Return to the Deep

by P. Jameson

  “What? I can’t hear you?”

  “You must get out of the water. It isn’t safe.”

  “I-I heard that. What was the other thing you said? You lost who?”

  He frowned, his forehead creasing in confusion. “Why are you here?”

  Christienne looked to the sky for any sign of Tamsin. “I… I… it’s a dream.”

  “Nightmare.”

  “Yes.”

  Some men yelled, pulling Huran’s attention away. “Found…. Found! The… at the cove…” The voices cut in and out like a record glitching, but whatever they said, Huran seemed desperate to get to them.

  “Go home, Christy!” he called over his shoulder as he swam away.

  No snuppa. No kindness at all. Just a barked order for her to go away.

  She intended to follow him but the wind whipped up again, pushing her backward. It became a whirlwind as it whispered in her ear. If you believe your love is strong enough, destroy the secretsssss.

  The cyclone carried her up to the aurora sky where all she could see were the swirls of purple and green mixed in with the stars.

  “But how do I do that? He won’t talk to me.”

  My child, start with your own secrets.

  Her own secrets… the baby.

  She had to tell him about the baby.

  Chapter Six

  Huran was trapped in his nightmare again, unable to pull himself from the memories that tortured him. “Arne!” he called, lifting his voice above the wicked wind Tamsin commanded. “Arne! Son, where are ye!”

  He swam in the lake, his new tail slowing him down. He had to find Arne. Others looked for the boy too. He might be the only warrior not affected by Tamsin’s curse. The only one who could help them find a way out of the lake.

  But Huran didn’t give a shite about that.

  His son was his lifeblood. The only tie he had to the world. Losing him would rip a hole in his chest so large nothing could fill it.

  “Arne!”

  The wind whistled above, and he ignored it, searching the choppy gray waters for any evidence of the boy. Until a familiar, tortured cry pulled his attention to the northern banks. He knew that voice, knew the exact timbre and tone. He twisted, looking for the source, trying to put a name to it.

  In the water, some distance away, was a female. Her dark hair was chopped at the shoulders and her face looked pained. Mine.

  “Christy?” he called, trying to make his tail take him closer to her.

  Christy. His mate. His beloved. Snuppa.

  “You can’t be in the lake, it’s dangerous. I’ve already lost Arne.”

  He needed to get her far away from here, from this. This was not safe. He was not safe.

  “What? I can’t hear you?” Her voice was full of fear. Good. At least her instincts were at work.

  “You must get out of the water,” he urged. “It isn’t safe.”

  She shook her head, soaked hair slapping her round cheeks. “I-I heard that. What was the other thing you said? You lost who?”

  Arne. His son. He had lost his son.

  But she didn’t know who Arne was because… because he had kept that part of his history from her.

  Huran looked around, trying to get his bearings. The lake, the finned warriors. Tamsin somewhere above. Christienne shouldn’t be here. She didn’t belong. So why was she staring at him from across the water?

  “Why are you here?”

  “I… I…” She threw her hands up. “It’s a dream.”

  “Nightmare.”

  “Yes,” she agreed sadly.

  “Found him!” A fellow warrior’s voice rose out of the water, ricocheting off the rocky bank. It was Mansen, a fellow warrior. “Arne has been found!” he boomed. “The others are already moving. Meet at the cove on the western bay.”

  Huran’s chest thundered with hope. My son.

  “Go home, Christy.” He would find his mate later. Right now, Arne needed him.

  He dove beneath the surface, whipping his new tail as fast as it could go. He found that if he curved his body to move along the water’s natural waves, he could make better distance. When he ran out of breath, he didn’t bother coming up for air, so desperate was he to reach his son. But amazingly, he found he could pull oxygen from the water to sustain him.

  Soon, he arrived at the cove and broke the surface, pulling in dry air and feeling the change in the way his lungs worked.

  His new body could breathe underwater.

