We haven’t spoken of that night since her honeymoon and then I lied to her. If I told her the truth, she would’ve hounded me like a bloodhound on a hunt. I’m afraid to tell Angela the truth, for it might make it real.
My heart might never beat the same.
When the doctors started attaching all the wires to my chest to monitor my heart rate, I should’ve told them not to bother.
It’s dead.
I feel nothing unless Carter is in the same room with me. Even though I’m hurt, he causes my heart to beat. It’s him that makes me feel every emotion possible.
Allowing a tear to slip from the corner of my eye, I stare off, ignoring Angela as I remember the first encounter with him after the wedding.
“Follow me,” his assistant Kelly said as she escorted me into the conference room.
My hands were sweating up a storm from the nerves and anticipation of seeing him again. As we stepped into the small conference room, I tried to avoid eye contact until his assistant exited.
Glancing up through hooded eyes, I watched as Carter moved closer to me.
“I’m glad you’re here.”
“Not me, but we have work to do. Can you handle that? I’m here to do my job and only my job, Carter,” I responded as I marched to the table and placed my items on the oval space.
“I can, but I wish you’d look at me. You can be mad all you like, but I need to see into your eyes.”
Feeling defeated, I take a moment and look up towards him, making eye contact for the first time since the ladies’ room. It’s then that my heart feels like it will jump from my chest. It wants to leap from mine and into his.
“I need out, Carter. This isn’t going to work.”
“It will work, and I already told you that I’d prove it all. I just need time.”
“Time? I don’t have that for you. I was ready to take that next step, and then you show up with your wife. Talk about making me look like a fool. The only people who knew were the ones that are in my life every day. You fancy explaining to them as well?”
“I don’t have to explain anything to them, only you. This fight that you have right now, keep it. Don’t back down and promise me something, if you at any time feel threatened, or in danger call this number.”
Confused, I looked down to the card with only a number on it. “Why? Why do you feel the need to wreck my life? I don’t need this, Carter. You need to let me be. I was fine being alone before you showed up on my computer screen.”
Carter slid the back of his hand down the side of my face, causing my heart to skip. “I couldn’t stay away from you if I tried, and trust me, I pleaded with myself. Promise me you’ll do as I ask.”
Giving in, I agreed to take the card.
I remember thinking at that moment how Adam and Eve felt in The Garden of Eden. Carter is my apple.
Bringing myself back to today, I glance over towards Angela to ask, “How is one’s heart destined to beat and live to be with another’s? Can you tell me how to move past the pain? Tell me how to close my eyes at night, and not see his?”
“Who are you talking about, Tabitha? Is this about Cory and Meredith?”
“No … never mind, it’s nothing. Look, let’s get the doctor and some discharge papers.”
“Oh hell no, you don’t let all that out, and then change the subject. You plan to leave this year, you spill it, or I’m taking every sparkly thing you own away from you.”
“Take it; I have no reason to shine anymore.”
“Where the hell did my best friend disappear to, better yet, what did they give you?”
“I’m okay, Angela. I’d really rather do this back at your house.”
“I’ll agree to get you out of this place, but you will bare your soul to me when we get back. I’m not letting this go. Do you understand me?”
“Fine, but just remember you asked for it.”
Watching her leave to locate a doctor to get me out of here, I question myself. Is it really a smart idea to let out the amount of pain that my heart’s in? I’m worried that I’ll spill everything.
My plan for the future.
How I lied to her, and how I’ve never before.
Guess I need to pull up a chair and spill it. Maybe getting it off my chest will do me some good. I hope this will give me the closure that I need.
Carter
Stepping into the bank, I pause for a moment as I notice a man leaning against a pillar. Jack clears his throat to alert me that he sees him as well.
We move closer to him, and then stop, and I look over towards my father and say to him, “Odd to see you here.”
“Not really, Carter. Would you like to enlighten me about what you two are up to?”
“I don’t think what I do is any of your business, Father.”
He leans in to me and whispers, “You need to turn around and leave. I won’t be able to keep you safe any longer. Drop it and move on.”
“Move on? How the hell do you suggest I do that?”
“Make the best of it; I have and you can do the same.”
“What are you implying … you don’t love Mother? All these years were a lie?”
“Not that you would understand, but I’ve loved someone else for almost eleven years now. Two people besides you know of this and it will stay that way. This is why you need to hand me the key and leave.”
“Not going to happen. This was sent to me for a reason, and I plan to find my answers in that box,” I say with gritted teeth, and get pulled from the conversation as I hear Jack talking on the phone. I never heard it ring and it causes me to glance at mine. Two missed calls from Mark and my internal being turns upside down.
I fear the worst in regards to Tabitha.
What if something happened and I wasn’t with her.
“Dad, I have shit to do. You don’t bank here and I’m pretty sure you already knew I wouldn’t listen. You’re covering something up, and I’ll get to the bottom of it.” As I finish, I turn to head over towards Jack.
