The Chocolate Lovers' Christmas

by Carole Matthews

  From that day to this, she and her parents had never spoken of it, but there’d been a hole in Autumn’s heart ever since. It was probably one of the reasons why she’d stepped in to be a surrogate mother to her brother. That had helped to ease the pain.

  Only Richard had known about Willow and now Miles did, too. She could talk to Rich about anything and now he was gone. Who else would fill that void? She’d never even told Addison or the girls of the Chocolate Lovers’ Club about her daughter as she felt ashamed that she had let her child go, if not lightly, then too easily. She should have fought for her more. But how could she? She had nothing, was entirely reliant on her parents and they were holding all the cards. Like a good daughter, she had bent to their will.

  If Autumn was being charitable, she would have liked to say that they were only doing their best for her, but she knew in her heart that they were doing what was best for themselves. A teenage daughter with a baby would have hampered their lifestyle; it would have shown a chink in their perfect facade. No, her parents did what they did purely for themselves. Her wishes were never even taken into account. No one had ever sat her down and asked what she wanted.

  When they took Willow from her arms, she heard a terrible, inhuman, keening sound. It took a moment to realise that it was coming from inside her. It felt as if her heart was being wrenched from her. She couldn’t think, couldn’t eat, could hardly breathe for weeks, months, years afterwards. But, eventually, faced with the constant disapproval of her parents and with the threat of anti-depressants and counselling hanging over her, she’d battened it all down, hid all the hurt as deep as she could and had got on with her life. Now it felt as if the floodgates had been opened again and all she could think of was Willow.

  She gazed at the gaudy but warming Christmas scene around her. How she would have loved to have been doing this with her own daughter. Children were so precious and she’d learned that the hard way. She was only glad that she could look after Nadia’s little boy for her. That helped to stop the ache. Sometimes. She hugged Lewis tightly to her.

  ‘Auntie Autumn,’ he complained. ‘Don’t squish me.’

  ‘Sorry.’

  He righted his hat and she laughed at him.

  Then she saw Miles and Florence walking towards them and felt her spirits lift. After all the worry, sorrow and not getting along well with Addison, she needed a day to have some fun.

  ‘Hello,’ Miles said, slightly breathlessly. ‘Glad you could both come.’

  ‘It’s a great idea,’ Autumn said. ‘Thanks for asking us.’

  ‘I brought plenty of cash,’ Miles said. ‘So let’s go crazy.’

  ‘That sounds perfect.’

  They headed into the melee. Although it was early in the day, the tourists were already out in force and Winter Wonderland was bustling. She didn’t much feel like Christmas this year. How could she contemplate celebrating anything? What would it be like without Rich? She’d never go to her parents again – it was just too traumatic. It could simply be her and Addison alone. At one time, the thought of that would have filled her with joy, but not today.

  The four of them made their way through the lane of market stalls selling fluffy hats that looked like animal heads, Christmas decorations, sweets, marshmallows, delicious-smelling pretzels and roasting nuts. There were chocolate fountains and cabins selling all manner of chocolatey delights. Lucy would be in her element here.

  There wasn’t an inch of the Wonderland that wasn’t covered with pictures and statues of Santa or snowmen. There were stars, holly wreaths, Christmas trees galore, candy canes, bells, baubles, mistletoe and snowflakes in abundance. If you didn’t feel festive when you arrived, then you couldn’t help getting into the mood by the time you left.

  They came to a children’s ride with a big snowman in the middle and carriages that looked like penguins wrapped up in stripy scarves. Miles paid for the kids and, bursting with excitement, they climbed into one of the penguins together.

  Autumn and Miles stood together and watched Lewis and Florence as they were twirled and whirled on the ride, shrieking with joy.

  ‘That looks great fun.’ Autumn nodded towards the ride. ‘I wouldn’t mind a go myself. I haven’t been on a carousel in years. It looks amazing.’

  ‘We can take a turn if you like,’ Miles said, his eyes offering a challenge. ‘That wouldn’t compromise my manliness too much. It’s great what you can get away with when you’ve got a kid with you.’

