Risk

by Marissa Holan

  David.

  Chapter 9

  It was David's voice.

  I couldn't breathe. I clutched my chest to try and get my heart to start beating again. Tears fell down my face before I could even lift my head to look at Jack. Jack looked a little confused, but curious. He squeezed the bear again.

  "Daddy loves you, Jack. Daddy will always love you, son."

  "It's…it's Daddy!" Jack sat up in bed, eyes wide with recognition. I thought I might pass out. I hadn't heard David's voice in well over a year, and I hadn't seen that light in Jack's eyes for a lifetime. So many emotions ran through me. Pain, longing, shock, and…love. I looked up at Caden, who was watching Jack. He turned his head when he felt my eyes on him; I could see the apprehension in his face. He was worried I would be furious. Keeping my eyes on Caden, I slowly stood and walked out of Jack's room. Caden followed me into the hallway with his head down. He looked so anxious.

  "I'm sorry, Kit," he said. "If I—"

  I grabbed his face with both of my hands and crushed my lips to his, cutting him off. Tears were still streaming down my face as I moved my lips against his. He stilled, obviously surprised, then wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me to his body; his grip was so tight it was almost painful. My lips parted to let him in deeper. Caden's hands ran over my hips and up my sides until they were in my hair. I didn't care that we were supposed to be with other people, I didn't care that I was sobbing all over him, and I didn't care about any of the reasons I had for just staying friends with him. I loved him. In that moment, I finally let myself admit that I was crazy, furiously, and madly in love with Caden Tate.

  Caden leaned back, breaking our kiss as he gazed into my eyes.

  "You're not mad?" His voice was still cautious but hopeful.

  "You're amazing."

  He wiped my tears away with his thumb and then leaned his forehead against mine and sighed deeply. "Do you have any idea how in love with you I am?" His voice was barely above a whisper, but my whole body crumpled at his words. I looked up until I met his eyes.

  "I love you too." More tears rolled down my face, but this time, they were tears of relief. After months of fighting my feelings, I finally let go. His breath hitched like he wasn't expecting me to return his feelings, then he cupped my face in both of his hands and looked at me like he was holding gold. Then his eyebrows drew together and he shook his head like he was trying to solve a difficult math problem.

  "How…" his voice shook, "how did this happen?" He sounded genuinely confused. "The first girl in my entire life that I fall in love with…loves me back?"

  I smiled and nodded. "Very much, and for a very long time now."

  He closed his eyes and let out another breath.

  "Caden…?" I moved my way toward the living room. He must have been reading my mind because he sat on the couch and pulled me onto his lap. I nuzzled into the crook of his neck as he traced circles on my back.

  "Lizzy helped," he began to explain. "I had this idea to help Jack with his nightmares and I wanted to somehow honor David on Father's Day…so I ran it by Lizzy. She contacted David's parents and found out they had a home video of the day he came home from his deployment, the first day he met Jack. I had one of the computer geeks in my trig class help me extract the audio. Lizzy and I took the audio to one of those 'build your own bear' places, and…" He shrugged.

  "That's why you and Lizzy were M.I.A the other day," I said, realizing why Lizzy was being so weird. It wasn't Kevin at all, it was this.

  "So…what does this mean for us?" Caden asked, pulling me from my thoughts.

  "What do you mean?"

  "We just admitted that we are in love with each other," Caden turned his head to look me in the eye, "please tell me I can have you. Please don't make me go back to the way it's been. I need you, Kit. I need you to be mine." The worry in his voice was clear.

  I sat up in his lap and flung my leg over so I was straddling him. I took his face with both of my hands. "Caden," I breathed and held his gaze, "I have been yours this whole time."

  He smiled and pulled me in for a kiss.

  "Looks like you need to have a talk with Amanda." I poked him in the shoulder.

  "Nope. I broke up with her this morning." Caden wiggled his eyebrows.

  "You did what?"

  "I kind of fibbed earlier." He shrugged innocently. "She really didn't want me to celebrate Father's Day with you and Jack so I ended it."

  My mouth fell open. "Why would you end things with her when you didn't even know that this was how today was going to go?"

