Death of a Cookbook Author

by Lee Hollis

  Hayley hoped that she was giving a much better performance than the rather stiff and unconvincing Penelope Janice.

  “And Lena . . . what she must have gone through . . . I keep imagining what she was thinking, trapped inside the pantry, unable to get out, black smoke consuming her . . .” Hayley said, shaking her head.

  Another tear shot down Penelope’s cheek.

  And then another.

  In Hayley’s mind, they almost seemed genuine.

  Unlike Penelope’s wooden, graceless words about her pain of a late husband. The only kindness she could muster about him was to note how long they had been married.

  A long, long time.

  That was all she could come up with to express her grief.

  “Well, as difficult as it is losing a spouse, you must find some solace in knowing Lena’s going to make it . . .” Hayley said.

  Penelope, who only moments before had appeared lost and hopeless, suddenly snapped to attention. “What?”

  “Lena’s going to recover.”

  “I don’t know where you get your information, Hayley,” Penelope spit out, aghast. “But I heard directly from the hospital that Lena had passed away earlier today.”

  “Oh, gosh, you didn’t hear about the mix-up? Apparently Nurse Tilly McVety was given the wrong information. A Mrs. Laura Henderson died, not Lena Hendricks. She was in the next room in the ICU, and there was a mistake in the recording of the room number, and well, Nurse Tilly made a couple of calls before it all got corrected. Nobody called you back to tell you?”

  “No!” Penelope yelled as she whipped out her phone and called the hospital. She was frantic as she demanded to be put directly through to Nurse Tilly. Once Tilly was on the line, Penelope asked her point-blank what exactly was going on, and Tilly explained, along with an avalanche of apologies— probably with Police Chief Alvares at her side coaching her on exactly what to say.

  Penelope listened, a shocked look on her face, and then she put her phone down on the counter and stared into space, not angry or worried, just stunned.

  “I’m so sorry . . . all this time you thought . . .”

  Hayley let her words trail off.

  Penelope didn’t look at her, or wave her away, or acknowledge her in anyway. She just stood next to her oven, a hand over her mouth, shaking slightly, processing the fact that Lena Hendricks was still alive.

  “I should go,” Hayley said, turning on her heel, and creeping out.

  Her work here was done.

  The wheels of her plan were in motion.

  Now they just had to wait.

  Island Food & Spirits

  BY HAYLEY POWELL

  Every so often I come up with a new casserole recipe, bake it the night before, and take it with me on my routine early-morning walk before work with my dog Leroy. Our daily route takes us right past the local police station so whenever I have a casserole in hand, I stop in and present it to my brother-in-law, Police Chief Sergio Alvares, and any other officers who happen to be on duty at the time. They sure do appreciate it, especially during the busy summer months when the town is bustling with hundreds of tourists, including campers, off-loaded cruise-ship passengers, and of course all the visitors who drive onto the island and fill up the motels and hotels. You can scarcely spot a “Vacancy” sign until well after Labor Day.

  You can only imagine how many calls regarding fender benders, lost children, and minor thefts the police department receives when the town is so packed.

  With all of this activity, our boys and girls in blue hardly have any spare time to slip away and get themselves something hearty and homemade to eat, so it warms my heart to see such appreciation on their faces when I drop off my casserole dish at the station.

  One particular morning I presented my Summer Squash Taco Casserole, a Mexican twist on an old favorite. I also brought along a plastic container of my refreshing Sparkling Lemonade for the officers to wash it down with, confident that both the casserole and the lemonade would be a big hit with all those hardworking police officers.

  Stopping by the station reminded me that today was Wednesday, and like clockwork, every Wednesday I received the Police Log email that we would print in the Thursday edition of the paper. I have to admit, I love reading the Police Log! It’s like gossiping with your girlfriends on the phone, or in person over a cocktail! The log is filled with all the dirt, summing up in little snippets all of the trouble the locals and tourists have gotten themselves into over the past week.

