Hush (Pandora's Box Book 2)

by Liza James

  "Jesus fucking Christ," she mutters on a bitter laugh.

  "No, no fucking way. You don't get to be angry with me without ever fucking confronting this."

  "I had to! For fuck’s sake! I didn't have a goddamn choice, Lyp!" she suddenly cries out, digging her hands into her hair as her expression twists into both regret and clear agony. "It was that, or my family did it themselves, or killed you. Happy?"

  The entire car goes silent aside from the road noise under the tires. Aura gasps, and Ruby shifts her hand to Aura's in order to catch her attention.

  K's hands fall to her thighs, her body stilling as her head tilts to the side and tension explodes between us. "Does that make you happy? Knowing I was forced into hurting you, only because I was fucking desperate to save you?" She pauses, cracking her neck on her shoulders before shutting her eyes briefly. As if she's trying to block out the world, this moment. Our reality. "It doesn't change a single thing—you knowing. It happened. I took what I had to; I knowingly destroyed what was happening between us. The motives don't matter in the grand scheme of things. It was never supposed to be you and I."

  I sit there for several minutes, unable to move, to speak. How could she say the motives don't matter?

  They mean everything.

  My entire memory of that day is a lie. While I was in pain, confused, being ripped apart—she was as well.

  "What?" I finally find the voice to ask. "No way, how could that be true?" I'm quiet, confusion and disbelief flooding my senses. That doesn't make any sense.

  "I'm done talking about this." She turns away from me, closing her eyes and resting her head against the window. I want to push her, to explain what the hell actually happened. But I don't. We're still falling from the adrenaline, I'm still coming down from the trauma I experienced not only in the last couple of hours, but the last seventy-two as well.

  There are so many things I'm going to have to tell her. But I don't have the strength to right now.

  "Let's focus on getting back to the apartment. We can sleep all of this off, all right? Breathe for a bit," Ruby's voice breaks out in gentle tones.

  "We're glad to have you back, Calypso," Aura adds, and I'm thankful for the both of them tonight. For all three of these women, the absolute strongest I've ever known.

  They're insane. And also powerful, influential, determined.

  I'm lucky to know them.

  How does one process their life anymore? How do I make any sort of sense of this chaotic ass mess.

  I'm standing in my doorway, glancing to the clock on my dresser to see it's 3:47 in the morning. My arms are crossed tightly around my chest, my gray tank and black sleep shorts hanging loosely off my frame while I watch her.

  Calypso. Lyp.

  She's asleep in my bed, wearing one of my tanks and stealing my panties. My black sheets are twisted around her curvy figure, her bare leg and round ass peeking out from underneath while the fabric weaves up and over her lower back.

  God, she looks good.

  Even now, with unmistakable bruises smattering her skin. Marks around her ankles and wrists where the leather held her hostage to that nightmare at the clinic. Her face, covered in purple and blue marks where she was hit and abused.

  I don't even want to think about what else happened to her and I lift my hand to absently bite the edges of my nails when the thought springs to my mind.

  I want kill Dom. And that guy who was with him, the doctor as well. Even my dad and brother for their part in this.

  I want them all dead.

  I step forward silently, moving toward my bed so I can get a closer look at her. My heart beats a steady and intoxicating rhythm, dancing through my blood while I inch even closer.

  My fingers ache to touch her, my body begs to move against hers, if only to hold her while she sleeps, while she recovers. It's as if she's healing me as well. Having her back in my life forces me to confront all of my shadows. She's a mirror for my own downfalls, every aspect of my life that terrorizes me, ones I hold resentment and fear over, he pulls into the light.

  I didn't want to feel anything for her again. But I can't fight this anymore.

  I climb over her, slowly stepping around her frame while I slip underneath the blankets as well. Her face is twisted toward the wall, facing me now, and her messy blonde hair is streaking my dark sheets in her light.

  Beautiful. Tragic. Addictive.

