by Ava Catori
“She’s not good enough, Steel. She’ll hold you back,” Kira lamented.
“What makes you an expert?” He was growing annoyed with his little sister questioning his choices.
“She works at some dive bar, Steel. You’re a professional ball player. You deserve more than white trash.”
The knife in my chest twisted. I could barely swallow.
Anger slashed out of him. “Holy shit; did you just call Avery trash?”
Kira back-pedaled. “Come on, I didn’t mean it that way.”
“I expected more out of you,” he spat out.
“Steel, that’s not fair. You know I’m just looking out for you. How do you know she’s not a gold digger looking to strike it rich?”
“You know nothing about her, not where she comes from, not how I found her – and what we have is real.” He was firm, direct, and strong. He wasn’t letting his sister second guess his choices.
“I’m sorry, okay,” she said, trying to pacify him. “It’s just that I’m watching out for you.”
“Don’t bother, if you’re going to tear Avery down.”
“You’re making a mistake,” she shot out, then stomped down the hallway and slammed her door shut.
I closed my eyes, in case he came into the room. I didn’t want him to know I’d eavesdropped. I draped myself in my new knowledge. A smile slipped over my lips. Only her stupid voice snuck back into my head. A gold digger, white trash… That she classified me in such negative terms horrified me. Apparently, her opinion of me wasn’t painting a pretty picture. I thought we’d found common ground. I was foolish to believe she’d ever be my friend. I was taking too much of Steel.
After enough time passed, I got up. I padded into the kitchen.
“Hey,” he greeted. Steel got up from the table and pushed his mug back.
“Morning.” I snuggled into him, then looked up into his sad eyes. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, just a fight with my sister.”
I pretended not to know. “What happened? Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not really,” he said, then turned the conversation back to me. “How’s your final paper coming along?”
I shrugged. “I’m not really feeling it, but it’s almost finished. I’m a little overwhelmed to be honest. I’m not sure what to do with myself. If I graduate, it opens a lot of new possibilities, and yet the simplicity of staying where I am, at Phil’s strikes me, too. There’s not any pressure.”
“You’re smart; you’ll figure it out,” he said. “I need to go out for a bit today. Do you mind hanging with my sister? When you wrap your classes, maybe we could go away. Once training comes up again, I won’t get much free time. Football season can be pretty intense.”
My insides tightened. I knew what Kira thought of me, and wasn’t allowed to admit it. “Yeah, sure, I’ll keep her company.”
Steel wrapped his massive hand around his coffee mug and took a big gulp. “Thanks.”
I loved his voice. It was deep and solid, sexy and masculine. I loved how it made my insides tingle. I took a chance. I tested him casually, then waited. “I’m going to grab a shower. Love you.”
Nothing in return. I wondered if I was out of line. Would he know I heard his earlier conversation? I waited. Still nothing. My gut clenched. I think his sister’s opinion held more weight than I realized. Was he second guessing himself?
Chapter 13
Steel pulled me close. His hot breath filled my ear. My body tingled as he whispered softly. “I’m so proud of you, Avery. I love you, babe.”
I swallowed hard and looked up at him. “I love you, too.”
He gave me a small kiss. I controlled the urge to climb on him and do dirty things. This wasn’t the time or place. We stood among masses of people after my graduation, and only after we got back to his truck did we continue our conversation.
“I got you something.” He pulled out a small, velvet box.
I slowly opened it, not knowing what to expect. Brilliant diamond earrings sparkled against the black, jewelry box. They were large, pear shaped diamonds that easily cost more than I could fathom, not the tiny studs you find at a mall store when you get your ears pierced. My jaw dropped. “Steel, they’re gorgeous. I can’t accept these. They’re so… it’s too much.”
“Not too much for the girl that I love,” he corrected.
I didn’t know what to say. They were extravagant, more than I deserved. “I…”
“Kira helped me pick them out,” he added.
