To Love Again

by Andria Large

  Will I ever be able to go out on my own without being completely terrified? I thought I was doing better. I guess it’s only when Warwick is around that I can truly let my guard down because I know he won’t let anything happen to me. But shit, can I not stand up for myself? Am I that broken?

  When I get back to the hotel room, Warwick is still sleeping. I set everything down on the table in the corner before going over to his side of the bed and sitting next to his hip. I lean over him and gently smooth my hand over his short hair.

  He sucks in a deep breath as his eyes flutter open. He turns slightly into me, looking up at me with a sleepy gaze. A lazy smile pulls at his mouth.

  “Hey.”

  “Morning. I went and got breakfast.”

  “Is that what I’m smelling?”

  “Yep. Pastries and tea.”

  “Mmm, sounds good,” he hums, closing his eyes.

  I let my gaze drift over his face as I continue to stroke his brown hair. He’s so fucking handsome. And I’m stupidly falling in love with him. I lean down and kiss him on the corner of his mouth, drawing a boyish closed-mouth smile from him.

  “Come on,” I chirp, then give him one more kiss before getting up from the bed.

  He groans as he stretches out his big body and rolls completely onto his back. I gaze down his naked body and see his morning wood is tenting the thin sheet covering him from the waist down. He reaches down and readjusts it so it’s not sticking straight up. I glance up at his face to find him watching me with an amused glint in his eyes. He wags his eyebrows suggestively at me. I roll my eyes and laugh.

  “What? You’re the one staring.” He chuckles.

  I turn away and go to the table so I can grab a pastry. “I’d like to spend the day with my parents.”

  “Absolutely. And Diandra.”

  I turn and give him a smile. “Yes, and Diandra.”

  Warwick stretches again before throwing the sheets off and sitting up. “We need to stop at my parents’ house first so we can change our clothes,” he says.

  “Agreed.”

  I can’t help but ogle his nakedness as he stands and walks around, picking his clothes up off the floor. His back is to me and the only thing I can think about is last night and how I was buried deep in his gorgeous ass. Shit, I need to stop before I jump him. Focusing on my food, I try to shift my thoughts to things other than the naked man a couple of feet away from me.

  After we both eat and drink our tea, we head to Warwick’s parents’ house, where we get changed into fresh clothes. Once we’re both ready, we go back to the hotel to pick up my parents and Diandra. Warwick thinks it would be nice to show them around Birmingham, and I can’t help but agree. It’s a fantastic place that I know they will love.

  “I guess we’re still keeping this thing between us a secret from your parents,” Warwick says softly as we walk down the hall to my parents’ room.

  I glance over at him to find his expression tense. I sigh. “Please, Warwick. I know it’s a lot to ask. This has been hard on them too, and I don’t want to upset them.”

  He nods. “I understand.”

  I stop him with a hand on his forearm, and he turns to face me.

  “Thank you.”

  He gives me a small smile. “You’re welcome, love.”

  “It’s only for today. Then when they leave tomorrow, you can be as touchy-feely as you want.”

  He grins. “Okay.”

  I reach up and give him a kiss on the lips, squeeze his forearm, and then continue toward my parents’ room. I stop in front of their door and knock. A couple of seconds later, my mom answers. She smiles brightly when she sees me and pulls me into a hug.

  “Hi, honey,” she says.

  “Hey, Mom.”

  She glances past me. “Good morning, Warwick.”

  “Morning, Diane.”

  My mom steps aside and lets us into the room. My dad is sitting on the edge of the bed flipping through the channels on the TV. He smiles when he sees us.

  “Hey, guys.”

  “Hi, Dad.”

  “So, what are we doing today?” he asks.

  “Warwick is going to take us around Birmingham.”

  “Oh fun,” my mom chirps.

  My dad shuts off the TV, then slaps his thighs as he stands. “Well, let’s get going.”

  “We just have to stop and get Diandra,” I tell them.

  We leave their room, grab Diandra from hers, and then head out onto the streets of Birmingham.

