Playing Pretend

by Bester, Tamsyn

  I’d snuck out of his bed as soon as he’d fallen asleep, thinking it wouldn’t be a big deal. I was caught between the high that came from a night of hard sex with Caleb, and the self-berating that had come afterward.

  “I figured that’s what you would have preferred,” I said, diverting my eyes downward. “We should have never…” My words trailed off, filling the ensuing silence with the unspoken aftermath of our first night together.

  “I should have never treated you that way.” The gentleness with which Caleb spoke made me look up. “And last night was everything but a mistake.”

  I begged to differ, but I wasn’t about to express that sentiment out aloud.

  “You have every reason not to trust me after what I did, Kadence.” Caleb lifted his hand to trace my bottom lip with his forefinger. “But I want to prove that you can trust me.”

  I stayed quiet, and I knew Caleb would interpret that as my hesitance to trust him. He wasn’t wrong.

  “I have to leave, but Brae and I will be back tomorrow morning. Will you be okay here on your own?”

  I nodded. “I’ll be fine.”

  Caleb lowered his head, gauging my reaction with caution before he pressed his lips to mine. With my arms trapped beneath the sheet I couldn’t touch him, but the soft touch of his mouth I still yielded.

  “Call me if you need anything,” he said as soon as he pulled away. “Alfie will be here too.”

  “Okay,” I whispered, relieved when he lifted himself from the bed. I didn’t want to tell him I was glad he would only be back the following day. The truth was I needed some space, some time to work through the mess of feelings the night before had planted. I watched Caleb’s back as he walked out, and with the click of the door I expelled a weary breath that had been trapped in my lungs. It was time to get real with myself—time to admit that I was already too far-gone where Caleb was concerned. Determined to switch off for a few more hours, I rolled onto my side and fell asleep, savoring the quiet reprieve of a meaningless dream that pulled me away from all thoughts of my feelings for Caleb.

  I SPENT MOST OF Saturday tucked away in the library with a book. By Sunday morning I was feeling more like myself, and decided to treat myself to a day in the city. I had Alfie drive me to the fresh produce market in Union Square, and didn’t complain when he climbed out of the car to accompany me. Although silent, his presence didn’t bother me, and even when I ventured into the romance section at Barnes and Noble, Alfie took it in stride. I decided to buy him a coffee from the in-house Starbucks, and took a seat by the window overlooking the square. Watching the people down below go about their Sunday was a strange comfort, and after another hour of daydreaming about a ‘normal’ life, I figured it was time to get back to my reality. As soon as Alfie and I were back in the car, my phone beeped with a text from Caleb. I considered ignoring it, knowing I’d have to face him as soon as he got home anyway, but my curiosity won out.

  Change of plans, Brae and I are staying an extra night. Will be home tomorrow. Everything okay there?

  His need to let me know his whereabouts, and then ask if everything was okay annoyed me to no end. It was bad enough I couldn’t stop thinking about the photos of him and his so-called lesbian friend, I didn’t need to be reminded that he’d left me alone all weekend. I rested my head on the back of the seat, and exhaled audibly, before giving him as indifferent a response as I could. I didn’t want him to know that I was left feeling somewhat disappointed that I wouldn’t be seeing him tonight.

  Okay x

  I thought better of the ‘x’ and deleted it before hitting send. A minute later another text from Caleb came through.

  Is that all you’re going to give me?

  “Yes,” I muttered under my breath. “It’s already more than you deserve.”

  Chances were that Caleb already knew what I’d been up to. Alfie would have kept him up-to-date, which only added to my current state of annoyance. Alfie stopped the car in the basement of the Puck building, and followed me up to the penthouse. It was quiet, and I needed to stay busy, so I took a shower, and made dinner. Dressed in nothing but a cotton shirt, and my sleep shorts, I turned the stereo on and set about making fresh Cannelloni’s filled with spicy ground beef, and a white wine and cream sauce. With ‘The Lumineers’ playing in the background, and the delicious smells coming from the food, I was distracted to the point of bliss. After making sure Alfie had some dinner, I finished off a plate of my own, and set some aside to take to work the next day. I tossed and turned after I’d gone to bed, unable to sleep, and grew more and more aggravated with myself.