“Really?” I was blown away. I thought she didn’t – or thought I was a – it didn’t matter.
“She pointed to a smaller version of these, so I knew to upsize them, because she can be stingy. Besides, she’s not in love with you like I am,” he said with a boyish grin.
“You’re sure?” I hesitantly asked.
He nodded. “Of course, they can’t match your brilliance, but they’ll give you some competition.”
I reached out and stroked his arm. “You really are too good for me.”
He arched an eyebrow, not sure what to make of the comment. “That’s ridiculous.”
“Everything you’ve done for me; I’ll never be able to thank you enough. I wouldn’t be where I am today…” I was getting mushy and couldn’t finish. Teary wasn’t my thing, so I brushed my arm over my eyes and turned to look out the window.
He placed his hand on my thigh. “It’s all good, babe.”
***
We didn’t see it coming. There was no way to know. We’d reached a tipping point. I didn’t need to be rescued anymore. He didn’t need to save me. Something changed.
Chapter 14
Training camp snuck up on us. As the men reported for duty, Steel hardened. He needed to be in the right state of mind. Being soft wouldn’t do. It was as if a light switch flipped from the off to on position.
He was focused and driven. While he loved football, there was a lot of pressure on him. The Red Hawks paid a good sum for him, and he didn’t want to let them down. He’d already brought bad press.
I poked the bear, teasing him about the changes.
“I’m not the same during football season,” he warned. “I know we met during that time, but this is different. Now that I’m playing, it gets intense. I get intense.”
“I can handle intense.” I stroked his shoulder. I was up on my side, my head on my pillow. I loved being next to him in bed. It was my favorite place to be.
Steel pulled me into him. “Don’t forget how much I love you.”
“You make it sound as if you’re going off to war,” I said. It was football, not a battle in another land. It was a game, right? I understood it was his job, but still… he wasn’t curing cancer.
Steel’s hands roamed the curves of my body. Slipping a hand over my hip, he guided me up and over him. I straddled his thick, muscled thighs. His cock was stiff and ready for me. I leaned forward and kissed him, then backed onto the hardened head of his cock. I pressed down and groaned. His dick spread my lips open and impaled me. Such pleasure. I loved how our bodies fit together.
Steel moaned and held me in place. “Wait, I just want to feel you there for a minute. You’re so wet, baby.”
When he was inside of me, I felt complete. Slowly, we molded into one another, my hips grinding, and his thrusting from below. We found our motion as our bodies tangled together. Steel held me fast, then rolled so I was on my back. Once over me, he pummeled deep and hard with his cock. I wrapped my thighs up and over him, locking on. I couldn’t get enough of him.
On release, we collapsed. He pulled out, but still kept me close. Our lips brushed together, and we drank, kissed, partook, nibbled and caressed one another, not wanting to let go.
He suckled the sweet skin on my neck. Somehow our lips met again, and in a heated kiss he broke away long enough to whisper that he loved me. I pulled him back to me, needing his mouth on mine.
We rolled again. I was back on top and draped over his ch
est. I couldn’t let go, didn’t want to let go. I could kiss him for days. We didn’t need words.
A second wave rushed through us. We made love, then fell into each other’s arms. Finally, we drifted off to sleep. We had no idea things were about to change.
His job of fixing me was over. He had a new responsibility. I never knew I’d grow jealous of a football and a team of men, but I was no longer his priority. Steel had tunnel vision, only able to full focus on one thing at a time. I went from being his everything, to just another ‘something’ in his life. I tried not to take it personal. Tried.
I dove into the woven threads of our relationship and saw something I’d never noticed. It was so clear. How hadn’t I seen it before? It wasn’t until his sister needed saving again that I recognized his behavior. He was a knight in shining armor, a certified hero. His need to swoop in and save the day told me more than I wanted to know. Was I simply a stray that he’d picked up along the way and saved? Now that I could stand on my own two feet again, the job was complete.
