The Price of Love

by Rosie Harris

  Sam looked confused. ‘Why are we going to Robert’s house?’ he asked, turning to Lucy.

  ‘It’s where we’re living now,’ Lucy told him.

  ‘You might be, but I want to go to my own place,’ he muttered.

  ‘This will be your home from now on, Sam, you’re living with us,’ Robert told him.

  Sam stood there frowning, a belligerent look on his scarred face.

  Although she obviously had no idea what the problem was Brenda Kelly took Sam’s arm and squeezed it. ‘Let’s go along with what they’re asking and sort it out later, shall we? They might give us a nice cup of tea and I could certainly do with one.’

  For a moment Lucy resented the way Brenda spoke to Sam; it was almost as if he was a child who needed to be coaxed but she said nothing, merely smiled at Brenda and followed them through the front door which Robert was now holding open.

  She left Robert to settle them down in the living room while she hurried through into the kitchen to make the promised tea. As she did so she couldn’t help wondering whether bringing Sam back there had perhaps stirred up forgotten memories for him and she wondered how she was going to deal with them. On the pretence of needing some help she called Brenda into the kitchen and briefly acquainted her with what the situation was and how they had come to be living with Robert.

  As soon as they’d finished drinking their tea Brenda said she must be going.

  ‘You’ll come back again soon?’ Sam asked anxiously as she stood up to leave.

  ‘Of course I will, Sam.’ She looked questioningly at Lucy and Robert. ‘I’ll come round tomorrow night right after I finish work, if that is all right with you?’

  ‘Of course. Come and eat with us and then you can see how well Sam has settled in and he can tell you what he’s been doing on his first day at home,’ Lucy told her.

  After Brenda left the trouble really started. Sam was adamant that he wanted to go next door and see his parents. He looked at Lucy in stunned disbelief when she broke the news to him that they were both dead.

  ‘When did that happen?’ he asked in a bewildered voice. ‘Was it while I was in hospital?’

  Lucy looked helplessly at Robert, undecided about giving Sam a direct answer.

  ‘Yes, Sam. It happened while you were in hospital,’ Robert said quietly.

  Sam was not easily appeased. ‘Is that why you married Robert and moved in here, Lucy?’ he pressed.

  ‘Moving in here seemed to be for the best,’ Lucy said awkwardly.

  ‘Where are your own mam and dad, then, Robert? I haven’t seen anything of them since we got here.’

  ‘Mam died and Dad’s gone up North to live with his sister,’ Robert told him.

  Sam nodded and said no more but he still looked perplexed and it was obvious that he was deep in thought and trying to puzzle out how so much could have happened in such a short time without him knowing anything about it.

  When Anna toddled over to him, clutching her favourite doll and trying to give it to Sam, he shook his head and pushed her away impatiently.

  Anna burst into tears and it took Lucy several minutes to comfort her. After that Anna wouldn’t go near him but stared at him from a safe distance, ready to run to Lucy if he spoke to her or even looked in her direction.

  Robert didn’t seem to be too concerned. ‘He’s a stranger to her. Give her a few days and she’ll come round.’

  ‘She was talking to him when we were in the hospital and he was quite friendly towards her and told her to call him Uncle Sam,’ Lucy reminded him. ‘Now she says she doesn’t like Uncle Sam and he’s a bad man,’ Lucy sighed.

  ‘As I said, once she gets used to him being here she’ll be friends with him if you give her time.

  ‘Anyway, I’m more concerned about Sam than about Anna,’ Robert went on. ‘I think bringing him back here must have brought back memories that would have been better left buried; things we all thought he’d forgotten. I wonder if we should sit him down and tell him everything that has happened in his life from the time of the car accident right up to the present day.’

  ‘Don’t you think that might be too much for him to grasp? Perhaps we should leave it until we see Brenda again and ask her what she thinks. She’ll be coming to see him after she finishes work so I’m sure it can wait until then.’

