by J. S. Cooper
The second note I could remember had been on the beach next to us when we’d awakened, tied together. Without the truth, there is no answer. In pain, there is darkness. In light, there is nothing. Your bodies are now one, but not as united as they will be by the time I’m done. I was pretty sure I’d remembered that word for word. The notes were almost etched in my brain—I’d thought of nothing else for so many days.
“How’s it going?” Jakob gazed down at me and I just nodded. I was still hurt and didn’t want to look at him or say anything right now.
What were the next notes we’d received? It was when we were in the creepy hut. Mine read, Your life may be saved in death, and Jakob’s note said, Everyone has a price. Every action has a consequence. Then Steve had given me a note—at the time I’d thought he’d been trying to warn me away from Jakob, but was he up to something more sinister? That note had read, Be careful of who you trust and fall in love with. They are deceiving you. You should run away as soon as you can. I frowned as I scribbled that note down. It didn’t seem to fit with the other notes.
Along with the note in the hut I’d found a photo of my family. Scrawled on the back of the photo was What do you see when you look at me? A happy family for all to see. A man so consumed with greed and with spite that his children now suffer and live in fright. What do you see when you look at me? An ominous picture of your life to be. I bit my lower lip as I wrote that down. The words on the back seemed to confirm that my mother was a cheat. Or at least that’s the only way I could think to interpret it. Had my mother cheated on my father because he’d been a workaholic? I couldn’t remember what my father was like before my mother died. The only other note I had was the letter from my father, and I was scared to reread that and think about what his words might mean now I had more information.
“You okay, Bianca?” Jakob’s voice was gentle.
“I was just thinking about my mom and if she cheated on my dad.” I gave him a short smile. “I was just wondering what her motivations would have been? Why did she cheat?”
“Sometimes people don’t need a motivation.”
“There’s always a motivation.” I shook my head. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned in history, there is always a reason for an action. It might not be a good reason, but one always exists.”
“I suppose you’re right.” He nodded in agreement.
“Here, read this.” I handed him the notepad. “These are the clues I can remember. I only have to add my dad’s letter to that list.” I paused. “And any other notes you have.”
“Don’t be mad at me, Bianca.” He sighed as he held the notepad in his hand. “I didn’t know if I could trust you.”
“Yet you expected me to trust you from the beginning?” I knew I should just let go of it, but I couldn’t stop myself from moaning on.
“I don’t know what I expected.” He shrugged his shoulders. “Certainly not this, none of this.”
“I know.” I took a deep breath and squeezed his upper arm. “I’m sorry. I’m going to try and stop bringing up the past as it relates to us.”
“Thank you.” He leaned over and kissed my forehead.
“So what do you think?” I asked as he read my notes.
“I think you have a good memory.” He looked at me with a new light in his eyes. “And not just for obscure movie references.”
“Don’t hate me because I’m fabulous.” I grinned and he laughed.
“The day we met at the coffee shop? That wasn’t an accident.” He opened his box. “There was a letter sent to me that told me to go to the coffee shop every day until I saw the woman in the photo, and then I was to sit at the table with her.”
“And do what?” I frowned.
“It didn’t say.” He sighed.
“So you just went because a note told you to go?”
“It told me to go if I wanted to find out the truth about my mother’s death.”
“How did your mother die?”
“She killed herself.” His expression changed and I felt my skin grow cold.
“I’m so sorry.” I looked away from him. Had my mother driven his mother to her death?
“It’s not your fault.” He grabbed my hands. “It was my father’s fault. I never should have put the blame on anyone else. He was responsible for her death. He’s the one that should have paid. Him and him alone.”
“I just can’t believe my mother would have cheated.” My voice cracked in dismay. “It breaks my heart. My dad must have been heartbroken.”
“That’s why it’s best to never let one person mean so much to you that you don’t know how to cope if they betray you.”
“That’s a sad way to live.” I gazed at him with sorrowful eyes. How could I have his heart if his heart wasn’t there to give?
“It’s the best way to live.” He shrugged. “You won’t ever carry around the burden of a broken heart.”
“Your mother was really devastated, wasn’t she?” I sighed. “Do you think she had anything to do with my mother’s death?”
“Are you asking me if I think our mother’s deaths are connected?” he said quietly, his eyes bleak.
“No, I’m sorry. I don’t know what I’m asking.” I shook my head and looked away in shame. How could I ask him that? And how could he answer?
“It’s a fair question.” He collapsed onto the couch. “All my life I’ve wondered—why did my mother let my father affect her for so many years? Yes, he abandoned her. Yes, he cheated on her. But she had me. Wasn’t I enough? Was her heartbreak so strong that she couldn’t survive for me? I’ve wanted to know for so many years what drove her to that point. And now here you are and you’ve got the same questions. ‘Why did my mother die?’ Maybe their deaths are connected.” He froze for a moment, his face rigid.
“I guess when you really love someone . . .” I squeezed his hand. “Are you okay, Jakob?”
“The more I think about it, the less sure I am of her heartbreak—or at least the reason for her heartbreak.”
