Skulduggery

by Logan Jacobs

  The next morning Dar, Penny, and I headed out before the crack of dawn, as the night priestesses apparently decided to hang onto their darkness a little while longer. We reached the Entertainment District just as the sun began to rise over the eaves of the buildings.

  My friends followed me to the old elephant stables. The ancient lock opened easily in my hands with the turn of the key, and we entered the cavernous space.

  “Is this place not perfect or what?” I asked.

  “‘Perfect’ isn’t the word I’d use,” Dar exclaimed, and his eyes were filled with wonder as his face beamed at the grandeur of my find. “But I still like it!”

  “I agree. You did good Wade,” Penny added. “It might need some cleaning up so we don’t contract gutter lung from this moldy hay, and we should consider patching that hole in the roof. Otherwise? This is the best spot we could ask for.”

  “I take it your friends like the place?” Cimarra’s voice cut through the awed silence.

  I whipped around, surprised to have seen her as I never heard her soft approach. She gave me a sexy half-smile, and I turned to my friends as I introduced her.

  “This is Cimarra, the one who gave me privileges to the stables,” I explained. “She has offered to help us get our operation off the ground.”

  “Ohhhh. Privileges, huh?” Dar’s expression was blank, and then his face broke into a sly smile. He knew exactly who Cimarra was, and my muscles tensed.

  I shot him a look that told him not to say any more, but by the indifference clearly written on Penny’s face, she already knew.

  “My two friends and I are going to head out and case the area for the supplies we need,” I explained to Cimarra quickly. “I should be back tomorrow, and I may need your help with something.”

  Cimarra’s gaze shifted over to Penny, and the two women stared at each other for a few seconds. The air filled with intensity, and I yanked on my collar a little bit before I cleared my throat. Then they both turned toward me.

  “You know where to find me,” Cimarra cooed, and then she walked past me, dragged her fingers along my chest so Penny could see, and left without another word.

  I squeezed my eyes shut before I turned back to my friends and plastered on a fake smile to hide my discomfort. “Where should we go first? The apothecary?”

  “Sounds like a plan,” Penny grunted as she marched past me.

  Dar snorted and playfully punched my arm before we met Penny outside. I locked the door behind us and shoved the key back into my pocket.

  Then we pulled up the hoods of our cloaks and followed Dar through the district’s busy streets.

  All the races traversed this district’s streets, despite it being called a human sector. Thankfully, the number of elves here was minimal. There were vendors everywhere, as well as performers on every street corner. They juggled swords and weaved folk tales into blessed songs while the vendors tried their best to sell their subpar products. Many offered up mutated creatures or potions they claimed would turn back the hand of time, but much of it was poppycock.

  The eateries were plentiful, and every doorway we passed reeked of the same mix of piss and sweaty armpits. The same went for the whorehouses, and the dirtier ones smelled of disease. I stepped into the path of one of these health hazards when Hagan stumbled down the steps.

  I froze as his beady red eyes met mine, and I could tell he’d nursed a bottle the entire evening.

  “I see ya have been playin’ ‘round in the Entertainment District have ya?” Hagan drawled as he took a shaky step toward me. “Show me the money ya lot have made in this richy rich area damn it!”

  Penny pushed forward, and Hagan’s watery eyes shifted to hers.

  “We have been casing a few joints in the area, but we have to wait until the afternoon to hit them,” Penny lied smoothly. “I promise that, come tonight, your pockets will be bulging with the riches we have stolen for you.”

  “Yeah, we were just coming to check out this joint when you stumbled out the doors boss,” Dar exclaimed. “We found a jackpot in Tabitha’s down the street.”

  I elbowed Dar as Hagan’s eyes narrowed. Of course the halfling would choose the worst whorehouse in the entire Entertainment District to lie about. Everyone, whether you frequented the area or not, knew Tabitha’s wasn’t worth a second look. Hell, even a glance was more than it deserved.

