The High-Tech Knight

by Leo Frankowski

  Janina, Yawalda, and Natalia were off somewhere with the Banki brothers, so Krystyana and I had some peace and quiet to ourselves.

  I met Father Ignacy the next morning and invited him back to my room as the only quiet place in Okoitz. After hearing my confession, he said, “That was quite a feat you accomplished, converting those Pruthenians.”

  “There wasn’t much to it, Father. They were homeless children. We gave them warmth and love. The religious instruction and conversion came naturally.”

  “Nonetheless, it is the first success the Church has had with the Pruthenians in three hundred years! As a stratagem to keeping the children free, it just might be successful. The Bishops of Cracow and Wroclaw are both convinced that the Church must retain this victory. They have asked my abbot that my brothers arm ourselves with staves, that we might defend the children with force if necessary!”

  “Then if that’s so, do you think that they might talk to the Crossmen, and maybe stop this fight? I'll gladly give back their furs, amber, and other goods. I don't want to kill anybody, and I certainly don't want to be killed. I can't let them have the children, but if the Church is going to protect them even if I lose, what is there to fight about?”

  “A worthy thought, Sir Conrad. I’ll present it to their excellencies.” He got up to leave.

  “One last thing, Father. Is there any news of the Church’s inquisition of me?”

  “I’m surprised that you concern yourself with that at this time, but yes, there is news. I told you that at the request of the bishop, the report was sent to the home monastery in Italy. Well, the home monastery has returned it, saying that no, the proper channel for such a report would be through the secular Church hierarchy. So with great promptness, my abbot sent it to the Bishop of Cracow, who. sent it to the Bishop of Wroclaw, as your lands are in Silesia and thus in the diocese of Wroclaw.”

  “You mean that it was in Italy, but rather than send it, to Rome, it came back to Poland? Incredible!”

  “Isn’t it though! Who would have thought that a letter could have traveled all the way to Italy and back to Poland in only a single summer and fall? You can almost see the hand of God speeding it along! But I must go now and request audience with their excellencies, to inform them of your offer.”

  So the Church bureaucracy was as screwed up as anything the stupid Russians had ever dreamed up.

  The Crossmen arrived about noon. There must have been a thousand of them, all in battle armor and on warhorses. Their baggage train stretched for miles, and you would have thought that they were on a campaign in enemy territory rather than come to witness a trial.

  They set up a city of tents outside Okoitz, on the other side of the tourney field. It wasn’t the usual medieval hodgepodge, but as neatly laid out as any modem camp, or Ancient Roman one, for that matter.

  Unfortunately, their camp was upwind of our town, and occasionally a vast stench wafted in from them. On asking about it, I was told that as a mark of their austerity, it was a rule of the order that the Crossmen neither shaved nor bathed. Ever. No wonder they were so mean.

  I saw the two bishops with their entourages go out to the camp. Apparently my offer was being delivered. I also saw my old enemy, Sir Stefan, and his father ride out there. At least all my enemies were in the same camp.

  The afternoon went slowly, annoyingly, with too many cloying wellwishers wanting to speak sadly to me.

  Some bastard of a merchant had set up a parimutuel gambling stall, betting on the outcome of the fight. The odds were running thirtyeight to one against me. He had two parchment lists, recording who had made each bet and the amount, and two open-top barrels where the money was thrown for all to see. When the fight was over, the merchant would take a twelfth of the whole and the pot would be divided among the winners in accordance to the size of their bets. Two armed guards watched the barrels. The barrel containing bets on me was very low. I still had twenty-six thousand pence in Count Lambert’s strongroom, so I went and bet it all on myself.

  I’m really not a gambler, but there are some bets that you really can't lose. My wager changed the odds to eight to one, but what the heck. If I lost, I'd never miss it, since I'd be dead.

  Finally, I went back to my room and stationed Natalia at the door to keep me from being bothered. The girl was a genius at it.

  Why was everybody so damn convinced that I was going to die? I was going to win, dammit!

  I kept telling myself that.

