In Memoriam

by Michael Beaulieu

  “Like this is my purgatory and I haven’t been learning my lesson?”

  Maybe he’s finally getting it. “Exactly! But now you finally get to leave.”

  “That doesn’t seem like such a bad deal, the more I think about it.”

  I stand up and motion towards the portal, which has been open here this whole time. “And it’s my understanding that Heaven is what you make it. So, you don’t have to see your wife if you don’t want to.”

  Now he’s really looking interested. “That true?”

  I nod. “Absolutely.” I think so anyway.

  He half-smiles as he stands. “Don’t you think you should’ve said that ten minutes ago?”

  I shrug. “I suppose. But then I wouldn’t have gotten to hear your story.”

  “Glad I’ve managed to keep you entertained,” he says, sounding a bit agitated. He coughs loudly. First time I’ve ever seen a dead man cough.

  I am about to say that’s not what I meant – even though it kind of is – when all of a sudden Emma appears beside me. Just teleports right into the room! “Em, what the fuck are you doing here? I’m kind of in the middle of something.”

  “What is this?” Leo says, clearly angered now, forehead veins rising.

  “Nothing. Sorry,” I say to him. Then to Emma, “You need to go.”

  “Let me guess,” she says. “He’s supposed to go through the light?”

  “You here to push me through?” he asks Emma, crossing his arms in front of himself.

  “If necessary,” she says, cracking her knuckles. Fuck.

  “She’s not doing anything,” I say. To both of them. Then to Emma, “Leo was about to go to Heaven and I’m sure he’d be happy to if you would just go. Now.”

  “You can forget it now,” Leo says to me. “This is some kind of trick, isn’t it? You’re evil fairies aren’t you? Trying to trick me into going to hell on account of all this haunting I’ve been doing? That it?”

  “No,” Emma and I both say.

  “Whoever heard of Heaven sending fairies to escort someone to Heaven. Like fairies trump angels or something!” He spits on the ground in front of us then he goes to step around Emma. And I freeze.

  Emma blocks his way. I see his hands curl into fists and I shiver, but it’s like I’m paralyzed. I want to get between them, but I’m just standing here.

  “Emma, please leave now. I’m supposed to do this by myself!”

  Before he can so much as raise his fists, Emma shoves him. Hard. She must’ve prayed for those super strength hands she gets. He goes stumbling back then falls further back and lands on the other side of the portal. Except for a foot. Which Emma walks over and kicks into the light. Then the portal shrinks until it’s gone.

  “Mission accomplished,” she says, smiling at me.

  “You ruined everything!” I shout. “Did you not hear me say I was supposed to do this alone?”

  “Seriously? Are you kidding me? He’s gone. Never to haunt anyone again. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

  “It wasn’t about what I wanted. It was what Hannashurie wanted. And she wanted him to go to the other side willingly. Which he was about to do before you just showed up out of thin air. What the fuck, Em?”

  “Well, either way, he’s gone, and whoever lives in this house can live in peace, so she should be happy.” Emma’s face is red now. Like she’s the one who should be angry here!

  “You don’t get it. I was supposed to do this. Alone! This was my second mission. My first one since you, Lia and Shar. Now I’ve failed it and it’s your fault! Now Hannashurie will probably send me to help some hippies in San Francisco, or soldiers in Siberia, and I’ll never see you guys again.”

  She doesn’t know what to say. I don’t know what else to say either. Just then, I hear footsteps then someone turns the doorknob. I’d like to tell them the old goat is gone, but I’m sure we’re haunting the house as much as he ever did right now, so I grab Emma and teleport us outside onto the sidewalk across the street.

  “I’m so sorry,” Emma says. Somehow, she managed to start crying her eyes out during the half of a second it took me to teleport us. “I just thought you might be in trouble...”

  I shake my head. “Why?”

  “I sensed that you weren’t being entirely honest today. About visiting your grandfather you never mentioned.”

