Nine Years Gone

by Shelly Cruz

  Everyone raises their glasses, and Massimo looks at me and says, “To new beginnings.”

  We all repeat, “To new beginnings,” and raise our glasses before taking a drink.

  EPILOGUE

  MARIALENA

  June 2014

  “WE’LL TAKE HOME THE gray and white girl in the second to last corral,” I say to the young woman at the desk. Massimo and I are at the animal shelter to rescue a dog. I’ve wanted to rescue one since moving back to Boston, but I held off because I lived in the city. The female we’re taking home is around three years old, and she came from a home with kids. The family that surrendered her couldn’t keep her when the father of the family became severely ill. She’s a small mixed breed Maltese Shih Tzu.

  Late last year, we decided to finally move in together again. We dated for a little over a year before deciding it was time. Massimo had wanted to move in after just a few months of dating, but I was reluctant because of his boys. I wanted them to be okay with all the changes. It’s hard enough having parents in two households.

  We moved to a house in Newton Corner because Massimo has shared custody of the boys. They spend several nights each week with us and living in the city no longer made sense. Apartments in our price range aren’t big enough, and the ones that are, are way too expensive. We now have more space, a yard, Massimo’s drive to the boys’ school isn’t that far, and our drive into the city is short. Plus, my parents are less than a ten-minute drive from us, which is a bonus.

  Once we complete the required paperwork, we’re in Massimo’s X6 driving home, and the dog is in the back seat in the pet carrier barking.

  “The boys are gonna be excited when they meet her,” I say.

  “They’re gonna flip out.”

  “We should wait to name her until they get to the house tomorrow; let them choose her name.”

  Massimo looks over at me, smiling. “Yeah, they’ll love that. Thank you.”

  His hand extends across the center console, palm facing up, and I curl my fingers into his and squeeze.

  Massimo: I have the boys—be home in about 20.

  Massimo picked up the boys from school. Lucio is in first grade, and Leandro is in kindergarten. Although I work from home a lot these days because I have a spacious home office, I don’t pick the boys up often because Camila doesn’t care for me. I’ve tried to be friendly with her, for the boys’ sake, but it’s not gone over well. Massimo has tried as well, but I told him it’s not worth getting upset over; she’ll come around in her own time. He’s working on keeping his anger at bay when it comes to the whole situation.

  Before closing the office door behind me, I power off the laptop to go into the kitchen, the dog following closely behind me, her tail wagging. Once there, I let the dog out into the backyard so the boys won’t see her when they get here.

  “We’re home!” Feet pound the floor as they run through the house.

  “Hi, guys, how was school today?”

  “Hi, Lena,” says Leandro, kissing me on the cheek.

  “Lena, I’m hungry. Can we have a snack?” Lucio says.

  Massimo saunters in behind them, carrying their backpacks. “Hi, babe.” He leans in to swipe my lips; his are warm and wet. “Lucio, say hello, please,” Massimo says.

  “Sorry, Daddy, I forgot because I’m so hungry. Hi, Lena,” he says, kissing me hello and hugging me. I squeeze him back.

  “Thank you for that hug, Lucio. I needed that today.”

  “You’re welcome. Now can we have a snack?”

  I chuckle. “Yes, you can. You want a grilled cheese sandwich and some apple slices?”

  “Can I have dulce de leche with my apple?” asks Leandro.

  “Sure, I think I have some. Why don’t you boys go wash your hands and put your stuff away while I make your snack?” The boys scurry out of the kitchen, and I can hear them running up the stairs.

  “Babe, come here.” Massimo wraps his arm around my thick waist, brushing kisses along my neck. “I missed you today.”

  “Missed me? I saw you this morning.” I wrap my arms up around his neck

  “I know, but I had to leave so early when I would’ve rather stayed in bed.”

  “Rough life you have,” I tease.

  “I’ll show you rough.” He removes my glasses, placing them on the counter. He kisses me deeply, sucking on my lips and teasing them apart. Heat spreads over me, and I squeeze my legs together to quell the tingling sensation.

  I hear the boys’ voices and their feet as they begin their descent down the stairs. I quickly separate from Massimo, putting my glasses back on, and open the fridge to grab the cheese.

  The boys eat their snacks, and when they finish cleaning up after themselves, Massimo takes them into the family room while I bring the dog in from the yard. I open the door, scooping her up into my arms.

  “We have a dog?” Lucio squeals and they both jump up from where they’re sitting.

  “What’s his name?” Leandro asks.

  “She doesn’t have a name yet. We were waiting for you guys to get home from school and name her,” I say.

  “It’s a girl dog?” asks Leandro.

  “Yes, buddy. You and your brother need to decide on a girl’s name for her,” Massimo tells them. I sit down on the couch next to Massimo, and the boys both crowd me, wanting to pet her.

  “She’s wicked soft. We can call her Fluffy!” Leandro says.

  “That’s a dumb name,” Lucio says.

  “Be nice,” Massimo adds.

  “What about Olivia? We can call her Livvy, for short?” I chime in.

  “I like Livvy,” Lucio says.

