Just a Dumb Surfer Dude

by Chase Connor

  “Logan is seriously hot, Coop.” Alex swooned.

  “Yeah.” I shrugged. “I mean, if you’re into the curly blonde hair, hazel eyes, guys over six foot tall, muscled…”

  “I knew you would agree!” Alex looked way more vindicated than I thought was acceptable.

  It was true. When I had first laid eyes on Logan in AP Chemistry, I thought Logan was nice to look at—even before I knew he was the new kid that Alex had been talking about over the weekend. He looked like everyone’s wet dream of a surfer dude strolled out of the ocean, ready to break hearts. And then I found out he was also nice. Someone that might become a friend. So, I didn’t really want to do anything to compromise that.

  “He’s hot.” I agreed. “I can’t deny that. He looks like a character from Riverdale mixed with a character from Baywatch.”

  Alex smiled widely at the comparison.

  “So…do you think he’s gay?” Alex leaned into the table to whisper.

  I waved a hand in front of my face. “Coffee breath.”

  Alex just frowned at me.

  I sighed. “I haven’t known him more than eight hours, Alex. Obviously, I haven’t learned enough or observed enough to find out if he likes men.”

  “Well, you could…ask?”

  “Yes.” I nodded as if that was the solution to all the world’s problems. “Ask him! What closeted eighteen-year-old high school student isn’t dying to confess that they’re a raging homosexual? All he’s waiting for is someone to ask!”

  Alex didn’t appreciate my humor.

  “I need more than one day—not even one day—to decide if it’s worth even mentioning.” I explained. “I mean, he looked pretty upset when you called me ‘homo’ after lunch today.”

  Alex grimaced. “Do you think he hates gay people…oooh, or was he offended?”

  “I think he thought it was in poor taste.” I stated blandly.

  Alex mulled this over as we sipped at our coffees and we both texted our parents to let them know we were getting coffee together. My dad shot back a text reminding me that too much coffee was bad for me. I ignored it and just let him know that I’d be home at dinner time.

  “Spend time with him again tomorrow.” Alex suggested. “Talk to him. You’re really good at getting people to open up and talk to you, Coop.”

  “Well, you certainly didn’t wait long to confess that you’re a nelly bottom.”

  “I’m a top, thank you.” Alex puffed out his chest.

  “I don’t think virgins get to decide on their role in the bedroom.” I chuckled.

  “Hey…I kind of did it. Once.” Alex defended himself with rosy cheeks.

  “Touching Catherine’s boob sophomore year while she tried to give your flaccid dick an Indian Rug Burn is not ‘kind of doing it’, idiot.”

  Alex blushed deeper but laughed along with me. If Alex hadn’t known he was gay before that moment, his time with some girl from another school had cemented the fact in his brain. I looked at my friend over the café table, trying to decide if all of this was worth my effort. I mean, I wanted my friend to be happy…and there was a one in ten chance that Logan was gay. So, why didn’t I want to help out?

  It did seem a little deceitful, trying to find out if Logan was gay simply to hook him up with my best friend. Logan didn’t deserve to feel used if things didn’t work out well. Even the nicest, gay-friendly straight guy would feel a bit pissed at having two other guys manipulate him simply to see if he would be open to some fooling around. I sighed as I sipped at my coffee, knowing what my answer was going to be regardless.

  “Fine.” I rolled my eyes.

  My shoulders and eyes were getting a work out lately.

  “You’ll do it?” Alex jiggled happily in his seat.

  “I’ll talk to him and see if anything seems to point towards him liking guys.” I shrugged. “If it does, I’ll suggest that he should get to know you. But that’s it.”

  “Deal.” Alex shoved his hand across the table.

  “No, thanks. I know you don’t wash your hands well after using the bathroom.” I snorted.

  “Well, if you’re going to be gay, Coop, you can’t be afraid to get a little piss on your hands.” Alex teased.

  “What…exactly…do you think gay sex entails???” I stuck out my tongue.

  Alex laughed loudly enough that the baristas jumped and looked over.