  ‘I’ll buy us some hot chocolate,’ Autumn said. ‘They’ll be glad of it when they get off.’

  So she went to the nearest stall and ordered four cups of chocolate all topped with whipped cream, marshmallows and chocolate sprinkles. It smelled sweet, comforting.

  By the time she returned, Miles was helping the children to climb out of the penguin carriages. She ushered them to a bench nearby and handed out the chocolate. The last one she gave to Miles and their fingers touched. He looked at her and held her eyes.

  ‘This is lovely, Daddy,’ Florence said. ‘What can we go on next?’

  It broke the moment and Miles turned away. ‘Carousel. Autumn’s request.’

  ‘Yay.’

  So they drank their chocolate and headed further into Wonderland, passing Santa’s Hall of Mirrors, the ten-foot-tall singing Christmas tree and the balloon sellers holding bunches of helium balloons the size of a bus. The children were enraptured.

  Eventually, they came to the carousel and climbed on board. Miles took Lewis with him on one of the colourful horses. Florence picked a pink one with flowers on its mane and Autumn lifted the little girl to sit in front of her. She felt so tiny and delicate compared to the boyish sturdiness of Lewis. She had missed this, all of this, with her own child.

  The carousel started up, turning faster and faster. The horses galloped round and round. Autumn took off her hat, letting her hair stream behind her and she opened her mouth in a laugh. The gust of cold air sharpened her senses. It was good to be doing this. She felt light and free.

  When the music stopped, she felt almost giddy, as if she’d had a double sugar rush. Miles lifted her down from the platform, hands on her waist and, once again, their eyes met. Her heart was beating too fast and her mouth was dry. His arms felt strong. His touch reliable, steadfast. It was good to be held by Miles. Too good.

  ‘I’m with someone else,’ she said softly.

  ‘I know.’

  Yet when Miles let his hands fall to his sides, she desperately missed his touch.

  Chapter Thirty

  Chantal thought that shopping with Jacob was the best thing. Who better to draft in to help her with her Christmas shopping? He was an honorary girl when it came to retail therapy. He absolutely got the whole being-laden-down-with-carrier-bags thing and they’d both been giving Regent Street their best shot all morning.

  Despite vowing to stay away from Jacob, she had to admit to herself that it was nice to have an excuse to spend some time with him. With Lana and everything else, she saw so little of him these days. She could rationalise that she had to keep him at arm’s length, yet something inside her didn’t want to lose the friendship that they had. Being with Jacob made her feel special, wanted. He gave her a warm glow when he was around. She liked him a lot, he was fun, easy company and more than a little handsome to boot. What’s not to love? But they were friends now, nothing more. Above all else, she had to remember that. She was a mother, a married woman. A faithful married woman. She could do nothing to rock the boat. For Lana’s sake, she was working hard on her relationship with Ted.

  They’d had a great morning of bending plastic. With his usual impeccable taste, Jacob had chosen a great black cashmere sweater for Ted and a Paul Smith scarf in Liberty’s. She’d then picked up some chocolates in Godiva for her husband – a lavish box of their signature truffles. Well, more for herself really. It was a shame, but Ted wasn’t exactly crazy about Christmas at all. Maybe it would be different now that they had Lana. There would be more
point to it.

  After that they’d headed straight to Hamleys – the oldest toy shop in the world – which had come in for a particular hammering. She’d loaded up with toys for Lana and Elsie – which she’d put on Ted’s credit card – while Jacob had bought a couple of dream boy-toys for Lewis.

  They swung out of the shop and headed out into the crowds. Regent Street was bustling with shoppers getting their festive fix of commercialism. Just as they were. The street looked amazing in its Christmas garb. Strings of lights like frosted branches hung from side to side and there were tableaus of the twelve days of Christmas in gold in the middle, running the length of the street. As usual, all the shops had gone to town with their decorations and the whole street felt magical.

  ‘I need a chocolate hit,’ Chantal said. ‘I’m flagging.’

  ‘You can’t be,’ Jacob said. ‘We’ve barely started.’

  ‘I’m not the woman I once was. I’m out of training,’ she admitted. ‘I’ve let my shopping muscles go to waste along with the rest of them. I have to pace myself until I’m back to full retail fitness.’