  When they discussed it with Brenda she didn’t think it would be a good idea because it might be too much of a shock for Sam especially if they told him the truth about how his parents had died.

  ‘I tell you what I can do if you think it might be of any help,’ she offered. ‘I can talk to the psychiatrist who has been handling Sam’s case and see what he thinks would be the best way of dealing with it.’

  In the weeks that followed Lucy found that every minute of the day was busy. Anna was awake by six each morning and full of life. She was not only a chatterbox but was also continually asking questions as she followed Lucy around.

  Sometimes in sheer desperation Lucy was tempted to ask Sam to play with her for an hour so that she could concentrate on what she was doing. She was reluctant to do this, though, because she wasn’t too sure about what his reaction would be or even how Anna would behave if she left them together. Anna was still wary of him and usually pulled back or hid her face in Lucy’s skirts if Sam spoke to her.

  Sam seemed to take it for granted that Anna was Lucy’s and Robert’s child. He never mentioned Patsy at all and seemed to have no recollection of what had happened; it was as if that part of his memory had been wiped clean.

  In the same way he seemed to assume that Lucy and Robert were married. From time to time this caused slightly embarrassing situations but they both agreed that it was better to let him continue thinking they were rather than to confuse him with the truth.

  Sometimes Lucy felt that it was almost as if she and Robert were married and that made it all the more heartbreaking for her because it was something she wanted more than anything in the world. They had a happy family life together and so far Sam had not realised that they slept in separate rooms. Or, if he had noticed, he probably assumed it was so that when Anna woke in the night she didn’t disturb Robert who needed his sleep because at the moment he was the only bread-winner in the house.

  Sam was now fully recovered physically but his memory still had a large gap; the years between leaving Priory Terrace and returning there still seemed to be rather hazy.

  Lucy waited for him to ask again about their parents but he seemed to take it for granted that they were dead; just as he accepted that Robert’s mother had died and his father had moved away.

  In some ways Lucy felt it was all for the best that Patsy’s parents had also moved out of Priory Terrace so there was no risk of Sam ever bumping into them.

  Brenda Kelly was now a regular visitor and it was plain to see that the bond between her and Sam was a strong one and Lucy had accepted that Brenda’s influence on him was good.

  Lucy had grown to like her and found her lilting Irish voice pleasant, but she still wished that Brenda wouldn’t treat Sam as if he was a child. She put it down to the fact that Brenda was a nurse and Sam had been her patient, so she said nothing.

  * * *

  Sam had been at home about six weeks when he started to become restless. The weather had improved and he wanted to go out walking on his own but Lucy was afraid to let him do so in case he got lost. When she spoke to Robert about it he said that it was a risk she must take otherwise Sam would never regain his independence.

  ‘Why don’t you put a card in his pocket with his name and address on it and then if he does get lost, he can ask someone to direct him back home?’

  ‘Yes, that is a good idea,’ Lucy agreed. ‘If he has an accident of any kind, then it would also mean that they’d know where to bring him,’ she said thoughtfully. ‘The only thing is it does make him sound rather like a parcel,’ she added with a smile.

  ‘Well, it’s far better than us having to spend hours looking for him. You co
uld try telling him where to go for a walk but the chances are he won’t remember five minutes after he’s through the door.’

  Sam seemed to enjoy his walks. For the first few days he was only out for about half an hour and said he had walked round the block. As time passed he ventured further and claimed that he felt so much better for getting out and about.

  Lucy welcomed the freedom it gave her. She was able to concentrate her attention on Anna and listen more patiently to her prattling on about things. The little girl was developing fast and loved to help Lucy no matter whether it was with the dusting or baking a cake.

  Often the two of them were so absorbed that they hardly noticed Sam’s absence until they heard him coming back in again. Then Lucy would interrupt what she was doing to make him a cup of tea and talk to him about where he’d been.

  A couple of weeks later on a bright sunny spring morning in April, Sam took matters into his own hands. Of his own volition he went off to Carter’s Cars to tell them he was quite well again and ready to come back to work.

