Victorious (Quantum Series Book 3)

by Marie Force

“How will we know if I can stand it if we never try?”

  “You have no idea what you’re asking.”

  “Then tell me! Show me. Educate me. But don’t leave me in the dark wondering what you really want and making me wonder, every time we make love, if you’re unsatisfied.”

  I stare at her, incredulous. “I’m not unsatisfied.”

  “But you want more.”

  “Yes, I want more! I’ll always want more with you. But I’m satisfied with what I have, and that’s enough.”

  “How long will it be enough? How long will it be before you’re having fantasies about doing things with me that you’ve done with other women?”

  I divert my gaze because that’s already happened, but in dreams over which I have no control.

  “Flynn?”

  I’ve promised to be honest with her, and I intend to keep that promise. “I’ve already had those fantasies. I’ve had dreams about being at the club and in the dungeon with you.”

  “That day in LA… When I asked you what was wrong and I thought I’d said something in my sleep that had upset you…”

  “I’d had a dream that left me out of sorts, but I worked it out.”

  She is quiet for a very long, unsettling moment.

  “What are you thinking?”

  “I don’t know if I can do this.”

  Her words strike fear in my heart that ricochets through my entire body. “What can’t you do?”

  “This. Us. Any of it.”

  “Natalie, come on. This is only one part of our relationship. The rest of it is fucking perfect. You’d really throw all that away because of this?”

  “I can’t possibly answer that question without knowing what this entails.”

  “So, what? You want details?”

  “That would be a good place to start.”

  I can almost feel my blood pressure inching into the danger zone at the thought of detailing my kink to her. My sweet, beautiful Natalie hasn’t the first clue what she’s asking for. She’ll never look at me the same way again if I tell her, and I can’t risk that.

  I get out of bed and pull on a pair of sweats.

  “Where’re you going?”

  “I need a drink.” I leave the bedroom and go into the kitchen, where I pour myself a couple of shots of Bowmore, my favorite Scottish single malt. It burns all the way through me, reminding me I haven’t eaten much of anything in the last twenty-four miserable hours.

  Natalie appears, wearing my robe, which is huge on her. She’s like my conscience, putting me on notice that she’s not going to let this go.

  I feel cornered, trapped, unable to escape from the mess I’ve created for myself. I’ve promised her the truth. But how do I give her that and still preserve our precious bond, which has been made fragile by my lies?

  After pouring another half glass of whisky, I bring it with me into the living room, brushing past her as I leave the kitchen.

  She follows me.

  “What do you want me to say?” I ask her in defeat. There’s nowhere to run from her or this conversation she’s insisting we have, even if I’m certain it will ruin everything between us.

  “Tell me about your dreams, the ones you had about me.”

  I shudder as a chill runs through me, and the whisky threatens to come back up. Turning away from her, I focus on breathing my way through the nausea. “I don’t know if I can tell you.”

  “Why not? They were about me, weren’t they? Don’t I have the right to know?”

  I want to argue with her. No, she doesn’t have the right to my every private thought, just as I don’t have the right to all of hers. But I’m on a slippery slope here, well aware that despite our passionate reunion and her words of love, I still have a long way to go to fully repair the damage I’ve done.

  “When I was married before,” I say reluctantly, as the thought of Valerie still infuriates me, “it took me two years to tell her what I really wanted. In bed… She… She said I was depraved and disgusting and sick. Then she cheated on me and made sure I caught them in the act so I’d know just how disgusting she found me. I had to threaten her with lawsuits up the ass to keep her from going public with what she’d found out about me. I’ve actually been afraid ever since that she would give in to temptation and tell the real story behind our split, and my career would be irreparably harmed by her version of the truth.”

  Natalie comes to me and lays her hands on my chest, the heat of her hands warming the part of me that’s gone cold. “I would never, could never, will never tell anyone what goes on between us. Ever.”

