by Cora Brent
Stone had been all smiles when I went to his house two weeks ago, told him I’d met a girl and that I thought I could end up really liking her. He was always dropping hints and trying to set me up with Evie’s friends in the hopes that one of them would catch my eye and tempt me to reach up to the curb.
Then I’d said Roslyn’s name and his smile turned to pure shock. He managed to sweep the shock off his face though and listen closely to what I had to say. He remembered her, of course, but he didn’t ask any insulting questions, like whether I was using my dead girlfriend’s best friend as a degenerate way to try and recapture what I’d had with Erin.
I’d already questioned my own intentions and was actually surprised to find out that I liked Roslyn. I thought about her often and there was nothing sinister about it. In fact I liked her a lot. Maybe more than I should.
Since a drive to Flagstaff was no longer appealing and casually dropping by at Roslyn’s work was out of the question, I headed east, out of the city, no particular destination in mind. The sky was clear and no clouds of smog hung in the air to obscure the mountains.
I drove all the way out to the Superstitions, exited the car at a roadside lookout point and just stared at the view for about two hours. This wasn’t a popular spot; there wasn’t a lot of room to park and there were much better ones farther along the twisty mountain road.
Eventually a car with Illinois plates pulled in beside me. Two elderly couples slowly got out, the men holding protective arms around the waists of their women as they carefully approached the edge of the lookout. All of them had to be seventy five years old if they were a day and the men looked alike enough for me to guess that they were brothers, especially when they started arguing about how to take a cell phone photo and Brother A called Brother B a ‘meathead’. They made me wonder if this was what Stone and I had to look forward to someday. I kind of hoped so. One of the women approached me with a smile and handed me a phone, asking if I would take a picture of the four of them. I could tell she’d been a beauty once and in a quiet way she still was. The men threw me a look when I told them to say cheese but they twisted their lips into smiles anyway and I got a really nice shot of the four of them with the mountains at their backs. The women fussed and thanked me and then folded themselves back into their Honda Pilot and drove away.
By that time I was hungry so I drove down to Apache Junction and grabbed a sandwich at a supermarket deli. It tasted like nothing but salt and mayonnaise but I ate it anyway. As I made my way back to the freeway I got the bright idea to go to Tempe and pay a visit Deck, like I’d promised weeks ago at Stone and Evie’s engagement party. Other than Stone, I hadn’t seen any of the Gentrys since that day.
Deck and Cord were equal partners and owners of Scratch, an eclectic tattoo parlor up by the university. About a year had passed since I’d been inside, partly because I never had too many reasons to be out this way. I smiled when I pulled around to the back parking lot and saw Deck’s Harley sitting out there. Family man or not, he was still Deck Gentry.
Some colossal dude with a crew cut, bulging muscles and army fatigues was smoking a cigarette in the parking lot. We recognized each other at the same time and nodded silently. We’d never actually spoken but I knew he’d worked for Cord and Deck for years.
The storefront was colorfully decorated with an assortment of painted art that was probably some of Cord’s work because he was an incredible artist. I kept meaning to get some more ink and I’ve thought about asking Cord if he’d do the honors but decided that might be weird.
It wasn’t that he wouldn’t be willing to do it. He would. But I was in the habit of keeping Cord and his brothers at a distance, at least in part because I was afraid I’d let an old family secret slip out. At this point knowing about me wouldn’t do them any good and I couldn’t bear to disappoint any more brothers.
My hand was reaching for the door handle when the thing swung open and I had to jump back to avoid getting hit. Creed Gentry hadn’t been looking where he was going and he almost managed to knock me over as he exited Scratch.
“Oh shit. I’m sorry, man,” he said in his deep, rumbling baritone as he grabbed my arm to keep me in balance. He dropped it immediately. “Conway.”
“Hey, Creed.”
I always managed to forget what a big motherfucker he was. He was right up there on the brawny scale with Kilt. I heard the way his voice had turned suddenly flat when he said my name.
Creed looked behind him and then back at me. He smiled. Slightly. I could tell he was trying to be pleasant and that it was an effort. You had to hand it to Creed; there was absolutely nothing artificial about that guy.
“So what brings you out here?” he said.
“Just in the neighborhood, thought I’d stop by to say hello. What about you?”
“Managing the new club that opened up over on Mill.”
“Which one?”
“Caps Lock.”
“You’re not singing anymore?”
He shrugged. “Sometimes I still take the stage but going on the road is out of the question with the family so, ya know. You do what you’ve gotta do.”
“Well, maybe I’ll come down one of these days and pay you a visit.”
He gave me rather a dull, indecipherable look. “Okay.”
An uncomfortable moment of silence passed.
I jerked my head toward the doorway of Scratch. “The proud owners inside?”
“Yeah.” He coughed once and looked away. “I’ve got to be on my way but it was good seeing you.”
As soon as that last syllable was out of his mouth he walked away.
“Bye, Creed,” I called, expecting he wouldn’t bother to turn around.
He did though. He stopped walking, turned around, looked at me for a second and then raised his hand with a half-hearted wave.