  He reported to the manager of the showroom who was at a loss about what he ought to do because he was pretty sure that there was no job waiting for Sam.

  Having heard from Robert about Sam being in hospital and how his memory had been affected, he didn’t want to be the one to tell him in case he reacted badly, so he went in search of Robert and asked him to come and take Sam home.

  ‘I don’t think that is the way to deal with it,’ Robert stated. ‘I think that perhaps Mr Carter should be the one to speak to Sam and tell him whether or not there is a job here for him.’

  The showroom manager didn’t see the point of doing that, not until Robert pointed out that unless it was Mr Carter who told him there was no job, Sam wouldn’t believe it.

  ‘Well, I suppose it makes sense,’ he agreed, ‘but I don’t want to be the one to ask Mr Carter.’

  ‘Then I suppose I’ll have to go and explain the situation to him,’ Robert said reluctantly.

  Mr Carter himself was not in that day but Percy was and when Robert told him Sam wanted his job back he shook his head. ‘I can’t do anything without speaking to my father first of all and I hardly think that he will want to take him back. He never finished his training and, as you know, he was sacked.’

  ‘All his troubles started with the bonfire incident,’ Robert reminded him quietly.

  Percy looked uneasy. ‘Yes, I suppose they did, but that was quite some time ago. Look, Robert, you’d better leave it with me. Tell Sam to go home and come back tomorrow and I’ll talk it over with my father and see what he thinks can be done.’

  ‘Very well.’

  Robert himself went to the showroom to tell Sam this. Sam seemed quite happy about it and agreed to go straight home and come back again the next day.

  Robert said nothing to Lucy about it until later that evening after Sam had gone to bed and the two of them were sitting having a cup of cocoa together.

  ‘Sam never mentioned it to me so he must have forgotten all about it once he came home,’ she said sipping her hot cocoa. ‘What do we do? Is it best to forget about it?’

  ‘No, I think he should go along and see Mr Carter. Who knows, he might find him work of some kind.’

  ‘Yes, but if he does, will Sam be capable of doing it? If he’s told something he forgets it five minutes later.’

  ‘We can explain that to Mr Carter and perhaps he can be given a job where he’s under constant supervision and someone is on the spot to tell him what to do all the time.’

  ‘Do you think Sam would accept that?’

  ‘Well, he seems willing to do whatever you tell him and he was certainly happy to do whatever Brenda told him when he was in hospital.’

  ‘It means someone ought to go with him to see Mr Carter, can you do that?’

  Robert looked dubious. ‘I don’t think it would be right for me to be the one because I work there and I don’t want to stir things. Perhaps it would be better if you went with him.’

  ‘And took Anna with me?’

  ‘I don’t see why not. It might make them realise that Sam isn’t your only responsibility.’

  Lucy didn’t answer. She drained her cup and held out her hand for Robert’s empty cup and then took them both through to the kitchen to wash them up.

  ‘You don’t like the idea very much, do you?’ Robert commented as he followed her out into the kitchen and picked up the tea towel to dry their cups.

  ‘I don’t like the idea of facing Mr Carter. He sacked me, remember, for taking time off to look after Sam.’

  ‘That happened a long time ago; in fact, it might even stand you in good stead because he might still have an uneasy conscience about doing that.’

  ‘Mr Carter has a conscience! I very much doubt it,’ Lucy said scathingly.

  ‘Think about it and let me know before I go to work in the morning,’ Robert told her.

  ‘No, there’s no need. I’ll do it,’ she said resignedly. ‘I’m doing it for Sam’s sake because I think it would be good for him to go back to work,’ she added.

  ‘I agree with you,’ Robert said quickly. ‘Don’t build your hopes too high, though, because there may not be any opening for him,’ he cautioned as he headed for the stairs.

  Lucy stayed on down in the kitchen brooding over what was to happen the next day. She’d vowed that she would never go back to Carter’s Cars and she didn’t like the idea of Sam asking them for work; she wished he’d never approached them in the first place.