  No. This wasn’t his new body. This was his old body. He was a new man now because of…

  He looked back in the direction from whence he came. What was her name? Chrest… Chris…

  “Huran,” Mansen yelled. “Over here!”

  Huran followed the man to where a small crowd of warriors had gathered. “Arne. Where’s Arne?”

  The people were too still, their faces too long. Something wasn’t right.

  Huran shoved people aside until he finally came to his boy, and his breath stopped altogether.

  Arne was limp and still, his lifeless body already taking on a blue hue.

  “Arne. My son. Wake up. Wake up!” Huran pulled the boy into his arms, shaking him until he rattled. “This cannot be. It cannot be. Wake up, warrior.”

  But Huran knew there would be no waking.

  “He’s gone to be with the Old Gods,” Mansen murmured.

  Huran crushed his son to his chest and tears mixed with the lake water as his tail took them both away from the cove. He spoke the old prayers over Arne as his heart broke with his loss. How could he go on without his son?

  The wind roared around him, growing in strength, becoming so strong, he had to hold onto Arne’s body with all his might. As if the witch Tamsin intended to steal him away.

  “No!” He wouldn’t allow it. Couldn’t. He would find a proper resting place for his son.

  But the wind was a force. One he couldn’t hope to win against with his body all out of sorts. It became a tunnel around him, whipping him to and fro until his hold on Arne was lost and there was nothing left but a black void.

  “Noooooo,” Huran screamed into the abyss.

  He came awake to a soft hand shaking him and he bolted up in bed to find his mate’s concerned gaze.

  “Christy.” He pulled her down into his arms, breathing a sigh of relief.

  “It’s okay,” she murmured. “We’re still in the hospital.”

  “I was having a dream.”

  “A nightmare,” she corrected, causing him to frown. Hadn’t they had this conversation before?

  “Yes.”

  “It wasn’t real.”

  But it was. Or it had been once upon a time, and the feelings were still just as raw as the day it all happened.

  Silence filled the small room but neither of them went back to sleep.

  “How are you feeling?” Christienne finally asked.

  “Stronger.” Physically at least. “There will be nothing more than a few scratches by morning.”

  “Jase says the serpent attacked you.”

  “Yes.” It occurred to him that she didn’t ask why he’d been in the lake. “Just doing its job. It saw me as a threat.”

  “As human?”

  “I suppose.”

  “Do you miss it?” she whispered.

  “Miss what, mate?”

  “The lake. Do you wish you were still down there?”

  Huran tipped her chin up so he could see her eyes. They were filled with insecurities. Insecurities he had put there.

  “I mean, I would understand. It was your home for hundreds of years. I get how you might miss it. Maybe that’s something we never considered before, that you might want to go back—”

  “It’s not like that, Christy.”

  “Then help me understand. Why were you over at North Shore?”

  “Snuppa… it’s personal.”

  Her head jerked backward in surprise. “Personal? But I’m your mate. I thought… well, I thought…”
/>
  Shit, that wasn’t the right thing to say. Which was why he didn’t answer earlier. There was no way to explain what was happening inside his heart, the shame and regret and… fear. So much fear, he realized.

  “There are things I wish weren’t true about me. Things I don’t want you part of.” Her mouth opened and closed with a gasp, and he knew he’d spoken wrong again. She pushed away, but he pulled her close again. “Please try to understand.”

  “I am trying,” she cried. “I’m trying as hard as I know how.”

  He opened his mouth to say more, but the expression on her face shifted to something new. She pressed her lips together, one hand moving to her stomach as if to keep it steady.

  “Mate? What is it?”

  Christienne sat up, swinging her feet over the edge of the hospital bed. “Not now,” she murmured under her breath. “Please, not now.”

  “Christy, what is wrong? Talk to me.”

  Carefully, she stood, holding one hand out as if she was dizzy. Huran rose from the bed to help her, his wounded legs forgotten.

  “No,” she warned. “Stay back. I’m fine. Bathroom. I need the bathroom.” She pressed her lips together again, like they were holding back more.