  At supper, the Bishop of Wroclaw informed me that the Crossmen had flatly turned down my offer. They felt that they had to avenge the blood I’d spilt, Sir Stefan had convinced them that I was a warlock, and anyway, their champion was undefeated.

  “Of course their champion is undefeated, your excellency. Every champion is undefeated. These are fights to the death. The only champion not undefeated is dead!”

  Everybody thought I was making a joke and laughed.

  “Be that as it may, my son, your conversion of the Pruthenians was a wonderful deed for the glory of God. But it places the Church in an awkward position. I shall have to defend those children, possibly against the Knights of the Cross, who are after all another branch of the Church! It would help matters considerably if you could see fit to win tomorrow.”

  “I shall make every effort to satisfy your wishes, your excellency.” I bowed and thought, What a pompous ass!

  “Thank you, my son.”

  During the meal, I gave out the remaining wolfskin capes to the duke, his son, and to seven counts, including Lambert. I explained why wolfskin was such a suitable material, and why, if they became popular, it would reduce the wolf population. They seemed to accept the gifts in memory of me, but I tried.

  After supper, I went out to the stables and gave Anna a very thorough currying. I spent a few hours with her. She was the only person that wasn’t convinced that I was soon to die. She knew that we were going to win!

  It was a bad night, with Krystyana bawling most of the time. I had to threaten to throw her out in order to get some sleep. I even suggested that she go find Piotr Kulczynski. That shut her up.

  In the morning, I said confession again and went to church. The place was half filled with Crossmen, with them on one side of the center aisle and the duke’s nobles on the other. Just like a wedding, except for the stench.

  When it was time for communion, the ushers brought only me and one Crossman to the communion rail. He apparently was the man I was to fight at noon.

  We looked at each other and we each recognized the other at the same time. He had ice blue eyes and his nose had been broken. There were scars on his forehead and cheek and his very long, very blond hair was still greasy.

  On my very first day in the thirteenth century, I had been bashed on the head by a Crossman. This was the very same bastard!

  The protocol of communion did not permit us to speak, which was probably just as well. After the mass, the Crossmen immediately left in a body, so I had no chance to talk to my opponent. I wouldn’t have known what to say anyway.

  At noon, we were ready. The weather was cold and overcast, with very low-flying clouds. Good weather for a fight. The sun wouldn’t be in my eyes and there was no danger of overheating.

  The tourney field was a square about three hundred yards to the side, and marked out with little flags on sticks. A few centimeters of snow had fallen the night before, and the field was a flat, pristine white. It was hard to realize that three months before, the field had been gold with grain. Now we would fertilize it with blood.

  The Crossmen lined the two sides of the field closest to their camp, and the Poles lined the other two. Nobles sat on benches in front, and at the duke’s request, none of them was armed except for the ubiquitous swords. He was afraid of a fight starting. One that he would lose.

  The commoners stood behind the nobles. The clergy was in a group around the two bishops.

  A crossbowman was stationed at each corner of the square, two from the duke’s guard
and two from the Crossmen. Their job was to kill the man who committed a foul.

  Heralds had been scurrying around for days getting things organized, and I suppose that they had done a fair job. Not that I would have known a good job from a poor one.

  The sext bell was rung, a trumpeter played something stirring, and the two head heralds came out with parchment scrolls. I had spent quite a bit of time writing my proclamation, since it had to state what I thought the fight was about. Protocol had it that the Crossman declaration was to be read first, and the duke’s herald, the one who talked in capital letters, read them both, since the Crossmen's herald didn't speak Polish.

  “Know all You Present, that on the Second day of August, in the Year of Our Lord 1232, the Notorious Brigand, Sir Conrad Stargard did Feloniously and with Malice Aforethought Attack a Caravan of Goods, the Property of the Teutonic Knights of Saint Mary’s Hospital at Jerusalem.”

  In this Evil Attack, he Murdered Five of the Members of our Holy Order, and Maimed a Sixth Member for Life, while these Honorable Men were Peacefully Attending to the Business of Our Order.