  I could spend the next twenty columns discussing the various crimes and misdemeanors of our local population, but I’d much rather focus today on the out-of-towners, the oblivious tourists from all over the world who seem to lose their minds the minute they land on our beloved, picturesque island paradise.

  Today’s Police Log featured a treasure trove of craziness! For instance, on Friday, a group of college-age men arrived from New York and set up an illegal campsite in the woods. Well, they polished off more than a few bottles of bourbon and vodka and Lord only knows what else, and actually thought a game of hacky sack was a good idea. For those of you who have never played hacky sack, let me explain. The game consists of two or more players standing in a circle, and everyone tries to keep a small round ball filled with sand or pellets from hitting the ground by kicking it around. Sounds harmless enough. Except that these boys decided to use a hatchet instead of a ball filled with sand! When a park ranger happened upon the scene, drawn by all the screaming and hollering, he found the drunken young men with deep cuts all over their feet from their hatchet–hacky sack game gone wrong. The ranger had to call for medical attention, despite the men’s protesting that they were fine. When they sobered up, however, and they could actually feel the pain, well, it was quite a different story!

  On Sunday, the police arrived at a local campground after receiving several complaints that a woman would not stop screaming at her husband and disturbing the other campers. When Officers Donnie and Earl arrived they discovered the poor husband had locked himself in the car. His wife was trying to break in the windows with a tent pole to get at him. Apparently the husband had refused to set up their tent that night because he was too tired after their long drive from Worcester, Massachusetts, and he insisted that they should just sleep in the car for the night. Well, the wife had other ideas and began screaming at him to erect the tent at once because she was not sleeping in a car! One thing led to another and the situation quickly escalated, resulting in the wife beating her husband with the tent pole until he locked himself in the car to protect himself! The wife was arrested for assault, and yes, you can assume alcohol was involved. Fortunately, the husband sobered up by morning and refused to press charges since they were on the island to celebrate their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary.

  On Tuesday, a crying, inconsolable woman arrived at the police station to report that she had left her campsite to head into town and buy a few groceries, and upon her return, was shocked to find that her husband, three children, and RV were missing and no one on the campground had seen them leave! Police Chief Alvares managed to calm the woman down long enough for her to tell him which campground the family was staying at, and with blue lights flashing, the chief raced to the scene to investigate. Surprisingly, when he arrived, he discovered the husband, three children, and RV all present and accounted for, all safe and sound.

  Well, after a little digging, the chief was able to determine that after grocery shopping, the woman returned to the wrong campground, one that was a couple of miles down the road! The chief was happy to reunite the poor woman with her “lost” family.

  Okay, to be fair, I should also share a few items from the Police Log that did involve our colorful local population that week. One irate man called the police to report that his neighbor’s car alarm had been going off for the past hour and all the racket was disturbing his sleep. On arrival, the officers discovered the car’s alarm had a faulty wire causing it to honk incessantly, and the car was register
ed to none other than the irate man who called the police!

  Then there was the elderly woman on Wednesday who called the station to complain of trespassers on her property. She also noted that this was not the first time these lawbreaking delinquents had trodden on her land and plants, and she wanted the police to come out immediately and speak to them. Well, when the officers pulled up, they were shocked to discover that the trespassers were four cows from a neighboring farm.

  One frantic man called to report that there were two men loitering on lower Main Street trying to light a fire. When the police arrived, they found two men casually just trying to light a big cigar on a windy day.

  I could go on and on, but I better save a few stories to share in a future column. Right now I want to share with you my delicious Sparkling Lemonade and Summer Squash Taco Casserole!

  Sparkling Lemonade

  ¾ cup sugar

  ½ cup water

  ¼ cup lemon peel strips (about 2 lemons)

  ¾ cup lemon juice (3 freshly squeezed lemons)

  1 cup club soda, chilled

  In a saucepan, heat up your sugar and water over medium heat, stirring to dissolve all of the sugar. Stir in the lemon strips. Bring to a boil. Reduce the heat and simmer 5 minutes. Cool 10 minutes. Pour into a pitcher. Stir in your lemon juice. Cover and refrigerate until chilled.

