Original Sins

by Kim Krizan

  Perhaps Lana Turner’s method was the wisest. Lana Turner, after all, was famous for her spectacular cantilevered figure. The “Sweater Girl,” as she was called, was said to be the prototype for Marilyn Monroe’s blonde breathiness and Elizabeth Taylor’s pinwheel of husbands. She enjoyed life to the full but it would have been unthinkable for her to get fat. And so it was that, after having married husband #3 and indulging in period of inactivity, as well as the services of a French chef, Turner noticed that her clothes didn’t fit. At first she thought they had been shrunk at the cleaners (don’t we all?), but then she had to face facts. Her personal secretary, Taylor Pero, describes the fallout in his book Always, Lana:

  Lana dutifully avoided the bathroom scale until she had signed to do a film. By then she was shocked to discover that she was now carrying 140 pounds on her five foot, three-and-a-half-inch frame. She went at once to her doctor, who advised her to dismiss the French chef. Then he put her on a diet that, Lana confided, was absolute hell—not only because it limited her intake of solids but because Lana was restricted to just one shot glass of liquor per day… .

  Lana does not deny that she was unbearable to be near while peeling off the pounds. But through near starvation and her stubborn Dutch willpower, she managed to get down to her normal 106 pounds. From that experience, Lana vowed never again to be overweight. With determination rivaled only by Scarlett O’Hara, she has doggedly kept that promise. I always found it amusing when women would corral me at this or that social function and ask for Lana’s secret of keeping her beautiful figure. The answer is easy, I’d tell them. Lana only samples everything that’s put in front of her. Without exception, restaurant owners who don’t know Lana come to the table and nervously inquire if something is wrong with the food. Lana, who has ordered whatever she felt like tasting, always smiles graciously and explains, ‘The food is wonderful. It’s just that there’s so much of it, and I have a very tiny tummy.’ We would always take the leftovers home, where Lana would pick at it over the next day or two. What with the proliferation of diet books on the bestseller lists, more than once I suggested to Lana that she pen one of her own. She never took that thought seriously, remarking, ‘Who’d buy a book with just two words in it: self-control?’

  Femme Fatale Tresses

  Second only in importance to the femme fatale’s general shape is the appearance of her hair. Hair, its style and color, acts as an immensely powerful symbol of identity, and a femme fatale hair usually has a strong color and a classic cut.

  It turns out that a Fatale’s hairdresser is more important to her psychic well-being than any shrink could possibly be. In fact, when she puts her head in her hairdresser’s hands she’s putting a large measure of her identity in there too. One who wrecks her hair will be summarily executed—at least in her imagination.

  The Importance of Being Veronica

  Veronica Lake was the all-time queen of the Fatale hairstyle, known for her late-’30s and early-’40s coif of long, silky blonde layers that were waved into loose, glossy curls. The “peekaboo” style for which she is famous was achieved by accident one day early in her career while she was being photographed for publicity shots and a curtain of hair fell over one eye. Her resulting lazy, insouciant look set off a chain reaction of imitators as budding femme fatales the world over nicked her style.

  An effective but more easily achieved version of Veronica Lake’s style is one that is slightly shorter and slightly more controlled, but still utilizes loose waves along the sides of the face. Lauren Bacall, coolly handling no less than Humphrey Bogart, wore hers just to her shoulders; Gene Tierney, displaying her patrician evil in “Leave Her to Heaven,” wore hers shorter still. This style was always parted on the side, lightly layered along the sides of the face, and rolled under along the bottom. If the hair didn’t wave naturally, the style could be achieved by fingerwaving, rolling, or pinning it into exaggerated curves while damp, probably with a bit of setting lotion. The resulting look must be one of smooth, tumbling waves rather than tight curls.

  Bangs Go With Fangs

  If the Fatale dons bangs they will not be cute, harmless, little girl bangs. Instead, they will be the threatening variety. Barbara Stanwyck mastered (mistressed?) the look with the thick “voodoo dolly” bangs she wore so menacingly in “Double Indemnity.” Another winning effort was that of the beautiful Chinese-American actress Anna May Wong whose satin-y curtain of black fringe (one that just revealed the eyes) helped make her such a mysterious entity in “Shanghai Express.” Maria Montez, the stunning Latin star of such heavy intellectual fodder as “Cobra Woman,” wore short bangs with long hair, while French vamp Viviane Romance did the same to menacing effect in “Maya.”