  I racked my brain for an explanation as my eyes darted in search of an escape. I surveyed Hagan’s outfit, from his half-tucked shirt to his ill-fitting trousers, then I saw our meal ticket.

  Hagan’s coin purse was missing.

  The man never went anywhere without the leather sack tied securely to his waist, but this whorehouse was known to steal from its customers in the night. This was one of the panel houses, but it was a fact they had successfully kept under wraps for many years.

  I’d heard it from some poor sap in the Dwarven District who had his life savings stolen while he slept. He claimed he saw a man come out of a secret door in the wall and take his coin purse in the middle of the night, but the thief was much too fast for him.

  I smiled at Hagan’s reddened face. I was sure he was about to explode, but the tables had turned.

  “Hagan, I thought you never went anywhere without your coin purse? Did you leave it back at the Guild?” I questioned.

  His mouth slackened, then his face contorted as he reached for his coin purse.

  “No, it’s right here--” the chubby halfling said as he grasped at his side where the coin purse should have been.

  “You do know this is a panel house, right?” I sighed. “I thought you were familiar with the area, Hagan?”

  The man’s face turned redder than I’d ever seen it as he bellowed a string of provocative curses at the sky. The veins in his neck and forehead popped out as spittle formed at the edge of his lips.

  Dar forcibly held back his laughter, and Penny wore a bemused smirk on her face. We let Hagan continue for a few minutes before his favorite thief put an end to his misery.

  “Hagan stop,” Penny insisted. “We will retrieve your coin purse and bring you our share of the profits by the end of today. Just head on back to the Guild and we will handle it from here.”

  “Ya don’t think I can retrieve me own coin purse?” he hissed as he turned back toward the establishment. “Well I can, and I will, ya hear!”

  “Hagan wait,” Penny pleaded. “No one doubts your abilities as a thief. You are our leader for a reason. Don’t you think you have better things to do than steal back a measly coin purse from a bunch of whores? Especially when you have us willing to do it for you?”

  Hagan looked at us between narrowed eyes as he pondered Penny’s logic.

  “Alright, but I expect ya back with my coins by sundown,” Hagan hissed before he stormed off in the other direction. His chubby form shoved through the masses, and I heard as he bellowed at anyone who looked at him the wrong way.

  “How do you plan to rob them?” I asked Penny.

  “Well, I plan to use my hands to pluck the coins from theirs,” she responded as she wiggled her dainty fingers in my face.

  I shook my head at her sarcasm and smiled. “How about I go and ask to see the owner about his best girl?” I proposed. “Meanwhile, you climb up to the roof and sneak inside through the second story window?”

  “We all know how much you love to bed beautiful women, so I’m sure you’ll be able to keep the owner occupied with all the questions your creative little mind can come up with,” Penny remarked.

  “Is that jealousy I detect, Penny?” I winked at her. “If you wanted to know how I treat women in my bed, all you had to do was ask.”

  The pixie stepped closer to me and whispered seductively, “I don’t think you could handle me Wade.”

  “I’ll take that as an offer,” I snickered. “Tonight then?”

  “No,” she purred, “but maybe one day I’ll let you try. Or maybe not. We’ll see.”

  Then she disappeared a
round the side of the building before I could reply.

  “What was that about?” Dar looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

  “You didn’t hear?” I sighed.

  “Not over the crowd,” he said as he gestured to the throng on the streets, “but I’m guessing it’s both your usual cat and mouse games. You two just need to fuck and get it over with. How many years have you both been chasing each other around?”

  “Too many,” I sighed as we approached the whorehouse.

  “That Cimarra girl got Penny going,” Dar continued. “I ain't never seen Penny stare daggers at one of your girls so hard. She’s a real looker, and from the dreamy-eyed look you had when you came back yesterday, she fucked you real good.”

  “Let’s focus on getting Hagan’s money back and then work on the equipment,” I said to change the subject back to the task at hand.

  “I’ll go and visit a whore, tie her up, and find the panel entrance,” Dar suggested. “Then I’ll go and meet Penny in their treasury.”

