by Ava Catori
It hit me fast. Unexpectedly, tears washed down my face. I’d brought nothing but problems and pain to Steel. I didn’t want that. He’d been so good to me.
“Avery, it’s going to be okay. Every day gets a little better. I’m sorry you had to see him, and that I couldn’t control myself, but time heals a lot.”
“I’m crying out of gratitude, not pain. You’ve been so good to me.”
He looked at me with curiosity.
“I’m not used to somebody taking care of me.”
He stood and pulled me into his arms. “It’s okay, baby, let it out.”
Chapter 11
I’m not sure how it happened, one thing led to another… we were in his room, our clothes were coming off, and I wanted him as much as I’d ever wanted anything or anyone.
Steel lifted my shirt over my head. I watched him as he took in my naked image. I could barely breathe. My heart lodged in my throat.
Steel’s gaze was intense, almost smothering me. Would I be who he wanted me to be?
His confidence spoke for both of us. He was in charge. He wouldn’t lead me astray. I could trust him. Goose bumps shot up my arms.
With slow and steady movements, we connected. He traced my skin, his fingers etching over me, barely grazing my flesh. Lazy circles traced around my breasts. He teased my nipple, and I thought I might collapse on the spot. I closed my eyes, getting lost in the sensation. They were painfully, slow intoxicating movements, he knew how to please a woman. I was safe in his hands.
His hot breath close to my skin brought tears to my eyes. They were tears of joy. I didn’t rebel at his touch. I wanted more. His mouth was warm, and as he latched onto my nipple I knew I was ready to take the next step. My head and heart were in agreement. Steel Brickman was a man I could trust.
He milked me, lulling me into a soft place. His mouth and fingers tempted me. Slowly, his fingers moved lower. He wrapped his big bear paws around the button and zipper, and drew my pants down. I held my breath and waited. I shifted, helping him push them over my hips and past my thighs.
Then they were off. I stepped out of them and stood in only my panties. It didn’t matter that there was still cloth on my body; I felt naked and vulnerable under his eyes. With my consent, we continued. With a leap of faith, I let my panties hit the floor.
My hands shot up instinctually, covering my body. He placed his hands over mine and pulled them away. “You’re safe.”
“Steel,” I finally whispered before we went any further. “I want this, but I’m afraid I’ll stop us again.”
“And if you do, we’ll stop.”
“I don’t want to disappoint you,” I admitted.
“I don’t have any expectations.” He soothed my concerns.
“Okay…” My voice was small.
He slipped out of his jeans and led me to the bed. He left his underwear on for the time being, not wanting to overwhelm me. His cock was pressed tight to his boxer briefs, trying to make an escape.
In his willingness to bend, I saw his maturity. He had the confidence to lead, but allowed me my faults. He’d help me advance, take a step forward in reclaiming my life.
I sucked in my lower lip, as he caressed my naked body with kisses. Gently grazing my skin with his fingertips, I buzzed with excitement and arousal. His movements were cautious and slow. I’d never had such a generous and patient lover.
As his fingers danced closer to my nether lips, my body stiffened. I didn’t mean for it to happen.
“Do you want me to stop?” he asked.
“No, don’t stop.” I was sure of it.
His fingers moved over my lips, tender and soft. I breathed in the moment. My body felt wonderful, my brain was seized in panic. There was a fire I needed to put out. In the mist of my confusion, the tip of his finger slipped between my lips and I let go.
A sigh of relief, a moan.
A hurdle. I was over the hurdle. My heart sang. He pressed inside of me, and I let him in. With a final exhale, I parted my legs and let him know I was okay.
***
Making love to Steel that day was unlike anything I could have imagined. How could I not fall in love? He saved me from myself. I feared I might retreat at some point, scramble and hide, but I’d stop myself. I had to, Steel was the best thing that ever happened to me.
Collapsing beside him, I curled against my lover. “Thank you.”
“No, thank you,” he said.
In the crook of his arm, I snuggled in.
The words felt so natural, and the talking came easy in those moments. The new intimacy drew us closer, bonded us. I shared a story from my childhood, a silly one about skipping and tripping on a curb. I still had a tiny scar if you looked closely.
He spoke of the arrest, and wishing he could control his rage. It’s not like he snapped over tiny things, but when he got to that point, it was hard to shut it down. He said his mother would be upset with him for not acting like a man in those moments. She would have wanted him to walk away, not use violence. I saw that while he had raw power, he wanted more choice on how he used it. Once it was flipped, it was hard to go back.
We talked about his career and the first time he met the agent. He was shocked to hear the offer, but had to turn it down. His sister convinced him that he needed to take the deal. He seemed close to her. I was glad that she’d healed from whatever she’d been through.
I told him how I wanted to be in the circus when I was small, but then realized that I’d have to move all the time, and decided it wasn’t for me. I then wanted to be a veterinarian until I realized I wasn’t good with science. Now I had no idea what I wanted to do, though I was going through the motions of getting a degree. I’d be graduating soon and had zero clues what direction to go in.