  “Me too,” adds Leandro.

  “You both like Livvy?”

  “Yes!” They scream in unison, jittering from excitement.

  “Okay, Livvy it is.” I pet her and run my hand over her soft hair before placing her on the floor. The boys follow her, both wanting to pet her, trying to pick her up, but Livvy keeps running away from them.

  I stand to grab a few of the stuffed toys we bought for her, tossing them onto the floor so the boys can play with her.

  Massimo tells them, “Guys, you have to be gentle with her. Make sure you don’t get in her face. She needs to get to know you first, and then she’ll be friends with you.”

  My phone rings, and I dash to the kitchen to grab it before I miss the call.

  “Hello.”

  “Hi, this is Emily from the Crane Estate.”

  “Hi, Emily, this is Lena. What can I do for you?”

  “We have to move the time of your appointment next week, from noon to 1:00 p.m., if that’s okay.”

  Massimo and I are planning our wedding for this September, and we chose to have the ceremony and reception at the Crane Estate, a private property that overlooks Crane Beach—our favorite beach. We have an appointment scheduled for next week for a tasting. Massimo is dead set on hiring chefs he knows to prepare the food, but it would be way more expensive to do that. I convinced him to at least go to the tasting before he outright declines it. But if I know him, he’s probably just going to keep me quiet.

  “Yes, that’s fine. Thank you for calling.” I place my phone back onto the kitchen counter and return to the family room.

  Massimo proposed to me earlier this year after we had settled into the house. This time, it was very different than the first time around. After a long day at work, I had arrived home and was feeling terrible because I had lost a removal hearing. As soon as I walked through the door, the boys were super excited to see me and asked me to go to the family room because they had a surprise for me. I was drained and had hoped to shower and relax, but that didn’t happen.

  Four Months Earlier

  “Lena, Lena. Sit here, Daddy is upstairs, and he’s coming now, but he told us we have to sit here and wait for him and that you’re not allowed to go anywhere until he gets here,” Lucio tells me excitedly as he grasps my hand and pulls me toward the couch.

  “Wow.
It must be very important if I’m not allowed to move. Can you give me any hints?”

  “Nooo, Daddy said we couldn’t say anything, that it’s a big secret,” Leandro responds.

  “A big secret. Oh boy,” I say.

  “I’m going to get Daddy now that Lena is here,” Leandro says.

  “Okay, tell him that we’re ready and that we didn’t give away any secrets,” Lucio chimes in. I chuckle at their enthusiasm.

  What is going on here, and what is with all the secrecy? I’m so drained, and Massimo couldn’t have picked a worse day for doing whatever he has planned. After losing the removal hearing, I had difficulty processing and discussing it with the client. There is a glimmer of hope with the appeals process, but it doesn’t make today’s loss any easier. I feel like getting up and telling Massimo that today isn’t the day for surprises, but the boys are so eager, I can’t bear to crush their excitement. Lucio is sitting next to me. He’s jittery with anticipation. I hear Massimo and Leandro’s voices and their footsteps on the stairs.

  “Hi, babe,” Massimo says, leaning in to kiss me.

  “Hi. What’s going on here?” I ask.

  “Daddy, can we start?” Leandro asks.

  “The boys have a surprise for you, and yes, boys, go ahead. I’ll sit down next to Lena so you can start.”

  Lucio stands, and he sprints over to Leandro and whispers something in his ear. Massimo is sitting to my left and reaches for my hand, curling his fingers with mine. I look at him and whisper, “What are they doing?”

  He shrugs. “I don’t know. It’s a surprise for me too.”

  He has that mischievous look, and I don’t believe for one second that he has no idea what they’re up to. When the boys are done whispering to each other, they separate, and both stand before us.

  “Ready. One, two, three,” Lucio says. In unison, they shout, “Lena, will you marry us?” Both boys start jumping up and down and then run over to Massimo, who hands Lucio a box. Together they open the box and give it to me.

  I glance over at Massimo, tears rimming my eyes. He reaches out, runs his thumb across my beauty mark, and mouths, “I love you.”

  “Lena, is the answer, yes?” Leandro squeals.

  “Yes, boys, of course, I will. I love you with all my heart, and I want nothing more than to marry your dad.”

  “She said yes, Daddy! She said yes!” Lucio screams, and both boys start jumping up and down again.

  Massimo takes the box from my hands, removes the ring from it, the same one he proposed with years ago, and slides it halfway up my finger. His dark brown eyes are soft and lock with mine. “You’re my better half, and I want us to spend the rest of our days together. You make me whole. Will you be my Mrs.?”

  “The answer is always yes,” I whisper, my heart thundering in my chest. He finishes sliding the ring on and kisses me softly.

  I rise from the couch and kneel on the floor. “Boys, come here. I want to hug you both because you’ve made me so happy with your surprise.”

  The boys both rush me, and I pull them into an embrace, one in each arm, squeezing them tightly. “I love you both so much. Thank you. Your surprise was the best one in the whole world.”