Kira settled in Pennsylvania the best she was able. She stumbled into a little bit of trouble, nothing major, but Steel acted as if it were the end of the world. She’d gone out to a local pub, had too much to drink, and a guy she’d been flirting with at the bar followed her cab home.
Steel moved so fast, he was like lightning. Being her big brother, the hero; he came to life. The way it played out… I recognized that man. He’d rescued me.
The drunk guy didn’t realize what he was up against. He was after a bit of intoxicated loving, but she wanted none of it. Steel swooped in to save the day, ready to pound the unwelcome guy’s ass to the ground. Kira looked to her brother, her savior once again, and beamed. He chased away the bad guy, the dragon, the evil, and wore his shiny armor. He was unstoppable.
That was the moment I knew. It wasn’t love. I fed his ego. His self-esteem was tied to being a savior. My heart dropped like a rock. It sat in my stomach, refusing to move. I loved him, but it wasn’t the same. I loved him for everything he did for me, for lifting me up, for protecting me, but he loved the act of rescuing a wounded bird.
And Kira, she loved being saved. It was what she’d grown to know. She needed him. Needed him to be Superman. She thrived on his attention, and he thrived on being larger than life.
For a moment in time, he met the ideal image he held of himself. When the crisis was averted, he was simply a regular guy playing football. It should have been enough. He was in the big leagues, getting paid big bucks, but this wasn’t about his career, it was about his identity.
I’d been sucker punched with the truth. I wanted to pretend like it didn’t matter, but I guess all those psychology classes taught me something after all. I didn’t like knowing the truth, because it put a spotlight on what we had, what our relationship was based on. He fell in love with me to fill a void in himself. He needed to fix me, save me, because it helped him. Co-dependence was a bitch. Everything was right in his world when the void was filled.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Who would fill the void now that I didn’t need him to prop me up. Would he rescue another lost puppy? This isn’t what I signed up for. I fell in love. Dammit, I was in love with Steel. He was strong, caring, warm, kind, and… not that it mattered. I don’t think he… My stomach twisted. He thought he was in love with me, but I knew better.
He cemented it for me, unknowingly.
Frustrated, Steel rambled. “Kira’s not capable of taking care of herself. She needs me. She wants my advice, and then she doesn’t take it. She should listen to me. I know what’s best. I can watch over her, help her. It’s aggravating. She did the same thing back in Seattle. She’d get into trouble, I’d save her, and we’d follow some weird cycle.”
What he didn’t say was that he loved saving her. Adored it. Couldn’t wait to do it again. He couldn’t see it. They were trapped in roles that weren’t going to undo themselves. She needed him. He needed her. They fed into each other’s psychological garbage. And why would they change? Lastly, where did that leave me?
Kira was more than capable of taking care of herself, but why would she when she needed to be doted on by her big brother? She was the center of attention. He’d lift her up, let her feel cared about, and filled the void that her father left.
He was forced to fix others to truly feel alive. How could I ignore what I knew? Steel Brickman was as crumbled inside as everyone else.
***
I wanted to address it, even knowing it might be a blow to our relationship. Was I helping him, or self-sabotaging? Shit. I didn’t even know. Either way, I thought it was important enough to talk about. Maybe it was a mistake.
Denial came fast and hard. “You’re completely nuts. I’m not some weak man that has to blather on about my emotions. Whatever garbage you’re trying to shovel, just stop.”
“Steel, can’t you see it? Look how you are with your sister. The second she needs help, it’s like you light up inside. It’s like you need her to get in trouble, just so you can save her.”
“Avery, enough,” he snapped. “Listen to yourself. You think I want my sister to get into trouble? Geez, what kind of guy do you think I am? I love her. I want her to be happy, and to get her shit together, and stop finding issues.”