  “So, you decided to stalk me?” I kick the ground.

  Emma’s eyes are welling up with tears. “I called and texted you and you didn’t answer.” Now she’s balling her eyes out.

  “That doesn’t give you permission to come hunt me down.”

  I kick the ground again. It’s either that or punch her in the arm.

  “Please don’t be mad at me,” she says, still weeping.

  Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. I will myself to calm down. Now part of me just wants to hug her and tell her it’s going to be OK, but I have no idea how Hannashurie is going to react to what just happened.

  “I’m wicked sorry,” she says, rubbing her eyes. “Wicked. I was just worried about you. I even had a panic attack and had to take Ativan.”

  Maybe I should stay angry with her? Like maybe Hannashurie really will send me to a small town in Ireland or something if I’m too quick to forgive her. But I don’t have it in me to be mean to her. “You were really that worried about me?”

  “Absolument,” she says and smiles, blushing slightly as she starts wiping her eyes with tissues from her purse.

  “I’m just so afraid that Hannashurie is going to take me away from you now. If I lost you and Pete I’d die. I just would.”

  “You really think she’d do that?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe?”

  Two police cars come speeding by with the sirens blaring. Emma says something, but I can’t hear her.

  Say it telepathically, I suggest.

  You’d really die without me?

  Of course.

  The sirens are fading.

  “Should we go get dressed for the memorial?” I ask Emma.

  She smiles for the first time since she appeared here. “Absolument!”

  CHAPTER FIFTY

  EMMA

  January and I teleport into Lia’s living room. I could’ve teleported myself easily enough, but January grabbed my hand and teleported us both. In fact, we’re still holding hands, which feels quite nice, but Juliana looks up from the couch and grins at us. Then we pull our hands away from each other, both of us looking a little embarrassed.

  “So, how did it go?” Juliana asks.

  Please don’t tell anyone else about my mission or how you screwed it up, January says to me telepathically.

  My brows cinch together. You just want to say you had a nice visit with your grandfather? And, what, you found me outside after?

  That’s perfect!

  “It went fine,” January says. “My grandfather was a little cranky today but about all I had to do was wash a big pile of dishes.”

  “Sure that’s all you did?” Juliana asks.

  January and I look at each other.

  Was she listening? January asks me. Does she think we fucked?

  I doubt it. But it was probably obvious that we were talking telepathically from our body language.

  Right. Now she must know we’re doing it again.

  “Whatever you girls are discussing, you can tell me. I won’t tell anyone if that’s what you want.”

  “Well, let’s just say things were a little complicated,” January says.

  “Ah. Well, Lia and Shar are in Lia’s room.”

  We head to Lia’s room and find the door shut. You never know what they might be doing in there so I knock.

  “Come in,” Lia yells from inside.

  Please don’t tell them about what happened either, January says nervously. I don’t want them worrying about what might happen to me during the memorial.

  I nod. Right. You had a nice visit and found me outside after.

  January opens the
door and we head into Lia’s room. She doesn’t think of it so I pull the door closed and lock it as us girls usually do when we’re in here.

  Lia and Shar are sitting side by side on the bed. They were watching something but they paused it as we entered the room.

  “Watching anything good?” I ask.

  Shar smiles. “The French version of The Returned that you recommended.”

  “I think it’s hella creepy,” Lia says. “But we like it.”

  “So, how was your grandfather?” Shar asks January.

  “Not as cranky as last time I visited. So, that was nice. And all I had to do was wash a sink full of dishes, which was a relief.”

  “That’s cool.”

  “Then when I went outside I found Emma sitting on the sidewalk across the street.”

  “Were you pissed at her?” Lia asks.

  “Nah. I know she was just looking out for me.”

  I bring my hands together in a single clap. “So, are we going to get dressed now?”