  Yet, she mused, the very fact that he had gone there must mean that his memory was improving. He obviously remembered that he’d once worked there.

  She still didn’t think he would be able to hold down a job and hated to think that if he couldn’t, and ended up being sacked, it would mean that once again he would be humiliated by the Carters.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  The appointment to see Mr Carter was timed for ten-thirty and Lucy was up early to make sure that Sam was ready in good time. She also wanted to make sure that he had a good breakfast and that he was wearing the white shirt she’d washed and ironed ready for him. She had sponged and pressed his one and only suit the night before and had done the same to her own skirt and jacket as well as ironing her white blouse in readiness.

  She thought Sam ought to go to the meeting with Mr Carter on his own but Robert argued that if they left him to do that, then he might forget all about it and not turn up.

  ‘Nonsense,’ Lucy laughed. ‘He must be really keen to go back to work for him to have gone along there on his own in the first place.’

  ‘You don’t have to go in with him, you can wait in the general office while he has his interview,’ Robert pointed out. ‘You might enjoy the chance to have a chat with some of your old colleagues.’

  His words had sent a shudder through Lucy. How could Robert be so insensitive? she wondered. She would have Anna with her and everyone in the office would know that she was Patsy’s baby.

  If they didn’t already know then they were bound to wonder why she was looking after little Anna. If they already knew that she was living back in Priory Terrace and had moved into Robert’s house, then no doubt they’d be speculating and gossiping about what her relationship was with Robert.

  Still, she decided she’d put on a brave face. So far she’d been fairly lucky in that she hadn’t bumped into many people she’d known in the old days. Even in Priory Terrace the neighbours were surprisingly cordial.

  Well, there was one thing for sure, Lucy thought grimly as she started to get ready, they would be bound to recognise her in the office because she was wearing the same white blouse and dark skirt as she’d worn when she’d worked there.

  She sighed as she brushed her hair and put on her hat; she’d enjoyed those days when she’d operated the switchboard so much, even though it seemed to be a lifetime ago.

  Sam seemed to be quite positive that the interview with Mr Carter would go well and he talked about how ple
ased he would be to get back to work. Remembering that he had left under a cloud, Lucy wasn’t nearly as confident about what the outcome would be but she said nothing; she didn’t want to make him nervous.

  As they approached the imposing showrooms of Carter’s Cars Lucy felt her own resolution to face her former colleagues ebbing away. ‘It might be best if I wait for you out here, Sam,’ she told him, stopping by the side door which opened on to a flight of stone stairs that led up to the offices above.

  ‘You’d better come in and show me where Mr Carter’s office is,’ he mumbled and her heart went out to him because she could see that in the last few moments his courage had waned and he seemed to be as nervous as she was.

  ‘It will mean taking Anna out of her pushchair and carrying her,’ Lucy prevaricated. ‘You can always ask someone in the general office,’ she added.

  The sound of approaching footsteps as someone came up behind them wanting to go into the office part of the building made them move to one side. Lucy felt frozen to the spot when she saw that it was Percy Carter.

  For a moment she thought he was going to walk past them, and then he paused and stared at them. ‘Lucy … Lucy Collins,’ he said, his face beaming. ‘I knew I was interviewing Sam this morning but I didn’t think I’d have the pleasure of seeing you as well.’ He opened the door wide. ‘Come along in.’

  ‘Well,’ Lucy hesitated. ‘I thought I’d better wait here for Sam because of the pushchair.’

  ‘Nonsense. Here,’ he pushed his briefcase into her hands, ‘you carry that and I’ll carry your little girl and her pushchair upstairs with no trouble at all.’

  It all happened so quickly that Lucy found herself following behind as they all made their way up the stairs and into the general office. As the usual morning chorus of ‘Good morning, Mr Percy’ broke out Lucy felt that all eyes were on them. As Percy placed the pushchair with Anna in it down on the floor and then stood aside to let her take it, Lucy wished the floor would open and swallow her up.