  “We Pray to God that He may Strengthen Our Champion’s Arm, that he might Smite the Brigand Sir Conrad, and Recover for Our Order All our Property, Including the Heathen Slaves.”

  “May God Uphold the Right.”

  I knew about their proclamation, of course, having read a copy of it the day before. Part of the deal the duke made was that Sir Vladimir was not to be mentioned. I think the reason that the Crossmen went along with this was the size of his extended family. Having a feud with that many people would have been awkward even for the Crossmen.

  That last business about the heathen slaves was new, however. They weren’t backing down a bit.

  Then the same herald read my proclamation.

  “Know all of you present that on the Second day of August, in the Year of Our Lord 1232, 1, Sir Conrad Stargard, Came upon Seven Crossmen engaged in the Criminal Act of Abusing Children, having One Hundred Forty-Two of them Chained by the Neck, with Bleeding Feet and Whip-Scarred Backs. I Attempted to Free the Children, as was My Christian Duty as well as My Duty to my Liege Lord.”

  “I was Attacked by the Crossmen, Seven against One. But God was On My Side, and I was Victorious.”

  “I saw to it that The Children were Adopted into Good Christian Families and Received Proper Religious Instruction. They are now All Christians and may not be Returned to their Previous State of Illegal Slavery.”

  “I Hold that the Crossmen are an Evil Order Masquerading under the Trappings of Piety.”

  “I Hold that they Trade with the Infidel Mohammedans, the Very People who now Hold the Holy Lands against All True Christians, and that Their Order was Supposed to Fight.”

  “I Hold that they are Invading the Pruthenians for No Other Reason than Greed. They make No Attempt at the Religious Conversion of these People, but Instead Murder Them, Man, Woman, and Child.”

  “I Hold that This Evil Order of Crossmen must be Disbanded, and its Former Members Banished from Poland. Further, I Hold that Slavery is an Offense Against God, for Man was Made in God’s Image, and God's Image Must Not Be Degraded!”

  “May God Uphold the Right.”

  The duke had said that I was stupid for not mentioning the booty, and that there wasn’t a chance in hell of the Crossmen being disbanded or banished. Not in the Duchy of Mazovia, anyway. He liked the precedent it might set for him in his own territory, but it only had effect in the unlikely event that I won.

  The bishop had said that my theology was questionable, but let it go at that.

  I wrote it and I liked it. Mentioning the furs and amber would have lent a note of crassness to my proclamation, and anyway, my possession of them was understood.

  The heralds went to the other side of the field to read the proclamations to the Crossmen in German, with the duke’s herald reading mine in German. He might be a blowhard, but he spoke nine languages. You could see ripples go through the crowd of Crossmen as my proclamation was read. Good. Consternation to the enemy!

  The bishops each gave a short sermon, a prayer was said, and at long last we could get on with it.

  I wasn’t eager to either fight or die, but this waiting was getting me in the gut. Still, a blast of raw fear hit me as I realized that in minutes I would likely be dead.

  Another trumpet blast, the heralds left the field and the marshals shouted, “Lay on!”

  I flipped down my visor, lowered my lance and we were off. Do it by the numbers! It’s just like practice! I shouted silently to myself, trying to convince myself that I wasn't scared shitless.

  As Anna and I thundered toward our opponent, I laid the lance in Anna’s hook and the notch of the saddle, as we'd done a thousand times in practice. Then I drew my sword as stealthily as possible and prepared to give the bastard the double-hitter we'd practiced so often.

  Anna’s aim was perfect as always. She hit his shield dead center and then all hell broke loose.

  My only reaction was one of total surprise. I couldn’t figure out what happened, but somehow I was flying through the air! The impact with the frozen ground was brutal, armor or no armor. I lay there, stunned for a moment, until I got my wits back.

  I got up, shaken. The snow wasn’t thick enough to break my fall, but it was enough to hide my sword! I ran back to where the train wreck had occurred, but I couldn't find my sword. My lance was shattered. I had no weapon except for the dagger I had taken from a thug in Cieszyn last spring.