  Tuesday in school was another normal day, save the fact that Logan was now my AP Chemistry partner, we had lunch together, and walked to fifth period together. After school, we walked to the parking lot together, Alex joining us for this part of our day. Wednesday was the same. Thursday was the same. It was just another week at school as far as I was concerned. Sure, my daydreams were getting more creative and elaborate.

  Thom and me doing it in a crowded movie theater.

  Thom and I doing it at Joan’s beanery.

  Thom and I making out on a Ferris wheel.

  Thom sneaking in my window late at night to have sex with me in my bed at home.

  Thom meeting me in the bathroom at school.

  Thom. Thom. Thom.

  The sad thing was, I never planned to talk to Thom about these feelings or daydreams. I wasn’t insane. Besides, Thom was definitely sleeping with every girl that would allow it, so I was pretty sure there was no way he’d want anything to do with me. At least not in that way. Hopefully I’d find a way to figure out if Logan was gay—so at least Alex would have a chance at getting laid. And even if Logan wasn’t gay, well, at least I’d be done with the whole thing and could devote all my brain power to my fantasies involving Thom.

  Finally, Friday came and I was beginning to feel better about life. Even if I had to suffer through the whole day of doing reconnaissance for my best friend, I would have two days away from it when the final bell rang. Surely Alex would understand that I couldn’t observe Logan away from school. The thought brought me relief and I breezed through my classes, lunch, and more classes without feeling too sore about the whole situation.

  Alex had to stay behind to talk to Mr. Freeslay after Calculus, so I ended up walking to the parking lot with just Logan. I laughed along as Logan gave the condensed version of what a first week at Dextrus Academy was like for a student that had only been to public high schools previously. The fact that I had been in public schools before high school made me sympathize with Logan, but at the same time, we both had to agree that Dextrus was incredibly better. It was more hardcore, academically, and it was harder to find classes and learn about the culture—but there was so much more opportunity.

  I was parked closer to the building, so our first stop in the parking lot was next to my second-hand Civic, which garnered quite a few looks from other students. Logan never looked at my car like it was unusual. He drove a Prius after all. Logan and his parents believed in being as “green” as possible. However, his Prius was the latest model, whereas my Civic had been around for over a decade. It was one of the things I had liked about Alex, and now Logan—they didn’t judge the fact that I wasn’t rich.

  “Man, I can’t thank you enough for helping me this week.” Logan groaned as he leaned back against my car, his bag hanging heavily in front of him. “I would have freakin’ drowned without you, Cooper.”

  Luckily, after the first couple of days, Logan had gleaned that “Coop” was not my preferred moniker. He had instantly gone back to calling me my full name. I had to give him points for that one.

  “Nah.” I grinned. “I mean, yeah, you would’ve had to doggy paddle for a bit, but you would’ve figured everything out quickly enough.”

  Logan jabbed me in the bicep with a fist.

  “I can’t thank you enough, man.”

  I gave a slight conciliatory bow.

  “My pleasure, friend-o.” I smiled.

  Logan beamed.

  “What are your plans for the weekend?” Logan asked as I opened the door and slung my bag into the passenger seat from across the driver’s side. “Gonna
cut lose? Get down? Boogie?”

  “You are ridiculous, Logan.” I laughed at him. “I’m sure my dad will expect me to spend a lot of time with him. Unless, of course, he brings home a shit ton of essays to grade again.”

  “It’s cool that you and your dad are so close.” Logan replied.

  “You tell anyone I said this, I’ll end you, but he’s kind of an okay dad.”

  Logan laughed. “That’s really cool, man.”

  I shrugged.

  “Well, if you end up not having anything to do…”

  “Coop!” Alex practically screeched as he ran by, not stopping on the way to his car. “I expect you at my house earlier this time!”

  “I haven’t even talked to my dad!” I hollered after him.

  “Your old man loves me!” He hollered over his shoulder, bending at his waist to bear his butt to me. “So, don’t be late!”

  I rolled my eyes with a laugh and turned to Logan. Maybe it was my imagination, but I could swear that Logan was staring at Alex, especially the backside of him as he had bent over. As though subconsciously, Logan licked his lips slightly.

