“Did you still get wet for me?” I look up at him, shocked and embarrassed at the same time. His sexy grin spreads across his face and he leans down to devour my lips.
We’ve not escaped the bedroom all day. It’s been wonderful. Seb will be away for several days again next week, but since the episode with the crop, I’m not feeling the same sense of worry.
“Come on. I need to feed you.”
Seb drags me out of bed and covers me in the thick bathrobe. He dresses in his jeans and t-shirt and heads out to the kitchen.
“Sit.” He indicates the breakfast bar.
He quickly busies himself pulling ingredients from the fridge and setting water on to boil. Pasta is a go-to meal and right now that is exactly what I want.
“So, if you don’t want to buy a house unless it’s equal between us, how do you feel about looking for somewhere that we can rent together until we find the right house for us?” I thought we’d been over this already, but apparently not.
“Why do you feel that we need somewhere new? I like your apartment.”
“I like my apartment, too. But I’d like a home with you. I want you to see that you are all that I want. Having something permanent like a house together might help reassure you.” He doesn’t look at me, just carries on chopping vegetables to put into a sauce.
I ponder the idea. Yes, it might be something to look to in the future, but I don’t want him to just buy a solution to my worries. The fact that he wants to is part of the problem. The plus side would be a place that doesn’t have half-naked women draped over the walls in the form of art. This would work, but not just yet. I can’t help but feel bad that Seb is trying to do all of these things to support me and I don’t want them. Getting free of Phil is what I need.
“Izzy? You alright?”
“Yes, sorry. I was just thinking. I’ve been horrible to you.”
“Isabel, you have to work on your self-confidence, there is only so much I can tell you. You need to believe in us. You need to believe in our love for each other.” He comes around the breakfast bar and holds my face in his palms. Why can’t I trust my love for him?
He doesn’t break our connection, and tears prick my eyes. “Tell me why you are crying. Talk to me.”
“I love you. I want that to be enough. I’m just…”
“Phil has a lot to answer for. We need to focus on communication. If you can’t talk to me, it doesn’t matter if you satisfy all my sexual needs. We won’t make it.”
My heart clenches in my chest at his damning words. They stab pain right into my soul. More tears spring to my eyes and my breath stutters. No, that’s not what I want.
“What do you say?”
“Loving you isn’t enough at the moment. I loved Phil. We were married and it still ended badly. Horribly. I feel like you are trying to take control of my life, which I love when we’re in the bedroom together. Outside, it feels like you’re crowding me. I need time to come to terms with our relationship and the failure of my marriage. Moving into a new house isn’t going to solve it.” Hot tears stream from my eyes. Communication has never been something I’m good at, but I have been trying with Seb.
“That’s better, sweetheart.” Seb kisses me and wraps me in his strength. “We can wait on the house, but I do want us to have our own place eventually. I’m so pleased that you opened up.” He begins to worship me with his lips, and it melts away the fear that I would be rejecting him by saying no.
“Hi.”
“Hi, so, how did it go?” Jess is straight in with the questions. Seb is working in his study, so I’m taking the opportunity to talk to Jess about the developments.
“Good. We talked. Properly this time. We’re going to wait on the house idea, and then I think I’d rather rent than buy something straight away.”
“That makes sense. Was it so bad?”
“No. He told me I need to work on believing in us.”
“I could have told you that. I don’t understand it. He loves you and is determined to make you see that.”
“Yes, I know.”
“Well?”
I can see her giving me the eye through the phone.
“Hey, you know I find it difficult. Phil and I were meant to be forever. Even at the end it was a huge deal for me to move to get a divorce. Moving on and putting that much faith in a new relationship… it’s frightening. How do I know it won’t all happen again?”
“Is that what you’re afraid of?”
“Amongst other things. Seb’s going to be away for part of next week. Fancy doing something?”
“That sounds good. Anything in mind?”
“We could go shoe shopping and then grab something to eat. Nothing special, just some time together. You can spill the beans on Greg.”
“I’ve told you, there’s nothing to tell.”
“Well, you’ve been seeing him a couple of months. That’s good?”
“We’ll see.”
I hear Seb come in to the bedroom.
“Okay, I’ll phone you about details for this week.”
“Sure. Behave, and try not to get into any more fights.”
“I won’t. Bye.” I finish the call as Seb appears in the doorway. He saunters over to the bed and perches on the edge. I crawl over to him and wrap my arms around his neck. “Have you finished your work?”
“For now. I’ve been thinking.” Seb brushes my hair off my face and pulls me to sit on his lap. “I still want you as my submissive. I’ll always want that, but I need for you to be confident and comfortable more than I need a submissive. I think you’ll adjust once we’re together with no baggage or worries, and then I can see how far we can explore the sexual element to us. You’ll still submit inside our house, or when we’re together, like at Solace. Everything else can wait.” A concoction of relief and disappointment floods me. I tilt my head and rest it in the crook of his neck.
“We will get back to you being at my beck and call. Right now, I need you to believe in us, and in me.”
“Promise?”