“Steel-”
His nostrils flared. “I said enough! You have your own damn problems. Worry about those. Figure out what the hell you’re doing, now that you’ve graduated. You can’t work in that shitty bar forever. It’s like your settling and not even trying to improve your situation. What is that?”
“My job? You never had a problem with it before.”
“It’s a rat hole,” he fumed. “You’re better than that. It’s embarrassing. You work in a dive. My reputation’s on the line.”
“You’re the one that found me,” I spat out.
“What the fuck? You want to be a loser all of your life?”
The dagger hit me squarely in the chest. It was the start of our undoing. I drew a slow, deep breath. Between clenched teeth, I pushed out the words. “Did you just call me a loser?”
Our worlds collided. I floundered. I was a dizzy top, ready to tumble over and fall flat on my face. Could our worlds co-exist?
“I don’t have time for this bullshit,” he berated. “My career is on the line. I can’t be worrying about your crap all the time.”
“Worrying about me? What have you got to worry about,” I argued. “I don’t need you watching over me like some paid security guard. I can take care of myself.”
“Is that what you think of me? Start looking at your own shit, before you throw stones at me. You can barely support yourself, Avery. You haven’t even tried looking for a better job.” The vein on the side of his neck pulsed.
“I survived just fine before you came along,” I growled defiantly.
“Survived? You call that surviving? Living in a room over a bar with a bathroom down the hall? You’ve got low fucking standards, lady.” He steamed.
“I don’t need your money. I didn’t ask you to rescue me.” I stormed from the room, fire blowing from my ears.
“You don’t know what the hell you need?” He followed behind me. “If it weren’t for me, you’d still be living in that hell hole of a room with drunks down the hall, and a bathroom riddled with disease.”
“Screw you.” I spun to look at him, furious.
Steel pinned me to the wall, the weight of his hip against mine. He yanked my wrists up over my head. His hot breath was inches from my face, his lips hovering over mine. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you? You need somebody to be in control.”
I stared at him, desperate for his kiss, as angry as I was.
He dropped my wrists. “I’m not giving you the satisfaction.”
I could barely breathe. Stunned, I watched him walk away from me.
“Steel,” I said.
He was on me. His lips tearing at my neck, his hands in my hair. His teeth grazed my skin. Pinned against
the wall, I needed him. It scared me how much I needed him.
“God, I fucking want you,” he whispered.
We switched gears so quickly, it confused me. I couldn’t deny the words he said, and yet I wanted his big, fat cock to stretch my pussy open wide. I wanted to ride him until we had nothing left. I wanted to feel his tongue all over my body, and taste his saltiness while sucking on his balls and cock.
With the spontaneity of a summer storm rolling in, we ripped off our clothes. Every sensation was heightened. I had no idea where we’d stand after this, but as long as he pushed his cock into me, I’d be able to breathe again.
“I love you,” he growled, “I just want what’s best for you.”
“You don’t get to decide,” I groaned as he pushed into me, his knee pressing my thighs apart.
“You have to trust me,” he grunted as if his movements were carved with purpose. Each thrust had us speaking less.
“You can’t always be in charge,” I moaned, unable to speak any longer. I wanted him to take me to the edge. As our bodies tangled and melted into one another, we drained our stress.
I wanted to love him forever. I needed him to love me back.
We moved to the bed, collapsing. “I love you, Steel, but I’m afraid of losing you. I’m not broken anymore, and you can’t rescue me.”
My words hit like cold water to his face. “You think that’s what this is? What the hell, Avery.”
“What else, then?” I hated stating the obvious, but I needed to – for both of us.
“I don’t have time for this.” Steel rolled out of bed and ignored my words. “I’ve got to get out of here.”
Sex was easy; it was talking that was the real challenge.
Chapter 15
Kira decided that Pennsylvania wasn’t home. She wanted to go back to Seattle. She’d become more independent than she’d realized. When she was younger, she liked her brother leading the way. As an adult, it wasn’t the same. It felt restrictive and controlling.