Amish Brides of Willow Creek 1-4 Omnibus
Page 17
“I’m sorry for the things I said to you earlier,” he said thoughtfully. “The last thing I want to do is add to the pressure you must already feel.”
Miriam lifted her head from his shoulder. Though her eyes were red and puffy from crying, he thought she’d never looked more beautiful. He tucked his hand under her chin and lifted while he bent down enough to touch his lips to hers. He couldn’t help himself. He loved her, and he wanted her to know it.
He wanted her to trust his love, and to trust him.
Delight filled him as she deepened the kiss between them. He held her like it was the last time he would ever be able to. He feared it would be, but he savored this moment and the sweetness of her lips as they swept across his. He wanted to love her for the rest of his life—if only she would let him.
She pushed away from him all too soon.
“This isn’t such a gut idea,” she managed, breathlessly. “I’m betraying my betrothed.”
Ray jumped up from where he sat beside her.
“Betraying him? You will betray me if you marry him!”
She shook her head without looking at him.
“If you can look me in the eye and tell me you don’t love me, then I will step aside and let you marry him.”
Ray knew it was a risky ultimatum, but he had to know once and for all where he stood.
She remained silent, and he could see the pain in her eyes as she began to weep.
“You can’t tell me,” he said softly. “Because you still love me. At least you kissed me just now like you did. That wasn’t a casual kiss—that was a kiss filled with love. It left me wanting, and I believe it did the same for you.”
“I have to marry Adam,” she managed in between sobs.
“You don’t have to! You can marry me, but it seems you are too much of a coward to do what’s right.”
He knew his words were harsh, but he simply had no more words for her.
CHAPTER 21
Miriam shivered as she strolled into the kitchen. The thick robe Claudia had given her was wrapped tightly around her, but it wasn’t keeping in her body heat. She hoped that a cup of hot tea would warm her enough to get some rest. It was already late, and she just couldn’t get warm enough to relax, let alone, to fall asleep. The fancy quilt on her bed was made more for decoration than practical use. The quilts back home did their job to keep a body warm, even on the coldest of winter nights. Right now, she missed them more than ever.
She shivered again as she looked out the kitchen window at the light flurries swirling about in the lamplight just outside the window. The decorative light-post illuminated the flakes of snow, causing her to feel a chill to the bone. Winter was going to be rough if it was already snowing. November had only just begun.
From the cupboard, Miriam pulled out a teacup and the box of chamomile tea. She filled the tea kettle and lit the stubborn burner on the gas stove from the box of matches Claudia kept in a primitive tin canister on the counter. It reminded her of the sort of wares she might find in an Amish kitchen. Claudia’s entire décor was country and antiques. It was a comfortable old farm house, and Miriam thought it to be not too much unlike her own family home.
A noise from the family room startled her. Miriam followed the noise, finding Ray at the hearth putting thick wedges of wood in a stack on the fireplace grate.
He looked up and smiled warmly when she entered the room. “I heard you walk past my room, and figured you were cold, so I came out here to start a fire to warm you up.”
He already knows me too well.
Miriam swooned at the gesture. He was the kindest man she’d ever met, and it filled her with guilt that he was kind to her, despite her constantly rejecting him.
“Danki,” she said quietly. “It’s snowing—come see out the kitchen window.”
He followed her into the kitchen and stood behind her at the window above the sink. He wrapped both his arms around her, holding her close and tucking his face in her neck. She allowed him to hold her as they stared out the window at the snow that fluttered around whimsically, as if perfectly choreographed for an encore performance for their eyes only.
The whistle of the tea kettle caused Miriam to jump. Feeling suddenly awkward, Ray let her slip out of his arms and excused himself to finish building the fire in the other room.
Miriam pulled another teacup from the cupboard, still feeling the warmth of Ray’s arms around her. It instilled in her a desire to return the kindness he’d shown her by serving him some hot tea. It was the least she could do for him after the way she’d treated him earlier.
Miriam longed to care for Ray in the manner that a wife would, but she couldn’t. She wished he could understand how much she would always care for him despite the fact she would be marrying another man, but it was not something that would likely come to pass. There would most likely always be strife between them as they tried to raise their child together, yet separately.
Miriam finished fixing the tea and brought both cups into the family room with her. Ray’s eyes lit up when he saw she had two cups in her hand, knowing one of them was for him. He put the wedge of freshly cut wood onto the fire before taking the cup from her and sipping from it.
Miriam sat down on the oversized sofa and sank into the depths of the cushions, hoping it would warm her up soon. Ray put the poker down and closed the metal, mesh grating in front of the fire. He looked back at her, wondering if he should dare to sit with her, when he noticed her teeth chattering.
“You’re still shivering,” he said with concern, as he lifted a quilt from the end of the sofa and unfolded it over her.
He climbed in next to her and pulled her close to him. Within minutes, Miriam’s shivering slowed as did her chattering teeth. She sipped her tea without mentioning the closeness between them, and he wondered how long she would allow it this time. He knew it was wrong for him to think such a thing, but he also wondered if she would continue to maintain her closeness with him even after she married Adam.