With a nod of my head, Jack begins to tell me about his call with Mark.
“Everything is fine. He was able to lurk around in the back and overhear something about exhaustion and the possibility of a cold. Mark also heard her getting chewed out by a friend. If she didn’t know about you before, she will later, from his understanding.”
“I’ll handle it. Let’s empty the safe deposit box and get the hell out of here.”
Jack and I approach the teller, but before we can explain why we’re here, my phone rings again.
Noticing that it’s Kelly, and she knew I had something important to do, I step away to answer. “Hello.”
“Oh, Carter I’m so sorry to bother you, but we have an emergency.” I can tell she’s been crying and I interrupt her.
“Calm down, Kelly, and tell me what’s wrong.”
“I don’t know how it happened, but your office caught on fire. I smelled smoke and then dialed the fire department, but the whole office is gone. I’m so sorry.”
“Where are you right now?” I ask as my blood boils. I know it’s not her fault. There are only a few people who could be behind this.
“I’m in the parking lot, they’re checking me for smoke inhalation and think it’s best that I go to the hospital; just to be safe. Carter, I don’t know what happened.”
“It’s okay, as long as you and the rest of the employees got out, it’s fine. We’ll figure it out. Now do what they say and I’ll be back in a few.”
Not waiting to hear her response since I know she’s in good hands, I motion for Jack to follow me out. I’ll explain as we head back to what used to be my office.
Fate is against me retrieving this box today, but I’ll be back.
Not only is my life on the line, but others are in danger.
Chapter Four
Tabitha
ARRIVING BACK AT Angela’s house, I notice the place is empty. Secretly I prayed that Graham would be awake and needing his mother. That
would have bought me more time, but now I have to spill it.
“Let me check on the guys and I’ll be right back. Make yourself comfortable and get ready.”
“Can’t we do this tomorrow? I’m tired and would love to get some rest,” I whine.
“Would you like me to call your brother? I will and you know it.”
“No … I’d rather leave him out of my mess. He has enough on his plate.”
“That’s what I thought,” Angela says as she climbs the stairs.
With my phone in my hand, I tuck myself into the sofa, grabbing a blanket from behind to cover my legs. It’s now or never, I guess.
“Logan has Graham under control and is aware that we need some girl time. Are you hungry or need a drink before you let it all out?”
“No, I’m okay. Let’s get this over with.”
“Start from the beginning and don’t you even try to leave anything out.”
“Fine, but I’ll warn you that you might not be happy with me when this is all over.”
“I love you like a sister and I promise nothing you could ever tell me would change that.”
Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath and release it all in one exhale.
“Carter made my heart stop beating the very first time I laid eyes on him. I’d never seen him before, not until I did that teleconference for you. It was one of those instant attractions that you see in movies. You know, the boy meets girl and instant flutters. Shit, that doesn’t happen to people like me.” I stop to look over at Angela before I continue. She’s focused on every last word I’m saying.
“We finished up the conference, and then the next thing I know, he’s at The Hill one night and comes to dance with me. I didn’t know it was him, I thought it was Cory. It wasn’t until he spoke that all the hairs on my body stood up to attention. It was crazy, Cory was ready to fight and Carter was willing to go head to head. Things settled down and then the next day, he surprised me at the office. Of course, I was fighting with the copier and then knocked everything off my desk. You had seen the place after he left, and I passed it off as my fault.”
Angela interrupts me. “I remember. I blew it off as you being clumsy like always.”
“That’s the way I wanted it to be seen,” I respond.
“Why didn’t you tell me then?”
“Let me finish before you ask any questions. I’ll never get it out if you ask.”
“Okay, but I feel like I might need to take notes.”
With a little chuckle, I continue. “He’d call a few times, and I’d turn to mush with the sound of his voice. Then you promoted me and sent me to Seattle. God, the attraction I had for him was off the charts, Angela. I mean, I have never been so on edge around a man before. He demanded that I stay with him and then he left me for some function. When he came back, he slowly undid his suit and tie, and made out with me up against his window. Carter pulled away from me and stopped before anything could happen. I pretended to go to sleep and left when I knew the coast was clear.” I stop for a moment to gather my senses. Just the thought of Carter touching my body has the flutters starting up in my chest.
“Continue … You know you’re not done, lady.”
“You’re killing me Angela. Why do you need to know everything?”
“If you don’t tell me, I can’t help you. I’m worried sick about what’s going on. Let’s not even begin to think what Logan will do; he loves you like a sister as well.”
“Fine … anyway, we have contact off and on then he comes back to see me, invites me to dinner and my stupid ass forgets it’s sushi night, and well you can imagine how that went over … not well, let me add. The next night, we had our first date and I have never had anyone be so sweet and demanding all in one. His pattern is to swoop in and leave. Here one day and gone the next. Then he showed up at the banquet. Needless to say, this is when Cory let go. That night Carter was at my house waiting for me. I slept in the guest room with him and the next morning we made out, even heavier than before but no intercourse. Some crap about not being able to be with me fully … I don’t remember. Then off once again.” I stop to ask Angela for some water; I’m tired and my throat is dry. Plus, I need to gather myself before I tell her the rest.