  I don’t miss him, I told myself. I don’t wish he was here.

  With a loud huff, I slipped up against the headboard and switched the bedside lamp on. I grabbed one of the new books I’d purchased earlier that day, and got comfortable on a lounger outside on the terrace.

  WHEN I ARRIVED at the office the following morning, it was chaos. My colleagues were all gathered out in the hallways, and the main reception area talking at a frantic pace. I looked around, my brows drawn in confusion. I spotted Aaliyah in the far corner, talking on the phone, and started towards her. Her call ended, and when she saw me approach I saw relief etched into features.

  “Oh thank God,” she breathed. “I’m so glad you’re here!”

  “What’s going on?” I asked, motioning her towards my desk. I put my belongings away, powered on my laptop, and then followed Aaliyah when she tipped her head towards Macy’s office. Macy was officially on maternity leave, much to her disgruntlement, so she wasn’t there.

  Aaliyah shut the door, and then turned to face me.

  “Where’s Caleb?” she asked. She too looked harried, and a little frazzled.

  I shrugged. “I don’t know.”

  “What do you mean you don’t know? I thought he came home from the Hamptons yesterday?”

  I crossed my arms. “He decided to stay an extra night.”

  Aaliyah looked surprised. “Oh.”

  “If you want to know where he is then call him yourself.”

  “Easy tiger,” said Aaliyah. “From your tone I’m guessing you’re still pissed with him.”

  “No,” I replied. “I’m just tired.” I didn’t want to tell her it was because I’d stayed up until 3a.m. She would assume it was because of Caleb, and the last thing I wanted to do was admit that she was right. My book had only distracted me for so long before my thoughts drifted to Caleb.

  “Well then, so much for beating him at his own game, huh?”

  “Aaliyah, can we not talk about this here, please? I’d rather talk about why everyone looks like they’re ready to freak out.”

  “Jennifer quit.”

  “What?”

  “Yeah,” sighed Aaliyah. “I found her ‘resignation’ on a fucking post-it this morning. She’s not answering her phone, and she took all her files with her.”

  “Does Caleb know?”

  “That’s why I asked if you knew where he was. I’m not sure if he knows yet, and I can’t imagine he’d be happy about it.”

  “I can’t see why he wouldn’t be. No one liked her, and she did nothing but cause drama for Caleb.”

  “And you.”

  “That’s beside the point,” I replied. “Why is it such a bad thing if she quit? I for one am happy to see her go.”

  “Because first of all, she was handling the launch party for Caleb’s record label, and second, those files she took are the property of Callahan Industries. I wouldn’t put it past her to try and poach some of our clients. Bitch is crazy enough to try, at least.”

  “Is there no way to get them back?”

  “That’s why I need to speak to Caleb, but our more immediate problem is the launch party. It was Jennifer’s project, and now with her gone, and with the event in only three weeks, we’re pretty much screwed. Macy can’t do much on her end either.”

  “So what should we do? Without the notes, and plans from Jennifer’s files we’d have to st
art from scratch.”

  Aaliyah stared at me for a moment, and then her face broke into a brilliant smile, which was odd considering we were in quite a mess thanks to Jennifer’s untimely – yet welcomed – departure.

  “You can do it,” she stated, sounding a little too confident. I looked at her as if she’d lost her mind. “You’re kidding right?”

  “No. You’re more than capable, Kadence, and I don’t think Caleb will have a problem with it.”

  Somehow, I highly doubted that.

  “Isn’t there anyone else who can do it? Surely there’s someone more experienced.”

  With a shake of her head, Aaliyah replied, “The only other person is Macy, and she’s not here, so that leaves you.”

  “Caleb would never allow me take over such an important event, Liy. It’s far too important for Callahan Industries for someone with my lack of experience to take over. There has to be another option.”

  “Unfortunately there isn’t, so right now you have to grow some lady balls, and do the launch. You have the entire event staff at your disposal, and more than enough money to put it together.”

  “As much as I appreciate the vote of confidence, how the hell am I going to pull it off in three weeks?”

