Risk

by Marissa Holan

  "Promise me we'll always be friends," he whispered, tightening his grip on me.

  My eyes stung, but I swallowed the tears. "I promise," I said softly, closing my eyes and hoping sleep would take me before my mind started wondering.

  Chapter 5

  "Daddy! Daddy!" Jack's shriek startled me awake. I had to take a mental assessment of where I was because I wasn't accustomed to sharing my bed with anyone. I glanced at the clock 4 a.m.

  Caden shifted and peeled his eyes open, taking a mental assessment of his own.

  "Shh, go back to sleep," I said. "It's just Jack, he's having a nightmare." I peeled the covers off of me and swung my legs off my bed to the floor.

  "I'll get it; you need a full night's sleep." Caden yawned as he grabbed me by the waist and pulled me back onto the bed.

  "Caden no-"

  "Don't argue, Kit, just go to sleep." He walked out of the room before I could protest. I could hear when he reached Jack's room because the crying stopped. I heard Caden's hushed voice mumbling, and then silence. I closed my eyes, relaxing in the quiet. A few seconds later the bed dipped under Caden's weight. I opened my eyes and looked up at him.

  "He's asleep," he whispered, reassuring me.

  "Really? That was fast." Surprisingly fast.

  "Close your eyes, Kit." He pulled me to his chest again and I before I knew it I fell back asleep.

  When the alarm began buzzing, I opened my eyes, surprised at how refreshed I felt. I hadn't slept that good in well…a long time. I stretched out my arms noticing immediately I was alone. I kicked the blankets off of me and made my way to Jack's room. The smell of bacon had me taking a detour to the kitchen. Caden was putting scrambled eggs on three plates.

  "Morning, beautiful." Caden's smile was mesmerizing. I just stood there like an idiot staring at how gorgeous he was first thing in the morning.

  "Morning," I finally managed to choke out.

  "I hope you're hungry." He put the plates on the little dining table. Before I could tell him I was starving, Jack walked right past me and sat in his usual chair.

  "Hi, Mama," Jack greeted me as he shoved a forkful of egg into his mouth.

  "Hi, baby. Did you say thank you to Caden?" I asked, giving my sweet little boy the obligatory you-know-better-than-that look.

  "Thank you, Caden," he said with his mouth full.

  Caden took a bite of his food and said, "You're welcome, buddy," with his mouth full.

  Ugh, boys.

  I sat at the third (and last) chair at the table and looked down at my plate that was decorated with cheesy scrambled eggs, two pieces of bacon, toast and a few orange slices. My stomach growled. "I think you outdid yourself, Mr. Tate," I said, picking up my fork and digging in.

  Getting a full night's sleep and starting my day with a full stomach was foreign to me. I thanked Caden profusely as we all got ready to head out the door. Caden wanted to give us a ride, but I convinced him it wasn't a good idea.

  "If you gave us a ride, you'd have to give us a ride home at the end of the day," I reminded him.

  "So?" He shrugged. I just rolled my eyes.

  The day started the same as it had the weeks before: I dropped Jack off at daycare and went to work. Caden sat at his usual table with a group of guys before his first morning class started when I walked into the library. He winked at me when I strode past him to clock in.

  "You're at the front desk today, Kitrina," Marcy informed me as she was pulling keys out of her purse.

  "Huh?" What was I going to do at the front desk?

  "I have a doctor's appointment, and then I'm taking the rest of the day off. Don't look like such a deer in the headlights, it's not rocket science. You'll figure it out." Then she left.

  The front desk happened to be just a few feet from Caden's table. He looked up at me and caught me frowning. He walked up and leaned on the counter.

  "Desk duty?" he said with sympathy.

  "Unfortunately." My frown deepened. "I don't know what I'm doing," I admitted.

  "All you gotta do is type in the name of a book in the search box on the right hand side of the screen when someone asks where to find a book." His instructions sounded like he'd done this before. I cocked an eyebrow. "I…I kinda used to date the last girl that worked here." He cringed.

  "Date?" I asked skeptically.

  "I use the term loosely." He grinned.

  "Gross." I rolled my eyes.

  "I'd better head to my morning class. I'll be back in a couple hours."