It suddenly dawned on Ray that Miriam—his Miriam would be Adam’s wife, and the man would most likely expect her to be intimate with him. The very thought of it felt like someone had put his heart in a paper shredder. How could he just stand by and let Adam take Miriam from him? He couldn’t stand the thought of another man holding her or kissing her and more. Would she cuddle up to him the way she was with him now?
A lump formed in his throat as he smoothed her hair. “I love you,” he said quietly. “I’ll always love you. I don’t want you to marry Adam. I don’t like the idea of him holding you the way I am now. I don’t want you to kiss him the way you kissed me earlier. I don’t want to let you go.”
He watched her expression change in the soft glow of the firelight. Reflections of the flames flickered across her face, illuminating the tears that began to pour from her blue eyes. He could see that his words were finally beginning to have an effect on her, and he hoped it would help to change her mind.
“Don’t ruin this,” she said, sniffling back the tears. “Let’s just enjoy the time we have together and try not to make more of it than it is. Hold me and make me feel safe and secure, even if it’s only for this moment.”
As tough as it was to concede, he would not fight her anymore. He would let be whatever would be, and accept whatever the outcome—no matter how much pain it caused him. For this moment, he would be content to hold her without any pressure for more.
Miriam set her tea on the lamp table beside the sofa and rested her head on Ray’s shoulder. She looked up at him as his eyes closed. His breathing soon slowed and she felt the weight of him relax against her as he began to fall asleep. She closed her eyes, feeling the most comfortable she’d ever felt.
“I love you, too,” she whispered.
CHAPTER 22
“Miriam Schrock!” a familiar voice woke her with a startling revelation.
She knew that voice.
“If Daed could see you now, you’d be in for a sound lashing
for sure and for certain. In fact, I’m not opposed to dolling it out myself.”
Miriam felt movement beside her—panicky, jerky movements, as if someone was in a hurry to move out of the way of something—or someone.
Was she dreaming?
Her eyelashes fluttered as she struggled to focus—on Ray, who was already on his feet and off the sofa where he was just lying beside her. How long had she and Ray been there? Her gaze followed the light streaming in through the large window behind the sofa.
It was morning, and they’d slept on the sofa together.
Her focus turned to the one calling her name for the second time. It was Benjamin, but how had he gotten into Claudia’s home without their knowledge.
“It’s a gut thing your mamm let me in here so I could witness for myself the sinful life you have made for yourself,” he was telling Ray as he wagged his finger at him.
She wasn’t dreaming!
Ray began to apologize to Ben, making excuses about them falling asleep and not meaning to.
Her bruder wasn’t buying into any of it.
He waved a hand at Ray. “Save your lies for the Bishop. He will decide what really happened here.”
He turned to Miriam, who was still half-asleep and trying very hard to process what was going on, while catching her breath and willing her heart to stop beating so fast. She stood up, gearing herself up to back-talk Ben, when morning sickness overtook her. She clamped a hand over her mouth and ran to the bathroom, Ben on her heels asking her what was wrong. She barely made it to the bathroom before the mere contents of her stomach spilled into the sink. She coughed and sputtered while her brother stood behind her, waiting for an explanation.
“What’s wrong with you?” he asked. “Are you pregnant?”
“Jah,” Miriam admitted as she grabbed a tissue and wiped her mouth. She turned on the water to rinse down the bile without looking up at him, a lump forming in her throat.
“From this Englischer?”
“Jah,” she said. “But I’m marrying Adam Troyer, an Amish mann, so I can stay in the community.”
“That’s narrish!” Ben replied.
“That’s what I told her,” Ray chimed in.
Miriam looked at the two of them in the reflection of the bathroom mirror. “Both of you stay out of this. It’s my decision what I do.”
Ray looked at Miriam with narrowed eyes.
“Why won’t you tell your brother that I proposed to you—several times?”
Ray turned to Ben. “I want to do right by your sister, but she’s insisting on marrying the Amish man.”
“If she’s marrying the Amish mann, why did I find the two of you sleeping together?”
Miriam pursed her lips. “Don’t talk about me like I’m not here.”
Ben looked at Miriam with disgust. “You wrote in your letter that you were getting married. You didn’t tell me any of this. Put on a clean dress and pull your hair up in your kapp. You look improper.”
“There was nothing improper about what you saw. We fell asleep on the couch—that’s all,” Ray said in his defense.
“Then how did you manage to get her pregnant if the two of you haven’t acted improperly?”
Miriam began to cry, and Ray crossed the threshold of the bathroom to stand behind her. He boldly pulled her toward him and rested a hand on her head to calm her. “She hasn’t done anything wrong. I pressured her into sleeping with me, so if you want to blame someone, blame me!”
That wasn’t entirely true and Miriam knew it, but she kept her mouth shut. She let Ray defend her honor, impressed by the protection he was giving her. As for her brother, he wasn’t exactly supporting her, and that was his job as her older brother.
“Why can’t you just be supportive?” she accused Ben.
“I won’t be supportive of your sinful ways. You need to go to the Bishop and confess.”
“I’m going to Sunday service with Adam the day after tomorrow, and I plan on giving a full confession at that time. Until then, do not judge me, dear brother!”