  Suddenly, her eyes went wide. She ran past Huran, shoving open the restroom door and falling at the base of the toilet. In the next breath, she lost her stomach into the bowl. Again and again, she heaved until there was nothing left while he crouched behind her to hold her hair out of the way.

  Something was wrong with mate.

  A fierce feeling of dread came over him. If anything happened to his snuppa, he wouldn’t survive it. She was too important.

  When she could catch her breath, she rasped, “Go. You shouldn’t see this.”

  “I am here, snuppa. I will always be here.”

  “It’s personal,” she argued, throwing his own words at him. And damn, he didn’t like it. She should be keeping nothing from him. Especially an illness that left her dizzy and nauseated.

  He opened his mouth to tell her so, but then slammed it shut again. What a hypocrite he was. Add that to his list of shitty things he would be known for.

  He stood, staring down at her, trying to find a way back to the closeness they shared before his last visit to the lake.

  “I will get the doctor.” He turned to leave—

  “No!” She grabbed his ankle to stop him and then dropped her hand. “No doctor. I don’t need one.” She struggled to her feet and he offered his hand to help. When she took it, some of the quarreling behind his ribs eased.

  “Christy, you’re ill.”

  He waited while she washed her face and rinsed her mouth clean.

  “I’m not,” she insisted. “I mean, I am… but it’s not what you think.”

  Huran cocked his head, trying to understand.

  “Huran… I need to tell you something.”

  He nodded once, not trusting his voice.

  “I…” Christienne looked away. Closes her eyes. Sighed. He catalogued it all because whatever was about to fall from her lips would change his life. Instinct told him that much. “I’m pregnant.”

  Her words hit him between the eyes with a force stronger than one of Tamsin’s storms.

  Pregnant, pregnant, pregnant.

  Was that his heartbeat pounding in his ears or an invisible fist punching him in the temple? He swallowed, blinking to keep his mate’s face from spinning in his vision.

  “Huran. Did… did you hear me?”

  “Yes.” Was that his voice making that croaking noise?

  “I’m going to have a baby,” she said. “Your baby.”

  His baby.

  He was going to be a father. Again.

  He was going to fail again. Fuck up again.

  He was going to hurt people he loved. Again.

  “Huran?” Her voice took on that hopeless lilt and it somehow pulled him out of his shame spiral. “Look, I know you don’t want this… the baby, maybe even me, but—”

  “You are wrong.” She thought he didn’t want a baby with her. He couldn’t let her feel this way. Couldn’t stand the hurt glint in her pretty eyes.

  “Am I?” Her forehead creased with a frown.

  “Yes, snuppa. You are very wrong. I want you. And the child.”

  He wanted it with all his damn fucked up heart. But even more so, he wanted them to thrive. He wanted them to soar. He never ever wanted to be the reason they crashed like Arne. He couldn’t make those mistakes again.

  His shoulders straightened.

  Part of being a warrior was learning from your mistakes. He had been sulking in his instead of finding the lesson he was meant to learn.

  He closed the distance between them, taking her hand in his. “How long have you known?”

  She looked away, guilty. “Three months. Almost four. I’m starting to show already.”

  He’d noticed her middle filling out but hadn’t thought anything of it. Even assumed it was a sign of her getting comfortable with mated life.

  Huran stared at her stomach. Under her baggy sweatshirt, his child grew within her. He pressed his palm to it and a fierce protective feeling came over him. Mine. And not just Christienne. The baby they had made was his.

  His to protect, like he couldn’t do with Arne.

  His to teach and love.

  Christienne swayed on her feet, bringing his attention to her drooping eyes. She was weary.

  Bending, he lifted her into his arms to carry her to bed.

  “Huran, no. You’re still healing.”

  “Hush, mate. I am fine.”

  And he was. The injuries from the serpent were nearly a memory. The injury to his heart, knowing his mate had kept such a secret from him… well, it was nice and fresh. But that wasn’t even the worst part. If he felt this way over her secret, then she must feel the same about his.

