Foster's Choice

by Jake Williams

  He had this aww-shucks grin on his face, “It’s nuts to butts in here tonight, ain’t it, Bo?” I really started to hate myself but I was kind of drawn to this guy, in a train wreck sort of way. “I guess this right here is the place to be!” He had the balls, or whatever, to push his package right back up to my ass and press again. I turned my head toward him and I guess he saw something in my eyes that made him reconsider the situation. He backed up enough to break contact and became fascinated with the menu above the bar.

  The bartender finally nodded his head at me and I had to yell for him to hear my order. I threw a hundred down on the bar and didn’t wait for change, I just grabbed the two beers and the Diet Coke and headed straight back to Pete and Betsy. When I got there the table was packed with beer and shots that people had sent over. Betsy pointed at all of it, “It damn near killed Patty to keep bringing all this crap over here, and nobody ever thought to send over a soda for me!” She saw the glass I was holding and said, “Thanks, Foster!”

  I passed it over to her and tried to find an open spot on the table for the beer. “Holy crap, do they really expect two guys to drink all of this tonight?”

  Betsy drank half her soda in one gulp. “I can’t speak for you, Foster, but Pete will not be drinking all of that tonight! I need to get home and get my feet up, and get out of this smoke.” I looked around and realized that even with all the open windows there was still a haze across the room.

  Pete grinned and started organizing lines of shots and bottles of beer, “Let’s give it a try, bud, for old times’ sake!” Betsy rolled her eyes and laughed as we did our best to clear the table. The next time Patty came over with another round I gave her a twenty to pass everything back around to the crowd, Pete and I just hung on to a few beers.

  I was starting to feel really buzzed, and I could tell Pete was feeling pretty good, too. All three of us tried to talk about our high school days but we were just about screaming over the crowd. The last day or so had really wiped me out, and I was about to make up an excuse about having to head home to check on Danny when Betsy looked over my shoulder. Something must have scared her, she blew a fair amount of soda out her mouth and kind of gasped. Pete stood up fast and I thought maybe we were about to get robbed or whatever, but then he grinned and said, “Howdy Billy!” I looked up and there was polo guy and his girlfriend or hooker or whatever. Pete and this Billy guy shook hands and then Pete got up and motioned for the girl to sit down. Betsy looked like she may or may not be in the beginnings of some kind of seizure.

  Pete put his arm around Billy’s shoulder and Billy was really checking me out, I knew that look. “Foster this is Billy, my boss at the construction company where I work. Billy this is Pete, my best buddy from high school!” He looked at the woman sitting there and checking a little mirror she pulled out of her purse. “Well, this is, uh—”

  Billy looked proud and a little embarrassed at the same time and he reached down and picked up the last beer on the table. “This here is Heather!” She looked up and smiled at all of us, like a crocodile or something equally as dangerous would. “She’s from over in Matthews but I finally got her to go out with me! And so, uh, here we are! Heather, that pretty lady sittin’ next to ya is Betsy, Pete’s wife.” They exchanged looks and a little shiver went down my spine. I couldn’t be sure but I pictured a cat fight, maybe even a knife fight, was about to start.

  Billy had his eyes on me again. “Foster, is it? Wait, now I remember, you and Pete were the stars of the baseball team, and the football team, too! That was a little after I graduated from West Montgomery, but I heard a lot about you back then, and Pete’s told me a lot of stories about the two of you. You were some kind of state all-star in baseball, weren’t you? A catcher who knocked a lot of balls out of the park, right?”

  “Foster was the home run king of the team, that’s for sure,” Pete grinned at me.

  Billy kept going on going, “And you both were quarterbacks too, right?”

  “Pete was the star quarterback, he was a natural.” I held my hands up, “I was just the backup.”

  “But you two were the biggest jocks around here from what everybody said! I heard that—”

  And that’s when Heather spoke up and I cringed when I heard that flat nasal accent, it sounded like a poorly-tuned banjo, or maybe a cat stuck in a tree. “Well, now, I went to West about the same time you two were at Reagan.” She looked straight at Betsy, “Of course I was a few years behind them.”

