by Delisa Lynn
I walk over to Ashton; he’s leaning against the counter with a few guys from the basketball team.
“Can we talk about last night?” I ask in a low tone.
“What’s up, Lila? You ready to act like an adult now?” he says, taking a drink of his beer and rolling his eyes.
“That’s not fair and you know it. Can we talk in private?” I ask, crossing my arms. I can feel the heat in my cheeks. He’s pissing me off with his body language.
“Oh, what’s fair? Having the same girlfriend for months and she doesn’t want to do anything except kiss? You’re not a child, you’re a woman. And whatever you have to say, just say it. I’m tired of this back and forth shit,” he says a little too loudly.
“I’ll just talk to you later, Ashton!” I say as I turn on my heels and head straight for the fucking door. I can’t believe he has the fucking nerve to treat me like this.
“Wait babe, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that,” he says, reaching for my arm.
“No, you shouldn’t say a lot of the shit you say. I’m leaving, so you don’t have to worry about me teasing you tonight.”
“Come on, Li,” he begs. “Fuck…why do you act like a goddamn child half the time.”
“Don’t touch me. I’m leaving, and for the record…I’d rather act like a child than a douche.”
I need to get out of here. It's not until I'm halfway down the steps that I realize I didn’t tell anyone I was leaving. No way I’m going back in there.
As I walk down the dark street, looking at the sky, I hear someone calling my name. I know it’s not Ashton, and honestly, I’m thankful it isn’t. I’m so mad at him right now, I just want to throat punch him. I just don’t get why he suddenly wants to act all high and mighty. He’s always been understanding, but the last few months…he’s been a pain the ass.
“Wait, Lila! I’ll walk with you,” Liam says. What the hell? How does he always come out of nowhere? Is he a damn vampire?
“Okay, thanks, but I’m a big girl. I can walk alone,” I say, not looking at him. His eyes do something to me. It isn’t a bad something. He makes me feel warm inside.
“I know you are and can, but I don’t want you to. Lila, look at me. Why are you with Ashton? He doesn’t deserve you.”
“Stop it. Why do you always say that?” I yell as I face him. Fuck, that’s exactly why I didn’t want to look at him. His eyes burn into me.
“Because I know,” he says.
“You know what?” I yell. He keeps saying that, but he isn’t explaining himself.
“I know you deserve someone better than him. He doesn’t respect you at all. I see how he treats you,” he says, wrapping his arm around me. I back away from his embrace. “Don’t you get it? Are you that clueless?”
“Stop, just stop. You’re jealous,” I blurt.
“You’re right, I am. I am so fucking jealous that he has you and doesn’t even deserve the air that you breathe, let alone your trust.”
“Liam…” I whisper. “Why now? You want me now? I chased after you my entire freshman year. Now you decide to want me?”
I wipe a tear away from my cheek and turn around so he can’t see the rest of them. I all but threw myself at him years ago. I start walking a little faster, but he is right on my heels.
“Wait, just wait Lila. I’ve always wanted you. Hell, the first day I saw you, I…Just know that, I’ve always had a thing for you. I just didn’t know how to deal with it.” He runs his hands over his face. “But now…now I am going to be fucking honest. I want you.”
I let out a sarcastic laugh. “Well, you’re about three years too late buddy, but let me get this straight. You see I'm with your cousin and then you decide you want me. Just go; I’m going inside,” I say as we reach my lawn.
“Please remember what I told you. You are better than him.” He leans in for a hug. Oh my God, those arms feel great.
“Yeah, you’ve made that clear,” I say.
“Call me tomorrow and we can finish this conversation with clear minds. Yeah?”
“Yeah. “
I kiss his cheek and go inside. Did I really just kiss his cheek? What was all that shit about Ashton? Does Liam know something I don't?
I can’t believe him. Three years later, three fucking years later, and he wants to acknowledge me.