  "You don't have to babysit me, Caden," I said, shooing him away with my hand.

  "I know that, I'm just coming back because I have a calculus test I need to study for." He strode out of the building.

  The next hour dragged on sluggishly. I found myself looking longingly at the cart full of books. Finding where the books went was almost like a puzzle; it made the time practically fly by.

  "So you're Kaitlin, right?" Someone asked.

  Apparently I was too busy daydreaming about organizing the bookshelves to notice the leggy blonde that strode up to the front desk. I turned my head and gave a polite smile. "Kitrina, actually."

  She shrugged like it didn't matter then leaned closer to me to whisper, "Is it true you have a kid?"

  "Um…" I was speechless. She asked like it was some bit of juicy gossip she didn't really believe. "Yup," I said with a tight smile.

  "Is it Caden's?" she asked with wide eyes.

  What?

  "No," I snapped, "and I'm not sure how the parentage of my son is any of your business."

  She held up her hands innocently. "Just curious. Jeez, chill out." She pushed off the desk and strode away rolling her eyes.

  As if the universe knew I had to vent, Lizzy walked in. when she found me, she practically skipped over and hopped on the desk.

  Someone's in a good mood.

  "Why the long face, honey buns?" She tilted her head at me, kicking her legs against the desk.

  I narrowed my eyes at the blond that was now standing around a group of girls chatting and flipping her hair. Lizzy turned her head to see what I was looking at.

  "The chick with the underwear that kinda looks like a skirt?" she asked, looking grossed out.

  "Yeah, she asked if I had a kid and if said kid was Caden's." I crossed my arms and shook my head in disgust. "Why would she say that?"

  "She said that because that's what's going around the whole school," she said as she hopped off the counter and turned to face me. "Don't look at me like that. I warned you not to get involved with him."

  My mouth was hanging open in complete shock. "Who…? What…?"

  "You guys have been practically attached at the hip for months now, people just started to assume." The way she shrugged it off like it was no big deal bugged me.

  "Does Caden know what people are saying?" I suddenly felt a twinge of panic. What if he didn't want to hang out with me anymore because of these rumors?

  "Probably. He's pretty much the most popular guy on campus, Kitrina"

  Lizzy went to her afternoon class and I sat at the front desk stewing. I noticed the time and realized it had been well past two hours since Caden went to his class. He must have heard the rumors and didn't want to be seen around me. I didn't blame him. The last thing he needed was the whole school thinking he had some illegitimate kid. I shifted in my seat, convinced all the whispers and hushed laughter in the library was directed toward me. They were probably thinking I was some small town gold-digger. The pencil I was absentmindedly fiddling with snapped in half.

  Screw it.

  I stood up and marched to the cart of books. There was no way I'd be able to spend the next four hours sitting at the front desk. Every pencil in the building would be broken by the end of the day.

  I ignored the stifled giggles and the flickering of eyes that brushed over me. Now I knew they were talking about me.

  "Shirking your front desk responsibilities? Tsk Tsk," Caden's whispered behind me, gently placing b
oth hands on my hips.

  "Not now, Caden," I bit out and wiggled away from his grip.

  "What's wrong?" He looked genuinely confused. "If it's because I'm late, I had to stay after class. Mr. Garity is being a total ass—" he shot out in rapid fire.

  "It's not that," I interrupted. "People are talking about me…about us." I scowled.

  "So?" He still looked confused. I was getting annoyed at Caden's inability to put two and two together. I hated spelling everything out.

  "So they're saying that Jack is your bastard kid," I huffed, my irritation rising.

  "Oh, that?" he scoffed. "Who gives a shi—"

  "I do, Caden," I cut him off again. "I'm not some poor little backwoods country girl looking for money or a replacement father for Jack," I practically snarled. He flinched like I slapped him in the face.

  "Kit, I don't think…" He held his arms out, trying to get a hold of me. I didn't let him.