  Unacceptable.

  Could he even call himself a man if he couldn’t be honest with the woman he loved more than life?

  No. The answer was no.

  Somehow, someway… he was going to have to let the past go if he wanted any part of the future that was waiting for him.

  He lowered his mate onto the bed and climbed in beside her. She tucked her head under his chin and breathed a tired sigh. For a brief moment, fear rose up in him again, but he tamped it down.

  He wouldn’t let anything happen to his mate and baby. Not this time.

  “Do not leave this bed without me, Christy. Understand?” He felt her nod against his chest. In the morning, he would begin making arrangements for the things they would need. And then… then he would figure out what to do about his still existent tail.

  Chapter Seven

  Christienne strolled along Main Street, hand tucked in Huran’s as they made their way across town to watch the parade. The air smelled of pumpkin and spices and crisp evergreens… all of which seemed extra strong due to her pregnancy induced sharper sense of smell. It didn’t twist her stomach like other scents did, so she didn’t mind. In fact, it was comforting.

  A smile slipped onto her face as she watched the vendors setting up for the local Fall Festival. There would be pumpkin pancakes on a stick to consume later, and she couldn’t wait.

  Aurora Falls in autumn was always a sight to behold. But today, it held an air of hope that she’d been needing for so long.

  A week had passed since she came clean to Huran about the baby. He’d been especially tentative ever since, making sure she was fed and comfortable. Helping her when she was sick. Saying sweet things when she felt yucky. Making her laugh with his gruffness. He was… he was himself again. The man she fell in love with in the beginning. She knew he had misgivings about starting a family, but she wasn’t sure why. And there was still a certain tail issue that hadn’t been dealt with. She’d made a choice to let him work through things and tell her on his own terms.

  She had faith that he would.

  “You’re smiling, snuppa,” he rumbled near her e
ar, and a delicious chill rolled down her spine. She stared up at him, watching his eyes flicker with happiness. “I do like to see you smile.” His words were so earnest that she nearly forgot they were walking in broad daylight. She wanted to kiss him deep. And he must have known because he gave her that warning look that meant he was seconds away from finding a quiet place for them to be alone.

  Christienne cleared her throat. “We should get cinnamon rolls from Sweet DeTails before we settle in for the parade.” The bakery was among her favorite local eateries.

  He nodded once. “Mate wants cinnamon rolls, cinnamon rolls she will get.”

  “You’re like a genie,” she said as they crossed the street. “My wish is your command?”

  “Mmm, if I had that kind of power, snuppa, you would never wish for anything. Because you’d already have it. Everything your heart desires.”

  “I nearly do,” she said, absently rubbing her small baby bump.

  He glanced at her. “Nearly, yes. But nearly isn’t enough.” A troubled look came over his face and she wanted to make it disappear.

  “It’s enough, Huran. For now.”

  He grunted a response and she let silence fall between them.

  When they stood in line at the bakery waiting for cinnamon rolls, he said, “You are very patient with me, Christy. I’m not sure I could be so patient with you, if our roles were reversed.”

  “What do you mean? You went out at midnight to buy four different kinds of ice cream just because I couldn’t decide which one I wanted. I’d say you’re patient enough.”

  Huran reached out to take the box of rolls from the smiling girl behind the counter and passed them to Christienne. “If you went swimming in a part of the lake where humans weren’t allowed… I’d want to know why.”

  “I do want to know why.”

  He grabbed her shoulders, turning her to face him. “I’d demand to know.”

  “Should I do that?” she whispered. “Demand you tell me why you were out there?”

  He didn’t answer but his eyes burned with emotion.

  “I believe in you. In us. I will wait for you to tell me, for as long as I can.” But even as she said it, the niggling doubts about who he was seeing in the lake began to surface. She wasn’t sure if the dreams she’d been having were really from Tamsin. If they were… then something in the water tugged at Huran’s heart as much as she did. The idea was enough to make her shake with fury.