  “No doubt,” Betsy stared back at her, “But that would make you eighteen, isn’t that a little too young to be at Joe’s? And Billy,” she just kept staring at Heather, “Billy you’re a little bit older than this sweet innocent thing is, I sure hope you’re not corrupting her.” Pete blew out a little beer on that one.

  “Oh no! Billy treats me like a lady, he’s a real gentleman.” She looked a little bored and disappointed when she said that. “After this he’s taking me out into the country for a drive, you know how hard it is to have a good conversation in here with all this noise.” She gestured around the bar and half of the guys in there waved and smiled at her.

  Billy jumped back in, “Well we don’t get over this way too much. I figured, you know,” he had his hand on the front of his shorts and was doing this weird kind of tapping rubbing thing— and he actually winked at me. “I figured I'd show her some of the sights.”

  I didn’t know why this guy was getting to me but he was. “Did you play any sports in school Billy? You look you’re in pretty good shape.” Billy gave me this huge grin like I was giving him some kind of a signal, some kind of a green light.

  That’s when Heather’s voice went up to near screaming, “Holy Shit, now I remember!” She alternated between staring at my crotch and looking at my face. Your real name, it’s like Jake or Jack, something like that, right?”

  “Yep, it’s Jake…but my nickname is Fost—”

  “Yeah, shit! I heard about you, alright, all the girls in the county talked about it and they said you got your nick name on the account of you havin’ a pecker the size of a beer ca—”

  Most of people within earshot were staring at her, and some of them were looking at me. Billy looked a little flustered but he was staring at my package, too. “Whoa, Heather! Not everybody in this place needs to hear that kind of lang—”

  Heather cut him off, “well, shit Billy” she downed her drink in one gulp. “Foster here, he’s kind of a legend in Dutchville! I bet you half the people in here already know about that huge--”

  I realized Billy and Heather were both staring at the front of my jeans and Pete and Betsy were staring out the open windows with grins on their faces. Betsy almost immediately turned back to Heather “You—Heather, darlin’, you truly do seem to be excited about this topic, but I’m just not sure that a lady, a real lady, would even—”

  I had to think of something fast, “Betsy, you’re out of soda, let me grab you another one real quick. Billy, Pete, you ready for another round?” Billy said no but Pete nodded to me. I bolted through the crowd and just sort of shouldered my way up to the bar. I ordered fast and threw some cash down on the bar. I turned around and Billy was standing there, I jumped a little bit but kind of glad, too. He was raising his eyes up to mine quick and I had this creepy feeling he had been staring at my ass. He took one of the beers from my hand and cornered me up against the bar.

  “Let me help you with that Foster,” and he chugged half the beer. “Oops, that probably wasn’t mine. Let me buy you another one.”

  “Oh, that’s okay Billy, I’m driving and I prolly shouldn’t have any more. I think I’m going to take a leak and then head on home.” I didn’t have to go until I said it, and when I looked at the line for the men’s room I wasn’t sure if I could wait that long.

  Billy tugged on his crotch and grinned, “You know I was just about to head that way myself. And maybe I’ll see if that Foster legend is true.” Then he fucking winked at me. I made up my mind to wait unti
l I got out to parking lot to take a leak.

  “You know Billy, maybe some other time, buddy.” I had no idea why I would say that. “I think I’ll just take this soda over to Betsy and then call it a night.”

  “Well sure Foster, you got it—I mean, we should get together and play some golf or something sometime. You know what I mean, Bo? I just kind of grinned and nodded, I wondered if he remembered his date was sitting about twenty feet away from us. I started moving away from the bar and was glad to see him join the line for the men’s room. I walked back to Pete, Betsy and Heather and they were all just sitting there, they all looked a little miserable. I gave Betsy her drink and spoke over the crowd, “I’m going out to smoke a cigarette. I don’t wanna smoke right here in front Betsy, it’s probably not good for the baby or whatever. I’ll be right back.”

  Heather glanced up and looked around, “is Billy already outside or something?” Betsy was giving me a warning glare for trying to abandon them.