Deck and Cord were far friendlier. Deck slapped me on the back with a mile wide grin and Cord greeted me like I was a celebrity. There were enough artists on staff to handle whatever traffic walked through the door so the three of us sat in around in Cord’s office, joked around and drank a lot of coffee. They had an easy camaraderie between them and it was nice just being in their company. I did notice that they were careful about not asking me too many questions, as if they were afraid I’d balk and immediately walk out the door. It was my fucking fault that I’d kept myself apart from them for so long that they felt like they had to tiptoe around me. It was a sad kind of realization.
All this time, and all these walls of armor I’d built around myself to keep out the people who cared about me the most. All the ways I’ve turned away from any possibility of love.
Why?
So I would never again have to risk the agony of loss?
That was sure proving to be a lonely way to make the years go by.
Deck snapped his fingers in my face and I flinched.
“Sorry,” he said, leaning back in his chair with a thoughtful look. “You looked like you just got lost there for a few seconds.”
“Well, maybe I did.” I heaved myself out of the comfortable chair and both men looked at me curiously. “Don’t want to keep you guys from your work so I should really get going.”
“No rush,” Cord shrugged. “I don’t hear any screaming so everything must be going all right out there.”
“Talked to Stone yesterday,” said Deck. “He mentioned he and Evie have set the date.”
“I heard. October eleventh. And Evie has her heart set on getting married outside so the ceremony will be at some golf resort out in Gold Canyon.”
“October eleventh,” Deck repeated, nodding. Then he stood and pointed at me in warning. “Just don’t let these next six months go by before we see you again, okay?”
I smiled. “I learned a long time ago that it’s always a good idea to take suggestions from the wise Deck Gentry.”
“That’s right, kid. ‘Cause Deck knows best. Funny, I’ve been telling Jenny that same thing for a decade but she sti
ll ignores me half the time.” He bobbed his head in Cord’s direction. “Speaking of wives, I thought you were taking off early because yours is having a birthday.”
Cord felt around in his back pocket. “What time is it?”
“After five.”
“Shit, I better get going.” He pulled his phone out, tapped something out on the screen and then looked up as I was heading out the door. “Hold on, I’ll walk you out.”
I was sure I could find my way to the parking lot on my own but I didn’t want to be rude so I followed Cord as he said goodbye to his employees and then headed down a long hallway toward the back door.
“I’m glad you stopped by today,” he said cheerfully. “In fact it seems kind of like fate.”
“How so?”
“We were just talking about you this morning.”
“No wonder my ears were burning.”
“Nah, all good stuff. All the kids were quite taken with you at the engagement party and my girls have been asking when Cousin Conway is going to come back and visit.”
He pushed the door open and we stepped into the softening light of early evening.
“They’re all good kids.”
“They are. Kind of a handful when you get them all together but we’re one lucky tribe. Hey, that’s not your Mustang, is it?”
“It is.”
“Could have sworn you had a vintage red model.”
“I still do. This is a spare.”
I wished I hadn’t said that because Cord gave me a sharp look. I should have just told him I’d traded in the old one for a newer model. He didn’t need to know that the pink slip to this one was acquired in a high stakes race up in Vegas three months back.
Cord looked away. “Must be nice,” he said casually. “Having so many to choose from.”
“What can I say? I’m partial to Mustangs.”
The man who thought he was my cousin instead of my brother changed the subject and said something about inviting me over for dinner real soon. Then he shook my hand, hopped into his truck and drove away.
Eli had texted three times, asking if I could help him out and be a date for some friend that belonged to a waitress he was determined to screw. He tried making his case by promising the friend in question just had her tits done. I didn’t answer. Even if being set up with some mystery girl didn’t remind me of the night I’d spent with Roslyn I wouldn’t be interested. In the last two weeks I could swear I’d seen Roslyn a dozen times; at the gas station, in a passing car, hurrying down Central Avenue on heels. I was always wrong.
At first I was just going to head back into the city but then I changed my mind and pulled into a coffee shop by the school. The place was full of fresh-faced college kids who were very serious about their electronic appendages. They sipped lattes, peered at tiny screens with slack-jawed fascination and generally ignored each other. There was a time I’d planned to be among them, hurrying to class with a backpack and stressing over the next exam. I’d always been an excellent math student and thought I might study something like engineering. Things just didn’t work out that way though.
After ordering a large black coffee and a pair of scones I settled into a corner armchair that had just been vacated by a spindly kid who couldn’t be more than eighteen. That made me think of Ranger and wonder how he was getting on. For a second I felt a twinge of guilt over leaving him to fend for himself in the wilds of the San Gabriel, but something told me he was scrappy enough to hold his own, or at least stay out of the way if he couldn’t.
A stack of literary journals were spread out over a nearby table. They looked untouched and I felt rather sorry that someone had gone to all the trouble to write and publish things no one seemed interested in reading. I picked one up and read a poem about a tractor, another one about John F Kennedy, and then came to a short story about thru hiking the Appalachian Trail. It was a good story.
I hadn’t realized how much time had gone by as I sat there thumbing through the journals. I replaced them all carefully, in the same kind of fanned out formation I’d found them in and hoped someone else would give them a chance.