  “You say that now when you’re wildly in love with me. What happens if that changes? If you’re so turned off by me that you don’t love me anymore?”

  “Flynn… I’m not Valerie. Even if everything were to go bad, and I can’t see that happening, I will never speak of our private life to anyone.”

  “What about when I scare you so badly you feel like you don’t know me at all?”

  “Even then.” She tips her head adorably. “You want me to sign something to that effect?”

  “No.”

  “Then how can I make you believe you can trust me with everything? Every single part of you?”

  The same sweetness that has slayed me from the beginning brings me to my knees once again. I’m helpless to resist her, even when she’s asking me for things I never intended to give her. I recognize defeat when I’m staring into its sweet face.

  “In my dream,” I begin haltingly, wishing for more liquid courage, “you’re not a rape survivor.”

  “In my dreams, I’m not either.”

  “Nat…”

  “It’s okay,” she says with a wry smile. She takes me by the hand and brings me to sit next to her on the sofa, wrapping a cashmere throw around us.

  I’d prefer to stand and pace the room for this conversation, but she’s craving the closeness, so I give her what she needs.

  “We’re at Club Quantum in New York.”

  “There’s a club?”

  “Yeah,” I say with a sigh, “here and in LA. In the basement of our office buildings.”

  “So… all of you…”

  “Yes, and that’s the part you can never talk about.”

  “I swear to God, on the lives of my sisters, I never would.”

  Because I know there’s no greater assurance she could give me, I force myself to continue. I’ve relived the dreams I had about her so many times that I know them by heart.

  “In one dream, we’re going public for the first time, and you’re afraid. I like that you’re afraid. It turns me on. We’ve been working up to this moment for months, and everyone is there for your first public scene.” I want to look at her, to gauge her reaction, but I’m too afraid of what I might see. “I make you take off your robe, but you’re hesitant, shy, which is so unbearably sexy. Your hands tremble as you tug on the tie, but you do what I tell you to do because I’m in charge. You’ve ceded control of your pleasure to me. I have you sit on a table that’s in the center of a big room, and we talk about your safe word, which is still Fluff. I put your legs in stirrups and bring your bottom to the edge of the table. You ask me what I’m doing, and I tell you I’m going to shave you because I prefer you bare. We’ve talked about this before, but I haven’t told you I plan to do it tonight.”

  She takes a deep breath that interrupts the cadence of my story.

  I venture a glance at her and see that her cheeks are flush with color and her lips are parted. My story is turning her on, which gives me the confidence to continue. Every time I think about these dreams, I get so hard, I ache. This time is no exception.

  “As I shave you, your thighs quiver and tremble. Your entire body is flushed and heated. Your pussy is so wet I can see and smell your arousal. I lube up my fingers and press them into your ass, preparing you to take a plug. You protest and fight me. ‘Not there,’ you say. I tell you to hush and remind you of your safe word. If you don’t want this, that’s the o
nly way to stop it. This is the first time I’ve touched you there, and I can see that you are shocked but also aroused.”

  She shifts in her seat next to me.

  “Do you want me to stop?” I ask, not certain if she’s uncomfortable or shocked or what.

  “Don’t you dare stop.”

  Those four words fill me with an unreasonable amount of hope. She’s intrigued, interested and maybe even aroused. She’s not pushing me away or telling me I’m sick or depraved.

  Fueled by hope, I continue. “You try to keep my fingers out, but I make you take them. I want you to know everything that’s possible. It’s a battle, but I’ll always win unless you stop me with the one word that ends it all. When my fingers are buried deep inside your ass, I lick your pussy, focusing on your clit until you’re squirming and moaning. I remind you that your orgasm belongs to me and only me. I say when, not you. You’re begging me, using my name and I also remind you of what you’re supposed to call me there.”

  “What?” she asks in a hoarse whisper.

  “Sir. I’m your master, and you’ll afford me the respect I deserve while we’re in a scene.”