  NOT BEING able to touch Warwick all day had been harder than I thought. There were many times I leaned over to kiss him and had to catch myself. Warwick seemed amused by it. That’s better than him being pissed off about it.

  After a late dinner at the Garden House, we take my parents back to the hotel. Diandra hangs out with us in the lobby for a little while longer.

  “You two are hilarious. If your parents can’t see you’re totally into each other, then they’re blind.” Diandra chuckles.

  I sigh and rake a hand through my hair. “Were we that obvious?”

  “Uh… yeah,” she scoffs.

  “Damn.”

  “Love, I know you don’t want to upset them, but it is your life and you are an adult who can do whatever he pleases,” Warwick murmurs.

  “I know. I don’t want them to think badly of me, though,” I admit with a frown. “They probably already think I’m a dumbass for staying with… him… as long as I did. I can’t imagine what they would think of me if I told them I’m already seeing someone else.”

  “I think after the initial shock, they’d be okay with it. I mean, it’s Warwick. They know him and met him. They saw for themselves that he’s a good guy,” Diandra says.

  “Yeah, but my ex was a good guy in the beginning too.” I look at Warwick. “In no way am I comparing you to him, but I think they’ll have a hard time trusting you because of that.”

  Warwick and Diandra nod in understanding.

  Warwick and I stay for about a half hour longer, then say goodbye to Diandra. We’ll be back in the morning to take her and my parents to the airport. It’s around 11:00 p.m. when we walk in the door of Warwick’s parents’ house. I’m beat. It was a long day, and I’m ready to go to sleep.

  Warwick follows me up the steps and into my bedroom without a word. We both undress and climb into bed. Warwick lies on his back and lets out a heavy sigh. I snuggle close to him, draping my body half over his. He wraps his arms around me, then kisses my forehead.

  Contentment washes over me. I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be—in the arms of someone who cares about me—and that’s all that matters right now. I’m an adult and I can live my life however I want. My parents’ opinions shouldn’t stop me from being happy.

  WARWICK

  THE NEXT day, we pick up Jack’s parents and Diandra and take them to the airport. The ride there is filled with pleasant conversations between Jack and his parents about their trip. He’s sitting in the back seat with them while Diandra sits up from with me.

  I’ve definitely got the impression Jack was very close with his parents before Greg forced him to cut off contact. They’ve seemed to fall into how they used to be very quickly.

  I hate to say I’m glad they’re leaving, but I am. This way I don’t have to hide my feelings for Jack anymore. They’re nice people, don’t get me wrong, and I don’t blame Jack for wanting to please them, but I don’t like not being able to freely touch him. That’s just me being selfish.

  Once we’re at the airport, I pull up to the curb outside the departure section and park. We all exit the car, and Jack and I help get the bags out of the boot.

  I put Diandra’s bag down on the sidewalk and turn to face her just as she launches herself at me. I catch her as she wraps her arms and legs around me.

  “Come with me!” she whines.

  I chuckle. “No worries, love. I’ll be home before you know it.”

  “Waaahhhh,” she pouts dramatically, her body hang
ing off of me like a bratty child hangs on an uninterested parent.

  I laugh and extract myself from her arms. Finally on her feet, she gives me a cheeky grin and pecks me on the lips. “See ya later, bro.”

  I exaggeratedly wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. “Ew, girl cooties.”

  She gasps in mock outrage, then grabs my face and crushes her lips to mine. When she pulls away, she gives me a death glare. “Don’t even think about wiping away my love.”

  I bark out a laugh and give her one more hug. When I look over at Jack, he’s watching us like we’re absolutely insane, and so are his parents.

  “Bye, Jacky!” Diandra chirps and gives him a huge bear hug. Before letting him go, she gives him a bunch of kisses all over his face. “I’m gonna miss you,” she coos.

  Jack can’t help but laugh. “I’m gonna miss you too, Diandra.”

  She waves as she walks through the doors of the airport and disappears into the crowd. Jack and I say goodbye to his parents, then watch as they disappear also.