Ben hung his head. “What would mamm say if she was here?”
The mere mention of her adoptive mother brought fresh tears to her eyes. Oh, how she missed her.
“She would hold me in her arms and tell me she still loved me and that she couldn’t wait to hold mei boppli in her arms too. I expect this behavior from your daed, but not from you, Benjamin Schrock.”
“He’s your daed, too.”
Miriam shook her head, tears running down her face. “No, he’s not. And you’re not my brother. I only came to be with your family because my mother was in the same situation I’m in now. I imagine she was just as scared as I am right now—at a time when I should be able to count on family, I have none. Claudia, Ray’s mother, has been very kind to me and is very accepting of my situation. Even Ray has been more supportive than you are being. I’m marrying Adam so I can stay in the community, and keep my Amish heritage for my baby. Isn’t that enough for you?”
At the mention of Adam and her impending marriage with him, Ray walked away, closing himself up in his bedroom.
Ben turned to her and issued her a warning.
“You’re making a big mistake, and you should worry more about fixing it than about who is behind you. It looks to me like you have Ray, but you are hurting him with your narrish behavior.”
“What are you talking about? I can’t marry Ray, and I won’t.”
“Fix this,” he warned again. “When you come to your senses and realize that what you’re doing is destroying a lot of futures, you let me know. In the meantime, I’ll be at the B&B. I got a room there for a few days, unless you give me no reason to stay.”
Benjamin turned his backside to her and stormed out of Claudia’s house, leaving Miriam to cry it out on her own.
CHAPTER 23
“What are you doing here, Adam?” Miriam asked impatiently.
“I came to take you to the B&B so you can stay with your bruder, Benjamin.”
“I told you yesterday that I’m not leaving here until the wedding, so you’re wasting your time.”
Adam took a step closer and whispered to her. “I don’t want mei fraa sleeping with another mann.”
“I’m not your wife yet, and if you don’t stop bossing me around, I won’t be at all. I did not sleep with Ray. We were on the sofa, and he cuddled me because I was freezing, and we fell asleep in front of the warm fire. We were talking—that’s all.”
“You are not acting like a proper Amish woman. You won’t last very long in this community. You already have several strikes against you for the lies you told about Nate, and now this. You will have a lot to confess on Sunday.”
“Perhaps you should be worrying about your own confession, and never mind about mine. You’ve managed to upset me again, and I don’t want to talk to you. Go home!”
She was trying to push his buttons. She was beginning to wonder if she didn’t want out of this marriage, but she couldn’t be the one to end it. He would have to do that for her. She just wasn’t brave enough.
Adam threw his hands up in disgust and ran down the steps of the porch and hopped into his buggy. One click to the horse and he was on his way. At the moment, she didn’t care if he ever came back.
****
Miriam pulled her heavy coat around her, wishing she’d worn a scarf and mittens. She stuffed her cold hands into the small pockets of her coat, bending them against the stiffness to cover them from the wind. Light flurries bounced and swirled around her, catching in her eyelashes. She blinked them away, finding it increasingly hard to see in front of her as the snow thickened.
She didn’t remember Ray’s house being this far down the road, but she trudged along, the wind at her back, the hem of her long dress slapping against her wet calves. She had no way of gauging how far she’d already traveled, but surely she was close. If she didn’t reach her destination soon, she would be soaked to the skin from the slushy snow that clung to her. It formed
ice around the top rim of her boots and the cuffs of her sleeves, and was beginning to weigh down the pleats of her dress.
The sound of Ray’s truck behind her caused her to turn around and stop. She waited for him to pull the truck over on the shoulder of the road. He leaned across the seat and pushed the passenger side door open and she hopped in without saying a word.
He turned the heater in the truck up so it blasted heat through the vents on the dashboard. “What are you doing out here without me? It isn’t safe. You could have been hit or gotten lost. Visibility is not good in this thick snow.”
“I was coming to see you,” she said through chattering teeth.
He turned down the lane toward the house he’d purchased on Willow Creek. “I had to go into town for supplies and I stopped by the house to check on you, but you weren’t there. My mother said you walked down the driveway, but you hadn’t come back, so I came looking for you. What was so important that it couldn’t wait until I came home tonight?”
“It doesn’t matter,” she mumbled, feeling suddenly foolish.
He pulled up to the house and parked the truck, and then turned in his seat to look at her. “You came out here in this weather for nothing?”
“Well, mostly, I needed some peace and solitude so I could do a little thinking. I figured I could get that on the walk over here. After all, I’m pretty confused right now, and I hoped I could talk to you about it. And for the record, it was barely snowing when I left the house. I had no idea it was going to turn into a blizzard.”
Ray flipped his wipers before turning off the engine. “It is really coming down. Let’s get inside and build a fire. We can talk then.”
Grabbing the plastic shopping bags in the center of the bench seat of the truck by their handles, Ray hopped out of the cab and walked over to the passenger side. He assisted Miriam into the house and took the bags into the kitchen.
“I bought some groceries. Would you mind putting them away for me while I start a fire so we can warm up?”