Finding You

by Jo Watson

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  It was already well into the afternoon, and the evening was creeping fast. We’d left the winery and were walking back down the beach. Our intense conversation had been interrupted by the waitress, and after that I’d tried to pretend it hadn’t happened. The beach was totally quiet now—in fact, there was no one in sight.

  “You want to swim?” Dimitri stopped walking and turned to me. The sun was behind him so his body looked silhouetted against the background, and at that exact moment a gentle breeze picked up and tugged at his shirt. Chest flash.

  Oh come on! Really? It was as if he had control over the elements, too, and could bend them to his will whenever the occasion required. Cue dramatic storm so his white shirt gets soaked and clings to his firm chest.

  “So?” he asked innocently, clearly unaware that in my mind the strong winds had just ripped his shirt from his body and carried it away over the sea.

  “Sorry, what?” I said absentmindedly.

  “A swim?”

  “Oh that!” I glanced over at the water. True, it looked inviting. Blue, calm, refreshing. But another not-so-inviting image flashed through my mind. It wasn’t exactly flattering.

  Me, in my glittery, trashy as hell, borderline something a stripper would wear when sliding up and down a pole pink bikini.

  “You can’t come to Greece and not swim in the sea! It’s basically against the law.”

  “But, you know…” I gestured to him and then indicated my general bikini top area and back to him. “… This hideous sparkling bikini thing… and you, you know!” (For someone who went to med school, I was becoming more and more inarticulate by the day.)

  “Take it off then,” Dimitri said as he started pulling his shirt off over his head.

  “What? My bikini top?”

  “Sure. It’s how most people swim anyway.” He sounded casual.

  “I kind of noticed that. What the hell is up with that anyway?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “The nudity. Breasts everywhere. Don’t you think it’s a bit indecent?”

  “It’s very European to swim like that. Here, women are less embarrassed about their bodies. We’re very open about that kind of thing. The body is nothing to be ashamed of, it should be celebrated, whatever shape it comes in.”

  “You really believe that?”

  “Of course. A lot of people go nude, too.”

  I cringed at the image.

  “Here! Nothing to be ashamed of.” And with that, in one swift horrifying movement, he pulled his pants down. Just pulled those little suckers down and let them fall to the sand. I turned and flung my hands over my eyes, but not before I had caught the slightest glimpse of his… yes, I had seen it. And it was now flashing through my mind like a neon sign.

  “Are you crazy?” I still had my back to him.

  “It’s liberating. You should try it.”

  “Never. No. Nope and no.”

  “You haven’t lived until you have skinny-dipped in the Aegean Sea.” I heard a small chuckle escape his lips and then heard the crunch of pebbles under his feet. I peeped through the gap in my fingers and that’s when I saw it. Not the penis. Another thing.

  He had the best ass I’d ever seen in my entire life. I hadn’t gotten a glimpse of it the other night. My mouth opened and my hands fell away from my eyes and I felt myself gape. At that exact moment, Dimitri turned his head and looked at me and beckoned with his hand. Did he really expect me to follow, especially considering the fact that he was completely fucking naked? He had no clothes on, for heaven’s sake.

  He waded in all the way to his waist and then turned to face me. Oh God, this was just like that advert I’d seen of him in the plane—minus spear… Well…

  “Come on,” he shouted.

  “No,” I shouted back. “I am not coming in there naked.” I looked around to see if anyone had heard that. No one in sight. This was the perfect time and place for nudity, I guess. Just not mine.

  “You don’t have to. Just come and swim, though.”

  This was too much. This was so far out of my comfort zone that the uncomfortable zone wasn’t even on this planet—that didn’t even make sense. My brain wasn’t making sense right now. It was too busy fighting a war with my body, which was screaming bad things…

  “Sex. Now. In sea. Jane, come (in more ways than one).”

  I looked around again. Still no one. It’s just a swim, Jane. And you will be fully clothed. Although I knew that all I would be able to think about the second I got into the water was the naked penis that would be bobbing up and down in it. I would keep a safe distance from him, ten yards, at least. Preferably more.

  It was with great trepidation, anxiety, nerves, and horny surging hormones that I eventually managed to slip my clothes off and reveal my bikini. I tried not to act self-conscious. I tried not to show how terrified I was as I walked into the sea, my eyes focused on the sand below my feet. I waded in. I started walking off in a different direction, away from Dimitri, as I crept farther and farther into the calm, warm water.

  “Where are you going?” Dimitri called out and started wading toward me.

  I stuck a finger out. “Stay back. Stay back.”

  He burst out laughing.

  “It’s not funny, I’m not comfortable with a naked penis coming toward me.”

  He laughed louder than I had ever heard him laugh before. “That sounds so clinical.”

  “I’m a doctor!” I snapped back. “It’s my job to be clinical.”

  “You weren’t that worried about my naked penis coming toward you the other night, if I remember correctly.”

  “What?” I screeched loudly. “There were… I had… it was… besides, if I remember correctly we both agreed that I wasn’t really my normal self so with that in mind, and all, it was… and… so…” Fuck my noncompliant mouth and its inability to form proper sentences!

