In Memoriam

by Michael Beaulieu

  Everyone laughs. Except for me. The last thing any of us need is for January to go fairy on us at school.

  January smiles at me. “Why don’t we do it in the restroom when the bell rings?”

  I nod. “Yeah, it would look pretty strange if you just put your hand on my head while we’re standing here.”

  Em pulls a CD out of her bag and offers it to January. “Here’s that French mix you asked me to make you.”

  January takes it and blushes a little. “Thanks.”

  Em blushes, too.

  Jim and Pete look at each other with puzzled expressions on their faces. Em notices and gives Jim a kiss on the cheek. But January is too busy reading the tracklist Em printed for the CD to kiss Pete. It’s becoming obvious that January is more into Em than Em is into her. At least based on what I know about Em’s little crush so far.

  The bell rings. January and I hurry into school ahead of our friends so we can hopefully get to the nearest girl’s room before other students so nobody sees her putting her hand on my head. When we reach it, Stephanie Scalding, the most popular and supposedly richest girl at Greenmont, is hurrying out with Melinda, the girl who showed us around the school. Neither makes eye contact with us, but blood is pooling below Stephanie’s left nostril and Melinda rubs her nose. They don’t bother to hold the door for us, so I push it open behind Melinda and January and I head inside.

  “Cokeheads much?” I say as I bend over to see if anyone is in the stalls. I don’t see any feet, but you never know if a fairy could be hovering inside one so we start opening them to check. The first one I check is empty.

  “Yeah, I was thinking coke, too,” January says, pushing one of the doors open. It’s vacant. “I’d like to do cocaine again. It was fun.”

  I check one of the other stalls. Nobody. “Did we not harp on you enough at the sleep over after you tried it at that party?”

  She pushes another stall door open. Nobody’s home. “I know, I know. But if it started to give me a heart attack or something I could just heal myself.”

  I try to push another stall open but it’s locked. “What if you have a sudden stroke and don’t realize it’s coming in time to do that and you just drop dead?”

  January bends over and sticks her head halfway under the locked door, checking to see if anyone is actually in there. “Nobody. Also, I’m sure Hannashurie would just send me back. I mean, she hasn’t sent me anywhere else so she must still want me helping out you, Lia and Emma.”

  “Well, I still think you should stay away from coke,” I say, getting flustered. “If for no other reason than it’s highly addictive.”

  “Good point,” she says.

  I open the final stall door. Thank Goddess, it’s empty. We have the bathroom to ourselves.

  “Let’s do it in a stall in case anyone comes in,” January says, entering one of them.

  I think it’d look sketchy if someone saw the two of us coming out of a stall together, but time is not on our side so I get in behind her and lock it.

  “Sit,” she says.

  I take a seat on the toilet. It’s necessary because I’m taller than January.

  Jan places both of her hands on the top of my head. “Here we go.”

  It only takes a few seconds and my head feels the warmth radiating from her hands. As it goes through my head, I find myself calming down. Then it spreads down into my neck and shoulders, like a magickal light is heating and healing me. My muscles immediately relax and the pain fades for a few seconds then it’s gone completely. Then the sensation travels down through my arms and hands. “It feels so good.”

  “I’m glad,” she says.

  I start pulling on my fingers, cracking my knuckles. “I just wish Li would’ve let you help her.”

  “Me, too.”

  My chest muscles stop aching entirely and the warmth goes down through my abdomen, relaxing my abdominal muscles then my legs. They hurt so badly that when the heat flows down through them and the pain stops it almost feels like an orgasm. The relief I feel is like that release you experience when you’ve just had one. As the sensation travels down into my feet and toes, a great big smile forms on my face.

  “I’m good now.” I nod. She ought to call her healing ability magick afterglow.

  “Awesome,” January says, removing her hands from my head as I unlock the stall door.

  As we step out of the stall, I’m horrified to discover that we’re not alone in the bathroom. Sati Jensen is here, applying black eyeliner, along with the identical Donatello twins, Muse and Symphony, who look right at us and snicker. The three of them seem to dominate this group of goths who sit a few tables away from us at lunch.

