason. Sometimes he wondered if Zee goaded him on purpose, to see how many of Tom’s buttons he had to push before Tom really did take a swing at him. It hadn’t happened yet.
That didn’t mean it wouldn’t.
He arrived at Liz’s apartment, trying to shake it off, but was still feeling ill-tempered when he let himself in. Liz greeted him with a hug, and he was standing holding her when her phone rang on the kitchen counter. Tom glanced over and saw it was Zee calling.
“Motherfucker!” Tom was instantly ramped up to full-tilt angry again, and Liz looked up at him in surprise, wondering what was going on. She looked over at the phone and shut the ringer off as Tom started pacing, letting off a stream of cursing that even she found impressive.
This had all happened quickly enough that she hadn’t even asked what was wrong yet.
He turned to her, jaw set, voice angry, and said, “I’m walking out of here.”
She looked instantly panicked, but he continued in the same tone without allowing her to say anything.
“I’m pissed off beyond reason, and I need to walk around, or I won’t be able to think straight. I will come back. I love you, and I know you love me.” He turned around and walked out the door.
Liz stared at the door. She tried to process what he had just said. Leaving. Coming back. He loved her. Knew that she loved him. These were all the things he knew she would need to hear so she wouldn’t feel panicked and freaked out.
But she was panicking. And freaking out. Her heart was racing, and she felt like she couldn’t quite catch her breath. It took her a few minutes to realiz
e that was because she was crying.
He was angry and he left. But he said he was coming back. And the love thing. What the hell was going on in her head? The logical part of her brain was active and telling her that her reactions were making no sense, but the rest of her brain was steadfastly ignoring that part and telling it to fuck off while she had this complete meltdown.
Tom came back about forty minutes later, looking more relaxed after walking off the majority of his bad mood in the brisk weather. He was slightly dreading the encounter waiting back at the apartment but was hoping he had said enough before he left to alleviate some of Liz’s fears.
When he got back in the apartment, he found Liz sitting on the couch, brow furrowed, holding her head in her hands as if trying to ease a headache. She had obviously been crying. A lot.
Shit.
“I’m sorry, Liz. I was so angry. I just needed to walk it off.”
She looked up at him, almost confused. “You came back.”
He sat down on the couch with her. “I said I would.” He held her hand. “I love you. I wasn’t leaving you. I just needed to clear my head.”
She was still looking at him, brow furrowed, and said, “No. You don’t understand. You came back. Twice. You weren’t even supposed to come back the first time.” Tom gripped her hand tighter. She wasn’t making sense.
“Liz, are you okay?”
“No.” She looked at him and then gave a choked half-laugh. “I think I broke my brain.”
Tom looked so alarmed that she reached out to him. “Not in that way. I don’t need an ambulance.” He relaxed some but still looked worried.
“You’re a fantasy, Tom. My fantasy. This was never supposed to be real. I don’t think you understand, I always expected this to end, I just didn’t know when. So when you walked out the first time, I was so sad, but not surprised. No one gets to keep their fantasy.”
Tom was staring at her. He had a knot in his stomach and another one in his chest.
“When Paige first figured out about us, I explained to her that when the universe gives you a chance to fool around with your fantasy for a little while, you say, ‘Yes.’ No matter how nice it is, he’s still going to go back to his real life, and you’re going to go back to yours. So you enjoy the hell out of it while it lasts, and you don’t worry that it’s not going to.
“So when you left, I just hoped we would be able to stay friends, because I really had such a good time with you. And I hoped that falling in love with you hadn’t screwed up that part. But I didn’t regret that, either. I didn’t regret any of it. I could never regret loving you.”
She knew she was babbling at this point, but she wasn’t sure exactly where she was going with this, or even really what she was feeling, and she was hoping that if she just let the words out, somewhere, somehow, something was going to make sense.
The knot in Tom’s stomach wasn’t getting any smaller.
“But then you were such a bastard, and I thought, shit, we aren’t going to be friends, and I don’t even know why. But, then,” she stared at him, “you came back. You totally weren’t supposed to do that.” Everything about her softened, and her eyes were bright with tears. “And I was so happy. Because I love you so damn much. But it’s confusing, because you’re the hockey player, and I’m just me, and you weren’t supposed to want that.”
“What? Liz, I don’t understand.” The knot in his chest wasn’t getting any smaller, either.
“So, here we are, months later, and you just left again.”
He was staring at her.
“And you said you would come back, and you fucking came back again.” She was crying now. “And my brain snapped, because if you keep coming back, then that means that this is real. And if it’s real, then I can really lose you.” She started crying harder. “If I could never really have you, then I could never really lose you.” She looked startled, and he did too. “Oh, shit.”
She looked scared.
Tom wrapped her in his arms and held her close. “This is real, Liz. We are real. You might be the most real thing I’ve ever had in my life.”
She put her arms around his neck and sobbed as if she might never stop. “I love you. Oh God, I don’t want to lose you.”