  Dimitri just smiled at me. It was the kind of smile that turned your stomach inside out and stole your beating heart right out of your chest.

  “Now that, Jane… that was flirting. Just in case you were in any doubt.” He was so close now. The ripples of water he was creating as he walked started gently splashing my body until he was right in front of me. Bare chested, water just covering his general groin area.

  “Did it work?” he asked with a slow smile.

  “Uh, did what work, exactly?”

  “The flirting?”

  I nodded. “Yes. It was sufficient.”

  “Just sufficient?” he asked.

  “Well, how does one measure the success of it?” I was mesmerized by this strange moment. It was a moment that a few days ago, I never could have imagined happening to me.

  “It’s measured by the way it made you feel.” Dimitri came a little closer now. “Now it’s your turn to say something.” He was right in front of me.

  “Like what?”

  “Well, you might say something playful like, ‘I didn’t see you complaining, either.’ Or you could choose something more direct, like”—he leaned in and whispered in my ear—“‘Actually, I don’t really remember all the details. Why don’t you bring it over here and remind me.’”

  I think I fainted. Or passed out. Or maybe it was a blackout or something like that, because suddenly everything was blank and silent. I just stood there and gaped at him. Dimitri pulled away slowly. His green eyes were boring holes in me. The tip of his tongue came out and touched his lip. His eyes narrowed and his pupils darkened. Then he suddenly turned me around, hard. The movement caught me off guard. I felt a hard tug on my bikini top and it started to loosen.

  “What are you doing?” I clasped my arms across my chest as my bikini started to fall.

  “I told you, you haven’t lived until you have skinny-dipped in the Aegean Sea.”

  I inhaled sharply as he pulled my straps down and, eventually, pulled the top fully off. My back was still to him, but it felt like I was standing in front of him co
mpletely naked and he could see everything. He passed me my bikini top and I clutched it.

  And then his finger trailed all the way down my back and I felt it tug gently at my bikini bottom. “Don’t make me take these off for you.”

  “Oh my God.” I dove into the water. I wasn’t sure if this was the most pervy thing that had ever happened to me, or the hottest. I made sure to keep myself completely submerged while I looked over at him. And I’m not sure what the hell came over me, either. Maybe it was the intoxicating surroundings, the cool water, the black beach that was now sparkling like glitter in the evening light. Maybe it was the way he was looking at me. I have no idea.

  But I did it. I slipped them off and held them in my hand. I was totally naked now. I swam underwater and he was right, it did feel good. To be completely naked swimming in the sea felt like one of the most liberating and freeing things I had ever done. The water washed over me and caressed my body and I felt everything start washing away. It was as if the water was pulling any negative thoughts or feelings I’d ever had out of me.

  I emerged from the sea, not even aware or concerned where Dimitri was. This wasn’t about him, this was about me. I stood up and let the breeze blow against my wet skin as I stared out toward the blue ocean in front of me. I breathed in deeply; the air felt crisp and smelled like flowers and salt and the evening. As I stood there all on my own, I realized that for the first time in a very long time, I was content. I was happy. Truly happy.

  I turned around, not even caring that my naked chest was on show. Dimitri was far away from me now; he’d climbed out of the water and was sitting back on the beach. He looked at me and smiled and gave the tiniest wave. I smiled and waved back before diving back into the water.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  I felt alive. All of my senses were alert and prickled. I was filled with a sense of wonder and adventure and a desire for new experiences. Something in me felt like it had been woken, and it felt great.

  Dimitri had walked out of the sea and was sitting on the beach watching me. Even though he was far away, the sexual tension that was building between us was still very much there. I slipped my bikini back on under the water and walked out. He passed me a towel and I flopped down on the sand next to him. We both sat in silence for a while looking out over the sea. The view was incredible. This place was magical; I had never been anywhere or seen anything so beautiful before.

  “Can I ask you a question?” I turned to face Dimitri.

  “Anything.”

  “Why are you a tour guide if you’re a model? And a successful-looking one at that?”

  “You’ve asked the wrong question. You should have asked why do I model when I am a tour guide?”

  “What’s the difference?” I asked.

  “This is my passion. This is what I really love doing.”

  “So then why model?”

  He shrugged and then winked. “Because I’m hot.”

  “You did not just say that?”

  Dimitri smiled at me and nudged me playfully with his shoulder. “I just do it for money.”

  “Really?”

  He stopped smiling and turned to look at me. “I come from this big, crazy, loud Greek family… I loved growing up with so many siblings. But when I was sixteen my dad got sick. Cancer. He knew he was dying and he made me promise that when he was gone, I would step up and become the man of the house. That I would take care of everyone.”

  “But you were so young,” I said, putting a hand on his shoulder without even thinking about it.

  “And I had no skills and no way of earning enough to support seven women.” He forced a small smile. “So I used my looks. It was the only thing I had at the time. I’ll stop soon, I just have two more sisters to get through college and then that’s it.”

  “You’ve put all your sisters through college? All six of them?”

  “Most of them. My youngest sister, the birthday girl, is doing fine art, and my other sister is finishing off a business diploma. I would have loved to study something, but there was just no time… Maybe when I stop this modeling crap I’ll be able to go back and do something. Truthfully, I hate it.”