Outside the sky was dark and young people milled around everywhere. After all, this was Friday night less than a mile away from one of the nation’s largest universities. But I was starting to feel a little bit out of place, kind of like a janitor visiting a country club. It was high time to head back to my neck of the woods.
My phone had been muted for a while and I was just walking to my car and ignoring Eli’s latest pleading texts when it vibrated as a call came in. I whipped it out impatiently, expecting to see someone I didn’t especially want to talk to. I was already planning on hitting the silence button before one quick look at the screen turned into a double take.
The morning when I’d borrowed her phone and arrogantly programmed my number into her contact list I’d also made note of her number and added it to mine. I just didn’t tell her that part. I also had a habit of assigning nicknames to my contacts. Stone was ‘Bro’ and Jackson was ‘Pal’ and Eli was ‘Dog’ and Kilt was just ‘Kilt’ because I couldn’t think of anything more fitting for a six foot five bearded leviathan.
But later, after we’d talked and fucked and awkwardly parted, Roslyn became ‘Beaches’.
Now, two weeks later, ‘Beaches’ was suddenly calling me.
The phone seemed to vibrate in slow motion and my pulse rate instantly quadrupled. Every day I’d woken up thinking that it would be the day I’d call her, or else she’d call me.
Yet every day neither thing happened and I started to wonder if it would be better if we were over before we really started. There was too much to talk about that we hadn’t even touched on yet and I had the dark suspicion that I could wind up feeling about Roslyn in a way that I hadn’t thought about a girl in years. Somehow that seemed like an unhealthy destination for both of us.
“Hey you,” I said into the phone, as cool and collected as you please.
“Caleb?” she said and I scowled, realizing right away she probably hadn’t meant to call me at all. But determination took over. Now that I had her voice in my ear I wasn’t going to give up until she agreed to see me.
Less than five minutes later I was on my way to the Desert Springs mall, traveling exactly at the speed limit for once because I really didn’t want to get pulled over. I’d promised her I’d be there in ten minutes and I couldn’t let anything get in the way.
My heart was getting a workout in my chest as I parked the car at the mall and walked in the direction of the movie theater.
Am I really nervous? I can’t be fucking nervous.
Under normal circumstances I got nervous about as much as I baked cupcakes, which was just about never. I was afraid to look up, afraid she wouldn’t be there, afraid I’d screwed up a chance with the only girl who’d managed to make a dent in my heart in a very long time.
I looked up and there she was, calmly watching me in old sloppy clothes, hair in a loose topknot, a radiant natural beauty who could compete with the sun without even trying.
Why the hell didn’t I call??
It didn’t matter at this point. I wouldn’t fuck this up again.
All she had to do was give me a chance.
CHAPTER TWELVE
ROSLYN
I wouldn’t have guessed Conway was the kind of man who would stroll around holding hands but after I took his hand he pulled me off the fountain ledge and didn’t let go. It was sweet, wandering around at a slow pace with our fingers intertwined as we paused to buy a couple of iced lemonades and then kept walking.
At first I felt shy, younger and more tentative than I had in years, as if I was one of the giddy teens I’d been watching earlier. Conway kept asking me questions though, questions about my job, my apartment, my friends.
We were passing a pizzeria when the mouth-watering smell hit me full force and my stomach groaned. Apparently candy and popcorn did not constitute a satisfying meal.
“God, that
smells good,” I remarked.
Conway squinted into the dark window of the pizza place. “You hungry? I could stand to eat myself.” He gave my hand a small squeeze. “I’m buying. How about it?”
The patrons were mostly clustered around the bar watching a baseball game. The waitress tried to seat us at a table in the middle of the restaurant but Conway shook his head, dangled a twenty dollar bill and pointed to an empty corner booth.
“So am I remembering wrong or did you tell me you’ve been back in Arizona for a year?” Conway said a few minutes later after the waitress dropped off a pair of waters and took our order.
“Yup. I thought about staying back east but it just never seemed like home. My dad’s here and even though we’re not that close he’s the only family I’ve got left.”
Conway nodded. “Your parents are divorced, right?”
“Have been since I was a kid. I haven’t seen my mother in years. No siblings, no aunts or uncles and the last of my grandparents died when I was in high school.”
Conway was running his index finger along the glass rim of a candleholder in the center of the table. He wasn’t looking at me but I didn’t doubt that I had his attention.
“What about your family?” I asked carefully and he stopped toying with the candle.
“Well,” he said slowly, “my father’s dead and my mother’s somewhere in Florida but doesn’t like to remember she has sons.” He cheered up suddenly. “I’ve got Stone though. And my cousins.”
“Ah, the infamous Gentry triplets. I heard they were somewhere here in the valley.”
“They are. Deck too.”
“Deck Gentry? Wow, I haven’t heard that name in years. I have vivid memories of seeing him around town when I was a little kid. He was always on his motorcycle, tearing up the dirt along the canal that ran behind my house. Used to piss my father off to no end.”
Conway laughed. “That’s Deck.”
“So there must not be too many Gentrys left in Emblem at this point.”
“There are a few. Distant cousins and such living way outside town.”