  “W-what about when we’re not in a scene? Am I supposed to call you that all the time?”

  “No, sweetheart. I’m not into the whole master-and-slave thing at all. This is about sex and the emotional connection we find through sex. It’s not about the rest of our lives. I have no desire to dominate you anywhere but in the bedroom.” I smile at her. “Well, the dungeon and the club and a few other places maybe, but only in regard to sex. I have a feeling you might be capable of dominating me outside the bedroom.”

  That draws a smile from her. “You never know.”

  I bring our joined hands to my lips. “I can’t wait to find out.”

  She glances at me hesitantly. “Was there more? To your dream?”

  Nodding, I say, “A lot more. You want to hear the rest?”

  “Yes, please.”

  “So polite. That pleases me greatly.”

  She lowers her eyes in perfect supplication. “I aim to please you.”

  I’m electrified by both her actions and her words. “Natalie… God.”

  “Is that the wrong thing to say?”

  “No, it’s fucking perfect. You’re perfect.” Because I can’t resist her for another second, I take her in my arms and kiss her with the wild passion that has grown and multiplied inside me as I described my erotic fantasies to her.

  She returns my passion with her own, meeting my tongue stroke for stroke until we’re once again prone, me on top of her, wrapped up in each other.

  I end the kiss slowly, in stages, reluctantly. “You’re not running from me in fear.”

  “No. Quite the opposite, in fact.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’m dying to hear the rest. Will you tell me?”

  I press my rock-hard cock against her pubic bone. “Can I stay here?”

  She runs her fingers through my hair. “I wish you would.”

  I nuzzle her neck. “I ask you if it’s turning you on to have other people watch as I fuck your ass with my fingers.”

  She draws in a sharp deep breath.

  “You try to deny it, but you’re so wet. Your body can’t lie to me. I ask you if you know what happens to sweet subs who lie to their Doms. Your eyes are wide with fear and desire and curiosity as you shake your head no. They get their asses spanked until they are red and rosy and too sore to sit on for days. You deny it when I ask if that turns you on, so I do it to prove you wrong. I spank your upturned ass so hard, it echoes through the big room.” To make my point, I reach under her and squeeze her ass cheek, drawing a deep moan from her that makes me crazy with wanting her. “I fuck your ass hard with my fingers, and then I withdraw them, almost to the point of removing them before driving them back in as I suck on your clit. You come so hard that your ass muscles almost break my fingers, and I love it. But I didn’t give you permission to come, so you know what that means.”

  She looks up at me, flushed and feverish, her lips swollen from our kisses and damp from the drag of her tongue. “I have to be punished?”

  “That’s right,” I say, delighted by her.

  “How?”

  “I pull my fingers free of your ass so quickly that you gasp from the loss. You’ve quickly grown to love the way it feels to have my fingers there. Imagine what it will be like to take my cock there?”

  “It would never fit.”

  “Oh, sweetheart,” I say with a low rumble of laughter, “yes, it would.”

  She shakes her head.

  I smile at her, and my heart is full of the possibilities. “I’d make it so good for you, you’d beg me for it again and again.”

  “Never.”

  “Are you challenging your Dom, little sub?”

  “Maybe. Is… Is that how you’d punish me? By making me do that?”

  “No, honey. I would never make that a punishment. That’s something that has to be done carefully and with lots of preparation so you won’t be hurt.”

  “Oh,” she says, seeming relieved. “How could it not hurt?”

  “I didn’t say it doesn’t hurt, but the goal is not to injure you. See the difference?”

  “If it hurts, why would anyone want to do it?”

  God, I love her so much, and I love that we are lying here together talking about things that seemed so far outside the realm of possibility only yesterday. “Because after it stops hurting, the pleasure is unlike anything you’ll ever experience.”

  “How do you know? Have you done it?”

  “Do you mean have I had it done to me?”

  “Yeah.”

  “No.”

  “Then how do you know it feels good after it stops hurting?”