  It's hard being brave enough to face your own demons, to take them on headfirst instead of suppressing them in hidden places. I think I've done that for far too long now. Ignoring pieces of my soul that offered too much vulnerability. Because I was afraid of giving those away to someone else, trusting them to care for me in ways I believed I could simply do on my own.

  But that isn't living. And I've shoved myself into this box of dominance, anger, detachment, and recklessness for years now.

  She forces me to become more than what I am now.

  I hesitate a touch, lifting my hand and slowly moving toward her exposed shoulder. A quiet breath leaves my lips and I drag my fingers along her skin, moving back toward her neck and tracing the line of her spine.

  She shifts, her eyes squeezing tightly as her hand moves over her face. A soft whimper leaves her lips, and as I watch, she begins twisting slowly in the space beside me. Suddenly, she's breathing heavier, muffled words falling from her mouth as her hand twists into the sheets below her. She kicks her legs out for a moment before pulling them back in as if she's lying in a fetal position.

  "No," she whispers while panic quickly sparks in my chest as I watch her. I should wake her I think, but I'm worried to make things worse if I try to rouse her from this. "No, no. Not again, please."

  Shit, shit. Tears uncomfortably spring to my eyes and threaten to spill over my lashes. I hate this, and it's clear she's having a nightmare from everything she's been through.

  "Lyp," I whisper, gently pressing my hand against her cheek as her cries grow louder. "Wake up."

  "I loved her." The three words are said so hurriedly I almost miss them but then followed by things I don't want to hear. "Sinner. I'll repent, sacrifices."

  My heart hammers and for a moment, I don't know what to do. But when she begins twisting back and forth again in the bed, her arms thrashing against the tangled sheets and sweat breaking out over her skin—I reach for her.

  "Wake up, Lyp. Come on," I say loudly, using my hold to gently grip her face while she continues speaking incoherently. Her hands quickly lift and wrap around my wrists, causing her eyes snap open wide while she launches forward gasping for breath.

  "Oh my god, I'm so sorry," she anxiously whispers. Her fingers weave through my own while her gaze darts back and forth between my eyes. "I was having a nightmare. It was Dom and—" She stops, cutting off her own words mid-sentence.

  "And who?" I ask, feeling the heat of her skin against my hands, the warmth of her touch over my own.

  I'm desperate for this, and I pull her even closer to me as I wrap my arms around her shoulders. She inhales deeply, pressing her nose and lips to the crease of my neck when I lay down on the bed. I pull her against me, refusing to let a space between our bodies now.

  Not anymore.

  "No one," she replies quietly, her hand slipping under my shirt and simply resting over my stomach. "It was nothing."

  I breathe in, knowing she's keeping something hidden but not wanting to push her for it right now. My hand moves through her hair, feeling the strands slip through my fingers while her breath blows across my collarbone.

  "When you're ready to talk about this," I begin, knowing I'm referring to multiple topics. "I'm here." Our relationship, our past, what she's been through with The Nation. All of it. It's time I face these things alongside her.

  "Thank you," she whispers, her fingers digging into my skin as if she needs to be closer. I pull her even tighter against me, her leg lifting over mine and resting along my thighs.

  "I won't let you go again; do you understa
nd? This is it now. No more doing things to protect the other, sacrificing our own honesty, lying to each other about what's happening. We can't fucking do it anymore." I grind the words out slowly, imploring her to fully understand what I'm saying here.

  This—us—every passing moment reminds me why she's always been it for me. I've just ignored it for far too long.

  She lifts up slightly, shifting over my frame so her eyes can gaze into my own. "It's always been us. Even then, even after." She lifts her hand and drags her thumb along my lips, her eyes slowly tracking the movement as I breathe heated breaths against her skin. "I've never forgotten about you."

  I watch her intently, the energy in the room evolving and twisting through us as we connect. It's not even about the sex, the tension. It's this, in our souls. We have this undeniable tether between us, pulling and begging to be closer until we finally surrender.

  It's an electricity vibrating along our skin, reminding me I've never felt this way about anyone else before her or after.