  Panicking, January and I look at each other and our faces turn red. Exactly what we didn’t need to happen right now. We walk past the twins just as Sati turns around and looks me in the eye. “Cheating on Lia. Nice.”

  “I’m not cheating,” I say angrily.

  “Then what were you doing?”

  “We don’t owe you an explanation,” January says with an air of hostility about her voice.

  We should try to hypnotize them, make them forget they saw us, I say to January telepathically. Maybe push, You didn’t see anyone in the bathroom this morning?

  Good idea, Jan says. But we need to keep them talking so it doesn’t seem weird that we’re standing here.

  “It’s not what you think,” I say to Sati. You didn’t see anyone in the bathroom this morning.

  You didn’t see anyone in the bathroom this morning, January pushes on them.

  “Hello? I’m listening. If it’s not what I think, then what the fuck was it?” Sati asks.

  You didn’t see anyone in the bathroom this morning, January and I push at once.

  “Yeah, seriously,” Muse says. I know it’s Muse because she wears a lot of a bracelets and her sister doesn’t.

  “You want the truth?” I ask. You didn’t see anyone in the bathroom this morning.

  “Fuck, yes,” Sati says and sighs heavily.

  I know it’s going to sound incriminating but I can’t think of anything except, “She was giving me a massage.” You didn’t see anyone in the bathroom this morning.

  Sati and the twins laugh. Hard.

  I look at January and she rolls her eyes.

  You didn’t see anyone in the bathroom this morning, we push.

  “The only thing she was massaging is between your legs,” Sati says. What a fucking bitch!

  The twins laugh even harder. Sati smiles smugly.

  January and I: You didn’t see anyone in the bathroom this morning.

  “Actually,” I say loudly. “I’m trying out for the swim team today and my back was killing me from practicing yesterday.” You didn’t see anyone in the bathroom this morning.

  More laughs.

  “It’s the fucking truth!” I shout.

  Silence. They aren’t laughing now.

  January and I: You didn’t see anyone in the bathroom this morning.

  “Whatever,” Sati says and turns back to the mirror.

  I’m going to say something. Just go with it, January says to me. Then she says, “Cocaine.”

  Sati turns back to us and the twins’ eyes light up.

  What the hell? I say to January.

  January glares at me so hard her eyebrows look like a unibrow. Just keep pushing that they didn’t see anyone. Then she says, “We were doing coke. Is that a problem?”

  “No,” Sati says, looking like she finally believes us.

  “You have more?” Symphony asks. I should ask her if they have a brother named Lyric. You didn’t see anyone in the bathroom this morning.

  January grabs me by the arm and yanks the bathroom door open, tugging me out into the hallway.

  I’m more than a little pissed off. “Cocaine? Seriously?”

  She starts walking down the hall. I follow. “Would you rather people think I’m cheating on Pete and you’re cheating on Lia?” she asks.

 
I bite my top lip. “No, of course not.”

  She grins. “You’re forgetting something anyway.”

  I’m confused. “What?”

  “We just hypnotized them.”

  “Oh, right. I just heard the word cocaine and freaked out.” Obviously, it’s not something I want to be associated with, but they won’t even remember seeing us in the bathroom. Yay for psychic hypnotism. Now I’m thinking we should’ve hypnotized Li into letting January help her. I hate that she’s suffering right now. Usually, I’m the one who needs cheering up. Now she needs it and I failed miserably. What kind of girlfriend am I? Apparently, not a very good one. Guess I’ll be feeling guilty today, too.