“I promise. Now, I know I said that we can wait on the house stuff, but if you get bored on your iPad, you can always start having a look at what you’d like.” Without the pressure of having to move, the prospect of window shopping seems good.
Seb’s busy in his study for part of Sunday, so I take the opportunity to look online to see what’s on the market in the form of a potential new house. I don’t even know what we should be looking at, so I just type in ‘Bath’ and ‘3 bedrooms’ and hit search.
Dozens of pages of results are returned, but seeing the first few ‘student’ types, I quickly add some numbers to my search criteria. I know how much Seb’s apartment must cost. This part of Bath isn’t cheap, and the space is amazing. I don’t even know if he rents this or owns it. He must own it, surely. Too many questions bubble through my mind so I set about quieting them. I pick up my iPad and walk towards Seb’s study.
I haven’t been in here since the first time he showed me around, and he hasn’t been in here a lot of the time since I moved in. I slow my approach as I reach the door, my heartbeat picking up pace as I wonder if I should knock. Playing it safe, I tap softly on the wooden door.
“Izzy, you don’t need to knock.” Seb’s answer is immediate and a relief. I crack open the door and slip inside. His laptop is open in front of him with a few sparse papers littered over the desk surface. The study matches everything else in the apartment. “You okay, sweetheart?” Seb looks at me, a hint of concern in his voice. I clutch the iPad to my chest and fidget at the door. There isn’t another chair in the room and the desk dominates the space, situated dead centre in the room. Seb seems to understand my hesitance and nudges back from the desk. He pats his lap, telling me exactly where he wants me.
Once I’m settled, I begin my quest for answers. “What kind of place did you have in mind for us to look at?” I start with a general opener, knowing that Seb will have some clear parameters to work with.
&n
bsp; “Do you mean in terms of the number of bedrooms or the type of house?”
“Well, both. All of it really. We haven’t talked about what we’d like.”
“I thought you didn’t like the idea.”
“I haven’t changed my mind, but I wanted to take a peek at what we could rent when the time comes. I’ve only had the house I had with Phil.”
He pulls me closer so his lips rest against the pulse in my neck. “Right now, I want a bigger study so I can lie you across my desk and eat you up.” His tongue snakes out and licks my throat. Sparks dance down my spine and straight to my pussy. How does he do that to me?
His grip tightens around me, but his trailing hands and tongue move no further. “As much as I want you on my desk, I have to get through a lot of prep before I leave. If I get it done now, I won’t be away for more than a couple of nights.”
I try to keep the frown off my face, but my lips seem to be pouting of their own accord.
“Did you want to ask me anything else?”
Seb gives me one of his sexy smiles. Mischief flashes across his eyes, glinting blue and green.
“Would you be okay selling this place?”
“Sweetheart, we don’t need to sell the apartment. I don’t intend to sell it even when we buy a house together, let alone rent. I own this place outright. Look and see what you like and then we can talk details later.” He eases me from his lap, signalling the end of this conversation. He’s replaced my questions with more unanswered ones.
I leave and head back to the lounge. I close the search down and busy myself with my social media playground for the rest of the afternoon.
Sunday creeps into Monday and I’m kissing Seb goodbye. He’ll be back Wednesday so it’s only a few days at work to suffer through.
Despite all of the concessions he’s made, the check-ins still stand when he’s away from me. This time, I’m determined to make it fun. Despite not wanting to commit to something so big as a new place together, I see my future with Seb. So the idea of working out what he would like, what I would like, in a future home seems fun. I use the search I started yesterday and start sending him some options. As well as getting some much-needed information from him for the future, it is a way to keep things light between us. I’m excited, and for the first time, I look forward to our text talk.
By 2:00 p.m., I’m out of saved searches. I’ve also been un-productive, not something that I want to replicate. Mark is giving me more and more responsibility, and I don’t want to let him or my clients down. Campaigns move so quickly you can’t afford to be distracted. I allow myself today, sternly telling myself that tomorrow will be a better workday.
I pull up my search history from my iPad and refresh the search, pulling only newly listed properties. A beautiful sandstone townhouse sits in my results. With three bedrooms, it’s close to work and has a floor plan that will work. My smile betrays my own excitement as I pull up the photos of the property. It has spacious rooms, and it’s newly refurbished with all the room we could need. The layout is across three floors and would be ample for us. I look at the price and wince. It’s in a ‘stupid money’ bracket. I send it to Seb anyway, although my excitement has deflated.
Seb has responded with quick, sharp texts to all of the houses I’ve sent him so far. I wait for his incoming message but it doesn’t come. I click back through the images, picturing us in the rooms. Would this be what I want?
I call Seb, wanting to explain that the last house was a joke and that I can’t see us spending that much money on a property that we’re only going to be in temporarily. It rings through to his voicemail and I’m stabbed by disappointment.
“Hi. Will you call me? Speak later.” I hang up after leaving my short message, close the iPad and try to concentrate on work. My phone vibrates and I snatch it up.
Where do you want to go tomorrow? Addisons OK? Jess
Sure, l want to shop first though. So 5?
See you then x
Before I lock my phone, I fire off a message to Seb.