It was wonderful. I could have stayed there all day, but we had things to do. I felt free for the first time in ages. I’d been caged inside of myself, trapped in a mental prison, and I was finally handed the key.
We showered and redressed, then went to collect my things. Steel smoothed things over with the owner, and gave him money to cover my leaving on short notice. He’d find another tenant. I’d still work there, so it’s not like Phil’s was out of my life. Besides, I liked working there. My customers knew me. Nobody wanted to talk. They didn’t care, as long as I kept their drinks and shots filled. They weren’t there for the entertainment value.
“You’re sure you want to do this?” I asked, giving him the chance to back out.
“There’s no reason not to.”
We moved my few items into a back bedroom at his place. Having my own bathroom excited me more than anything. It was clean. I could take long, hot showers. It was safe. It’s not like I could stay there forever, but instant relief was mine for the taking.
I’d sleep without fear. Nobody would slam down the hallway. I wouldn’t have to barricade the bathroom door. I felt like a thrown away teddy-bear that had been picked up and cherished after being found on the side of the road.
I wasn’t sure where our relationship was going, but having my own room gave us both space. I was certain I’d sleep in his bed as often as my own. I’d been alone for such a long time, it felt odd saying I was in a relationship. That’s what it was, right?
***
The following day, his mood changed. He’d been charged with disorderly conduct. That wasn’t the issue, since it was basically a fine in this case, but my step-brother was pressing charges. With a slew of witnesses… Well, he was unprovoked, and Steel shattered part of his cheekbone and his nose. Things didn’t look good.
When I got home from work, I found him grumbling and already slurring his words.
“What happened?” I wasn’t used to seeing him this way.
“My fucking life is ruined is what happened. It’s all over the news. I got a warning that the team might dissolve my contract.”
“Oh, shit,” I said. This was my fault. Not really, but it felt that way. I closed my eyes and searched for answer
s, grasping for straws. I found nothing. The strong and powerful man I knew had been crushed beneath a heap of legal trouble. Bad publicity could be scarring to the Red Hawks. People didn’t like it when players went rogue. If they kicked him off the team…shit.
“I defended your honor,” he started. “Your rape is going to come out in all of this. You’re going to have to press charges in return.”
I panicked. My heart leaped to my throat. I could barely breathe. “I can’t do that. I don’t want to relive it.”
He looked at me, annoyance on his face.
I snapped. “I didn’t ask you to jump him.”
Steel jumped up. “You’d let them hang me for this?”
I immediately felt bad for the last comment. I’d hidden my pain under the table for so long. It was easier to ignore what happened. I didn’t want to go back and think about the details again. I didn’t want to relive the experience. And yet, Steel was trying to protect me, to right a wrong. I shook my head. “I’m sorry.”
“I have a lawyer. She’s going to need details. It won’t be easy, but I need you to do this.”
I felt the color drain from my face. It was as if somebody was choking me, and all life slipped out of my body.
He continued. “There’s no going back. The allegations are on the table. They’ll say I was protecting you from your former rapist. We might stand a shot. My reaction was natural in the circumstances.”
I barely recognized my voice. I paced like a trapped rat. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
He answered, without emotion. It was cut and dry in his eyes. “You have to.”
“The wound will split open again. My family will be in my face…I don’t think that I can…”
“I’ll be by your side, Avery. You can do this. I’ll protect you.”
“How, by jumping on him again?” I shot out, unapologetically.
Steel growled. “I did it for you.”
“I didn’t ask you to.” Hot tears stained my face. He wanted to tear off my scar and let it bleed fresh again. What he was asking me to do was go back to the past and…no.
Steel braced himself on the back of a chair and slurred. “You’re unbelievable, you know that? What do you want from me?”
“What do you want from me,” I challenged.
“For you to have my back, like I had yours.” His glare said it all.
He was right. He had my back, and I wanted to run and hide in response. I dropped my head, the shame of the words kicked me in the gut. “Fine.”
The tension in his jaw relaxed as he sat back down.
I had no idea what that would mean. If I could follow through, but it was time to have his back. He shouldn’t suffer for my mistakes.
“My sister’s flying in later this week. I told her what was going on. She wants to be here.”
Great; somebody else to judge me.
Chapter 12
Kira wasn’t what I expected her to be. She was maybe an inch or two taller than five feet, a spitfire, and anything but frail. How he’d described her in the past, being broken… that wasn’t the girl I met. She was feisty, strong, and independent.
She was on a kick about her weight. She felt she’d put a few pounds since she’d seen her brother last, and was lamenting about it. To me, she was rail thin, and how she worried about weight confused me.
Steel scoffed. “You’re beautiful inside and out, whether you weigh one hundred pounds soaking wet or two hundred pounds. Any guy that can’t see how special you are doesn’t deserve you.”
The way she looked at him, it was obvious she adored him. They had a dynamic connection, almost mirroring one another.
When Steel introduced us, we sat and filled her in on all the details. He’d only given her bits and pieces before she arrived.
They were happy to be together again, but I felt like a third wheel.
“You should stay,” Steel started. “There’s nothing left in Seattle anyway. Move in here. I’ve got the space.”
