by Delisa Lynn
I break down and cry as hard as I can. I cry for what I've done. I cry for my husband, I cry for hurting Evan and I cry for my best friend and my dad who I need so bad. Evan holds me.
***
The wedding is beautiful. Heather looks stunning. I get to see a bunch of old friends. I call Evan so I can see him before I leave. I meet him at his place for dinner.
“It’s been wonderful spending this time with you. It’s meant so much to me,” Evan says.
“Me too. I’m really sorry that I’m leaving and bringing back old memories.”
“I think about you every second of every day.”
Evan takes me to the airport, and I hold him and cry. I know that this can never happen again. We had an unforgettable night together, a night I will never regret, but I have to live with the fact that I've cheated on my husband. My Liam is a great man and I love him with everything I am, but the one thing I need, he can’t give me. I've needed Evan so bad, for so many years.
While sitting on the plane, I think about all the pain I caused Evan and all the pain Liam will feel knowing I broke our marriage vows.
I can’t tell him. God, how could I tell my wonderful husband this? I can never tell him. He never has to know.
I call Liam. “I’m on my way home. I’ll see you all soon. I love you too. Kiss my girls for me.” The plane makes a weird noise. “Holy hell, Liam, something is—”
“Baby, what’s happening? Can you hear me? I hear all this noise. What’s going on? Hello? Lila?”
Epilogue
Liam
Everyone brought flowers and pictures. We all sit around her bed, telling stories and crying for Lila together. Our beautiful girls miss their momma so much. It's so hard to explain to them what happened to her.
I know Lila saw Evan when she went on her trip. He showed up here, at the hospital, after the accident and it was written all over his face.
I've always known how much she loved him. She tried not to mention his name, but I know my Lila better than anyone did. She has the biggest heart and once she loves you, she loves you forever.
I never understood what he gave her that I couldn’t because we were so happy, but there were times I could see the pain in her eyes when someone would mention New York or when Brody would visit with Nikki.
The time I was gone, Evan took care of her. I really appreciate everything he'd done for her because I never wanted her to be alone. The day I left her at the airport, crying her heart out, I knew she would find someone to heal her heart while I was gone, but I also knew she would never stop looking for me or loving me. Hell, I knew she would always love me.
I knew she would never leave me for Evan, but I also knew he had a part of her that I didn’t. Lila and I can never get back the two years I was gone.
I never stopped thinking about my Lila while lying in that hospital bed. I've thought about her every day of my life since the day I met her. Sweet, beautiful, and full of spunk. My Lila Rae. I see her in our girls. Everything they do reminds me of her.
***
As I stare out the window, I think about my beautiful L and wonder why all of this has happened. I pray and thank God for what I have. He's taken so much from me in my lifetime. I've lost so many people I loved, but he also gave me all those people to begin with.
I know I need to stay strong for my girls, but it's hard as hell. I've wanted to break so many times, but then I would look into their beautiful little faces and see Lila in both of them. Just looking at them makes my heart smile, so I thank God for my girls and pray I’ll never lose them.
“Mr. Ellis, can you come with me for a second? I want to talk you about a few things. It's been and will be a long road. However, Lila will be fine and she is awake now. There’s no memory loss, but she's still in a lot of pain. Her ribs are cracked and both arms are broken. She’s ready to see you now.”
I walk in the hospital room and see Lila’s beautiful smile, the smile I haven’t seen in two months.
“Liam, are you okay?”
“I am now, beautiful.”
“Where are the babies?”
“My mom has them. She and your mom will be here shortly.”
“I hope I don’t look as bad as I feel.”
“You look beautiful, L. I’m just glad you’re awake.”
I kiss her beautiful face and tell her how much I love her.
“What happened?” Lila asks. “I remember being on the plane and talking to you and something happened…”
“The plane crashed into another plane. You’ve been asleep for two months; they weren’t sure if and when you would wake up. We have all sat by your side and prayed for you to come back to us.”
“So, I’m okay? Well, other than my arms.”
“Yes, you’ll be fine. You’re also pregnant. Did you know that before you left?”
“No, I didn’t know. How far along am I?”
“They said you're about eight weeks.”
I can see 'the look' in her eyes. I know she's thinking about something serious.
“Did you say eight weeks? I must’ve gotten pregnant before I left to see Heather.”
“Yes, you stopped your pill about a month before you left.”
I can hear her trying to swallow the huge lump in her throat. “Have Nikki and Brody been here?”
“Yes. Heather, Brandon, and Evan have been here too.”
“Ev-Evan was here? At the hospital? What did he say—I mean, how did he know?”
“Nikki thought he should know, so she called him. I let him sit with you for a few hours. I know how much he loved you. Hell, who wouldn’t love you?”
“I love you, Liam. I’m so glad I’m okay. We’re having a baby?”
“Yes, love, we are. Hopefully a boy, but as long as it’s healthy, I’ll be happy.”
I can see the look in my beautiful wife’s eyes—the look of concern about the pregnancy. I’ll never tell her that I know she slept with Evan and that the baby may be his. I’ll let her tell me when she’s ready. If she never tells me, I’ll still love that baby no matter what. In my eyes, it's my baby. Lila is my treasure.