Are you busy? I’m sorry if I was silly with the last house. Txt me back. Izzy.
An hour later, I finally hear my phone again.
I’ll call you later. In a meeting. S
I fight down my disappointment and get on with what’s left of the afternoon.
Two glasses of wine on an empty stomach have not helped my disappointment and frustration that I’ve still not talked to Seb. It’s past 7.30 p.m. and I’ve had nothing back since the text stating he was in a meeting. If the situation were reversed, he’d have dragged me out of my meeting by now and probably spanked me until I was sobbing. Finally, the phone I’m holding with a death grip vibrates to life in my hand.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Izzy, I’m just calling to say it’s going to be a little longer before I can talk to you. I’ll call you later.” I can hear muffled voices in the background, but above them all, the unmistakable sound of a woman’s voice calling for Seb. “I’ve got to go.”
“Seb…” The line disconnects before I can say anything.
At least there were other voices. My mind is thinking positively for now. I pour the remnants of my glass of wine in the sink and make myself a quick sandwich. Why is he still in a meeting? Who’s he with? Are these the thoughts of every woman who’s in love, or just the ones who started their relationships with an affair?
After this afternoon, I’ve only texted a couple of times. Rationally, I know that he’s busy at work, but he knows how I hate having to comply to this rule. We really need to discuss one another’s expectations for when he’s away. One step forward, two back.
I’m just leaving. I’ll call you in 5 minutes. Seb
It’s just past nine. Although every single scenario has gone through my mind, I know that I’m being foolish. Seb loves me and I need to learn how to trust again.
“Hello?”
“Hello, Izzy. I’m sorry about today. I got stuck with a client.”
“Okay.”
“Are you alright?”
“Not really.”
“What’s wrong? I’m sorry that I’ve been busy, but you know I have to be away.”
“I know, I do… who were you with this late?” I hold my breath for his answer.
“Samantha is the FD of the company I’m working with. I’ve been in back-to-back meetings all day.” He doesn’t elaborate, and I know I have let my past suspicion cloud my belief in Seb.
“Did you get my messages? I wanted to explain that the last one was a joke.”
“I did, but I didn’t think it was a joke. It has potential.”
What? “Really? But it’s so much money.”
“I told you that doesn’t matter.”
“Yes, it does. I can’t afford anywhere close to that, even after the house is sold.”
“We’ll talk more about this when I’m back, but please trust me on the money front.”
“Are you a secret millionaire and haven’t told me?”
“No.” He chuckles. “I do have some significant investments, though, and I’m more than comfortable. Please, just look for a house that you think you could call home. And thank you for looking for options.”
“I might not be ready to commit to moving in, but I will one day. I feel like I’m getting to know your tastes better. You really like the one I sent?”
“I think I’ll want something more open plan for our real house. I want us to be together in a home that we can call ours. That’s my goal.”
“Okay.”
“I promise I’ll be available whenever you call tomorrow. I love you. I’ll see you Wednesday.”
“I love you, too. I’ll try and keep you posted.”
“Good night, sweetheart.”
I order two take-away coffees and wait at the table by the door. Jess is running late, but we have plenty of time to browse for shoes. And by browse, I mean Jess trying to convince me not to spend a week’s wages on a pair of shoes.
After speak
ing with Seb last night, I started looking on a few other sites to find a house that Seb would like as well. There was one, still with a stupid price tag, but the townhouse had an open plan feel on the ground floor thanks to some recent renovations. I sent it to Seb this afternoon and he’s been positive about it. He’s hardly a smiley face kind of guy, but ‘that’s more like it, space to have my way with you’ was definitely a move in the right direction.
“Oh, sorry I’m late.” Jess bustles into the coffee shop, sits down next to me and grabs the coffee waiting for her.
“Bad day?” I ask.
“Not especially. Well, partly. Doesn’t matter.”
“What’s up?”
“Just work stress. I’m looking forward to getting some time with you, though. Come on.”
We get up and start walking towards Milsom Street. I’ve made Jess my shoe shopping partner on many occasions and she knows the drill. We browse windows before heading swiftly to the Selfridges shoe department, search for a pair that catches my eye and then weigh the pros and cons. The cons usually consist of the cost.
“Seriously, Izzy. Don’t you have a million pairs of heels?”
“That doesn’t mean I don’t need another pair. Come on. Why don’t you try some on? There is nothing better than finding the perfect pair of heels. It’s like unlocking a magic box of confidence and sprinkling it all over you.” I turn my heel this way and that in the mirror, trying to decide if the Alexander McQueen court shoes are the ones for me.
“I like shoes, just not enough to spend hundreds of pounds on a single pair.”
“You just haven’t found the right shoe. Come on, Cinderella. Let’s find you your magic. You never buy any when we shop.”
“Izzy…” She groans at me as I pull her along behind me, surveying the options on display.
“Okay, let’s start small. Black patent leather. Look, not too pricey and they go with anything.” I wave the classic under her nose and her eyes brighten a fraction. Gotcha!
The Izzy and Seb Collection: The Evermore Series Books 1, 2 and 2.5 Page 43