  Jack looks sad, so I go and wrap my arm around his shoulders. Tugging him against me, I kiss his temple. “You okay?”

  He nods and sighs. “Yeah.”

  “We better get outta here.”

  “Okay.”

  Chapter THIRTEEN

  WARWICK

  IT’S BEEN a week since Jack’s parents left. Things between us have progressed quickly as our time here dwindles. Jack has really loosened up and seems more confident in himself and his decisions. It was like a switch had been flipped after his parents left. His hesitancy about being with me has dissipated, which I’m happy about because I’m head over heels for the guy.

  I have another surprise for him. We’re beginning to lack things to do here in Birmingham, so I decided I’m going to take him to London for a couple of days to see the sights. After checking out possible hotels for the night, I go to find Jack. A search of the house comes up empty, so I check the backyard. Jack is sitting in a lounge chair, shirt off, basking in the summer sun.

  I only have a week left before I have to go home to Baltimore. Jack is still undecided on what he wants to do. My parents told him he can stay as long as he likes. I really hope he doesn’t decide to stay in England. At least if he comes to the US and moves out of state, it would be easier for me to visit him.

  “Hey, love,” I say.

  Jack jumps. His eyes fly open, and he presses a hand to his chest. “Shit. I didn’t hear you come out.”

  “Sorry.” I wince.

  He pulls in a deep breath and blows it out. “It’s okay. What’s going on?”

  “How would you like to spend a couple of days in London?” I ask as I sit down in the chair next to him.

  He blinks stupidly at me. His mouth works, but nothing comes out. Finally he says, “What? Yes! I’d love to.”

  “Good. Let me make the arrangements, and we’ll leave in the morning.” I grin.

  “Really?” He gapes at me.

  “Yeah, really.”

  “Oh my God! This is amazing. I’ve always wanted to see London,” he gushes.

  I smile broadly. “You’re going to love it.”

  Jack gets up from his chair and comes to sit sideways in my lap. He drapes his arms around my neck and leans down to kiss me. His warm lips meet mine, and instantly my body is ready to go. It’s insane how just being close to him turns me on. I’ve never been like this with anyone else. I drift my fingers over his chest and stomach; his skin is hot from the sun.

  “Mmm, are your parents home?” Jack breathes against my lips.

  “No, they’re out,” I rasp.

  “Let’s go upstairs, then.”

  “Hell bloody yes!”

  JACK IS an excited ball of energy this morning. He’s pumped and ready to go to London. We pack small overnight bags, then head out the door. It’s a two hour and fifteen minute drive to London, which isn’t too bad.

  I glance over at Jack, and he’s practically got his face pressed against the passenger window as he gazes out. I chuckle quietly and shake my head. I love how much he’s changed for the better. No longer is he a scared little rabbit, jumping at every loud noise. He’s confident and outgoing and passionate. I love everything about him and that scares me. What am I going to do if he doesn’t come back to Baltimore?

  “What are we going to do first? The London Eye? Westminster Abbey? Buckingham Palace?” Jack asks as he turns to look at me. Excitement dances in his blue eyes, and I can’t help but fall a little harder.

  “Whatever you want, love.” I grin.

  Jack chatters vibrantly about where he might want to go first. I just listen and nod and offer my opinion when asked. By the time we get there, Jack has a solid plan. We drop the car and our stuff at the hotel, then venture out to Jack’s first stop: the Buckingham Palace tour, where we’ll get to see the changing of the guard.

  We break for lunch at a chippy, then go on a tour of Big Ben and Parliament. Luckily, we have a beautiful, sunny day without it being ridiculously hot. It makes walking around London much more fun.

  I’ve never seen Jack smile so much. His smile seems permanently plastered on his face. And bloody hell, it’s a gorgeous sight. Jack and I hold hands as we walk into Bar 61 for dinner. We get seated at a table next to the window. Jack plops his arse down, then rests his chin in his palm as he stares out the window, a small grin tugging at his lips.