Playlist
Broken by Lifehouse
What Hurts The Most by Rascal Flatts
I Won’t Let Go by Rascal Flatts
Skyscraper by Demi Lovato
Poison And Wine by The Civil Wars
I’ll Be by Edwin McCain
It Will Rain by Bruno Mars
Marry Me by Train
Here Comes Goodbye by Rascal Flatts
Not Over You by Gavin Degraw
Far Away by Nickelback
Make You Feel My Love by Adele
God Gave Me You by Blake Shelton
Naughty Girl by Beyonce
I Won’t Give Up by Jason Mraz
When I Was Your Man by Bruno Mars
God Bless The Broken Road by Rascal Flatts
You’re the Inspiration by Chicago
Hallelujah by Jeff Buckley
Wind Beneath My Wings by Bette Midler
Remember Me by Sarah McLachlan
Prologue
Five Months Ago
Lila
“Liam, I’m on my way home. I love you so much. Liam? Hello, can you hear me?” The line is completely silent. “I’m on my way home. I love you so much!” I shout into the phone.
The plane must be losing altitude. I almost lose my grip on my phone. My phone.
“Liam? Liam? Can you hear me?” I say, but the static is too loud. I grip my phone tighter. “If you’re speaking, I can’t hear you.”
A woman’s voice comes across the intercom. “Passengers, please remain in your seats. We’ve run into some bad weather.”
The emergency breathing apparatus falls from the overhead and slaps me square in the forehead. Motherfucker. Crash after loud, thunderous crash echoes through the fuselage of the plane. The passengers aboard flight 4762 scream and pray.
It hits me. This is real. This is happening. I can’t tell if he
’s on the phone anymore or not, but I scream into my phone, praying he can hear me, “I love you, baby. Kiss the girls for me. I love you. The plane…”
Dear God, this is awful. Please, please let everyone be okay. I pray as my body is propelled through the plane. I can’t steady myself enough to stand, but I manage to crawl through the passengers. I feel the cuts on my knees.
“There was an explosion. One of the engines has blown,” someone says. The smell of the smoke is like nothing I’ve smelled before. The flames are so close, I can feel the heat, and my body hurts. I feel pain everywhere. Blood runs down my nose from my forehead. I reach up and feel the gash on my head. My arms hurt so much.
I try to help other passengers. Just as I reach a younger woman, I trip over someone. I don’t know what I hit, but it’s hard as a rock. My head starts pounding. I reach my hand up to feel the back of my head. Shaking, I bring my hand to my face and find it covered in blood. I’m not sure if it’s from the cut on my forehead or if it’s a new gash on the back of my head. I look down and see that I’m covered in blood. I feel my hands tremble as I continue making my way through the passengers.
Oh God, please let me get out of here. I have to get home to my husband. “Baby, can you hear me? Love, can you hear me?” I yell into the phone I’m still clutching in my other hand, but I can’t hear him.
I can’t see anything. I can hear people screaming and crying. Suddenly, I feel someone pick me up and carry me to a cold, wet surface. They are asking me a million questions, but my words won’t come out. I don’t know what’s happening. I just need to tell my husband I love him and apologize for what I’ve done. I need to tell him everything about Evan.
I am put onto what I believe is a gurney and they strap me down. I feel a sharp pain in my neck. They put straps around my head and my arms. I can still smell the smoke. I’m so cold, but I also feel warm. Blankets…they’re covering my body in warm blankets. I can taste blood; it’s all over my lips, on the inside of my mouth.
Someone puts me in another plane. It’s very loud, and then I realize it isn’t a plane at all; it’s a helicopter. A young man keeps saying I’ll be fine, that he’ll make sure of it, just before shoving tubes up my nose and down my throat.
I can’t breathe. Gasping, I try to tell him the tubes are choking me. My throat burns. I want to puke and pull the damn things out, but he can’t hear me for some reason. I try moving my arms but still can’t. I know it isn’t a nice thing to do, but I need him to see me, so I kick the guy in his ass. Maybe that’ll get his attention.
“Brantley, she just kicked me. She’s alive, but fading. Her pulse is still very faint. The oxygen seems to be helping, but we have to get the morphine in her. We have to get the IV started, but her veins keep blowing. She has her phone. We need to see if there is an emergency contact in it.” I’d been holding my phone so tightly, he had to pry it out. “Okay, Liam Ellis is the emergency contact. I’ll call him now.”
“Miss, if you can hear me, my name is Emmitt and that’s Brantley. We’re getting you to the hospital. Stay with me, ma’am.”
For a few minutes, all I can hear is the roaring of the helicopter. Then Brantley says, “She was on the phone with her husband. Her name is Lila. She needs to go to General Hospital in San Diego. She’s allergic to penicillin. No other allergies.”
“Lila, it’s me, Emmitt. Sweetie, stay with us. I’m trying to get the IV started. I have to get this medicine in you. We will be there soon. Just stay with me.”
He knows my name, but why can’t he hear me? Why isn’t he listening to me? I try to kick again, but they put my legs in restraints as well. I hear the helicopter landing. Then I hear the EMTs say we are in California at General Hospital.