  Remove the lemon strips and stir in the club soda and serve over ice on a hot summer day.

  For an adult beverage, just add your favorite vodka for a little added kick!

  Summer Squash Taco Casserole

  2 cups thinly sliced summer squash

  1 14½-ounce can diced tomatoes

  1 pound ground beef, cooked and drained

  1 tablespoon chili powder

  2 teaspoons paprika

  2 teaspoons cumin

  2 teaspoons onion powder

  1 teaspoon garlic powder

  Pinch of kosher salt

  ½ teaspoon cayenne pepper (or more if you

  like heat)

  2 cups shredded cheddar cheese

  Preheat your oven to 350°F.

  Add your diced tomatoes and seasoning in the skillet with your cooked meat and simmer about 10 minutes.

  Place the sliced squash on the bottom of a 13-by-9-inch baking pan. Spread the meat mixture over the top of the squash and top with the shredded cheese.

  Bake 30 minutes. Remove and enjoy with a refreshing glass of lemonade!

  Chapter 29

  Hayley could hear the repetitive beep of the ventilator in the ICU as she lay flat in the bed, the covers pulled all the way up over her face. She remained still, not moving, waiting. When Officer Donnie had radioed Sergio to let him know that a car had left Penelope Janice’s estate, and that he followed it all the way into Bar Harbor and it was heading in the direction of the hospital, she knew the time was near.

  Hayley had raced up to the ICU from the cafeteria where she was having coffee with Sergio, and taken her place in the bed just as they had discussed when hatching this plan.

  Hayley’s phone buzzed and the light illuminated under the covers. She turned it over and looked at the screen.

  It was a text from Sergio.

  Car on Wayman Lane. Heading to hospital guest parking.

  She turned the phone back over to snuff out the light.

  Hayley couldn’t believe what she had earlier considered a cockamamie plan, even though it was her own, was actually working. But if all unfolded as expected, they would soon have Lena Hendricks’s killer in custody.

  Hayley waited for what felt like an eternity.

  It was uneasily quiet.

  Just the persistent beeping from the ventilator.

  She took a deep breath and exhaled, calming herself, mentally preparing for what might happen next.

  And then she heard the door to the ICU room swing open with a whoosh.

  Footsteps approached the bed.

  Hayley’s nose suddenly itched and she resisted the urge to reach up with her finger and scratch it. She tried twitching her nose around to get some relief, and thought she must look like Samantha Stevens from those old Bewitched reruns she used to watch religiously as a kid.

  Hayley felt a presence hovering above her, staring down at her, and then there was some fumbling and she felt a yank on the IV drip she was holding in her hand.

  The door suddenly opened again, this time with a bang, and she heard Sergio bark, “Hold it right there!”

  Hayley threw off the covers and gasped.

  It wasn’t Penelope standing over her.

  It was Gerard Roquefort.

  In one hand he gripped a syringe and in the other the IV tube.

  He was about to inject the tube with a liquid.

  Something to stop the heart no doubt.

  Gerard looked surprised but resigned.

  Sergio ordered him to drop the syringe, and he immediately complied, setting it gently down on the bedside table.

  Hayley sat up, eyes blazing. “I suppose Penelope sent you here to do her dirty work? Finish the job she thought she botched?”

  Gerard’s eyes widened and he shook his head. “What? No. Penelope knows nothing about any of this.”

  “I highly doubt that,” Hayley sneered.

  “I’m telling you the truth. Penelope is completely innocent,” he said, looking around at Sergio, who was blocking the door.

  “Then how did you come to believe Lena was still alive?” Sergio asked.

  “Penelope told me. After you left earlier today. But she had no idea I was the one who . . .”