  CHAPTER THIRTY ONE

  LIA

  Mom and I are almost all the way home, neither of us really saying much, when I just start crying. I don’t know what the fuck is going on with me today? Why won’t my nerves settle down? I took my one milligram of Ativan this morning like I always do and between that and the Depakote my mood is usually stable. Honestly, I tend to be Emma and Shar’s rock. I’m practically everybody I know’s rock. I just am. I’m the most likely to remain calm when the shit hits the fan. The least likely to have a panic attack. But today? It would seem that I’m having one. All last night, I kept dreaming about being in Jenna’s lair. About Kat getting killed by those snakes. That never should’ve happened. It’s one of the biggest regrets of my life. How can it not be? Emma, Shar and I had a premonition that there was a trap there. We even saw what kind of trap it was. And our premonitions have never been wrong. (Well, except for when we’ve managed to stop whatever was coming.) Yet we let Kat walk right over and check to be sure. That she did; and hundreds of snakes fell from the ceiling just as the ground opened up below it. Kat didn’t fall in the hole, but a few snakes lashed out and bit her anyway. And she died. The venom was poisonous and spread too quickly. January couldn’t save her. It should’ve been one of us who checked for the trap. It wasn’t even Kat’s mission. She was doing us a favor. She didn’t have to show up there. She died so we could live. Of all the people who should’ve gone to check for that trap, she was the last one who should’ve done it. Especially since she’d already saved our lives! Shar, Emma and I would’ve fallen down into the hole left by those vanishing stairs at Jenna’s, but Kat showed up and her and Emma yelled something and time stopped or whatever and our lives were saved. So, Kat had already risked her life on that staircase and done that to save our lives. We should’ve been grateful for that and not let her check for that fucking trap accordingly. I’m surprised Emma and Shar aren’t feeling guiltier. Unless they’re better at hiding it than I am today. But that’s not usually the case. Fuck.

  I thought my problem was just guilt, not anxiety, but now I feel like I can’t breathe. Usually, I have to swallow more often than the average person so the Depakote doesn’t make me drool. One of its most frustrating side-effects is that it cause an increase in saliva production. That isn’t happening right now, however. On the contrary, my mouth is so fucking dry it’s like I’m severely dehydrated, which I’m not. My throat feels raw, too. I swallow and it hurts like a motherfucker. It feels like I’m swallowing a fucking stone with jagged edges.

  Vulgarities keep racing through my mind. I suppose swearing is part of my defense mechanism. It makes some people uneasy, which throws them off guard, reducing their confidence around me. So, people might say I have potty mouth, but they sure as hell wouldn’t dare say it to my face. Lot of good that does me now.

  I guess I should’ve let January calm me down. But I wasn’t feeling very anxious earlier, just guilty. But I guess I was a bitch with the way I refused to let her help me. Now Shar is probably pissed at me for that. Emma, too. Just fucking great, something else for me to worry about. Maybe January can shut my nerves down after school if I’m still like this. Well, unless she’s livid about this morning.

  I roll the window down and stick my head halfway out. My face is to the breeze. I open my mouth, trying to breathe easier because it feels like my throat is closing up. Could I be hyperventilating? I’ve never done that before, but I find myself gasping.

  Reste calme, Lia. Reste calme. Lord and Lady, Goddess Panaceia, let my mind slow down. Let it calm down, yeah. Lord and Lady and Goddess Panaceia, please ease my troubled mind. So mote it be.

  “It sounds like it’s a good thing you’re coming home,” Mom says, rubbing my shoulder.

  I turn and face her, trying to catch my breath. “Feels like my windpipe is closing up.”

  “We’re almost home, Lia. Just take deep breaths. The longer you hold your breath, the less oxygen you’ll get.”

  I can barely spit the words out. “That’s a good thing?”

  “It means you’re getting more carbon dioxide, which has the adverse effect of relaxing the brain. That’s why they have people breathe into a paper bag.”

  I don’t know if her science is right, but taking deep, slow breaths does calm people down so that’s what I start doing. I count as I hold each breath in. I can get to about 22 before I have to take in oxygen again. 1,2,3, 4... 22, breathe... 22, breathe. I do that the rest of the way home while praying for my mind to be calmed. Lord and Lady and Goddess Panaceia, please make my anxiety stop. And it would be nice if you could alleviate some of my guilt, too, unless you feel like I deserve it, which I know I probably do. So mote it be.

  CHAPTER THIRTY TWO

  JANUARY

  I get to homeroom just before the second bell rings and take my seat next to Pete. We’re the only ones from our group in this homeroom.

  “Shar all healed?” Pete asks.

  “Yesssssss,” is all I offer. I just want to forget about what happened in the bathroom already. Besides, it’s not like Sati and the Donatello twins are going to remember seeing us there anyway.

