The Mythniks Saga

by Paul Neuhaus

  I was surprised at first, but the feeling didn’t last. The Titans were not fit to live amongst civilized creatures. The Olympians would seal them back inside Tartarus and the world would be safe.

  Or safer, anyway.

  Hope and I descended the steps to stand with the stragglers. Keri was hugging her father. Apparently, diet hadn’t been the only thing keeping her in thrall to Prometheus. The fire-bearer’s death had undone some of her confusion. She looked at me and smiled. Elijah mouthed the word, “Thank you”.

  I started to reply, but Hades cut me off. “Alright,” he said wearily. “Dead people, let’s get you back where you belong. You’ve had your little holiday.”

  A few of the Heroes of Elysium actually grumbled like children and said, “No fair”. Nonetheless, they went. Hermes, hand in hand with Hephaestus and Hecate went with them. He took his hand out of the dead goddess’ hand long enough to flip me a salute. “Be well, daughter,” he said.

  Three shades hung back—Connie, Amanda and a woman I didn’t recognize. My two friends came over to me. I spoke before either of them could. “I’m sorry if I was cranky with you. Both of you. Your coming means a lot to me.”

  “Are you kidding?” Connie said. “Did you see what just went down? Of course, you saw what went down; you were in the thick of it. Anyway, it was epic. We wouldn’t have missed it for the world.”

  Amanda elbowed her significant other. “We also wouldn’t have missed this opportunity to help our good friend Pandora.”

  “Oh, yeah, well that too,” Connie said sheepishly.

  Hades’ voice again cut the silence. “Stragglers… Let’s get going, please.”

  “Can I come to see you?” I said. To both of them, but mostly to Amanda.

  “I wish you would,” she answered.

  The two of them smiled and turned to follow the lord and lady of the Underworld along with the Heroes of Elysium. After they were gone, I noticed the shade I didn’t recognize was still lingering. She was talking quietly with Tiresias. Ty’s birds flitted in a little cloud all around them. At last the woman turned and fell in with the long line of shades bound for the afterlife. As he watched them go, Ty cried silently.

  I approached the seer. “Was that your Sicilian lady?” I asked gently.

  “It was,” he said with tears and a smile both. “We made an agreement. To meet again.”

  I gripped his shoulder tight and hoped that he could see I loved him.

  For a time, the people remaining atop Mount Olympus broke into pockets of conversation. Space Hippies relieved to be free of Prometheus’ influence. Friends of mine happy and excited. Me thanking nearly everyone I ran into.

  Cal, Pan and a few of the others went to throw Taylor Chriss and Samoa Joe into the dungeons to await Zeus’ judgement. I had a feeling the latest Improbable Pursuit would be a little late reaching theaters. After they got back, they joined in the refreshments brought forth by footmen and maidens in silvery togas. Jack surprised Elijah and I by shyly approaching and asking if he could stay.

  “You want to stay on Olympus?” El asked.

  “I do,” Jack readily agreed. “I feel… at ease here. What I see and what I hear is… more in line with the dreams and hallucinations I have when I’m below. I think I might find some kind of equilibrium here.”

  Elijah smiled a sad smile. “Jack, you don’t need my permission. But I will give you my blessing.”

  The two brothers embraced. Then Jack said to me, “I’m sorry. I know this leaves open the question of you and me, but I think that might be for the best.”

  I pulled him to me and hugged him tight. “As long as they keep you happy, Jackie. The minute that stops, you let me know, and I’ll knock some heads together.”

  Jack’s eyes lit up at the prospect of me knocking heads together. He smiled and nodded.

  I turned to Calesius then. “What’re you gonna do, Cal?”

  “Huh? Oh, I’m not going to do anything right this minute. I’m gonna stand back; I’m gonna let it breathe. Then I’m gonna have a talk with Miss Keri Wiener.”

  “Cal,” I said. “You might just be the wisest, most even-tempered of the lot of us.”

  He smiled. “I might just.”

  Epilogue

  Hope and I moved into Jack’s little house. This came with no strings attached from Elijah Wiener. He never once mentioned the possibility of us getting back together. In time, he even started to date.

  I didn’t date, at least not right away. I got the feeling Sebastian Squire was interested, but I didn’t encourage him. He wasn’t a bad catch as far as catches go, but I wanted to be me for a while before I became part of a duet. Besides, I also had to be sure that he’d changed his last name legally. There was no way in hell I was going through life as Pandora Squingey.

  Keri returned to her old self. She also returned to rehab. I went with her. Twice a week. She also started a sweet, old-fashioned romance with Calesius.

  Eventually, I got up the courage to visit Donatella Padovano. Since I was stone-cold sober, I managed to smooth things over between us without a second shot to the vagina.

  Hope and I lived as sisters. We kept our own areas of the house but came together often to chat and watch spy movies. Once I even took her to a screening of The Bourne Identity at which star Matt Damon stood and said a few words. I thought Hope would burst from sheer ecstasy.

  After about a month, Zeus came to visit me. He was wearing an impeccable suit, and I told him so. “Do you like it?” he said. “Hermes picked it out for me.”

  I nodded. “Hermes has great taste in clothes. Be careful not to pick up any of his other habits.”

  The allfather raised one eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

  “Never mind.”

  The two of us sat down in the living room. Hope and I had rearranged the furnishings and knickknacks. Jack’s OCD was a little much for us. After my sister brought us all coffee, Zeus sighed and said, “I have a confession to make…”

  Hope and I looked at one another then back at the king of the gods.