  “Billy went to the little boy’s room, ha ha. I’m sure he’ll be back in no time.” I cut back through the bar and just about ran through the front door. I walked over to the car and dug a pack of cigarettes out of all the bags of crap, then I reconsidered and grabbed the half-smoked joint instead. I walked around the corner of the bar and past all the open windows, a little bit of cigarette smoke and a whole lot of noise coming through them. I walked around to the back and lit the joint and then unbuttoned my fly as fast as I could.

  I was still pissing when I felt a hand on my shoulder and I thought about turning around and pissing all over Billy’s feet. Then I realized it was Pete and he had already unzipped, I passed him the joint and he took a long drag off of it.

  “Great minds think alike Foster, I figured you were back here and I was about to bust. This joint here is a nice little bonus though.” I didn’t think I was ever gonna finish pissing but I finally did and I passed the joint back to Pete.

  “As much as I’d like to smoke some more I think I better pass, Betsy would through a fit if she knew I was out here doing this.”

  Betsy cleared her throat and we both jumped, “the only reason I would be pissed is that I can’t do it. I’m not mad at him,” she laughed. “I’m just jealous of the two of you.” Pete walked over to her and hugged her. I dropped what was left of the joint and just sort of stood there watching how happy they were.

  “Well, let me get my lady home, Foster, she’s been a trooper tonight but she does need her rest. But hey, why don’t we go out to Uncle Ron’s place, hang out at the boathouse and do some fishin’ tomorrow?” I gave him a thumbs up and he said, “Great! Just like old times, Bo. The fish usually bite around six or so, why don’t you come over to the house around then? I’ll pack a cooler; all the tackle and fishin’ rods are in the boathouse. Let’s do this!”

  “Sure, Pete, but six in the morning? Let’s make it around ten, we’ll let the fish sleep in tomorrow.” We started walking around to the front of the bar. When we got there Betsy and I both hit our remotes at the same time. The Porsche beeped and the minivan parked next to it chirped.

  She looked at all the bags piled up inside the car. “The next time you need to go shoppin’ I can loan you my minivan. I wouldn’t mind trading cars for a day.” She was eyeing the Porsche like she was about to snatch the keys out of my hand and disappear for a week or two. We said our goodbyes and I promised to be at their house by ten.

  I got home and put the beer in the garage fridge then I gathered up all the other bags out of the car and stumbled through the door with them. Bo was there wagging his tail to greet me so I popped open a bag of chips and threw some in his bowl. I poured myself a Mountain Dew and headed upstairs. I got up there and started heading to my room, thinking about spending the day hanging out with Pete tomorrow and feeling pretty happy. As I passed Daniel’s door I heard some odd noises so I stopped to listen. There was a thumping noise that I recognized as a headboard hitting the wall, and there were all kinds of moans and mattress squeaking going on. I was pretty proud of myself as I went into my room.

  I kept thinking about Pete, and maybe a little bit about Billy too. I washed down a couple of Ambien and threw my clothes on the floor. I went over to the bathroom door and it was locked. I didn’t think I should interrupt the honeymoon couple so I opened the window and took a leak. As I fell into bed I looked at the clock and it was only ten thirty.

  Saturday, 7am

  I woke up and stretched and I had that weird where-am-I? feeling that I used to get when I first started at Hawthorne. I looked around, rubbed my eyes, and got my bearings. On a whim I tried the door to the bathroom and it was unlocked. I walked in and brushed the funk off my teeth and looked in the mirror. Considering the last few days I thought I was hanging in there pretty well, and I couldn’t remember when I had slept that long. I finished up in the bathroom and just as I was about to walk out Daniel’s door opened and Mary walked in. Except for some really lacey black panties she was naked. When she realized I was standing there she raised a hand to cover her tits and put a finger to her lips.

  “Daniel’s still sleeping, Jake. Let’s not wake him up. I think he’s pretty much worn out.” She gave me a wicked smile that caught me off guard. I noticed she was staring at my junk and I tried to cover it up with my hand. She said, “You know, for somebody I just me a day ago I sure have seen a lot of you. Do you ever wear clothes?”