  "You force me to confront things I'm not comfortable with. Things that scare me. Thoughts and feelings I don't understand," I whisper, lifting a hand and sliding my fingers through her hair as her eyes fall to my lips while I speak. "You've terrified me. Everything we have and everything we were when we were young. I was desperate for it, Lyp. So willing to give you everything when it could so easily be stripped from me."

  "I wouldn't have taken it back," she replies, her eyes shining with unshed tears. Her fingers press into my skin before pulling out from under my shirt and wrapping around my face. Her thumb lingers along my jaw, tracing back and forth as her words come quicker. "I never wanted that with anyone else. What we had, it was different. I was desperate to give it to you."

  I can't contain this, the power exploding between us. It's this realization of union with someone I had truly succumbed to the idea of never having again.

  Leaning up, my hand wraps around the nape of her neck as I drag her to me, colliding my lips with hers as I give into this. I'm starving for her, and when her lips part I dive forward. I'm hungry to experience every ounce of this relationship. Actually, it's amazing how easily things shift into place when you stop holding everything back.

  When you remove those blocks, and things can naturally fall exactly where they are meant too.

  We were never going to be able to ignore each other forever.

  She kisses me back just as fiercely, her hands weaving through my hair and as she quickly gasps for breath in between us kissing. Her body moves with mine, subtly grinding in a slow and steady rhythm while my hands explore her figure.

  God, she's everything I could ever want. Her skin is on fire with my own, my fingers wrapping tightly around her thigh as I drag her on top of me. I should slow this down, but I can't get enough, and I'm eager to dive even deeper into this hurricane of a connection.

  Her touch becomes a bit more frantic, just as desperate to be closer to me as I am to her. But then it shifts, and it's as if she's gathering her own thoughts as we both try to rein things back in. Her forehead rests against mine, and her tight hold releases the smallest bit. We're both grasping for air, our chests heaving against each other, her tight nipples scraping across my own.

  I try not to think about that though.

  "I–" Lyp starts, but she's hesitant, and I can already feel the distance in her energy.

  "Hey," I whisper, shifting my hand to her face and letting my thumb graze over jawline. "You need to rest. And as much as I love this, we need to make sure you're healthy and feeling better before we tackle it."

  She nods, a wash of relief rolling through her shoulders as she slips off of me. I keep my hold around her though and pull her tightly against my frame while she rests her head over my shoulder. My hand falls back to the comfortable place on her back, moving up and through her hair in a rhythm that has her quickly falling back to sleep.

  My mind keeps churning with countless thoughts and fears of what we're about to go up against. For a while, I don't think I'm going to get any sleep tonight. I have too many worries of Lyp, but simply feeling her breathe so near me, have her warmth enveloping my own…those keep me grounded and thankfully, my body soon surrenders to sleep as well.

  "I feel like shit," Lyp groans as she leans forward over her knees in the bathroom. She's on the floor, and Aura is at the sink with a washcloth while Ruby and I stand in the doorway. She quickly leans over the toilet and throws up, her fingers wiping across her face as she falls back on her ass.

  She's been puking on and off all week. And we've already had the potential pregnancy discussion countless times.

  "Don't even fucking think it, it's not possible. I'm telling you," she reminds us as we continue watching her in tense silence. "I'm on birth control. Two different kinds, I have been for years now."

  "Take a test, just in case, okay?" I urge her, pulling the box from behind my back and passing it toward her.

  "Jesus fucking Christ, are you kidding me, K?" she bites out angrily, and I'm surprised she's so worked up over this. Of course, the possibility of her being pregnant is a terrifying reality. But we don't know yet, and she's been short tempered as hell all week.

  It's understandable. But frustrating at the same time.

  "Get out, both of you." I look to Ruby and Aura, nodding out the door so they know to leave us alone.

  "Come on, we don't have to do this," Lyp replies while a bitter scoff works up her throat.

  "Yeah, we fucking do."