“What do you mean?”
“My father was a jerk. My mother knew he was a jerk. She did everything in her power to make it so I wasn’t dependent on him or his money. She did everything to make me rise above him and to be successful on my own. She never tried to use me to get closer to him. She never pushed me to make contact with him for her own reasons.”
“Hmmm.” I leaned back. “Yeah, that doesn’t make sense, if she was as obsessed with him as you thought. If she loved him so much, you would think she’d try any excuse to win him back. And a baby is a huge excuse.”
“Exactly.” Jakob turned toward me and frowned. “Her hatred of my father was real. Her heartbreak was real. The pain she carried around with her was real. I always blamed that heartbreak and pain on the fact that your parents had ruined her relationship with my dad. If only your parents had backed out of their lives. I felt like they ruined everything. First your dad convinced my dad not to marry my mom and then your mom slept with my dad. In a way, I was glad she cheated on your dad because I felt like it was revenge for your dad convincing my dad my mom wasn’t good enough. But something has been bothering me. Something doesn’t really add up, you know. My mom hated your parents so much, and yet there was always guilt in her eyes when she talked about how she’d been wronged. I never thought about that before. Maybe because I was so focused on my memories of her talking about your mom and your dad ruining her life. And maybe they did have something to do with the pain she carried around. But maybe it was what she did after her relationship with my dad that caused her the real heartbreak. Maybe that was the deep shame and sorrow she carried around with her, until she just couldn’t anymore. Maybe that was why she sometimes dropped to her knees and sobbed and prayed for forgiveness.”
“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” My face turned white as I realized the gravity of the situation we were in.
“I think my mother was responsible for your mother’s car crash, Bianca.” He nodded
. “I think my mother killed your mom.”
twelve
Jakob’s words resonated in my brain as I lay in bed the next morning. The smell of coffee woke me from sleep, and I gradually stretched my arms out, tiredness still in my body. I opened my eyes slowly and turned to look at Jakob, but he was no longer in the bed with me.
“He’s making coffee, duh,” I reprimanded myself as I continued to stretch out in his bed. I stared around his room, taking in his style, and smiled at his taste. The paintings on the walls reminded me of Picasso, and stacks of books were on the dresser and bedside table. I loved that the apartment was lived in and not immaculate. It made Jakob so much more relatable. I jumped out of the bed and walked over to the painting that was hanging to the right of his dresser to study it a bit better.
“It’s a Picasso.” His deep voice sounded behind me as I studied the vibrant colors of the painting.
“No way.” I turned to him with a smile and he handed me a cup of coffee.
“Way.” He smiled back at me. My heart melted slightly as his eyes crinkled with emotion as he took in my appearance. “Nice to see you as I remember you, for once.”
“What does that mean?” I sipped on the black coffee and made a face.
He burst out laughing and looked at the coffee. “I’m guessing you want milk and sugar?”
“Yes, please.” I nodded and followed him out of the bedroom. “What did you mean, by the way? About me looking as you remembered.”
“Well, your bedhead and sleepy face with no makeup,” he explained sheepishly.
I groaned. “Oh, you mean my scruffy look?”
“I mean your adorable look.” He stopped and patted my ass as I walked past him.
“I don’t know too many people that think scruffy is adorable.” I rolled my eyes, but couldn’t stop myself from grinning.
“How did you sleep?” he asked tenderly as he passed me a carton of milk and a bowl filled with sugar cubes.
“Good, thank you.” I nodded awkwardly. I had slept soundly, but now I felt uneasy. Not because I was worried about what he might do to me. I was worried about what we might find out and how that would affect us. I felt selfish for thinking it, but a part of me wanted to forget the investigation and just be with Jakob like a normal girlfriend—but we were both in way too deep now.
“I wish I could go back.” He sighed and opened the fridge. “Want some toast?”
“Sure.” I nodded as he pulled some slices of bread out and put them in a bright red toaster.
“I wish I could meet you under usual circumstances and ignore the notes.” He pulled some plates out of a cupboard.
“Why?”
“So everything wouldn’t be so complicated. So we could be a regular couple and our only issue would be where we wanted to go to dinner on a Friday night.”
“I doubt that would be our only issue.” I laughed, then paused as my heart skipped a beat. “And what do you mean ‘a regular couple’?”
“I mean normal, no kidnapping issues, no parental murders, no I-kissed-your-brother issues.”
“Jakob.” I glared at him.
He held his hands up. “Sorry.” He made a face. “I know I need to get over that.”
“What do you mean by ‘normal’ couple?”
He took the toast out of the toaster and buttered it. “Like I said, a couple that doesn’t—”
“But we’re not a couple. We’re not together.”
“Oh? Since when?” He frowned and handed me a plate.
“What do you mean ‘since when’?” I mumbled, confused as hell. Had I been asleep for months or something? Was this some weird Sleeping Beauty moment I’d missed or something?
“Since when are we not a couple?” He munched on his toast and stared at me, his eyes sparkling like diamonds.
“Since when are we?” I took a bite of toast and stared back at him.