  ‘Lightweight,’ he teased.

  Chantal patted her tummy. ‘Not these days. I’m more heavy-weight.’

  ‘You look as great as you ever did,’ Jacob said. ‘A more curvy shape suits you.’

  ‘That is so the wrong thing to say to a woman.’

  He laughed at that and his eyes sparkled in the way she really liked.

  ‘I haven’t even had breakfast yet,’ he said. ‘I’ll buy you pain au chocolat and then you’ll forgive me. Let’s go to The Gallery. We’re only round the corner.’

  It had once been their favourite place for quiet assignations.

  ‘Lovely. It’s been a long time.’

  So they swung out of the crowds and into a side street. The Gallery was a mad place, part café, part art gallery, part fashion boutique – but, somehow, it worked. She and Jacob used to sneak off here and hold hands over the table together. The memories were still so clear for her and she wondered if Jacob was thinking the same thing.

  They were shown to a secluded corner and Jacob ordered coffee and chocolate croissants for them both while she admired the new additions to the artwork and trendy furniture. He was easy company to be with. So easy.

  She glanced at him under her eyelashes as he arranged their stash of carrier bags around their table. It was effortless to love a man like Jacob. With Ted, she always seemed to be walking on eggshells. It had always been difficult for them to be in love, even before their current issues. They weren’t great communicators and she always felt that so much between them remained unspoken. Ted was never good at discussing his feelings and that’s why she’d been so surprised that he’d asked her to visit Stacey; it wasn’t like her husband to admit that there was anything wrong.

  When she’d broached it with Ted after her visit, he’d been more than happy to agree to fund a cleaner for Stacey’s house. Just as she knew he would. If Ted could throw money at it rather than get emotionally involved, then it was fine by him. He’d even suggested a nanny to help Stacey, which was great. Chantal thought it sounded like a damn good idea for her too, though she didn’t voice that. Perhaps it was something to address in the new year.

  Stacey was proving to be an eye-opener, too. Since she’d been round to see her, they’d got along just fine. Chantal could see that they could actually be good friends, which was such a relief. It was also especially good for the babies and she felt a real connection to Elsie. It was clear that Stacey felt the same about Lana when, so easily, there could have been jealousy there.

  This morning, Stacey had kindly volunteered to babysit for Lana while she went out. All Chantal had said was that she was going Christmas shopping. She might be classed as a friend now, but they weren’t quite bosom buddies yet and Stacey didn’t need to know all the details right now. The newest member of the Chocolate Lovers’ Club still had to meet Jacob and she certainly didn’t know their history. Chantal viewed that as a good thing.

  The waitress brought their coffee and a plate of warm chocolate croissants for them. She glanced at Jacob again while she enjoyed her coffee. He was relaxed, laid back – her own stress levels subsided when Jacob was around. It didn’t help that she had intimate knowledge of him. She knew that underneath that well-fitted white shirt and jeans, there was a tight and toned body. She also knew exactly what he could do with that body and it was more than impressive. He had been a good lover, there was no doubt. The best. Chantal felt quite warm thinking about it and that had been the last thing on her mind for a good while.

  ‘Are you OK?’ Jacob asked. ‘You’re looking a bit pink in the cheeks.’

  ‘I’m fine,’ Chantal said. He was solicitous too. The thing she loved most about Jacob was that he loved women. He was definitely a woman’s man rather than a man’s man. ‘I’m probably heading for hot flush territory.’

  He laughed. ‘Stop putting yourself down. You’re fabulous, Chantal.’

  She felt her colour deepen.

  ‘There’s plenty of life in you yet,’ he teased.

  ‘I’d call that damning with faint praise.’ Chantal rested her head back and sighed. ‘It’s nice that we’re doing this.’

  ‘Yes,’ Jacob agreed. ‘It’s been too long.’

  She pursed her lips. ‘I didn’t tell Nadia that we were going Christmas shopping together.’

  ‘Me neither,’ he confessed.

  ‘Why is that?’

  ‘I like her,’ Jacob said. ‘I know she worries that we have shared history.’