  Massimo kneels behind them and wraps his arms around them so that we’re all huddled in a family hug. Tears are streaming down my cheeks. What started as a terrible day turned out to be a perfect night.

  “Our appointment for the tasting next week was pushed back to 1:00 p.m. I’ll call Luci later to let her know. Will you call Dom?”

  Dom and Luci are attending the tasting with us to help us decide. We thought it best that someone come with us in case we can’t make up our mind. Luci is my Maid of Honor, and although Rocco is Massimo’s Best Man, Dom is coming with us because he’ll help with the wine pairings. Besides, he and Luci are still an item, so we plan on going out that night after we finish at the Crane Estate.

  “Yeah, I’ll let him know.”

  “You want me to do homework with Lucio, and you can take Livvy and Leandro?”

  “That works.”

  After the boys play with Livvy for a little while, Massimo and Leandro leave to take her for a walk, and Lucio and I sit at the dining room table to do his homework. He usually doesn’t need much help and can finish on his own. As he’s working through it, I catch up on some work emails.

  When he finishes, Lucio says, “Lena, my teacher gave us this list today. It’s for summer reading since school is almost over. Can we go to the library soon?” I take the sheet of paper he has in his hands.

  “Yes, we have to return the books we borrowed last time. Tomorrow when you get back from school, we can go if you’d like.”

  “Yes, please. I love it when you take us to the library. It’s one of my favorite things to do.”

  “Mine too, buddy.”

  MASSIMO

  Lena is putting the boys to bed while I finish cleaning up from dinner.

  When I reach the top of the stairs, I see the light in the boys’ room still on and am ready to find out why they’re still awake but see that Lena is with them. I quietly approach the door to watch them. The three of them are lying on the bottom bunk bed, a full-size mattress, with Lena in the middle. Lena is reading to them. Lucio is tucked into Lena’s side, and he’s playing with her hair. Leandro has his head resting on Lena’s chest with her rubbing his back. Since Lena and I moved back in together, they like it when she reads stories more than when I do it. So, whenever it’s possible, Lena does the bedtime routine with them.

  My heart swells when I see the way they are with her. I was worried about their relationship with her and that it would be strained or that their mother would poison them. Thankfully, neither of those things happened. It took them a few stays at the house to warm up to her, but it was amazing to see once they did. They’re not her biological children, but she loves and dotes on them as if they are. When it comes to them, I’m the rule maker, and she’s the rule breaker.

  Lena catches me watching her, and a small grin creeps up while she’s reading—animating the story as she does. Lucio is asking questions; his imagination is always so vivid during story time. And Lena indulges him, letting him tell his side stories for all the characters and going along with his storytelling.

  By the time Lena comes into the bedroom, I’m already lying down and reading. After she finishes brushing her teeth, she places her glasses onto the nightstand before climbing into bed. She lies facing me, tugging the blanket up over her shoulder.

  “The boys take long to fall asleep?” I ask, placing my book onto the nightstand.

  “No. They fought it as always because they wanted me to read them another story, but they passed out.”

  “That’s good.”

  “Tomorrow after school I’m taking them to the library. Try not to pick them up too late.”

  “Okay.”

  “You gonna finish what you started today?” she asks.

  “What’s that?” I respond, turning to face her.

  “Come closer, and I’ll remind you.” She shimmies closer to meet me halfway. Her breath is hot and smells minty from the toothpaste. Her hand reaches for my face, resting on my cheek, and I brush my lips to hers.

  “You were gonna show me how rough you were,” she says in a breathy voice.

  “Hmm. Let’s see if I can remember.”

  “I love you, Mr. D.”

  “I love you more, Mrs. D.

  THE END

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  A Note from the Author

  This should be read after reading the book as it CONTAINS SPOILERS

  I am forty-three years old and I’ve never been pregnant (and it’s not for lack of trying).

  You see, when I was eighteen I had still never had a menstrual cycle. So I did what most people would do and went to see an OB/Gyn. She only asked a couple of questions, she didn’t order any tests, and she prescribed birth control. “Take birth control. That will regulate you and keep you from getting pregnant. You’re eighteen and don’t need to be having kids this young,” she said in her flat voice.

  I can still see and hear her if I close my eyes. For years I did as I was told and religiously took my birth control pill (almost) every night before bed. After all, she was a doctor and I had my whole life ahead of me to have kids, right? Maybe not.

  At twenty-three I finally decided something was wrong with me. I had just started dating Alex (my husband), and I had been taking birth control for five years. I mean, there had been more than one occasion when I forgot to take the pill and I seriously thought it could be an oops moment. There were no oops to be had, which of course in hindsight I’m thankful for, but at that moment thinking something could be wrong with me made me feel broken. As an overthinker, I could not turn off the negative thoughts running through my head. I decided to stop taking birth control because I needed to see if I would menstruate on my own. I didn’t.

  For nearly one year I did not have a period. My hormones were all over the place, and I cannot forget to mention those stubborn wire hairs growing around my chin area that I obsessively tweezed every day. I felt bloated, moody, angry, sad, emotional, confused, and I was not feeling feminine in the slightest.