  “Because people who love it, truly love it, will tell you it’s an orgasm unlike any other.”

  She ponders that in her thoughtful way. “How do you punish me?”

  “I clamp your nipples, which makes you scream from the painful pleasure. When I ask if you need your safe word, you shake your head even as tears spill down your sweet cheeks. I’m so proud of how courageous you are, and how focused. You’ve forgotten all about the people who are watching us, and you’re thinking only of me and what we’re doing together. You’ve made me very proud.” I kiss her softly, sweetly, because I sense she needs some sweetness right now.

  “What happens next?”

  “I turn you over so you’re bent over the table, and I spank you until your ass is red and hot. And then I make you take a plug. It’s big, but not as big as I am, and eventually I want you to be able to take me. Again, you fight me, you struggle against the invasion, but you can’t resist me. The plug settles into place, and you cry out from the shock of it. I lick you, from your clit to your ass, loving the way the plug stretches you. And then I fuck you, which isn’t easy with the plug taking up so much space. It’s a tight fit, and your muscles fight me, which feels like you’re coming nonstop. It feels incredible. I mess with the plug to remind you it’s there.”

  “As if I could forget,” she says dryly, making me laugh.

  “I fuck you harder than I ever have before, and you take me right to the edge of madness. I want you with me when I get there, so I reach around to play with your clit. With my other hand, I release the clamps on your nipples. I give you permission to come, and you come so hard, screaming from the pain of the blood returning to your nipples, that I come, too. You make me see stars. It’s unlike it’s ever been before with anyone else. There’s only you.”

  She’s moving under me, in time with me as I press rhythmically against her.

  “Flynn…”

  “What, honey?”

  “I want you inside me. Right now.”

  Because she’s naked under the robe, it takes very little effort to push down my sweats and slide into her. “God, you’re so wet. So incredibly hot and wet.”

  “I’ve never been more aroused in my enti
re life.”

  “So you’re not disgusted?” I ask, thrusting into her repeatedly while her fingers dig into my biceps.

  She bites her bottom lip and shakes her head. “What else is there? What else do you like?”

  Keeping up the steady, driving pace, I lose myself in her as the words pour out of me. “I want your hands wrapped in red ribbon that reminds me of how beautiful you look in your red coat. I love you in red. I want you bound and open to me, to take whatever I want to give you. Your nipples and clit are clamped with a chain connecting them. As I fuck you, I tug on that chain whenever I want to remind you who’s in charge. You scream every time, your pussy gripping my cock so hard. I’ve never felt anything like it. You are the woman I love, the perfect sub I’ve waited all my life to find. I make you go down on your knees to suck my cock, to take me deep into your throat and swallow. We do everything. Everything we can think of.”

  I come out of the fog of desire I’ve slipped into to realize I’ve been fucking her harder than I ever have before, but she’s right there with me, taking everything I give her. Looking down at her gorgeous face, I see only love and passion, but no sign of fear. “Do you trust me?”

  “With my life.”

  “Do you love me?”

  “I’ll love you forever.”

  Knowing that gives me the courage I need so badly right now. I have given her my truth, and she still loves me. It is the most priceless of all the priceless gifts she’s given me. “I want your hands.”

  Without taking her gaze off mine, she lifts her arms, offering her hands to me.

  “Bring them together.”

  She flattens her palms against each other.

  Watching her face intently, I wrap my hand around both her wrists and bring them up over her head, pinning them to the cushion. We’re both well aware this is a major test. If we can do this, maybe, just maybe, there could be more for us.

  I give her plenty of time to voice her objection, but my strong, brave Natalie never blinks. Instead, she raises her hips, asking me to move. I pick up the pace, stroking into her while watching her carefully for any sign of trouble. When I see none, I risk looking away to suck on one of the cherry-red nipples that stands at full attention.

  Then I do something I haven’t done before. I close my teeth over the nipple, tight enough to cause a sharp bite of pain.