  "No, Caden. You didn't think. That's the problem!" My voice had risen to above library appropriate. "You walk around here like God's gift to the State of Michigan, you practically chase me down and force me to hang out with you, then you act completely amazing…" All of the day's frustration flew out of me like vomit. "Now I have to figure out how to go back to normal and cross my fingers that Jack doesn't start wondering why everyday isn't amazing and why his new friend," I punched him in the shoulder, "isn't around. If that wasn't bad enough, I get to come to work and listen to people gossip about my son!" A tear escaped from one of my eyes and I had to bite my lip to keep anymore from spilling out. "It's not fair. I'm staying away from guys and relationships to avoid this kind of crap." I crossed my arms and shook my head. "Us being friends isn't any better than if we were dating. I don't think—"

  "Don't, Kit." He stepped forward, grabbing my face in both of his hands. He brought his forehead to mine and whispered, "you promised."

  I squeezed my eyes shut to stop the tears from rolling. I thought I was going to be sick. "I know, I just…" I sighed heavily, soaking in the feel of his hands. "I don't know what to do."

  He pulled my face to his chest and wrapped his arms around me. He ran his hand up and down my spine to comfort me. "We'll figure it out," he whispered intp my hair, kissing the top of my head. "Together."

  I sniffed and nodded. I knew I was right. Somewhere deep down I knew our friendship couldn't end well, but in that moment I didn't care. I was weak when it came to Caden. The way his arms felt around me made me forget everything. Forget why I was angry.

  "So you think I'm amazing, huh?" I could hear the teasing smile in his voice.

  "At least you're not cocky," I muffled into his chest. I felt his shoulders shake in silent laughter.

  Since Marcy wasn't around and all of the books were put away, I pulled up a chair at Caden's table. I had about a half hour before I had to go pick up Jack.

  "Hey, Kitrina!" Taylor greeted me enthusiastically.

  "Hey, guys!" I smiled as I slumped down in my chair. "Eff desk duty. I hate it," I grumbled, earning a laugh from the group of guys. One guy named Ryan held his hands out to quiet us like he had something seriously profound to say.

  "I've got it…" Ryan announced like he found the cure for cancer. "Jeanie or Samantha?" The entire table groaned in unison.

  "Dude, could you pick a show in this decade for once?" I said, throwing a crumpled up wad of paper at him.

  "No kidding, I'm tired of losing my money!" Taylor chimed in. Ryan looked insulted as he explained the epic atrocity that was today's entertainment. "Sorry, Kitrina, but choosing between Snooki and J-wow would just be depressing." All the guys' faces puckered like they tasted something sour.

  "Can't argue that logic." I laughed. "Okay boys…place your bets." Somehow over the past couple months I had become the 'who's hotter' guru; everyone's bet depended on my answer. The guys went around the table throwing five and one dollar bills down as they placed their bets, then all turned to me expectantly.

  "Samantha," I stated with a firm nod. Half the table groaned except for Ryan and Caden, who split the pot between them.

  "That's not fair!' Tyler whined. "She just picked Samantha cause Caden did. She's a mole! There's no way Samantha is hotter than Jeanie…have you seen Jeannie's little outfit?"

  Caden laughed and rolled his eyes. "Jeanie was a ditz, Samantha was smart…that's way hotter," he said as he counted his money. The table fell silent. He looked up and scrunched his face. "What?" he asked defensively.

  "Every girl you've brought back to the house has been a complete and utter ditz," a guy named Mike said, shaking his head and laughing. "I thought you were into that dumb blonde thing." We all laughed; even I thought it was kind of funny. Caden rolled his eyes and put his money away.

  "I'd better go get Jack," I said, standing up.

  "Oh, hey, that reminds me," Taylor said turning to me. "My niece and nephew are going to this craft thingy that's coming to town. It's supposed to be this big deal for kids or something." He shrugged. "There's gonna be face painting, bobbing for apples—that kinda thing. You and Jack should go." He was enthusiastic about the idea.

  The fact that I was sitting at a table full of guys who just accepted me for who I was and talked about my son like it wasn't some big scandal made my heart melt. I gave Taylor a warm smile and leaned down to give him a peck on the cheek. "Thanks, Tay."

  I noticed Taylor's eyes shift nervously to Caden. I shook my head and chuckled to myself as I walked out of the library

  "Hey, buddy!" I squeezed Jack when he came bounding up to me. "How was your day?"