  "First of all, I don't love her. I couldn't keep leading her on. Secondly, nobody—and I mean nobody—is going to keep me from you and Jack." The steel in his voice when he said the last part made me fall in love with him all over.

  I leaned down to kiss him, but the front door swung open.

  "It's about damn time." Lizzy stood there with her hand on her hip and a knowing grin on her face. I climbed off of Caden and walked over to her. I stood in front of her for a few seconds without saying anything. She raised her eyebrows and I wrapped her in the most suffocating hug my muscles would allow.

  "You are the kind of best friend they make movies about," I whispered in her ear. "You're my sister and I love you so much!"

  She didn't say anything; she just squeezed me back with all of her strength. When I finally pulled back, we both had tears in our eyes and started to laugh at each other. She walked over to the couch and plopped next to Caden. "You break up with that wench yet?" She elbowed Caden.

  "Pfff…first thing this morning," Caden scoffed.

  "What about you, sunshine?" Lizzy to me.

  "What about me?" My eyes darted between Lizzy and Caden, who were both looking at me expectantly.

  "Did you end things with Don Juan yet?" She folded her arms and smacked her gum.

  "Don Juan? I'm sitting right here, Lizzy," Caden said, looking offended.

  She just rolled her eyes. "He brought me a rose, Caden. A rose. Almost won me over on that one," she said, examining her nails.

  "Rose shmose. I bring you food because I know you better." He elbowed her.

  "That's why I said almost." She cracked a smile and kicked him before standing up. "Speaking of food, I've got some pizzas in my car. I'll go grab them." Lizzy walked out to go retrieve the food.

  "I guess I need to handle that don't I?" I sighed. I was not looking forward to this. Breakups were always so awkward.

  Caden chuckled. "Maybe not today, since it's Father's Day and all…but yeah, you need to handle it." He pulled my legs over his lap and rested his hands on my thigh. "I would say I'm sorry, but I'm not." His triumphant smile was adorable.

  Lizzy walked in with two large pizzas in hand. "You know, on second thought, I think Jack and I will eat the pizzas tonight. You two crazy kids go out." She set the boxes down on the kitchen counter and rummaged through the fridge for a soda.

  "No way, Lizzy," I said. "You just watched Jack the other night."

  "I don't want to hear another word about it. This little thing here," she gestured between me and Caden, "has been a long time coming. So scoot, out you go, shoo!" She waved her hands at us to leave. Before I could protest any more, Caden was pulling me off the couch.

  "You're the best, Lizzy!" Caden said, giving her a kiss on the cheek and pulling me out the door. Before I could say another word we were in Caden's SUV and driving off.

  "Where are we going?" I laughed at how excited Caden looked.

  "On a date." He winked.

  "I'm really not in the mood for a fancy restaurant, Caden, and I'm definitely not dressed for one."

  Caden scoffed like I had just insulted him. "Please, Kit. You think I'm gonna treat you like some chick whose pants I'm trying to get into?" He peered at me. I couldn't help but grimace at his choice of words. He laughed at the face I made and squeezed my thigh. "Don't worry, Kit. I know my girl."

  We drove for another ten minutes before we pulled into the
driveway of my favorite burger joint. He ordered two number fours—my favorite of course—and leaned over to whisper, "You've got your giant purse with you, right?" He was already looking around for my handbag.

  "Yeah, why?" I asked.

  He smiled as he snatched my purse from the passenger side floor. When he pulled up to the second window and retrieved our food, he opened my purse and stuffed the oversized bag of inside.

  "Theater Nazis don't allow you to bring food inside," he explained as he zipped up my purse. We pulled into the movie theatre parking lot and walked up to the ticket window. I was perusing the titles, looking for something Caden and I would both like, when Caden pulled out his wallet and ordered two tickets for the new horror movie that just came out. I got butterflies in my stomach; he knew me so well. He held his elbow out for me and led me into the theatre.

  "How did you know I was dying to see that?" I thought about it for a second. "No pun intended." I squeezed his arm.

  "I told you." He kissed the top of my head. "I know my girl."