***
Lying in bed, I toss and turn, struggling to go to sleep. All I can think about is Liam. A couple weeks ago, we were all at the beach and I noticed how great his arms looked. Though he doesn't have as many tattoos as Ashton, he has just enough to look perfect. I've dreamt about him many nights, how his lips would feel on mine, how his arms would feel around me. I pranced around him for months, but he never seemed to care. Until now?
I have to admit, he is more attractive than Ashton. I’m not sure if it's his personality or those damn eyes he has, but something makes me feel all warm inside…
What am I saying? He's my boyfriend’s cousin! Still, I fall asleep and dream of him again.
***
Liam
That kiss on my cheek is the best damn thing that’s happened to me in months. Holding her in my arms felt right; it’s as if she was made for my arms. She was hurting tonight. I could see the pain in her eyes when Ashton talked to her the way he did. I wanted to punch his ass. I don’t get how the hell he can treat her the way he does, but that’s just him and she has allowed him to do so.
Once again, I didn’t come out and tell her exactly what the fuck is going on. She has to see it. I’ve basically spelled it out for her more than once. Tonight, she got to see a little of how my cousin Ashton works. Now if she could just see the whole picture…
I feel like an ass, but I want her to see him for the dog he really is so I can have her. She was right, I knew she liked me. I was scared. I’d just moved here, I was seeing a shrink because of all the changes that I’d been through. Then, all of a sudden, she quit showing me the attention she had been. I knew I fucked up.
What if she doesn’t want me now? Oh well, she has to see what the fuck he’s up to. If, after she finds out, she doesn’t want anything to do with me, then that’s fine. I’ll just be happy that she saw him for what he really is, a big time player.
I go straight home and lie in bed, thinking about how she may never be mine.
***
She's the first thing on my mind when I wake up, so I decide to text her. I know there's a chance that I'll upset her by asking her out, but I'm willing to take that chance as long as it means I might get the opportunity to spend time with her.
Me: Good morning, beautiful. How are you? I’m glad you didn’t drink last night. :) What do you say about going to a movie with me? I know Ashton won’t mind! We need to finish our conversation.
Lila: Thanks, Liam, but I have a lot of things to do today! Maybe next time. Yes we do need to, maybe later this week.
Me: Yeah, let me know when you have time.
Chapter Five
Lila
Liam texted me all week long and even sat with Ashton and I at lunch. Ashton’s still being weird and acting very distant. Every time I ask what’s wrong, he just says he's thinking about college. I wonder if I should break up with him now or wait until I leave for New York. I’m not ready to have sex with him and I know that’s all he wants. It has taken me months to realize that, but now I can see exactly how he is. My feelings for him are starting to change.
It's also bugging the hell out of me that Liam thinks Ashton wouldn't mind if I went to a movie with him. Why wouldn't Ashton mind? That’s odd. Liam knows something about my boyfriend that I don’t. I’m not as dumb as they think I am.
Addison’s parents are going out of town, so she wants to have a huge party. Since everyone’s eighteen or older, her parents are okay with us being there. Eric and I normally just stay over after the parties.
“Don’t you give into Ashton tonight, you hear me?”
“Ads, I’m not having sex with him. Do you know that Liam
confessed that he liked me? You know how long I wanted him to want me, but now I’m with Ashton.”
“Yep, I had a feeling that was going to happen. He liked you then, sweets; he was just going through some shit. He would always make a point to be around when you were. You had to see it. Hell, I even tried to tell you a few times, but you were going through your Will phase.”
“What am I supposed to do? He keeps telling me that Ashton doesn’t deserve my trust.”
“Hell, who knows? They argue over you all the time, but remember what I said. No sex unless you are ready. Trust me, don’t do it just to do it. I love you, bitch.”
“Thanks, love you back,” I say, kissing her cheek.
Addison isn’t a virgin; she had sex with some guy when she was sixteen just to see what it was like. She never saw him again and she seems to be okay with her choice. I want my first time to be with someone I trust and love.
As I look around, I don’t see Ashton anywhere. He hugged and kissed me when I walked in earlier, but I haven’t seen him since. I spot Liam from the other side of the room. I catch his gaze. He nods and approaches me.