  There’s a bit more small-talk that’s not worth mentioning, but now we’re getting changed. I happen to be wearing a black lace bra and matching underwear that I convinced my mother to buy me at Victoria’s Secret last year. The bra is a little tight because my boobs have grown half a cup size, but it looks great. Of course, January, Lia and Shar are wearing regular underwear. I don’t even know why I wore my fancy things. I guess I was thinking January might like it. That she might even like it enough to kiss me. That thought did occur to me.

  January turns and I see a large bandage on her side. “What happened?”

  “The bitch cut me before I could set them ablaze.”

  “Oh, shit,” I say. “You couldn’t heal yourself?”

  “Hannashurie wouldn’t let me. Not all the way. She wanted me to realize how dangerous it was going after them alone.”

  I wish I could’ve been there to protect her. “I can see her point. I wish you would’ve come to get me.”

  “It was something I needed to do alone.”

  I nod. “I can appreciate that. Does it hurt much?”

  She laughs. “Only when I move.”

  “Want us to do a healing spell?” I’m hoping she says yes because I can’t stand the thought of her being in pain.

  She shakes her head no. “Hannashurie probably wouldn’t let it work anyway.”

  Nobody says anything for a moment. I think about how ironic it is that Hannashurie criticized her for torching them alone, yet the very same day she turns around and sends her to do something alone. Guess even fairy godmothers can contradict themselves.

  “We could at least try,” Shar says to January.

  January just shakes her head no again. “No, thanks. I’ll be fine.”

  We stand there in silence a beat. Lia, Shar and I flick back and forth to each other. We all feel awful about January suffering.

  “Do you want to take a shower?” Lia asks Shar.

  Shar looks at January and I then gives Lia a confused look. “Together?”

  “Why not?” That’s Lia, always tempting Shar to do stuff.

  “Go ahead, we don’t care,” I say to Shar. Maybe something can happen with January and I today after all. Suffice to say, I want them to go take a shower so I can have some alone time with her, even if all we do is talk. [But, oh, how I’d like to go down on her. Taste that sweet, sweet pussy.] Goddess, what am I thinking? Merde. I don’t even use that word. I hate that word. Is this what Ruth meant about being mindful of myself? That I need to quit using all these vulgarities when I think? To be more like my old self and not let this black magick influence me?

  “Oh-kay,” Shar says to Lia then she gives January and I a worried expression and off with Lia she goes. They close and lock the door behind them. I hear it lock. Now I get why Lia wanted them to take a shower together. [They’re going to taste each other’s nectar.]

  Nectar? That’s not a word I’d use to describe it. That’s not a word I would use for anything. Well, unless I was talking about fruit. Am I going insane? How am I supposed to be mindful of myself when shit just pops into my head? Merde! Maybe by trying to resist the black magick I’m letting it screw with me. Like how worrying about panic attacks can give me one.

  I sit down on the bed and take a few deep breaths because my anxiety is starting to surge. What if black magick is the reason I like January? No, it can’t be. I think I was starting to crush on her even before we killed J and wound up with her black magick. [Which I ought to fucking use, seeing how I could’ve been killed on that mission to kill her.]

  “You all right?” January asks. She looks nervous, probably because of tonight.

  “Yeah, just a little anxiety.”

  “Worried about what Ruth said?”

  I sigh. “Maybe a little.”

  “Want me to take your mind off it?” she gives me a shit-eating grin.

  I suppose I could use a distraction. “If you’d like.” The corners of my mouth rise way up. Of course, she’s probably just talking about doing her healing thing on me to calm my nerves.

  January comes walking over and stands right in front of me, our toes touching each other’s on the floor. She puts her hand on my head and it immediately starts to feel warm and I find myself relaxing.

  “Thanks,” I say.

  She runs her fingers through my hair. “Stand up.”

  Is she going to kiss me? I always thought I’d have to kiss her first. And I certainly didn’t expect it to happen this afternoon. But here we are in our underwear with some time to spare while Lia and Shar go at it.