  “Are you enjoying yourself so far?” I ask even though I know the answer.

  “Mm-hmm,” he hums pleasantly without looking at me.

  “Good. I’m glad,” I reply, then open my menu.

  “I think I might want to live here,” he murmurs.

  A knot forms in my throat, and a rock sits heavily in the pit of my stomach. “Yeah?”

  He nods, finally turning away from the window to look at me, his expression serious. “I could start over. A new life without having to constantly look over my shoulder.”

  I roll my lips in. Yes, he’s right. It would be a new life. “But what about us?” I blurt, my eyes locking on his.

  His expression turns tortured, and my stomach rolls violently. “I don’t know if there can be an us, Warwick,” he says with a tremble in his voice. His glassy eyes can barely hold my gaze. “Especially if you go to Baltimore next week.”

  “I have to go back, Jack.”

  He sighs sadly and glances out the window again. “I’m not saying I’m definitely staying, but I’m starting to lean that way. I want to look into it at least.”

  I swallow hard. “Sure.”

  He looks at me. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to put a kink in our time here. Let’s not talk about it right now, okay?”

  “Yeah, okay,” I agree, but my mind is all over the fucking place.

  How stupid am I? I knew not to fall for him. He says he cares about me, and I believe he does, but his fear still rules him. He’s terrified to go back to Baltimore. He’s made that very clear. I don’t think a long-distance relationship is possible. I work too much, and the distance would be too far, especially if I’m the one doing all the traveling.

  After we finish and pay for dinner, we head over to the London Eye. Jack wanted to wait until sunset to go on it. I paid the extra for a private capsule, so it could just be the two of us. The total ride is about a half hour long.

  When it’s our turn to get on, I place my hand on the small of his back and escort him onto the capsule. It’s fairly large with an oval-shaped bench in the middle. Jack walks to the opposite side of it and leans on the railing as he looks out.

  I shove my hands into my pockets and stay where I’m at. My heart is aching, and I don’t know how to stop it. The doors close behind me, and we begin our ascent. The silence in the capsule is deafening as I fight the urge to drop to my knees and beg him to come to Baltimore with me.

  “This is amazing,” Jack says in awe as we climb higher.

  Maybe if I tell him that I love him, he would come with me. No, that’s not right. I c
an’t do that to him. He needs to decide on his own.

  He glances at me, his smile fading. “Hey, you okay?”

  I give him a tight closed-mouth smile, trying my best to put on a brave face. “Yeah, mate. I’m good. Just enjoying the view.”

  His gaze turns sad. Fuck. He knows I’m upset. How can I not be, though? The man I love most likely isn’t going to be living in the same country as me. He’ll move on, start a new life, maybe find a new guy, and forget all about me.

  Jack comes to stand in front of me. He wraps his arms around my neck and pulls me down for a slow, passionate kiss. I snake my arms around his waist and hold him close, letting him know how I feel through the kiss.

  We pull away breathless. Jack’s eyes search mine for a moment. The words are on the tip of my tongue but I can’t bring myself to say them. I give him a couple more pecks on the lips before letting him go. I take his hand and lead him over to the window where we can see the sun disappear behind the horizon.

  JACK

  THE REST of the ride on the Eye is quiet. Warwick is radiating tension, and I hate that it’s me who is making him this way. I know what I said at dinner is irking him, but what am I supposed to do? If last week at the pastry shop was any indication, I’m not ready to go to Baltimore, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be.

  To be without Warwick, though, hurts my heart. It will be torture being away from him. I can’t lie to myself—I’m totally in love with him. I’m pretty sure he loves me too. When we kissed, I was almost certain he was going to say it, but he held back. Most likely because of what I said earlier.

  London is amazing, and I’d love to live here. I don’t know if I can actually go through with it, though. It would mean never seeing Warwick. Well, not never, but very rarely. That’s not the kind of relationship I want to have with him. I want one where we can be together like we are now, and the only way to do that is to go to Baltimore with him. But what about Greg? The guy won’t let up. How can I live a normal life with him around?