  “Killed Lena!” Hayley spat.

  Caught red-handed, Gerard sighed, knowing the truth would come out eventually, so he started to talk.

  Quite a bit, in fact.

  “Penelope and I were in the middle of merging our companies, a fact I’m sure you already know, but the whole deal was being complicated by Conrad. He had a major stake in it, but refused to go along with the merger because he suspected Penelope and I were having an affair,” Gerard said.

  “And were you?” Hayley asked pointedly.

  “Yes,” Gerard whispered.

  “Go on,” Sergio ordered.

  “Penelope wanted a divorce, but she knew if she filed for one, Conrad would get half of her fortune, and the whole merger would be thrown into disarray. But there was a clause in their prenuptial agreement . . .”

  “Let me guess,” Hayley interjected. “If Conrad committed adultery, he would waive his rights to any of his wife’s fortune in the divorce proceedings.”

  Gerard nodded, bowing his head.

  “Penelope is a smart, observant woman. She knew Conrad was attracted to her assistant Lena, so she paid her to start a clandestine relationship with him,” Hayley said, sitting up in the bed, the pieces now falling into place.

  Hayley turned to Sergio. “That would explain the large deposits in her bank account unrelated to her regular work. Lena was desperate to please Penelope because she had so much to learn from her. In fact, she wanted to be her, so she agreed to the plan, anything, even starting a relationship with Penelope’s husband, to make her boss and role model happy.”

  “The plan worked. We set up a camera in Lena’s room. We got the proof we needed,” Gerard said.

  “Then why not just expose the affair, file for divorce, and be rid of him once and for all?” Hayley asked.

  “Because Conrad was never going to go away. He was always going to be a thorn in our side. The bastard hired private investigators to dig up some dirt on me, a couple of past business ventures that you might possibly describe as ‘slightly shady,’ contracts that went belly up and cost a lot of people a good deal of money, deals that would threaten the merger if they came to light . . ” Gerard said, rubbing his tired eyes with the back of his hand.

  “So that’s where the murder plot came in,” Hayley said, glancing at Sergio who at this point looked totally confused.

  Gerard nodded. “I encouraged Lena . . ”

&nb
sp; “Encouraged?”

  “I told Lena,” Gerard said, noticing the skepticism on Hayley’s face. “Okay, ordered her to draw Conrad into a fake murder plot to get rid of Penelope so they could be together.”

  “What made you think Conrad would go for it?”

  Gerard chuckled. “Are you kidding? He despised Penelope and was head over heels in love with Lena. He would have done anything she wanted. Including bumping off his own wife. If they made it look like an accident, then not only would he get Lena, but he would also get Penelope’s fortune.”

  “So I take it Lena recorded their conversations discussing the plot, including the one I overheard the night I had food poisoning and stumbled upon them in the hallway?”

  Gerard nodded. “We were going to use the tapes to blackmail Conrad into leaving town quietly, never to return, so the merger could move forward without any more interference from him, and my previous business deals would stay buried. Everything was going according to plan until he got rip-roaring drunk and fell off that cliff.”

  “So you didn’t push him?” Sergio asked, trying to muscle his way into the conversation since he was, after all, the official investigating officer in the room.

  “Of course not,” Gerard hissed, appalled at the notion even though they had just caught him trying to do away with Lena Hendricks, who he thought was still alive. “But needless to say, we were ecstatic. The problem had suddenly taken care of itself. The deadbeat husband was finally out of the picture.”

  “Except Lena was the one loose end who could ruin your carefully laid plans for a prosperous future together,” Hayley said.

  “We weren’t worried at first. She was so loyal and devoted to Penelope. But she got it into her head that we were the ones who did away with Conrad, pushed him to his death, and no matter how hard we tried to convince her that we had nothing to do with his falling off that cliff, I could tell in her eyes she didn’t believe us. She was never going to believe us!”