  I stand up and she gets on her tiptoes and we’re so close our boobs press against each other. It feels so good and I feel a tingling sensation race from my toes up to the top of my head. And the tingling continues to happen. It’s almost like being tickled. That feeling when someone first starts tickling you and it’s wonderful before it turns into torture.

  “Are you tingling?” I ask her softly.

  “Yeah. I think it’s what happens when humans and fairies touch like this.”

  “I felt it when I drank from your water bottle before. But we’ve held hands and I didn’t feel like this.”

  “I guess the bottle did it because you were, you know, infatuated with me. You wanted a magickal reaction.”

  I don’t say anything. I can’t believe she just said that, that she knows I’ve been infatuated with her.

  I expect her to say something else, but instead she tilts her head forward and I do the same and she kisses me. Well, we kiss. But she’s the one who moves her lips to mine and starts it. At first she just presses them against mine but then she sticks her tongue out slightly and wiggles it so it gets between my lips. That’s all the cue I need. I open my mouth and we make out. It feels like cherry bombs are going off inside my head. In a good way, however. Like my synapses are suddenly lighting up more so than before. Burning red. The color of love. I also feel like I’m stoned like that one time I tried weed. [Which I really ought to smoke more of because, yeah, I liked it.]

  I put my hands on her head, filling them with her hair, which looks more strawberry blonde than orange rouge like it usually is.

  Oh my Goddess, I want her so much. Certain parts of me are tingling more than the rest now. [Like my fucking pussy.] Damn it, why am I using that word again? Who cares? I can’t believe how aroused I am; my perky nipples feel like little stones. As we continue to kiss, I wonder how her nipples feel so I remove my hands from the back of her head and grab her tits. Damn it, since when do I say tits? I guess I want her so bad that it’s making me think filthy thoughts. Regardless, her nipples are indeed hard and erect. I can feel them through her cute pink bra.

  We stop kissing and look each other in the eyes, though she finally gets off of her tip-toes. It just means I have to tilt my head down to do so. And I remove my hands from her tits because they’re below me now. I’ve enjoyed holding her sweet pillows in my hands and feeling her nipples perk up. Now, see, that’s som
ething I would say.

  “What do you want to do?” I whisper, still tingling.

  She looks somewhat puzzled before she whispers. “Maybe talk about our feelings?”

  “Better to experience them,” I say and without thinking I lean down slightly and grab her crotch with my right hand.

  She shudders but then she moans slightly. She keeps groaning as I rub her but then I attempt to penetrate her with my fingers and she steps back, bumping into the bed.

  “No, no, it’s too fast,” she says.

  “Stop thinking about it,” I say and step forward.

  She goes to move to the right, but I raise my arms, placing one at each side of her so she can’t move. “You’re not going anywhere,” I say. I know she doesn’t want to flee me. It’s been pretty obvious that she’s been crushing on me for a while now. Maybe ever since we played that silly game together a month or so ago.

  I move my head forward, but she pulls hers back.

  “Let’s sit down and talk,” she says nervously and swallows hard. It almost looks like she has an Adam’s apple.

  “Just kiss me again,” I say. “It felt so magickal.”

  “Not now. You’re acting weird.”

  Maybe she’s right. It’s like something just came over me – animal instinct? - and I grabbed her without thinking. But I thought she’d like it. “How so?”

  “You’re just not behaving like yourself.”

  “Maybe you bring something out in me?” Bending at the knees, I lower myself until I can bring my lips to her neck and start to give her a hickey. I know I shouldn’t right now, but it’s like I can’t help myself. What the hades is wrong with me? [I’m just being my natural self.]

  “Shit. Stop it,” she says and pushes me again. Hard.

  I stumble back until my body slams against the bureau, knocking over the taller candles on our witch’s altar. What the fuck? Does she not like me? I don’t know, but I’ve had enough of this. [I want her so fucking bad.]

  I sit down on the bed but then she gets up and goes to the bedroom door to leave me. I can’t have that. I’ve done nothing wrong. “Don’t you want to talk?”