  As we made our way into our theater, Caden led me to the middle row of chairs, but I stopped and nodded to the very back. His eyebrow shot up and he gave me a menacing grin before he scooped me up in his arms and carried me to the back row. I had to put my hand over my mouth to stifle my laugh.

  We settled in the middle of the isle and lifted the armrest that was separating us. Caden put his arm around me as I snuggled into his chest. The lights dimmed and the screen lit up with the first preview. I slowly reached my arm between Caden's legs, his body visibly tensed. I peered up at him and seductively bit my bottom lip. Caden's breath hitched and I reached lower and lower…and grabbed my purse off the ground to pull our food out.

  "Evil woman," Caden muttered when I handed him his burger. I laughed as I ate a handful of french-fries.

  The previews were so long that by the time the movie had started we were both finished with our food. I pulled my legs up and tucked them under me, and leaned into Caden's chest. He wrapped his arm around me and squeezed. I closed my eyes and let out a satisfied sigh; it felt so good to be in his arms. We'd hugged a million times before and even snuggled on the couch, but now that we were more than friends, there was an intense shift of energy. I could practically hear the buzz between us. I knew Caden could sense it too, by the way his breathing changed when he pulled me to him. I tilted my head up to peek at him. He looked down and gave me a sweet smile and nuzzled his nose against mine.

  "If you get scared and need me to protect you, just let me know," I whispered.

  His grin widened. "I'll keep that in mind," he replied then grazed his fingers up my neck and gently grasped my chin between his index finger and thumb. He leaned down and brushed his lips against mine. He lingered there for a while, just keeping his lips on mine, not taking the kiss any deeper. I was taken aback by how gentle he was. It wasn't just a kiss, he was telling me something. He was telling me he loved me. I raised my hand and placed it on his neck just under his jaw and I could feel his pulse quicken. He leaned back and gazed down at me.

  "I love you, Caden," I whispered.

  He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against mine. "Hearing you say that…" He paused, shaking his head slightly. "I want to hear you say that every day."

  We watched the rest of the movie in silence. I was too distracted by the intense energy between us to really get scared; Caden didn't so much as flinch the whole movie either.

  We held hands the whole way back to my apartment; I spent most of the time with my head tilted to the side gazing at Caden with a stupid grin on my face. When we walked into the apartment we found Lizzy in the kitchen baking something as she talked on the phone. Jack sat at the kitchen table coloring.

  "You kids are back early," Lizzy said as she hung up her phone and opened the oven to put a tray of cookies in.

  "Yeah, I've got work and you guys have class tomorrow." I shrugged. Caden stood behind me and started rubbing my shoulders.

  "Kit needs her rest," he said."She's got a breakup to execute first thing in the morning." He chuckled. I leaned my head back onto his chest and he wrapped his arms around my shoulders, sufficiently trapping me, and leaned down to kiss my cheek.

  "You two are starting to gross me out," Lizzy said as she texting and popped her bubble gum. "I'd better get out of here. I feel like I'm gonna get pregnant just by looking at you." She ruffled Jack's hair and gave him a kiss. "Take the cookies out of the oven in ten minutes," She instructed as she gave Caden and me a joint hug.

  "Thanks so much, Lizzy. I owe you big time," Caden said as he tugged on her pony tail.

  "Don't sweat it, Tate," she replied. "Just don't break my best friend's heart or I'll gut you with a plastic spork." She smiled sweetly as she sauntered out the front door. Caden walked to the kitchen and sat by Jack to talk to him about his drawings. I took that moment to check my phone. I had two text messages from Derrick. I frowned. Crap.

  "What is it?" Caden asked.

  "Uh…just some text messages." My frown deepened when I read them.

  Thinking about U xo

  U have plans this Sat?

  Caden snatched the phone from my hands before I even realized he was walking toward me.

  "Hey, rude!" I scolded. Caden read the messages and I could see the muscles in his jaw tense. I rolled my eyes. "I'm ending it. Remember?"

  He sighed but his face softened a bit. "I know. I still don't like it," he grumbled as he handed my phone back. I tossed it on the kitchen counter and pulled Caden onto the couch.