Home, I’m home.
I also hear him say that my husband is waiting on us. The doctors have prepped the operating room. Oh my God, they’re operating on me. For what? I can still hear everything they’re doing, but the taste of blood is getting worse with all the tubes and wires invading my personal space.
The loud beeping noises make my head ache even more. My body is very warm; the warmth runs through my veins. I can feel my tongue pressing against the tube going down my throat.
I’m dying; that’s all that’s going through my mind. Being with Evan has cost me my life.
Beep…Beep…Beep.
And everything fades to black again…
***
I hear a familiar voice—Liam. Oh God, my Liam. He is crying and telling me how much he loves me. I wish he could hear me. I love him so much. He and our girls are my life. Evan is my past and what happened will not happen again. I’ll always love Evan; he was there for me when I needed him the most, but the love Evan and I share and the love Liam and I share are two different kinds of love.
When I watched the reality shows and soaps, I was never able to understand how a woman could claim to love two men at the same damn time. But now I know, without a doubt, it’s possible. What I did was wrong; I made love to another man while my wonderful husband was at home taking care of our daughters.
I hear the doctors and nurses working all around me, telling me I’ll be fine. They’re giving me more medicine through my IV. I’m terrified and I can’t express my thoughts with anyone.
I’m getting very sleepy. I try yawning, but I can’t with these damn tubes everywhere. I feel my tears stinging my cuts and bruised cheeks as they fall from my eyes. I can still hear my husband sitting next to me, praying and confessing his love for me. He’s holding my hand and praying louder than I’ve ever heard him pray. I want to wipe his tears away so bad, tell him I’m here and I love him so much.
***
“Addie, is that you? What’s happening? Why can’t anyone hear me? This is freaking me out, Ads.”
“You need to get it together and wake up. Liam loves you so much. You can’t leave him now, not like this,” Addie replies, her voice gentle. “You need to tell him everything and he will understand. He will move heaven and earth to be with you. He’s been fighting for you since the day he met you. I love you, but it’s not your time. You have so many people that need you, and the baby needs you.”
“What are you talking about? I miss you so much. I fucked up again. I love Liam with everything I am, and I keep messing everything up.”
“It’s okay, Li. Sleep, my friend. You’ll wake up soon and can tell Liam everything.”
I feel Ads kiss my forehead; then she disappears.
***
I wake up from time to time and hear different people talking to me. From what I’ve heard, I am in a coma and have been here, in this hospital, for a while. Liam told the doctor he wasn’t giving up on me, that we’ve come too far to lose one another. He sits next to me every day, telling me about what the girls are doing and how much he loves me.
Today I hear a different voice, one that I haven’t heard since being here. I smell him entering the room. Even through these damn tubes, his scent is still overwhelming. I’ll never forget that smell.
How did he find out about this? He sounds like he’s crying. He lifts up my hand and I can feel his tears falling on my skin. As he begins talking, I can hear his voice choking up.
“Lila, I’ll always love you, darlin’,” Evan says. “But I’ve moved on. Her name is Tatum. She’s Zander’s sister and she’s wonderful. I’ve always loved her, but it wasn’t until I lost you that I realized she was who I was supposed to be with. She was involved with someone else, but she’s all mine now.
“You need to wake up for your family. Liam loves you so goddamn much and that man is breaking. You need to wake up and put him back together. I have to go, but remember, I’ll always love you, my beautiful valley girl.”
I feel him kiss my cheek. I hear silence and then the door closing. He’s letting me go. I didn’t think it would hurt this much. I feel a sharp pain in my heart. I’ll always love him. He changed my life so much when Liam was missing. I didn’t mean to hurt him the way I did. I feel like I just bor
rowed his heart.
Chapter One
Present Day
Liam
It’s been five weeks since Lila woke up. It’s great to have her home with us. She seems to be doing well. She hasn’t said much about her trip to New York or Evan. The day he came to the hospital, what they did was written all over his face, but I could tell he was hurting. Plus, he seems to really care about the lady that was with him.
How do I tell my wife I know she cheated on me and that the baby she is carrying might not be mine? Doesn’t matter who the father is, really. The baby is mine. In my eyes, that’s our child. We haven’t told the twins we’re expecting yet. We want to make sure everything is fine before we tell too many people.
As I lie next to my beautiful wife, watching her sleep, I think how fucking lucky I am that she’s alive and all mine. She’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid my eyes on. When I was in the reserves, the memory of her smile, her face, her touch got me through the days and the loneliness of the nights, along with her pictures, her letters, and knowing that someday we would spend the rest of our lives together here, in this house. My parents loved this house. I spent fourteen wonderful years here with them.
Now I’m able to give my children everything my parents gave me. Sometimes, watching the girls play on the beach brings back memories of my childhood, memories of playing football with my dad, of all the big family gatherings we had here.
When both my parents died and I had to leave, I was really heartbroken. However, it lead me to my beautiful wife; the day I walked in and saw her talking with Ads, I knew, right then, she would be worth whatever I had to go through to be with her. Hell, even to this day I feel the same. No one can take the love I have for her away, and I will love her until my heart stops beating.