  “No, I mean, yeah, I wear clothes, just not when I sleep.” She had lowered her arms and was leaning over the counter staring at herself in the mirror. I started walking out of the room but she said, “I know what you did last night, Foster.”

  “Huh, I just went to Joe’s to see some friends, I mean, I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about.” I tried to give her my best confused look.

  She turned away from the mirror and stared at me again so I grabbed a towel and held it in front of me. She whispered and tilted her head toward Daniel’s room. “He was an animal last night, and I think you may have had something to do with that. That was the best sex I’ve ever had in my life.”

  “Well, that’s coo—wait, what do you mean the best you’ve ever had? You mean, like, that that wasn’t your first, uh, ti—”

  “Nope Foster, that wasn’t my first time at that rodeo.” Then she looked at me with an urgent, kind of fearful look in her eyes. She moved forward to me and grabbed my arm, “Please, please Jacob, Jake, whatever, please don’t tell him, he’d be crushed! I gotta admit this whole virgin-‘til-you’re-married pledge had me all flustered. But whatever I’ve done in the past, I’d never hurt Daniel, I’ve never cheated on him, I never would! He just needed a little push last night, and he certainly had that. And, well, now I know that we’re good together in that, too. If he finds out what you did I’m not sure he’d speak to you again, and if he found out what I did before we were together I’m not sure if he’d speak to me, either.”

  “I understand Mary,” I was trying not to grin but I managed to keep a straight face. “I’d never say anything to Daniel about what you did in the past. If he figures out what I did last night I’ll deal with that, don’t worry. Go on back in there; if he’s like any other red-blooded seventeen year old he’s probably ready for round two,” I looked at her and winked, “Or maybe round ten.” She smiled and we both walked out through the doors.

  I felt rested and inspired so I went into my room and threw on some shorts and some running shoes. I headed downstairs while I was still motivated and relatively sober. Bo met me at the bottom of the steps and gave one low bark, it almost sounded like a question. He walked into the kitchen and sniffed his bowl and stared at me like it was my fault the bowl was empty. I filled the bowl ‘til the kibble started falling out of it and Bo looked thrilled. He started chomping down on the food and by the time I downed a bottled water the bowl was empty and he was sitting there, staring at me. “Whatcha need Bo?” He got up and led me to the back door, I let him out and he immediately started watering a bush. He seemed happy
out there so I closed the door and went back through the house and started to run.

  I ran about two miles or so then turned around and headed back. With the heat and humidity I was all hot and sweaty and I could smell the beer and bourbon oozing out of my pores. I cut through the house, went out to the backyard and dove into the pool with Bo right on my heels. We swam twenty laps or so and then I hopped out. I dropped to the deck and did a couple hundred crunches and some pushups and stood under the outdoor shower to rinse the chlorine and sweat off of me. I didn’t want to chance running into Danny or Mary while I was naked so I grabbed a towel and covered myself before heading back upstairs.

  I threw on some old blue board shorts and an old Reagan t shirt and ducked into the bathroom to put on some deodorant and put a little gel in my hair. I thought I looked okay—my abs and chest were ripped, I was tan, and had some good stubble going on my chin. From what I could hear in his bedroom Daniel was still giving Mary his best shot and I almost felt a little sorry for her. I went back through my room and grabbed an assortment of pharms from the duffel bag and put them in a little metal mint box, and then threw in a few joints too. I went down to the kitchen and grabbed some bags of chips and a pack of cigarettes. I figured that was all I needed so I went out and hopped into the Rover.

  It took using the GPS, and even then I missed a few turns, but I finally pulled up into Pete’s driveway. The house was small but really nice. There was a fresh coat of paint on it and all kinds of shrubs and flowers and shit in the front yard. Betsy’s minivan was parked next to the house, and beside it was a huge Ford pickup with a big “Billy Warner Construction” decal on the side. I threw the little box of pills into the bag with the chips and headed to the front door. Before I could even knock Betsy opened the door and motioned for me to come in. “Emma just fell back to sleep, my Mom brought her back over this morning and she was kind of cranky. Let me go get Pete.”