  Aaliyah looked hopeful. “Is that a ‘yes’?”

  “Do I have a choice?” I fired back.

  “No, you don’t.”

  I sighed, and pinched the bridge of my nose. I was not prepared to deal with this on a Monday morning.

  “Listen,” I looked back up when Aaliyah touched my arm. “You can do this. I will help you where I can, and I have a feeling that Caleb will give you even more to work with than he wanted to give Jennifer. There is no way you can screw this up.”

  I exhaled, resigned to the fact that I had two choices here. One, I could decline, and convince Caleb to outsource a more qualified event planner, or two, I could do it, and hope to God that I didn’t do irreparable damage. The first option was the easy way out, and my likeliest choice, but the second choice was an opportunity to prove myself, and earn a promotion by the end of the year. A promotion meant more money, and more money meant that I could get my own place sooner rather than later. The sooner I could get out of Caleb’s place, the better. The man was doing my head in. Hell, I was doing my own head in.

  “Okay,” I acquiesced. “I’ll do it.”

  “Yes!” Aaliyah’s pumped her fist. “You’re going to kill it!”

  I lifted my hand. “Let’s not get carried away just yet. I don’t even know where to start.”

  “Uh,” Aaliyah winced. “You’ll have to start with Caleb.”

  “Great,” I threw my hands up, and started towards the door. “Just when I thought I could avoid him until tonight.”

  I heard Aaliyah snicker behind me, and shot her a glare over my shoulder. “Hey, what happened to chicks before dicks?”

  “Doesn’t apply to you and Caleb. I’m totally rooting for that asshole to win you over.” With a wink, Aaliyah headed back to her desk. I thought she was going to get to work, but instead she stood on her chair, and faced our colleagues.

  “Okay, everyone needs to calm down. Jennifer is gone, and quite frankly, good riddance. Until I can get hold of Caleb, you can all get back to work. As soon as I have an update, I will let you all know.”

  With a mixture of confusion and relief, people scattered, and went about their workdays as if nothing had happened. With an ungraceful flop, I fell into my chair, and started on my own tasks. I read and responded to all of Macy’s emails, not at all surprised that she was working from home. When I’d completed half of the items on my list, I stood up and went in search of some coffee. On the way out of the kitchen, the elevator doors opened, and Caleb stepped out.

  He saw me, and hesitated before stopping a foot or so in front of me. He looked incredible, dressed in distressed jeans, a white button down shirt, and light brown Martin boots. A little too casual for the office, but he probably dropped Braelynn of at home with Henry, and came straight here.

  “Hey.” I cleared my throat. “I mean good morning Mr. Callahan.”

  Caleb looked around, and I noticed his face drawn into a frown. “Ms. Kavanagh, meet me in my office when you’re done.”

  He turned, and all but stalked to his office.

  What the hell?

  I was the one who was supposed to be cold, and withdrawn, he didn’t get to do that.

  I threw my coffee down the drain, no longer craving the caffeine fix, and walked down the hallway to Caleb’s office. The door was open, but the moment I stepped in, Caleb grabbed my arm, and shut the door before pushing me against the wall.

  “What are you doing?” I hissed. “We’re at the office, and I’m pissed with you.”

  That last part wasn’t supposed to come out, and I cursed my inability to keep my mouth shut.

  “I’m the boss,” replied Caleb, “And I’ve been thinking about your mouth since I left yesterday morning.”

  He leaned in, and as much as I wanted to kiss him – because let’s face it, I liked kissing him – I chose to take the high road for once. I turned my head to the side, and Caleb’s mouth landed on my cheek. He pulled away, and the poor man looked genuinely perplexed.

  Really?

  He’s going to play dumb now?

  “What did I do now?” He exhaled the question as if he was exasperated with me.

  Like hell.

  “Nothing,” I lied, pushing at his chest. “We’re at the office, and no one’s here to see it. We should save it for the cameras.”

  Caleb stepped back, and brought his hands to his hips. With narrowed eyes, and pursed lips, he stared at me, and then said, “I think I know what’s going on here.”

  “Please, enlighten me.”