  “It looks like something’s bothering you,” Pete says. I don’t say anything so he adds, “Unless you’re constipated,” and he erupts with laughter.

  His laughter infects me and I laugh so hard it’s a wonder I don’t fall off my desk. See, I always laugh harder – and, sadly, louder – than most people. I didn’t do it before I died, but since I’ve been back as fairy January that’s been the case.

  Now we’re almost done laughing so I give Pete a push and he almost falls off his desk, too, which makes me laugh hard again.

  He straightens himself in his seat. “What was that for?”

  I stop laughing. “For saying I look constipated.”

  He chuckles for two seconds but when he sees that I’m not laughing he stops. Since I’m fucking with him, I glare at him hard, trying to look as pissed off as possible. I wait for his left leg to anxiously bounce up and down on his toes before I smirk and let him off the proverbial meat hook.

  His leg stops and he inhales and exhales a deep breath. “You scared me for a second there.”

  I chuckle. “That was the idea. By the way, what was it club hacker wanted you to do yesterday?”

  He leans toward me, so I lean toward him, and he whispers in my ear. “Their immediate plan is to hack a credit union.”

  “Bank robbery?” I say at a normal volume. I’m shocked.

  He cringes and speaks in a hushed manner. “Quiet! I can’t risk them finding out I told anyone. They’d definitely rat me out for hacking the school if they knew.”

  “But you’re definitely not helping them, right?”

  He looks conflicted. “I don’t know.”

  “You said you wouldn’t.” I swear, I’ll kill him if he does.

  His forehead wrinkles as he thinks for a moment. “You’re right. Hey, something just dawned on me. I can just threaten to inform the credit union of their plans if they rat me out to the school. That should do the trick.”

  I’m tempted to make him pinky swear he won’t help them, but then he’d probably think I don’t trust him. And I do trust him. I think. At least I did before he was being blackmailed, which is hardly his fault. Still, this hacker business is gratin
g on my nerves like an itch that won’t quit. “You swear you won’t help them?”

  “I swear. So, what’s the plan for getting to the memorial?”

  I suppose I’ll let him change the subject for now. “Well, I’m getting dressed with Em, Lia and Shar at chez Lia. We were thinking Jim could pick you up then come drive him, Emma, you and me. That way, you don’t have to borrow your mother’s car. And Juliana will just have to drive Lia and Shar in hers. Sound cool?”

  He nods slightly a few times. “Makes sense. Maybe I can get Jim to teach me a spell after school. Think Lia will still come?”

  “Yeah. Even if she’s guilt-ridden, I’m sure she’ll still feel obligated to pay her respects. I think so anyway.”

  He half-smiles. “That’s cool. I wouldn’t want her to stay home then regret not going for the rest of her life.”

  I sigh. “Yeah. I was actually gonna teleport to their apartment and insist she let me help her.”

  “You really think you could go all the way from here to their place? That has to be at least a mile.”

  “I’ve never gone that far before, but I think so, yeah. Maybe I’ll stop at Happy Acccidents and get us all lattes on the way so I don’t overexert myself. That might perk Lia up a little.”

  He thinks for a second then he shakes his head no. “I’d wait and ask Emma and Shar first. They’ve known Lia much longer. They’d have a better idea how she’d react. I mean, Li did decline your help this morning. I can see her knocking you out with a lightning bolt if you just show up and try to force your help on her.”

  I shrug. “I suppose it could seem like I’m imposing. But I highly doubt she’d fry my ass.”

  “Well, if you are going to do it, I’d wait until lunch so me and the Scooby Gang are the only ones who’ll miss you. You don’t want to miss class and get detention today.”

  I nod. “That I do not.” Here’s hoping Lia doesn’t off herself by lunch.

  CHAPTER THIRTY THREE

  EMMA

  I haul ass to Mr. Solomon’s biology classroom and I’m the first student to arrive. I approach his desk where it looks like he’s grading yesterday’s quizzes. “Mr. Solomon?” I ask. Not that I want to chat with him. He’s just not a very warm person. At least that’s the impression I have from being in his class Monday and Tuesday. I suppose I may have judged him prematurely.