  Ruby and Aura step out and I shut the door behind me, just as Lyp leans back over the toilet and pukes again. I reach forward, pulling all of her hair out of the way while she purges.

  "We just want to rule it out, okay? I believe you. I don't think you're pregnant, Lyp." I try to speak calmly, running my hand up and down her back in a soothing motion while she tries to catch her breath.

  "You don't understand, okay? You don't know how serious this would be if I was pregnant with his—with any of their—children." Her words are broken, tears falling down her face on choked sobs. When she turns back to look at me, I can already see the genuine fear in her eyes.

  She picks up the cool cloth and holds it against her face, breathing deeply while gathering her own strength again.

  "Their children? Who Lyp? Who else were you with?" I caution the question, afraid as hell for the answer but I need to fucking know.

  Her head falls back against the wall, her eyes dropping shut while her lips press into a tight line. I can already feel the tension pulling between us, the fear, the discomfort. It works over my flesh like a poisonous snake, ready to strike and crack our already fragile healing.

  "I don't want to talk about this," she mutters quietly, her foot tapping in front of her as she pulls her knees up to her chest. She drops her head forward, shielding her face behind her arms while I watch.

  I move toward her, shifting onto my knees when I slip my hand over her arm. "Lyp," I urge her, and she slowly tilts her head to the side so she's peaking at me from under fallen strands of her hair. "Talk to me."

  It's been a week since she's been back, and a hard one at that. She stopped taking Adderall, stopped smoking weed, she isn't getting her drugs from Dom anymore. Her body is sore from everything she experienced and also our fight during the last night in the gym.

  Her bruises are healing however, and every single night, we fall asleep in the same bed. Wake up next to each other. I'm there every time she stirs from a nightmare, and I'll continue being there no matter what she divulges to me.

  It's been the hardest thing I've ever experienced, having to face all of these demons and emotions alongside her. I have moments when I want to run the fuck away and say to hell with it.

  I'm selfish as fuck. It's a habit I've perfected over years of denial and suppression.

  But it's different now, and I still have rampant thoughts of what she's been through. Things I know nothing of, things that will destroy me—I know it.

  "You do
n't want to know what's happened, K. I promise you, it's better if we just forget this and move forward." She's quiet, her words barely even a whisper as they leave her trembling lips.

  My chest feels heavy, and I'm struggling to even listen to these warnings, but something inside of me is telling me this is imperative.

  "I won't tell anyone if you don't want me to. Ruby and Aura never have to know. But now? It's just you and me. You're safe here, Lyp." I pause, running my fingers through her hair and brushing it away from her eyes.

  They're shining, blue depths of sadness and pain. I hate it, and I want more than anything to fix this right now.

  "Does this have to do with what they were doing at the clinic?" She still hasn't told us exactly what was intended by her being there.

  She nods now, single tears falling free from her eyes and trailing her over her rosy lips. Something clicks in my mind and I connect the fact of us talking about her being pregnant. "Wait, were you pregnant already? Were they checking for a pregnancy?" I rear back, my eyes narrowing in surprise and confusion.

  "No, no. I wasn't pregnant then. It's difficult to explain," she replies, inhaling a deep breath as we tread closer to this truth. "They decided my role in the Nation was to be some sort of matron for purity and cleansing. I was intended to continue cleansing rituals for all new members, and also bear the children of The Nation." Once she begins speaking, everything falls rapidly and angrily into place. She sits up, her hands clenching into fists on her knees while I listen.

  My heart breaks, my rage renewed and vibrating under my skin as I begin to understand their intentions. She keeps speaking though, and everything gets even worse as she reveals exactly what she was doing in the clinic.

  "But because of me being attracted to women, because of everything Dom has seen with the both of us, they deemed it necessary to—" she pauses, struggling to get the words out. I'm sitting across from her, my hands resting over her arm, my thumb tracing back and forth over her skin. She tilts her head back and stares at the ceiling, refusing to meet my gaze now. "Cleanse me of my pleasure permanently."