  Looking up, I saw my opponent had turned his horse and was coming back at me with his lance lowered. I drew my dagger and waited for him. There was nothing else I could do.

  Anna circled around and saw my predicament. She raced back and attacked, not the Crossman, but his horse.

  In seconds, she ripped a major hunk of flesh from his rump with her teeth and broke both of the stallion’s rear legs with her forehoofs. My opponent went down in a sad heap. The crowd of Crossmen started yelling “Foul!” and “Witchcraft.”

  Apparently, Sir Stefan had done a lot of talking with them. I half expected a crossbow bolt in the back, but the marshals decided that I wasn’t responsible for my horse when I was dismounted, dumb animals being what they thought they were.

  Anna ran back toward me and in passing she kicked my sword up out of the snow. It popped up like a golf ball hit by a nine iron and flew toward me handle first. I had to drop my dagger to catch it, but I didn’t need the dagger any more. At least I thought I wouldn't.

  Then she stood back and watched, supremely confident that I would win.

  The Crossman was out of the wreckage in a hurry. His horse was screaming in pain, but he didn’t bother giving it an easy death. He came running at me.

  “Take care of your horse!” I shouted at him. “I’ll wait here while you do!”

  “I do that later! First I make sure I kill you dead this time!”

  There was nothing I could do but meet him.

  The bastard was good. He would have made an Olympic-grade fencer easily. Even swinging a heavy hand-and-a-half bastard sword, he was faster than I was with my light watered-steel blade. What’s more, he knew how to use a shield much better than I did.

  He got one past my guard and slammed a blow into the left side of my head. It might have killed me had I been wearing my old helmet. As it was, it spun my helmet to the right about ninety degrees and bent the collar ring such that the helmet was jammed in that position. I couldn’t turn my head! Looking forward, I was blind! I could only see by looking over my right shoulder!

  I discarded my shield and fought him fencing-style. It was all I could do. You have to be able to look straight ahead to fight with sword and shield. A roar went up from the Polish side of the crowd, but I had no time to think about that.

  He got blow after blow past my defenses, but Ilya had made me a fine suit of armor. Most of the time I barely felt them.

  “Die, you hell-spawn bastard! What do it take to kill you? Wo
od stick in heart?”

  I didn’t have the breath to spare to answer him.

  It was his shieldwork that was stopping me from hitting him back. Every time I got a chance to strike at him, that damn shield was there. My sword had amazing cutting power, but it couldn’t do much when the whole edge was hitting the flat of that leather-covered plywood shield of his.

  Okay, I told myself. Go for the shield! Chop that sucker to kindling! Focusing on the shield, and catching it on the edge, I took a few major chunks out of it.

  Then I got the chance to swing a big one right down the middle. I took it. My sword went down through the center of his shield, then stopped halfway. And stuck.

  I tried to pull my sword free, but it was stuck fast and he wasn’t about to let go of his shield.

  To make matters worse for me, my sword was the only thing I had to block his sword. He wrenched his shield and my sword from my hand and swung his sword at me.

  There was nothing I could do but step inside his swing and try to handle the problem karate-fashion.

  There is a karate blow that is demonstrated slowly, but never practiced. You twist your opponent’s right arm with your left hand so that his arm is straight and his elbow is downward, then you strike upward with the palm of your right hand. Done properly, this breaks his right elbow. This wouldn't have worked on me because the hinges on my elbow caps wouldn't bend that way. But he was in chain mail.

  For all his mastery of the sword and the lance, the Crossman had never considered the possibility of unarmed combat. It worked. His elbow gave way with a satisfying pop.

  He dropped his sword and I quickly picked it up. He made no attempt to run away, as many men would. He just stood there.

  I didn’t want to kill him, but this fight was to the death. No quarter was to be asked or given. If I didn't snuff him, the freedom of a hundred forty-two children would still be in question. I took his sword and swung it with all my might sideways at his neck. He didn't try to stop me.