I couldn’t see the three of us living together. I was pretty sure I’d be pushed out of the picture quickly. I sensed her sizing me up, questioning my intentions. Her brother was a big time football star. I was the person that brought trouble into his life.
***
“So, this is Avery,” he started.
She motioned with her hand, and eyed me up.
“Be nice,” he cautioned. “She means a lot to me.”
“Yeah, well, she’s gotten your ass into trouble already.” She turned and glared at me, as if I’d asked him to jump my step-brother. Everything inside of me wanted to tell her to fuck off, but I bit my tongue, knowing restraint was the better choice.
The longer we sat and talked, the more I realized it was jealousy that drove Kira’s actions. At first I thought it was anger, but she didn’t like another woman holding his attention. She wasn’t used to sharing him. He’d been her savior, her protector for such a long time, she was struggling with the fact that he was doting on another woman.
I think she truly wanted him to find happiness, but she had trouble knowing she wouldn’t be the only woman in his life. She saw it in his eyes, the way he looked at me. Regardless, it was easy to pin the blame on me. If I wasn’t here, he wouldn’t be in trouble.
Steel stretched out, owning his space. He didn’t apologize for his presence. He was a big guy. I watched him, then looked down. I was scrunched in, trying to take up as little space as possible. My legs were crossed at the ankle, my arms were tight against me, and I scrunched my shoulders in and down. I’d never paid much attention to my body language, but on noticing Steel, it put attention on my own.
Kira continued. “Okay, so what do we know so far?”
“Her step-brother is pressing charges like I mentioned on the phone. Avery needs to tell her side of the story, so there’s just cause.”
“Of course,” she agreed.
I cut in. “It’s not that easy.”
Kira stared at me like I had two heads. “Why not?”
“It’s just not. I’m not ready to dig up the past.” I tried to defend my choices, as they were being scrutinized.
“Digging up the past? That’s what you call it? If he raped you, he raped you. He deserves what happens next.” Her voice s hardened. Kira sighed deeply, then softened a bit. “Listen, I know what it’s like, but you can’t let him win.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to help, I just don’t think I can,” I said quietly.
A storm brewed around her. Her mood swiftly changing. “So you’re willing to let Steel fall, without trying to save him?”
“I didn’t say that,” I quickly defended.
“You didn’t say you’re stepping up to help him either,” she pointed out.
“It’s complicated,” I fumbled. “It’s not that I don’t want to help him…”
She was annoyed. “Look, I don’t know what you went through, but for me, letting go of the shame and taking my power back was huge. I can’t promise it will be easy, but you can’t turn your back on my brother. He stood up for your honor, letting the asshole know what he did was unacceptable. Why would you let your step-brother walk away and take my brother down in the mean time?”
I looked away. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want Steel to have trouble because of me, but couldn’t a fancy, expensive lawyer fix this mess without me?
“Steel can’t chance another strike against him,” she said. “After what happened in Seattle, this could destroy him. He’s got a promising future; don’t make him give up his career.”
Steel stepped back between us. “It will all work out.”
I looked at the man that broke through my wall. Steel patiently took down brick after brick to reach me. I said what they both needed to hear. “I’ll do it for you.”
Kira spoke first, “You won’t regret it, I promise. We’ll both stand by your side.”
I nodded. I was terrified, but I wasn’t alone.
Digging up the past woul
dn’t be easy. It was his word against mine. Things could get ugly.
I had to at least try. Steel deserved that much. Surely they’d see he was protecting my honor and not some violent criminal. Of course, my step-brother’s lawyers made Steel out to be a monster, somebody who attacked people for no reason.
After enough give and take, the asshole accepted a settlement; money to buy him off and keep his mouth shut. Steel took the deal to save his career, but thought I should still press charges.
Without the pressure on him anymore, I decided to let it drop. If I’d been smart and reported it immediately, there would have been proof, proof between my legs, but I didn’t. Now it was only my words, with absolutely no evidence, no prior police report, no nothing - only digging up bones.
After the case resolved, Kira decided she’d stick around. I’d expected her to turn and head back home, but she was getting comfortable.
I moved into Steel’s room, since we were sleeping together most nights anyway. Safely tucked in his arms was the only place I wanted to be.
Kira’s moods shifted. She didn’t like that Steel and I continued to bond. She was fine with it, until the ‘word’ came out. There was no going back.
I stretched, slowly coming out of my stupor. I rolled over and pulled Steel’s pillow against me. I could still smell his delicious, masculinity on it. I couldn’t get enough of him. I knew I’d fallen for him, but we hadn’t gone there yet. It was unspoken, and who knows what he was feeling. I loved him, but still hadn’t found the courage to tell him. I was afraid he’d think I was moving too fast.
Kira’s voice raised to a squealed pitch. “How can you love her when you barely know her?”
“Shh, she’s sleeping,” he said.
“Have you even told her?” It was obvious she was distressed. “Seriously, Steel, I think you’re jumping the gun here.”
I sat up, as if those few extra inches my ears were closer to the door would make a big difference. Yes, I knew listening in was wrong, but how could I tune them out? He loved me? My body buzzed with warmth.