  “Do you remember after you got shot and I sent Pan to offer you a chance to fuck off?”

  I nodded.

  “Well… I’m afraid I did something a little on the petty side after that happened.”

  “How so?”

  “You turned me down and, even though I gave you a new pithos, I took the attitude of ‘Fuck me? Well, fuck her too’. Since you blew me off, I kinda didn’t take away something I should’ve taken away.”

  I still didn’t know what he meant. “I don’t catch your drift.”

  Zeus squirmed in his seat. “I cursed you. I made you walk the earth for centuries gathering up the Evils and putting them back in the pithos. Me offering you the chance to fuck off should’ve been an end to the curse. In other words, even though you blew me off, I should’ve lifted it. But I didn’t.”

  I smiled at his nervousness. “Did someone put you up to this?”

  “Hermes. And Hera. But I wouldn’t be here if they weren’t right. I may be a thick-headed asshole, but I’m not completely without feelings.”

  My smile widened a little. “Which means…?”

  The allfather closed his eyes and said, “Would you, Dora, like to stop being immortal?”

  It was like getting hit in the head with a brick. I said something like, “I… Really? Wow.”

  Zeus opened his eyes again. “Notice how I framed it as a choice. You do you, and I won’t judge one way or the other.”

  “Take it away,” I said without hesitation.

  “You’re sure?”

  “Positive.”

  “No do-overs…”

  “No do-overs.”

  He snapped his fingers and put his hands in his lap.

  I don’t know what I was expecting, but I didn’t feel any different. “That’s it?”

  “That’s it,” he affirmed.

  I looked at Hope. She was smiling, and her eyes were moist.

  Zeus co
cked his head. “What do you think you’re gonna do with your remaining time?”

  I took a deep breath. “I think I’m gonna let my hair grow out. And lose the rest of this spare tire.”

  The god was amused. “I expected something more… ambitious.”

  I shrugged. “I think my problem… for a lotta years… was that I was crippled by choice. I didn’t do anything because I was afraid of committing. Or something like that. I don’t know. I never was very good at analyzing myself.”

  He took a sip of his coffee and nodded. “You may’ve been immortal, but you never stopped being human.”

  “Thank you,” I replied.

  His smile broadened. “Oh, it wasn’t a compliment.”

  “Whatever. Suck it, Sparky.”

  He laughed, and we bumped fists.

  Writers—particularly new writers—need reviews to reach a wider audience. If you could take a moment to write an honest review for Kumbaya, Space Hippie, I would be very grateful.

  Copyright © 2018 by Paul Neuhaus

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  Created with Vellum

  Books by Paul Neuhaus

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  Read the senses-shattering conclusion to the Quinn Henaghan Chronicles to find out!

  Necrophiliac’s Honeymoon - Book 1 of Mythniks

  Imagine you’re the Pandora of legend. The Greek chick with the box.

  Imagine it’s been your duty and your curse to gather up all the Evil you set free and put it back where it belongs—into the box you were tricked into opening all those millennia ago.

  Throw into the mix an obsessive musician who just can’t let things go, a management shake-up in the underworld, and a vengeful villainess with a kink for poisons (not to mention delusions of grandeur).

  Imagine it’s only Tuesday and you started the day by losing your box.

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  Die, Brony, Die - Book 2 of Mythniks

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  Kumbaya, Space Hippie - Book 3 of Mythniks

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  Imagine you’re fed up with always being the heroine. You just want to settle down and live a quiet life. Now imagine a hero from the ancient world has returned and he’s gone fascist.

  It looks like retirement just isn’t in the cards.

  The Summit

  Vegas in the early 60s. Escaped aliens from nearby Area 51. A recipe for disaster.

  Who can save us? Three of the most famous singers in the world, that's who.

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  Remember the era of classic cartoons? Remember watching Bugs Bunny in your p.j.s?

  Wanna learn more about the men and women who made those golden age treasures?

  Cartoon Rampage celebrates the history of hand-drawn animation. Included are reviews of classic cartoons and animated features, biographical sketches of luminaries Michael Maltese and Ward Kimball, as well a clear breakdown of some of animation's more difficult concepts.

  If you're a fan of Walt Disney animation, Warner Brothers cartoons ("Looney Tunes" and "Merry Melodies"), UPA, or just cartoons in general this book is an indispensable addition to your collection. If you're a relative newcomer to the world of classical animation, Cartoon Rampage serves as a wonderful primer.

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  About the Author

  Paul was born long, long ago in Cincinnati, Ohio. He had a normal childhood and did moderately well in school. When he came of age, he went to numerous colleges, starting with Ohio State University in Columbus and culminating at Kennesaw State College north of Atlanta, Georgia. That’s right: mid-college, he moved South where he indulged in fatty cuisine and intolerance for his fellow man. He received a BA in English which, sadly, benefited him little. Paul, in his early years, lacked a teacher’s temperament and professional writing jobs were few and far between. Undaunted, our hero returned to school where he received a degree in Computer Animation. For the next decade, he worked in the video game industry. During that ten year span, he relocated from Georgia to sunny Southern California. He also took a wife and — much to society’s regret — he produced twin offspring. In addition to his stint as an artist for games, Paul has also worked in fast food, retail, writing (some fifteen years after getting his English degree), video editing, and — most recently — teaching.

  Paul enjoys reading, writing, and watching movies. He is, to this day, shockingly intolerant of his fellow man.

  Visit Paul at www.paulneuhaus.com.