  "Here, you pick." I handed him the remote and adjusted myself so that my head was lying on his lap. He automatically started stroking my hair as he flipped through the channels. I looked up at him.

  "This sucks for you, doesn't it?" I smiled at him apologetically.

  "What sucks?" He frowned down at me.

  "This." I gestured around me. "Being with me is going to be boring. It's not like we'll be able to go out whenever we want."

  "Kit, we've been friends for months," he said. "You act like I don't know what being with you will be like. I like staying in. As long as I'm with you and Jack, I'm having fun." He ran his fingertips down my cheek then back up again to play with my hair. His reassurance was only mildly comforting. Deep down I felt guilty, like I was keeping him from something.

  As the night winded down, I put Jack to bed and met Caden in the living room. He was picking up his coat like he was going to leave. A little part of me panicked; I didn't want him to go anywhere, I just got him.

  "Don't go," I said shyly, looking up at him. He regarded me for a second and then put his jacket back down. He placed a hand at the small of my back as we walked to my bedroom. I grabbed some yoga pants and a tank top and headed into the bathroom to change. I came out of the bathroom to find Caden with his shoes off, lying on top of the covers. His eyes traveled down my body and when they met mine again, they held a glint of mischief in them. I exhaled and gave myself a mental pep talk. Be strong, Kitrina, be strong, Kitrina. I repeated it over and over in my head. I made my way to bed and crawled in. I lifted my blankets and gestured for Caden to get under them. He pulled me to him so that I was resting against the crook of his neck. His fingers traced little circles on my back and I closed my eyes, inhaling his scent and snuggling into his warmth.

  After a few minutes, the proximity was getting to me and I couldn't help myself. I lifted my chin to bring my face up to his. I could feel him tense next to me as I brushed my lips against his. I waited there, lingering on his soft upper lip. A low growl escaped his throat and then his hand was in my hair, pulling me until his lips were pushing into mine. This kiss was different from the gentle one he gave me at the theatre; this kiss was passionate and desperate. The thrill of his fingers tangled in my hair and his mouth moving against mine had me shivering. He slid his tongue along my open lips before he slipped it in my mouth. My hands were on his chest, pulling at his shirt; my fingers were pressed up against a wall of solid mus
cle. He rolled so I was underneath him. He held himself up on one elbow while his other hand explored my face, my neck, my shoulder. I gripped his chest with one hand and slid my other hand up the side of his face and into his hair. The kiss grew increasingly severe, like we could only find oxygen in each others' mouths. A little moan escaped my lips and he responded with a deep growl and pressed his body against mine. Every line of him was pressed up against me. My insides tightened as I tried to temper my body's response. His lips left mine and traveled along my jaw, then down my neck, leaving a trail of goose bumps in their wake. Gasps of shock and pleasure escaped me without my permission, my eyes rolled back as my body melted under his touch. He made it to my collar bone and nuzzled his face under my jaw.

  "I've wanted you for so long." He panted in between kisses. "So beautiful…" He brought his lips back to mine and I met them eagerly. We were both panting and pulling each other as close as physically possible.

  When his hand traveled down my side and his fingers started playing with the hem of my yoga pants, I knew I needed to stop. Against my body's will, I pulled myself up for air. "No, Caden." I put my hand over his to stop him from going any further "I…can't."

  He looked at me for a moment and then smiled softly. He rolled to his side and pulled my hip so we were facing each other again. I wondered if he was going to try and talk me into it, or if he knew that my resolve was weak enough for him to break it if he really wanted to.

  "Kit…" His voice was low and a little nervous.

  "I'm sorry, Caden. I want to, but it's just not who I am…"

  He put his index finger over my mouth to quiet me. "Shh…" He gave me a charming grin. "I know who you are. I love who you are." He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "I'll wait. I don't care how long. I'll wait." He leaned down and placed a chaste kiss on my lips.

  We spent the rest of the night giving each other soft kisses and touches. We held each others' gaze and memorized each others' faces. The angular lines of his face contrasted with the softness of his lips and I was mesmerized. We fell asleep like that, wrapped in each other's arms.