  ‘I paid dearly for that “shared history”.’

  Jacob laughed. ‘You’re never going to let me forget it, are you?’

  ‘Of course I’m not.’ She’d first met Jacob when she’d used his services as a male escort and his rates had been eye-wateringly expensive. ‘Though you were worth every penny,’ she added mischievously.

  His eyes twinkled. ‘I’m glad you thought so.’

  Then she was suddenly serious. ‘I know that it’s all water under the bridge now, but I won’t ever forget what we did.’

  Jacob took her hand and gave it a squeeze. ‘No. Me neither.’

  ‘It was good,’ she said. ‘I can’t deny that.’

  She was glad that Jacob had come into her life, even if it was through slightly unconventional circumstances. There were times when she missed him more than she cared to admit. There were also times when she looked at Lana and wondered how things would have turned out if Jacob had been her father rather than Ted. Would Jacob have been keen to embrace a parental role? Knowing Jacob as she did, she was sure that he would have very much wanted to be a hands-on dad. He obviously loved kids and was great with Lewis.

  Chantal wondered what Jacob really thought about Nadia, but couldn’t even bring herself to ask the question. She knew that her friend liked Jacob, but did it go further than that? What if it did? Would it ruin their friendship if Jacob and Nadia became a couple? There was no doubt that they would be good together. Yet there was also a small nagging part of her that was jealous of Nadia getting so close to Jacob. Chantal knew that they shared cosy film nights in and regular outings with Lewis. She knew that it shouldn’t bother her; after all, didn’t Nadia deserve a little happiness considering what she’d been through? But it was there nipping at her – green-eyed and insistent – and she couldn’t deny it.

  ‘We should drink up and get back to the shopping,’ Jacob said into her musing.

  ‘I still have the ladies of the Chocolate Lovers’ Club to buy for.’

  He laughed. ‘Well, at least that won’t be difficult.’

  ‘No. We should wander across to Carnaby Street. There are a few great chocolate emporiums round. I haven’t seen what their Christmas offerings are yet, but I’m sure we’ll get their presents there.’

  ‘Buying from Lucy’s rivals?’

  ‘She won’t mind eating the competition, I’m sure. You know Lucy. Chocolate is chocolate is chocolate.
’

  ‘She’s certainly doing a great job with Chocolate Heaven.’

  ‘Yes. She has a real flair for the business and she deserves some luck. I’m just worried that Marcus seems to have reared his ugly head again.’

  Jacob raised an eyebrow.

  ‘I know. He dropped in the other day, out of the blue, and has persuaded her to go to a chocolate festival or something in Bruges.’ Chantal shook her head. ‘He’s bad news, that one. I hope he hasn’t got some trick up his sleeve. It would be just like Marcus. She can never say no to that man. You know how soft she is.’

  ‘I do. But she’s got you ladies to look out for her. She’ll not come to much harm while you’re around. It would take a braver man than me to cross the Chocolate Lovers’ Club.’

  Chantal laughed. ‘Don’t you forget it.’

  ‘I’ll pop by and see Lucy this week too. It’s been a while.’ He drained his cup and signalled for the bill. ‘In the meantime, you have my undivided attention. Where shall we head to first?’

  She stood up as Jacob did and, with a sudden rush of affection for him, she hugged him tightly. It was wrong, but she still loved the feel of his body against hers. She’d had a lot of men – too many – but none of them had moved her like Jacob. There was a comfort in clinging onto him like this that she hadn’t realised she’d missed. It felt good, so good. Chantal pressed her face against his neck and he stroked her back. But he was a free agent and she wasn’t. She was a married woman, with a child, and had sworn to make her marriage work. She mustn’t take her eye off that ball.

  When, eventually, she pulled away Jacob gazed at her, his expression gentle. ‘What was that for?’

  ‘I like having you in my life,’ Chantal said, earnestly. There was a lump in her throat, tears behind her eyes. ‘I don’t tell you enough. You’re a good friend, Jacob.’

  ‘And that’s all I’m ever destined to be?’

  She nodded.

  Jacob smiled at her sadly. ‘I can live with that.’