“Oh.” He grinned. “I guess you want this to go the old-fashioned way?”
“What old-fashioned way?”
“Bianca London, will you be my girlfriend?” He leaned forward and licked some crumbs off my lips.
I swallowed hard. “Well, if you’re asking . . . ,” I mumbled breathlessly.
“I’m asking.” He smiled.
“I suppose so,” I murmured, excitement coursing through me. Was this real?
“Hmm, no need to sound so excited about it, Bianca.” Jakob laughed drily.
“I’d love to be your girlfriend,” I said shyly. “I’m just a little taken aback.” I grinned at him.
“That’s settled, then.” He grinned and made a face. “At least one item of ten billion is settled.”
“Don’t you think it’s a bit fast?” I asked softly, wanting more from this moment than a piece of toast and a that’s settled.
“What’s a bit fast?”
“This whole boyfriend-and-girlfriend thing. I mean, you haven’t even told me when you started to have feelings for me or what you think of me or where you think this is going or what happens next or anything,” I blurted out.
He groaned. “Oh no, you’re a typical girl, aren’t you?” He grinned at my frown and sat next to me at the kitchen table. “Okay, here goes: I thought you were cute the first time I saw you in the coffee shop, I had inappropriate thoughts of you when we were locked in the back of the car. When I told you about my mother on the island, I knew I wanted to be in a relationship with you. I don’t know where this is going. I don’t know what’s going to happen next. I don’t believe in marriage. I’m of two minds about true love and soul mates, and I’m not the sort of guy who’s going to want to talk about our relationship every weekend.”
“Okay.” I looked down, feeling slightly disappointed.
“That okay didn’t sound too enthusiastic.” He grimaced.
“Well, did you expect it to be? No one would exactly call you a romantic.” I rolled my eyes and sipped on my coffee.
“Bianca, the first time I saw your face I was taken aback by the feelings that invaded my body. It was the first time I’d ever been drawn to someone just with a glance. When I sat down at the table with you, you made me laugh as you mumbled to yourself, and I knew right away that you were someone different, someone special. As I got to know you on the island, I was attracted to your body and to your brain and I have been captivated by you ever since. There has not been a morning that I’ve awoken since meeting you that I haven’t thought about you. This is a bloody mess of a situation and I’m a bloody mess of a man and I don’t know what’s going to happen. I wish I could promise you a happily ever after. I wish I could sing sweet nothings into your ear, but I can’t. I don’t know what’s going to happen. Our pasts are so intertwined. Our whole histories are opposed. Even now, we’re both seeking the truth and vengeance for our families. How can we live with each other if we’re the products of the people who brought each other down?” He stroked the side of my face.
I could feel tears falling from my eyes as I turned to him. “So why even bother asking me to be your girlfriend?”
“Because I wanted you to know for one brief moment, before everything exploded and got bad again, that I really care about you. I want you to know that in a perfect world we’d be together and we’d be happy. That’s what I wish we could have. I want it to be as simple as Bianca and Jakob, Jakob and Bianca—but it’s never going to be that way for us.”
“It could be,” I whispered, and grabbed his hand. “We could forget everything. We could just move on and pretend nothing ever happened. We could tell David that—”
“Bianca.” Jakob closed his eyes. “We will never be able to forget this and just move on. There are still so many unanswered questions. We owe it to ourselves and each other to figure this all out.”
“Even if it ruins us?”
“We didn’t have a beautiful beginning.” He shrugged. “It seems only natural that we won’t have a beautiful ending.”
“So we just settle for a beautiful middle?”
“I’m scared, Jakob.” I kissed him back. “What are we going to find out?”
“I wish I knew.” His eyes darkened and he held my hands. “I just want you to remember that I never intended to hurt you. I never intended for any of this to happen.”
“I know.” I nodded. And I did. A new honesty was in Jakob’s eyes, one I’d never seen there before. True emotion shone through from his soul to mine. Whatever we found out together might break us apart forever, but it wasn’t either of our faults. We were innocent parties caught up in the webs our parents had weaved. “I loved my father,” I said tenderly. “I loved my father so much, but I wish he’d let this all die with him.” I rubbed the tears from my eyes. “I wish he’d just let me be.”
“Blake’s calling me.” I grabbed my ringing phone from the coffee table and answered the question in Jakob’s eyes as he stared at me.
“Okay.” He pursed his lips slightly, and I knew that for all his talk, he still wasn’t happy that Blake and I were friends.
“Hey, what’s up?”
“You’re not going to believe what I found.” Blake’s voice bounded with excitement through the phone and I smiled.
“Tell me!” I said eagerly, and moved away from Jakob, whose finger was running down my arm and making its way to my breast. “Stop,” I hissed at him as he sat up and leaned forward to kiss me.
“What?” Blake sounded confused, and Jakob grinned at me in response.
“Sorry, not you. What did you find?”
“Seems our good old friend Steve is pretty well connected.”
“Connected? With who?”
“So there are photographs of Steve as a boy with many different executives from the Bradley Corporation.”