“Hold that thought, I’ll be right back.”
While I wait, I open my phone to look at the text I heard come through. It’s a dreaded thing these days. Usually, it’s a quick something from Seth, Cory, and of course, Carter.
Carter: Will you call me, please? I just want to hear your voice.
This is what I get from time to time. Debating if I should at least text him back, I choose to close my phone and wait for Angela to return.
As I place my phone down next to me, I watch as she heads back towards the living room. “When did she become this person?” I ask myself.
“Here you go,” Angela says as she hands me my glass, and I take a huge sip.
“Thanks.” Turning towards her, I ask, “Do you think we can continue this tomorrow?”
“No … Get back to the story.”
“You aren’t reasonable, but I guess I can finish.”
“Good,” Angela says, motioning for me to continue.
“So, the next thing I did, was show up at his house. He turned me away and I ran off like a dog with my tail between my legs. We had some communication, but I didn’t see him again until the wedding. Angela, I was ready to hand my heart over to him. How do you recover from that?”
“Oh Tabitha, come here,” she says as she pulls me to her. I finally let the tears flow and let her comfort me. It’s the first time I really let it all out.
I cry for the empty feeling I have.
I cry for it all.
“So let me get it straight: you never slept together but didn’t lead me to believe otherwise. Am I correct?”
“You are,” I shamelessly admit.
“Why? Why not just tell me the truth? You know, I would have never judged you.”
“It was easier that way. I didn’t have to explain it, and if I just passed it off as a fling, I could avoid the deeper issue.”
“Are you leaving anything out?”
Looking down at the blanket across my lap, I start to pluck the fuzz from it as I avoid the question.
“Tabitha, what are you leaving out?”
“That bitch of a wife threatened me, and then Carter is being weird and told me that he would protect me from her, but I don’t know what that means. I feel like I’m being watched and it’s freaking me out.”
“Watched? What do you mean?”
“You know that feeling of someone always around? Like today when I passed out. I felt it. Then I blacked out and don’t remember anything, but the guy seemed familiar before everything went dark.”
“Can I have Logan look into it?”
“No … Maybe … I don’t know.”
“Well, we will figure it out. I promise. How are Seth and Cory taking this?”
“Seth is in his own world with Jessica and Cory is, well, Cory. He’s dating Meredith but still checks in with me. I withdrew from them since I try to avoid the happy bubble of them all.”
“I don’t know what to say, Tabitha. I’ve only ever seen you upset like this once, and then I still think it was different. You love with all your being and I know you’ll find the one. Just give it time.”
Listening to Angela, I think that I did have the one and I know there’s not another out there for me.
It’s always been Carter.
Carter
After checking with Kelly and the office, I head to my condo. It’s time to confront the bitch behind the master plan. I learned that the fire started in a small conference room next to my office. The security tapes just happened to stop working fifteen minutes before the alarms rang out.
I know who’s behind this.
Slamming the door behind me, I scream, “Bethany! Where the hell are you?” I don’t hear her response as I move through the condo, but I spot her right
away perched on her stool near the bar.
“Carter, dear, you’re home early.”
“Cut the shit, Bethany. You know what happened. Why cause a fire in a building that you own?”
“You need to calm down, and back away so we can talk.”
“I will not calm myself and I have nothing to say to you. What I need are answers. I swear I could wrap my hands around your neck right now and strangle the life out of you. You want to bring me down so fucking bad? I promise you right now I’ll take you down with me.”
“Please put me out of my misery. You think it’s so bad, having your life? Do you think I want to be here with you? No, I am tired of this game, Carter.”
“Then why? Answer that. You might say you’re tired of it, but your actions say different.”
“You have it all wrong. I don’t have a choice.”
Just the sound of her voice is making me see red even more. “Don’t worry your little head; I’ll find my way out,” I say as I move away from her. I’m so worked up that if I plan to not kill her myself, I have to release this anger.
Tabitha’s okay and everyone at my office seems to be untouched. The one who’s not okay right now is me.
Now, if she would only return my text, or pick up the phone to call me—I just need to hear her voice. Not being able to physically check on her is about to kill me. Mark has stated several times that she’s okay and I don’t need to worry.
Knowing she’s in New York makes things a little better since her best friend will take care of her.
After I change my clothes, I head back out. I need to clear my head and blow off some steam.
The best place for me right now is the gym. This has become my go-to place—somewhere I can let it all out, release the tension and the anger that’s pulling at me from within.
Rage is knocking to come out tonight. It’s either hit the gym or Bethany at this point, and since I need to be the best man I can be for Tabitha, I choose the gym.
Chapter Five
Tabitha
Unexpected Changes Page 2