  Bad Girls Bob Their Hair

  Another classic bad girl style is the bob, which literally caused a sensation in the early 20th century when “fast” girls and women eschewed the virginal styles of previous generations by raising their skirts and lopping off their girlishly long locks. This rebellion was successfully employed by Louise Brooks. Her sleek black helmet of chin-length hair, complete with perfect bangs, helped make her look so distinctive that even after eight decades since the release of “Pandora’s Box” her iconic photographs are still instantly recognizable.

  Another classic bob, this time in pale brown, was worn by Garbo—sometimes with a gentle fringe of bangs, sometimes without, sometimes curled, sometimes not. And Fatale queen Faye Dunaway rocked one of the best bobs of all time in “Bonnie and Clyde,” setting off an avalanche of copies in the 1960s when every waitress in the Western world revealed her true gangster soul by acquiring her own Bonnie Parker ‘do.

  Short Hair Can Be Shifty

  For a dangerous short cut, the femme fatale need only look as far as Rita Hayworth in “The Lady from Shanghai.” Rita, of course, had been known for the gorgeous long red locks she tossed back so saucily in “Gilda.” But for “Shanghai,” a much darker and moodier Orson Welles’-directed picture in which Rita’s character was called upon to shoot her husband, Hollywood’s “love goddess” was ready to try something different. Hayworth showed that a short, blonde, tousled cut could be—not adorable, gamine, pixie, and sweet—but sophisticated in the extreme. What’s more, it pissed off her studio boss. So there.

  It’s Not Called “Teasing” for Nothing

  When it comes to alluring styles let us not forget the bouffant, dramatically-streaked ’60s up-do worn by Mrs. Robinson, a counter culture Fatale played to magnificent effect by Ann Bancroft in “The Graduate.” Yes, femme fatales of the ’60s just loved full hair-dos that were pumped full of air and appeared to have been created by rolling around in bed. Fatal champions of this style were Ursula Andress (the girl who emerged from the sea with a knife in her bikini bottom), angel-faced Angie Dickinson (who devilishly tortured both of her boyfriends in a remake of “The Killers”), and the gun-toting Raquel Welch (who smoothly vanquished her enemies in “Bandolero!” when she lured them her way by taking an outdoor shower and then blew their heads off).

  Other Devilish Hairstyles

  Hedy Lamarr, the unsmiling badass who for a while was believed to be a successor to Garbo, wore her curly, shoulder-length hair parted down the middle and pushed away from her face. This classic, flattering style was au courant in the 1930s and worn by all and sundry at one point or another—even Louise Brooks in “Overland Stage Raiders.” But eventually Brooks realized that curlers weren’t for her, so she grew out her ‘do and wore it in what was another classic style: long and stick-straight.

  The femme fatale loves a really dramatic up-do and the 1940s were a great time for pompadours and elegant French twists. An off-kilter bun tends to keep her victims off-kilter. A roll at the nape of the neck, especially with a sleek center part—a style employed by Anaïs Nin and numerous ’20s Fatales—can make her look like a sexy Spanish dancer. Dietrich wore many fantastic Spanish coifs in that 1930s’ textbook for Fatales everywhere: “The Devil is a Woman.” Hers were complimented
with an array of carnations, combs, and mantillas. Indeed, flowers such as gardenias, roses, and lilies, both real and silk, also look amazingly glamorous.

  The femme fatale does not go in for pigtails. She also doesn’t do ponytails unless they’re the exotic “I Dream of Jeannie” variety. In fact, she rigorously avoids swingy cheerleader ponytails popularized in the 1950s and she will also never be seen in a ’60s flip. She can’t abide cute hair ornaments, ribbons, and barrettes unless they’re affixed in a dramatic way, say a wide scarf or a gigantic flower or a galaxy of diamonds. Otherwise, forget it.