“Hey there, beautiful. You want a drink?” he asks, handing me a yellow solo cup.
“Thanks,” I say as I take the drink. “I’ll make sure I know my limits tonight.”
He laughs. “Let’s dance,” he says, holding his hand out. I take another drink and sit it on the table. Taking his hand, I follow him to the center of the room.
God, please don’t let me say anything stupid tonight. He pulls me to the center of the floor. Every time he asks me to dance, I get a weird feeling in my stomach. It’s like butterflies are flying around in there.
“I Won’t Give Up” by Jason Mraz comes on. I wrap my arms around him.
“Are you having fun?” he asks, holding me close.
“Of course, this is a great party and I love this song,” I say, looking into his eyes.
“I like it too. You’re perfect,” he says. He holds me tight through the entire song. Still holding on to me, he says, “Lila, I could just dance with you all night.”
I smile as I look into his eyes. I see something I’ve never seen before. I have to step back a little.
“I better go,” I mumble.
“You okay?” he asks.
“Oh, I’m fine, just drank a little too much and too fast, I guess. My head is spinning,” I say, knowing damn well that isn’t it at all.
“Come with me, I’ll get you some water.” He sits me on the counter and hands me a bottle of water. “Take a few sips and you’ll feel better. Is your stomach, okay?”
“Yes, I’m just not used to drinking a lot, I guess.” I drink the entire bottle of water in one gulp.
“Feel better now?” he says, rubbing my back.
“A little, thanks. You’re too nice, but I think I should go find Ads. I’ll be okay, though.”
He laughs. “Lila, Ads and Eric are…well, um…”
“Well, of course they are.” I laugh. “Have you seen that boyfriend of mine?” I ask, rolling my eyes.
“Nope, I haven’t seen him since he kissed you earlier.”
What the hell, is he stalking me? How did he know we were kissing?
“Okay, thanks again. I’ll be fine. I’m going to look for Ashton now.”
I'm not sure if I should be creeped out or flattered that he stalks me—well shit, not stalks, but watches me.
I just need to talk to Ashton and make things right, and if doing things other than kissing is going to make him happy, then I’ll try to do whatever I can. A part of me wants to end our relationship altogether, but I really like him. I’m so confused.
When I find him, I’ll just tell him all my feelings. Maybe he’ll understand. Rounding the corner of the guesthouse, I hear voices. I thought everyone had left, but when I look through the window, I see Savvy.
Oh hell no, she's fucking some guy. I can hear them moaning and groaning. They're loud. I’m surprised no one else has heard them. What a worthless lush. I turn to walk away and that’s when I hear it.
“Oh, Ashton, right there baby! That’s the spot. Fuck me there. Oh Ashie, I love when you fuck me hard like that.”
She's not saying my boyfriend's name, is she? Dear god, they better hope there's another Ashton. At first I can’t really tell if it’s him, but as I look closer, I see his arm. I'd know those tattoos anywhere.
“What the fuck!” I yell.
“Fuck…Lila! Wait, it’s not what you think,” Ashton yells as he tries to pull up his pants, tripping over them. He still has the damn condom on!
“Not what I think? Are you fucking kidding me, Ashton Ellis? Then what the hell is that on your dick? At least you wore one, I guess,” I say, pointing at the condom.
“If you would have given him what he needed, then he wouldn’t have to go elsewhere.” Savvy smirks.
“Oh, trust me, you skanky whore, that’s all he wants you for! How long have you been fucking my boyfriend?” I ask, wanting to punch that nasty bitch in her throat. It’s not worth it, though.
“Let’s talk about this,” Ashton says.
“Fuck you, Ashton, you are such a…Ugh. I can’t think of anything that you are other than a douche bag motherfucker. I have nothing to say to you, except you can go straight to hell. Take your blow job giving whore with you.”
“Babe…”
“Don’t you ever babe me, mister. Why didn’t you just break up with me? Why cheat? Oh wait, it’s because you still wanted to screw me too. Well you fucked that up, didn’t you? I’m done with you. I was planning to break up with you and you just gave me the perfect reason to! Now go back to your—how do you say it?—fuck buddy. Isn’t that what you say Liam does? So were you just referring to yourself, not Liam?”