  Caleb leaned closer, caging me in with his outstretched arms, his palms on the wall beside my head. “You’re upset because we had sex again, and I left, and now you’re wondering where we stand.”

  For a moment I was engrossed by how close Caleb was, how his breath fanned my face, how his eyes looked over every feature of my face. I sucked in an uneven gulp of air.

  “I know where we stand.”

  Caleb’s mouth twisted up to the side, drawing my attention to his lush lips. God, why was I so weak-willed when it came to him? Why could I not just screw him and leave it there? Was that too much to ask?

  “I don’t think you do,” challenged Caleb. “So I’ll catch you up-to-speed. I fucked you because I wanted to, I kissed you because I wanted to, not because we’re ‘pretending’ for everyone else.”

  I wanted to be surprised by Caleb’s ability to read me, before I could get a read on myself, but it was hard when he put all my crazy thoughts and insecurities into words. He’d hit the nail on the head. Unfortunately.

  “You don’t have to believe me,” he continued, picking up on my skepticism. “I was a complete asshole, and you’re still deciding whether or not to trust me.”

  I pinched my lips between my teeth, and allowed my body to sag against the wall. “I think we need to focus on why you asked me to help you in the first place, and just remove sex from the equation altogether.”

  “Not happening,” retorted Caleb, shaking his head with determination.

  “I’m not asking you, Caleb.” I exhaled, and found enough courage to draw a line that should’ve been there from the moment I agreed to this ludicrous arrangement. “I refuse to be nothing more than a fuck to you.”

  Caleb’s features softened. “Sweet Kadence, you’ve never been just a ‘fuck’ to me, and I realize now that I’ve done a really shitty job of proving that to you.”

  His words made my tummy flip, and my heart skip a beat. But I still didn’t want to believe him. “It doesn’t matter,” I replied, aware that it was a lie. It so mattered. “I’m not sleeping with you again.”

  “Keep telling yourself that,” whispered Caleb. “The only difference is the next time I have you in my bed, you’ll know, without a shadow of
a doubt that it’s because I —”

  My mouth opened, a witty cut-off on the tip of my tongue, but a knock on the door made me shove him away. The door opened, and Aaliyah stuck her head in.

  “Am I interrupting?” she asked, a smug smile on her face.

  I said ‘no’ the same time that Caleb said ‘yes’.

  “Okay then,” said Aaliyah. “I’ll come back.”

  “No!” I straightened out my shirt, and rubbed my hands down my navy pencil skirt. “I was just on my way out.”

  Aaliyah stepped into Caleb’s office, and shut the door. “This involves you too, so I think you should stay.”

  I heard Caleb exhale beside me, and then watched as he walked to his desk.

  “If this is about Jennifer, I already know,” he said. “I have some friends at NYPD who are going to pay her a visit and get my files back.”

  “They’d better do it fast,” replied Aaliyah, “Before she does something stupid.”

  “Liy, did you come here to tell me something I already know?” Caleb took a seat, and leaned back in his chair.

  “Okay Mr. Cranky Pants, what I came to tell you is that Kadence is taking over the launch party for Callahan Records, and I wanted to make sure that you’re going to offer her everything she needs.”

  Caleb raised his brows, and folded his hands behind his head. His shirt rode up, and I had a difficult time not looking at the myriad of ink coloring his skin. It only reminded me of our nights together, of how his ink looked brighter when it was covered in a sheen of sweat. My nipples hardened beneath my bra just thinking about it, and when I looked up to Caleb’s face, he was watching me. With the subtlety of a bull in a china shop, I lifted my chin, and crossed my arms over my chest.

  Then I remembered why Aaliyah had interrupted us.

  “I will understand if you want someone more experienced to do the launch,” I said, hoping that my anticipation of him taking this opportunity from me wasn’t obvious.

  “I think Kadence will be perfect -” Aaliyah started, but she stopped when Caleb shook his head, finally taking his eyes off me to look at Aaliyah. I was a little irate with Aaliyah – and Caleb too – because I could speak for myself, I didn’t need her to advocate for me. I was grateful for her help, but I wanted to prove myself on my own terms.