Tom held her while she cried, stroking her hair. The knots in his chest and stomach had evaporated. This had obviously been a long time coming. It was the first time he had seen her completely vulnerable in this way.
***
Liz was bone-weary tired when she finally stopped crying. “I feel like I’ve been run over by a truck.”
“Emotional shit is exhausting.”
Liz looked at him with surprise.
“What?” He kissed the top of her head and asked, “Did Becks ever tell you about the night after the pool party when I had acted like such an asshole to you?”
Liz sat up to look at him. “No. I never heard anything about what happened in between the party and the night on the rooftop.” She thought for a moment. “Oh, except for the slap. Paige did tell me that.”
“Oh, shit. Yeah, that was impressive. She’s tiny but fierce.” He smiled at Liz. “Becks forced me to see that I had been treating you as if you were Michelle. Actually, that I was treating you worse than I had ever treated her. The realization made me sick. Like, vomiting sick.”
Liz’s eyes got wide.
“And then he managed to make me realize that the reason I was doing that was because I had fallen in love with you. More puking. It was exhausting.”
Liz gave a tired, half laugh. “Oh, my sweetheart. You just told me that realizing you loved me made you puke. You are so romantic. I shall treasure this moment.”
Tom barked out a laugh and said, “I hadn’t been in love since Michelle. Although, God, I look back and I can’t even compare what I felt for her and what I have with you.” He pulled her close, and she sighed.
“I hadn’t been with anyone since Jimmy.”
Tom caught the phrase and asked, “Wait, no one?”
“No. I mean, I went out to a few dinners, but there was nothing.”
Tom turned so he could look her in the eye.
“What?”
“But…” he looked confused. “I thought…wait…was I the first?”
She smiled. “Since Jimmy? Yeah.”
“But that’s been…”
“Years. Yes.”
His eyes were huge. “Holy shit.” He smiled and said, “Damn, Liz. Don’t take this the wrong way, but how?”
“How what?” She was genuinely confused by the question, but he was adorable in the way he was asking, like this was something he didn’t believe was possible.
“How did you not…I mean…” He struggled for words, and Liz started smiling. “You’re rather insatiable. Years? Really?”
She laughed out loud. “Insatiable?”
He grinned.
It was adorable, and she kissed him and then climbed to straddle his lap. “Well, McCullin, at the risk of continuing to inflate your ego,” she leaned in and whispered in his ear, “I’ve only ever been insatiable with you.” Tom closed his eyes as she put her lips against his neck and then bit down gently. “You smell so good.” She sat back for a moment and said, “That first night outside the restaurant, when you bent down so I could smell you…” She closed her eyes and sighed. “I wanted to bury my face in your neck.”
He made a humming sound. “Mmm. And I wanted you to. I felt your breath on my neck and had already lost track of what we were talking about.”
“And then, when you kissed me, I wanted to push you up against your car.”
He pulled her in close and spoke in a low, husky voice. “I held you away from me, because I started getting hard almost immediately when I started kissing you. If you had touched me, we would have had our first time in the backseat. Or maybe standing against my car.”
“It’s never been like that for me with anyone else.”
She had pushed further forward, so she was riding on
what was developing into a lovely, hard bulge in his jeans. “I have never wanted anyone the way I want you. All the time.” She pressed against him and said again, “All the time, Tom.”
“Insatiable. I told you.”
“Yes, sweetheart. I’m your insatiable puck bunny.”
Tom laughed out loud and pulled her in to kiss her.
***
“Paige, do you have time to get together? I need to talk to you. In person.” She took a breath. “There’s nothing wrong, I just need to sort some things out in my head and I need a sounding board.”
“Yes. Yes, of course. I’m on my way over.”
“No, let’s meet for coffee somewhere. I have a feeling I would think better in public, where I have to stay more logical.”
Paige blinked. “Okay…you promise everything is all right?”
“I promise.”
They met at the same Starbucks where they had talked after the charity formal. Liz was waiting for Paige this time, with two cups of coffee in front of her. She told Paige about what had happened the night before, from Tom leaving in anger to her realization about still not believing the relationship would last. Paige listened quietly.
“He promised me this is real. He said I’m the most real thing he’s ever had in his life.” Her eyes were a little too bright, and she looked at her friend for help.
“Do you believe him?”
Liz covered her mouth, blinked a few times, put her hand down, smiled a small smile, and whispered, “Yes.” A few tears leaked out that she wiped away.
Paige smiled and blinked away a few tears of her own and asked, “How does it feel?”
“It’s scary. I’m scared, Paige.”
Paige reached across the table and took her hand. Liz tried to control her breathing, gripping Paige’s hand. Paige looked worried for a moment but then started smiling at her.
“What? Why are you smiling?”
“Just breathe, Liz. Give it a minute. You’ll be okay.”
Liz slowed her breathing, looking at her friend.
Paige’s smile was just getting bigger.
Liz let out a tiny laugh and whispered, “Holy shit.”