  “You going to Alex’s?” Logan shook his head, as if ridding himself of a thought and turned to me, not realizing that I had been watching him.

  I watched him a moment longer, my eyes lingering on his as I contemplated my answer. ‘Fuck it’, I thought to myself.

  “He wouldn’t mind if you came over, too.” I stated. “He’s got this cool basement apartment type set up. Sound system, T.V., PS4 and Xbox One, and a pool—if it’s not too cold tonight.”

  “Um, yeah, maybe…” Logan gave an exhale that seemed to be an attempt at a laugh.

  Logan gave a look in the direction that Alex had gone. His tongue darted out to lick his lips subconsciously again. Maybe the kid had dry lips or something, but I was betting that I was finally picking up on something. I mean, Logan might not know he was licking his lips. He might not be thinking anything.

  ‘Or he might be wanting Alex’s booty’, my brain shouted.

  It’s not like it was a big stretch. Obviously, Logan could be as gay as Alex and me, and if he was, then there was no reason that he wouldn’t want to get a piece of Alex. My best friend in the whole world wasn’t bad to look at, after all. With his dark, thick hair, kind eyes, his chiseled jaw, his tall, lean, muscular body—any gay guy would go crazy for him. This was driving me crazy. I decided to bite the bullet.

  “You two might have a lot in common.” I stated mildly.

  Logan turned to look at me.

  “Yeah?”

  “Yeah.” I nodded happily. “Maybe you guys will get along really well. Maybe…hang out sometimes without me. Do things. Together.”

  Logan watched me for a moment, then a look of anger (maybe fear) flashed across his face.

  “Wh-what?!?” Logan stammered.

  “Ya’ know…do stuff where I’m not involved.” I shrugged, my courage quickly sliding away.

  Logan stared at me…angrily?...for a moment, as if trying to decide how to proceed.

  “Fuck you, man.” Logan growled lowly.

  I titled my head back, mentally chastising myself as Logan stomped across the parking lot to his Prius. When I heard Logan’s car tires squeal out of the parking lot—quite a feat for a Prius owner—I climbed into my own car. I cursed myself in my head—and a few times out loud—as I drove home, wondering how I would break this news to my best friend.

  My weekend consisted of me staying home and avoiding everyone but my own father. Alex had been upset that I wouldn’t come hang out at his house, like I usually did on the weekends, but when I explained what had happened with Logan after school Friday, he had been mostly understanding. Although, he focused on only one detail of what I had told him instead of the big picture of pissing off Logan. All of our text conversations over the weekend were pretty similar:

  Alex: So…you really think he was checking out my ass?

  Me: I thought so, but not so sure now, obviously.

  Alex: Do you think maybe I should talk to him?

  Me: Yeah, no. After the way he told me to go fuck myself and then stomped away, I think that’s the last thing you should do. Next time he might take a swing at somebody.

  Alex: But he’s sooooo fuckin’ hot!

  My best friend was quickly making himself annoying. I didn’t want to have to choke Alex the next time I saw him, so I began ignoring all of his texts about Logan and what he thought of his looks. Eventually, sometime Saturday night, Alex got the hint and stopped bringing it up. Hopefully, he was at home, in the basement, jerking off to the thought of Logan and giving me a break from the whole debacle that had turned into a downright fiasco.

  One good thing about the whole thing was that my dad had intended to not let me go to Alex’s anyway. He had planned the whole weekend for us in advance. There was grocery shopping—fun. A drive up to Lake Champlain—a little more fun. Lots of eating of bad foods—even more fun. And tons of movie watching—the most fun. Everywhere we went, my dad wanted to make “father-son memories” so that we’d be able to draw from them when we missed each other when I was away at college.

  Mostly, I was just glad of the distractions because there were moments where I didn’t even think about what had happened between me and Logan in the parking lot on Friday. There were hours where it didn’t even cross my mind. Of course, then Alex would text and remind me all over again, but for the most part, I could pretend it was a distant memory. Everything was all about my dad and having quality time with him. School was the furthest thing from my mind.