  Shockingly, many Hollywood Fatales began their careers resisting the idea of the dye job. To wit, in lieu of bleaching her naturally dark blonde hair the young Dietrich at first had Max Factor put expensive gold dust in her tresses to give them a blonder appearance. Even Monroe, known for her iconic crown, initially did not want to go blonde because she was concerned it wouldn’t look natural. But both Dietrich and Monroe soon learned one of the sacred principles of Fatalism: Natural? Pffft! And so it was on with the chemicals.

  Of course, the overuse of bleaches, dyes, hot appliances, alcohol-laced styling products, and backcombing will literally ruin a femme fatale’s hair—at which point they’ll be nothing to do but lop it off and bleach the hell out of it. A wise Fatale learns to use other methods. She might eschew her hot instruments and air dry her hair using old-fashioned curlers, or she may pin it up in pin-curls or rag-curls. All of this happens behind closed doors and God forbid the doorbell ring. (It sort of blows the mood when her cute neighbor comes over for a cup of sugar and sees her wearing gigantic rollers astride her skull like Mickey Mouse.) In short, when her hair is in rollers or she has egg yolk mask on her face, she is officially “not home”—even if the cops are pounding on her door.

  The Lifetime Commitment of a Fatal Hairstyle

  Does the femme fatale change her hairstyle? With the advent of World War II, Veronica Lake pulled back her long waves in an effort to encourage the Rosie-the-Riveters—many of whom were having their locks torn out by machinery—to do the same. Unfortunately, this well-intended change had a withering effect on Ms. Lake’s career (which shows that the Fatale must never be distracted by good intentions).

  The femme fatale is not a chameleon and does not reinvent herself every other day. She may play with her hairstyle by making minor tweaks. She may roll with the changes of fashion. She may even indulge in an occasional experiment and make a royal mistake now and then. But for the most part the spirit of her look will last her a lifetime. The Fatale has a consistent, defined identity, the core of which will never be displaced.

  And what of the mature Fatale? Sometimes it seems that, in spite of their wrinkles, the entire French female population corners the market on femme fatale hair, looking vastly more chic than their non-French sisters. Perhaps because wrinkles are their stock-and-trade, French women embrace them earlier than do other Fatales and refrain from trying to disguise them with supposedly “lifting” hairstyles which are, in fact, highly aging. The result is that French Fatales wear classic hairstyles that remain sexy well into the Metamucil years.

  Fatale Wrap

  Skin not only keeps the femme fatale’s dubious insides from falling out, but also doubles as a seductive tool. It is enhanced greatly by a healthy lifestyle—a concept so unglamorous it is total anathema to some Fatales, but really should be practiced secretly. Some Fatales prefer to be deathly white or as pale as camellia petals, while others harbor an exotic tan. In any case, she would be wise to heed her dermatologist’s warning that she not pummel her skin with excessive sunlight, so an active nightlife with days spent behind blackout curtains has its benefits. If she does venture outside during the day, the smart Fatale wears big hats, gloves, and sunglasses—either that or an effective sunblock that doesn’t turn her into the abominable chalk woman.

  The femme fatale does not keep the cosmetic industry purring along with her prodigious spending. Unlike some dopey divas out there, the femme fatale doesn’t waste her precious lucre on the equivalent of cosmetic snake oil. No less than Ava Gardner said that cheap drug store products were just as good as the fancy department store kind—and the modern Fatale can take that kind of advice to the bank. Garbo was devoted to lavender soap and refused to lend her name to a lucrative advertising contract for a brand she did not use. Going even further, austere Garbo claimed she lived like a monk with only “one toothbrush, one cake of soap, and a pot of cream.” Add a pound of lipstick and a vat of eyeliner and, Baby, you’re in business.

  The Fatale’s Dermatologist: Her Partner in Crime

  When Joan Crawford wanted to get rid of brown spots, she’s said to have procured animal piss to burn off the offending marks. But this sort of exploitation of our four-legged friends is entirely unnecessary when one realizes that scientists have used their vast imaginations to produce a rough but effective equivalent and then package it in pretty, highly-priced tubes and jars. Thus, when the femme fatale has a skin problem she wants to solve, she heads straight for her dermatologist and procures the hard stuff. The good doctor will be more helpful than Sam Spade when it comes to solving some of the Fatale’s most pressing problems, and then the Fatale will no longer have to douse herself in Fido’s pee.