  “Modeling? Please! What could you hate about dressing up and posing half naked with hot women on the beach?”

  Dimitri reached for my hand that I had accidentally left on his shoulder. He took it in his and looked at it. “It’s not real. Not like this. This moment here, with you, this is real.”

  His fingers traced the back of my hand, and all I could think about was taking his hand and putting it on my body. I wanted to be wrapped up in his arms right now. His eyes locked onto mine and I felt myself transported to somewhere else. Oh God, I am in trouble.

  “Besides, you of all people know what it’s like to only be judged on your looks. Sometimes people don’t bother looking past that stuff.”

  His words echoed through me, ringing true in every way possible. There was such a strangeness between us now. The crazy sexual heat of earlier was gone, replaced by something warm and calm.

  “So why is this your passion?” I asked.

  “I love showing people around and watching them fall in love with this place. The people that come here all leave with a little bit of Greece in their hearts. Like you will. And…” Suddenly a strange smile swept over his face.

  “What?” I leaned in, intrigued.

  “You know all those photos I have in my house?”

  “How could I not?”

  “So, when I was young, there was a woman who lived in our village. One day, her son left and he took to the seas and started sailing them. There were so many stories about why. Some said he had his heart broken so badly that he couldn’t take it; others thought he was looking for a treasure, or running from the law.”

  I laughed. “You Greeks are such storytellers.”

  “And we gossip. Everyone talked about it. Anyway, once a week he would write to his mother and send her photographs of all the places he’d been…”

  “Those are the photos?” I asked.

  He nodded. “I used to get so excited to run up to her house and see them. She would always pour me something to drink, and we would sit outside under the trees and she would make up these amazing stories about him and the places he was visiting. I think she missed him and the stories she told me were a way of keeping his memory alive when he wasn’t there.”

  “That’s so sad.”

  “It was. But her stories about her son totally changed my life. He was my idol. Even though I’d never met him, I wanted to be exactly like him. I used to imagine he was this great pirate searching for a buried treasure and I wanted to go on the same adventures that he was going on and see the same places he had seen. She used to give me one of the photos every week and I kept them all and vowed I would visit all the same places one day.”

  “And have you?”

  “Almost.” I gazed at Dimitri’s face now: It had a totally adorable childlike quality to it. He lay back on the sand, making himself more comfortable, and I did the same. “Of course when I got older I realized that there was no pirate treasure.” Another small chuckle escaped his lips. “But I still wanted my adventure.” He turned to me. “You know how you’re looking for something? Well, I feel like I’m looking for something, too, I just don’t know what it is. But until I’ve found it, I feel like I can’t stop exploring.”

  “I’m not looking for something,” I quickly qualified. “I’m looking for my father.”

  Dimitri turned back to me and shook his head. “I think we both know you’re looking for much more than just him.” His words were so pointed and so steeped in truth that they unsettled me.

  “What would happen if you didn’t find him, Jane?” he asked, sounding serious again.

  “Why, has the investigator said something?” I sat up straight.

  “No. Nothing like that.” Dimitri was very quick with his response. “I was just talking hypothetically.” He turned away and looked back at the sea
. “Come, it’s getting late.” He stood up and pulled me to my feet, too. “We still have to go back home and get ready before dinner.”

  I had forgotten about agreeing to go to his birthday dinner. I stood up and once again pulled my heavy bag onto my shoulder. The pain of the strap cutting into me was getting too much to bear, and the bag fell from my shoulder and splattered into the sand. I gazed down at the stupid, heavy, oversized thing and a realization slammed into me with such enormous force. It overwhelmed me and shook me to my very core.

  “I can’t do this anymore. I just can’t fucking do this.” This bag that I had been lugging around with me wasn’t just a bag. All the lipsticks and straighteners, the brushes and combs—all the paraphernalia that was physically weighing me down—was mentally weighing me down, too. Every time I tried to find the perfect shade, make my hair into something it was not, I was trying to change and push away that unchangeable part of me. This bag contained all my dashed and trampled hopes. It contained all my perceived failures and all the pain I’d been carrying around with me my entire life. This was not a bag at all.

  “I’ve had it. I’ve just… I can’t.” There was an edge of desperation to my voice.

  “Fuck this!” I bent down and pulled the rest of the contents out of the bag. “I hate this thing!” I held a hair straightener in the air. “Do you know how much I hate it?” I must have looked a little wild as I waved the thing in the air in front of Dimitri’s face.

  He smiled back at me. “So what are you going to do about it?”

  What was I going to do about it? I hadn’t thought that far ahead, actually. All I knew was that I wanted all this crap out of my bag. I wanted it out of my life. I wanted to stop feeling like I was lugging the weight of the world around with me and it was slowing me down.

  I looked around. “This! I am going to do this.” I ran as fast as I could to the edge of the sea and tossed the hair straightener in as hard as I could. It was so dramatic. In my mind I imagined hurling it across the ocean, where it would finally land with an almighty gigantic splash that would shake the very world. It didn’t. It plopped into the water a few feet away—but it sure felt good.