  However, by the time that Sunday evening rolled around, we had finished eating dinner—Chinese take-out—and I was finishing up homework, the dread started to settle in. It was hard to forget that I had to face Logan again as I was finishing up my chemistry homework. As soon as I went to bed, sleep would be the only thing between my weekend of distraction and facing Logan in AP Chemistry. How could the two of us share a table, work together, and actually even speak, if he was still mad at me?

  Maybe he had even figured out that I was gay and was trying to set him up with another guy. If he was homophobic, he might get really mean or violent with me, especially if he found me by myself somewhere. I mean, I’m not particularly afraid of fighting—I’m not a wimp—but people do extremely violent things when they’re really angry or scared. I couldn’t anticipate or control every possible scenario that could come from this. Even if he wasn’t homophobic, he could still be mad that I had made assumptions about his sexuality.

  When I finally crawled into bed, resigned to the fact that I was going to have to face Logan no matter what, I was a ball of nerves. It took forever to overtake me as I stared up at my bedroom ceiling and Jumper purred next to me. Somewhere around three in the morning, my eyes grew heavy enough that I passed out. No matter what happened, I was going to face it completely exhausted and anxious.

  Monday morning didn’t start out too poorly, even though we had a pop quiz in AP American Lit in first period. It wasn’t anything I wasn’t prepared for, and while being exhausted wasn’t helping me, I managed to ace it. Everyone else in first period was preoccupied with their previous weekend, what they would have for lunch, watching the clock tick down until four o’clock, the normal stuff that teenage boys think about while in class. I was so anxious that my mind didn’t even bother to try and daydream as I sat in first period, praying the bell would never ring.

  But the bell did ring. Just like it always does after first period, Monday through Friday. I tried not to grimace as I got my things together and left AP American Literature. The walk to Dr. Sanders’ chemistry lab was absolutely excruciating. Scenarios played out in my head where Logan had been called in sick for the day—but that was pretty uncommon around Dextrus Academy. Maybe he had switched schedules or had asked Dr. Sanders to change to a different group. Anything could have happened to keep me from having to face Logan in class.

  Dr. Sanders’ classroom was full whe
n I got there, and I was the last to arrive, right as the bell rang. My stomach sank when I saw Logan at our table, sitting rigidly on his stool, eyes straight ahead. Dr. Sanders started his lecture as I was climbing onto my stool and stowing my bag underneath the table. My gut was roiling as I did my best to just look straight ahead and listen. But my mind was telling me that any moment, Logan was going to turn into a crazed animal and attack me, or worse, announce to the class that I was gay.

  Sure, I hadn’t told him that I was gay…but he could easily accuse me of it since it wasn’t hard to put two and two together. Logan just stared straight ahead, though, listening to Dr. Sanders’ lecture. After several minutes, the rigidity in his body went away and he slumped further down. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see confusion and desperation in Logan’s face. He looked totally out of his element and he was sinking fast. He looked like he wanted to turn to me and plead for help. Honestly, I wanted to turn to him and tell him it would be okay. He might be mad at me, but I still thought he was a nice guy. I hated to see other students struggle like that.

  Lecturing was what Dr. Sanders was in the mood for, though, and not one minute of class was wasted on anything but him talking. I took notes like I always did, even though I knew the material, and Logan frantically tried to keep up taking notes while also attempting to comprehend. When class was over and the bell rang, he looked like he was going to cry. He quickly shoved all of his things into his bag and was gone before I could say a word.

  At lunch, I could see Logan in line at the taco cart, and when he saw me, he quickly turned away. He was obviously going to avoid me, so I did my best to make it easy on him. I got an iced coffee from the coffee and tea bar, but instead of going to sit in my usual spot, where Alex and everyone could find me, I sat on the other end of the courtyard, behind the half-wall that surrounded it. Just like Logan, I wanted to be left alone—to sulk and wallow in my own sorrow.

  In fifth period, after lunch, Logan ignored me from across the room. It was probably best. One angry look from him would have made me break. Luckily, the class went by quick and so did sixth period. When I saw Alex again in Calculus, he tried grilling me about where I’d been at lunch, but I just shrugged and turned my attention back to Mr. Freeslay and the board. All through class, Alex kept shooting looks at me, but I pretended to ignore him.