  "So fun!" he said excitedly. "I played with monsters and dinosaurs!"

  "That does sound fun. Come on, let's get your jacket and go home." I stood up and looked around for his jacket. I could have sworn he was wearing the blue one today, but I couldn't find it.

  "I think this one might be yours." A deep voice startled me. I turned to find a very good looking guy in a business suit holding out Jack's blue jacket.

  "Yup, that's it." I smiled as I took the coat from him. "Thanks."

  "No problem," he said. "I think Andrew here grabbed it by accident." He gestured to the little boy holding his hand. "I'm Derrick, by the way." He held out his other hand to shake.

  "Kitrina." I shook his hand. "Nice to meet you."

  "I think I've seen you here once or twice, I kept meaning to introduce myself. Andrew here sure likes Jack a lot." He smiled down at the little boy. "Don't ya, pal?" The little boy nodded his head vigorously. I smiled, happy that Jack seemed to be making friends. "We should get the kids together for a playdate sometime."

  "Absolutely." It would be good for Jack to play with kids outside of daycare. "I work during the day, but my weekends are usually free. Maybe we could meet you and your wife at the park sometime?" I smiled at the thought.

  "That would be great, but er…no wife." He shrugged, waving a ringless left hand.

  "Oh gosh, I'm sorry." I shook my head, embarrassed. "I don't know why I assumed." Especially since I hated when people made assumptions about me. Fortunately he just shrugged it off.

  "No worries, happens all the time." He looked down at Andrew, who was now playing with Jack and continued talking. "So where do you work, Kitrina?"

  "I'm across the street at the school library. It's temporary until I start classes next semester." I glanced at his suit again. "What do you do?"

  "I'm an accountant," he answered sheepishly. "Not the most exciting job, but it takes care of us." He glanced lovingly at his son.

  "It's just you too?" I wasn't sure why I was asking such a personal question.

  "Yeah." He lowered his voice so Andrew didn't hear."His mom left when he was just a few months old."

  "I'm sorry." I couldn't imagine abandoning my child. "My husband passed away about a year ago." I volunteered the information, feeling guilty I had him talking about painful things. "So it's just us two as well." I gave him an I-know-what-it's-like smile.

  "I'm sorry to hear
that," he said with a sad smile. "Maybe soon we can find some less depressing things we have in common."

  I chuckled. "I'd like that." I really would. Jack needed less TV and more interaction with kids and it would be nice to talk with someone who knew what it was like being a single parent. I gave Derrick my cell phone number before Jack and I left. I was smiling the whole way home.

  When I got home I called Lizzy and gave her a play by play of my encounter with Derrick.

  "Holy love triangle, Batman!" She giggled.

  "Oh please, one friend and one new acquaintance doth not a love triangle make." I rolled my eyes. Just then there was a knock at the door.

  "Who's that?" Lizzy asked, hearing the sound through the phone.

  I looked through the peephole to find Caden holding a bag of Chinese food and smiling right back at me. I opened the door widely with the phone still to my ear, stepping aside to let Caden in. He smiled for a half a beat then slowly leaned down until our mouths were inches apart, making my stomach drop.

  "Hi, Lizzy. I've got Chinese if you're hungry," he crooned into the phone as he held my gaze. Butterflies started flailing rapidly in the pit of my stomach. The phone was silent for a moment before Lizzy finally spoke up.

  "I'll be there in ten," she said before hanging up. I laughed as I hit the 'end' button on my phone and threw it on the couch.

  "What are you doing here, Caden?" I tried to act annoyed but my smile gave me away.

  "Got hungry. Didn't want to eat alone," he replied, pulling dishes out of the cupboard. He expertly moved around the kitchen as if he lived there. Just as I was about to remind him that we needed to spend more time apart so Jack didn't develop expectations, Jack bounded around the corner and ran straight to Caden. Caden lowered to Jack's level and picked him up in a big bear hug.

  "Hey, little dude. You hungry?" Caden asked, still holding him.

  "Yeah, are we going to the big house again?" Jack asked, wide eyed and hopeful.

  "Sorry, buddy," Caden said. "Today we're staying here and eating some super yummy Chinese food. But we'll go back to the big house soon, promise."