  Old School Methods for a Vampish Complexion

  Cleopatra was said to have taken milk baths to keep her skin beautiful. Lo and behold, the lactic acid in milk has been found to be particularly effective for the dermis and the modern Fatale would do well to pour a quart of the stuff into her bathwater.

  Another old school method for benefiting the skin and hair was to lie on a slant board that elevated the feet above the upper body. This got the blood out of the legs and into the head, something believed to be particularly great for reversing the aging process. A number of Hollywood Fatales swore by this practice, had slant boards in their homes, offices, and dressing rooms, and made a point to lie on them at least twenty minutes a day. Imagine the shenanigans that can be cooked-up while enjoying this delightfully old-fashioned regime.

  Wallis Simpson, the kick-ass femme fatale who wreaked havoc on the British monarchy, the one who could take baths in the jewels Prince Edward VIII lavished upon her, had her own special method for preserving the beauty of her skin—something she learned from her mother. Wallis, a child of America’s femme fatale-drenched South, was taught that if she wanted to preserve the beauty of her skin she should avoid drinking coffee. Indeed, caffeine can dehydrate the skin and make it look like hell, so Wallis did well to remember these words of Fatale wisdom.

  The Fatale Face

  Many a femme fatale’s face is her fortune, but it’s not necessary to be born beautiful. In fact, many Fatales have features are not technically perfect in the slightest, but somehow, because they believe in their allure, because they assume their right to terrorize the population with their wiles, they convince the world that they are dangerously attractive. In fact, they are dangerously attractive.

  Take, for example, the case of one contemporary entertainer now in her sixties who shall remain nameless. Her nose appears to have been broken, oh, three or four times, and her eyes are exceedingly small, like little burning balls of coal. Technically, not beautiful, not beautiful at all. But considering the fact that the owner of that face has the best haircut in the world, dresses to androgynous perfection, keeps her body whippet-slim, and tosses drinks into the faces of her exes in public, it is only fitting that she has been considered one of the hottest Fatale women on the scene. And that gloriously-imperfect face is right there on the cover of magazines, staring out from profiles and gracing fashion spreads. In conclusion, she is nothing less than beautiful.

  Take, as another example, an actress now in her forties. Childhood photographs reveal her to have been a girl of very average, almost homely appearance. In fact, she is now a woman of average looks if one studies her objectively. The nose, the eyes, the mouth … They could belong to the cashier at the grocery store or the lady do
ling out parking tickets. And yet somehow this oh-so-average-looking actress ends up on lists of plastic surgeons’ most-requested faces. Is it that her eyes and nose are somehow superior? Her cheekbones and lips gifts of the gods? No. It boils down to the lady’s demeanor—the fact that she behaves like a minx and she won’t suffer fools and looks glamorous not doing so—that has the world believing she possesses extraordinary technical beauty.

  Bullet-Proofing the Skin

  Fatales of yesteryear discovered that they benefited in more ways than one from the regular use of foundation or base make-up (or what was called “pan-cake”) because it acted as a very effective block to the sun’s damaging rays. In fact, in her book My Friends’ Secrets, vampily glamorous Joan Collins wrote: “Protect your face with make-up. I can vouch for the complexions of my friends over 40—those who have always used foundation have much better skin than those who don’t.”

  Old school Fatales were huge believers in removing every trace of make-up with cold cream. They also believed in steaming their faces, either by pressing hot, damp towels to their skin or hovering over pots of boiling water. Conversely, they would dunk their faces in bowls of ice (see Joan Crawford do this when played by Faye Dunaway in “Mommy Dearest”), which would stimulate the circulation of blood and close the pores. And during the 1930s, Fatales with oily complexions used the classic Kaolin face pack that is made of clay and pulls the extraneous oils out of the skin with alacrity.

  There must be some purpose to having a kitchen and for some Fatales it is to prepare beauty potions. A tried-and-true method for reducing puffy eyes is to place cool, used tea bags over them (though not Earl Grey, which contains an oil that irritates skin) and to lie down for several minutes. A thin slice of cucumber will also reduce irritation to the eye area, while a barely-thawed bag of frozen peas will act as an ice pack and reduce swelling to the eyes and face.