I think the entire block heard us yelling and cursing at each other. Addison, Liam, and Eric come running out when they hear us yelling. They all just stare at me as I stand in the middle of the yard, tears streaming down my face, screaming and crying like a damn idiot.
“What is going on?” Liam says. He runs to one side of me and Addie to the other, both inspecting me as if I'm injured. I’m not physically injured, but I'm emotionally hurt.
“Oh, Addison, you were right about your douchebag brother. I just caught this skank fucking him in your guesthouse,” I say, throwing my hands in the air.
“If you wouldn’t have been such a tease this wouldn’t have happened,” Ashton yells.
“Me being a tease made you do this, Ashton? You’ve just broken any trust that I had in you. You are a selfish cumquat,” I say, pushing his chest. “I can’t stand you,” I yell.
Did I just call him a cumquat? I have to get the hell out of here. I can’t even think of any words to use. I’m crying so damn hard, I can’t see shit. I have to blink rapidly to regain my vision. I hate letting him see how upset I really am. I want to run far away from everyone.
“Wait, let’s just talk. Savvy doesn’t mean anything to me! Please listen, I love you and only you. She was just a piece of ass,” he says, grabbing my arm.
“No, you stay the fuck away from me.”
He grabs my arm and pulls me closer to him. “It was nothing. Let’s just work through this. I promise it won’t happen again.” He tries hugging me.
“Ashton, I’m done. Please leave me alone,” I say, wiggling out of his arms.
“Why are you being such a bitch about all of this?” he shouts.
“A bitch? I catch you with your dick in some whore, and I’m the bitch?” I draw my fist back and sucker punch him right in his nose. Blood splatters everywhere. Watching the crimson roll down his face makes me feel a little relief. Fucker, take that.
“Are you crazy?” he says, holding his nose. “You broke my nose. You fucking broke it.”
“Yes, crazy for believing your lying ass. You’ve lied to me for months now.”
“Leave her alone, Ashton,” Liam growls, balling his fist up. The look in his eyes isn't a pleasant
one.
“What are you going to do about it?” Ashton says, puffing his chest out. “You’ve wanted her for yourself since the first time you saw her. Looks like you have your chance now. Don’t get your hopes up, though; she won’t give you any either. Then again, she just might give in to you. I see the way she looks at you.”
“Ashton, don’t you dare make this about Liam,” I say as I point my finger into his chest. “You did this. You fucked up.”
“Oh, Li, so it is true. You do want to fuck him, or have you already? Is that why you've been locked at the knees for me? You been banging the other Ellis? Well baby, I’m the best, so you fucked up.” He smirks.
“What the fuck did you just say?” Liam yells, walking closer to him. Oh shit, they’re going to fight. I can’t let them; I step between the two of them.
“You heard me, Liam. She won’t put out. She’ll tease the fuck out of you for sure, then she’ll make your dick hard and just walk her prissy ass out the fucking door…”
“Don’t talk about her like that, you selfish bastard,” Liam says, pushing his chest into Ashton’s.
“What are you going to do about it? Jack shit, just like I thought! Come on Savvy, let’s go.”
Next thing I see is Liam’s fist flying into Ashton’s face.
“No, punk, she hasn’t slept with me, but if and when she does, it’ll be none of your goddamn business.”
Eric stands between the two guys. “Okay guys, that’s enough. You both need to just leave my sister alone. Ashton, if you continue to talk about her like that I’ll kick the shit out of you myself.”
Addison grabs Eric’s arm and pushes Ashton back. Liam's hands are still in a fist, like he's prepared to punch again at any moment.
“Everyone just leave! I’m leaving now,” I say as I turn around.
Liam turns around as well. Even though Liam is taller than Ashton and weighs about ten pounds more, Ashton runs and jumps on Liam’s back, bringing them both to the ground. Liam flips him over within seconds and punches the crap out of him.