  I smirked at him as I said, “If I remember correctly, the last time you said that, you ended up bedding the whore while I pulled off the entire scheme on my own.”

  “A man gets his dick wet one time on a mission and all of a sudden he’s a whore addict,” Dar groaned as he shook his head. “Weren’t we just talking about your girls? How’d we get on me?”

  I laughed and walked through the wooden door into the establishment.

  The entire place was outfitted in red velvet. The floor, walls, carpets and chairs were covered in the stuff, as well as putrid yellow beaded doorways. It was the polar opposite of a classy establishment, and if I was Hagan I would be worried about disease in my nether regions.

  The girl behind the counter was grotesque, but I knew I could win her over. Her frizzy brown hair was piled atop her head, and her plus-sized frame held clothes that were stained from years of wear. The smile beneath her pig nose was formidable, and her bottom teeth were all gone except for one.

  “What can I do you lads for today? A spin in the sheets?” She cackled at us, and it sent a rain of spittle across the cracked wooden counter.

  “I would like a go at one of them,” Dar stated as he threw down a few coins. “Any ‘ol one will do.”

  The woman snatched up the coins and shoved them in her pocket.

  “Go down the hall, and it’s the third door on your left, halfling,” the woman pointed.

  Dar dashed down the hallway, and I prayed he stuck to the mission as the bead curtain clacked closed behind him.

  I smiled at the woman as I leaned on the counter.

  “I would like to talk with the owner about one of his girls,” I said as I slid a few coins her direction. “Unlike my friend there, I want quality over quantity. I want to know which of these girls is your best.”

  “No can do,” the hag barked at me as she crossed her arms. “He is indisposed at the moment.”

  I put my hand in my pocket as I debated what lie to tell the woman, when my fingers closed around a gemstone. Penny must have slipped it in my pocket when she whispered in my ear.

  That sly little devil.

  I pulled out the ruby and placed it on the counter between me and the hag.

  It glimmered in the lamplight, and the woman’s eyes widened as she reached for the rich gemstone, but I snatched it back up before she could lay a grubby hand on it.

  “Again, I want to see the owner and inquire about his best girl,” I said as I mimicked the speech of those of the higher class.

  I’d picked up a few things from Dar during our lessons on how the respectable halflings lived. I had questioned him on their speech patterns, but I never expected, as an orphaned farm boy turned thief, I would have to use them.

  “Give me one moment lad,” she informed me as her eyes remained glued to the gem in my hands. “Let me find Mr. Bobenas for ya.”

  The woman disappeared behind another beaded curtain, and then a few moments later the hag appeared with an older man at her heels.

  The hair he had left was gray, and he donned a red velvet suit.

  I wondered why anyone in their right mind would decide to wear such a hideous thing, but to each their own, I supposed.

  He was shorter than me by at least a head, and he peered up at me through a pair of round spectacles.

  “I heard you were after our best girl?” the man asked as I placed the blood-red ruby on the counter for him to pocket.

  “Yes, I would like to see them all and make my decision. Bring them out immediately so I can choose,” I demanded haughtily.

  His eyes narrowed as he took in my clothing and combed hair, then he debated how he planned to respond to my request.

  “What are you really after, boy?” Mr. Bobenas questioned me with wary eyes. “I can tell based on your attire that you’re not a rich man and yet, you hand me a ruby most men would kill for?”

  “A rich man can’t walk through this district in his finery without getting robbed,” I sneered at him as I placed my hand on the ruby. “Now, are you going to fulfill my request, or should I take my business elsewhere?”

  The old man swatted away my hand and snatched up the gem in one fluid motion.

  “N-no. Logra here will fetch them for you,” Mr. Bobenas stammered as sweat formed on his brow. “Logra, ring the bell.”

  “But what about the other customers?” the hag questioned.

  “Logra, ring the damn bell!” Mr. Bobenas ordered as he dabbed at his forehead with a handkerchief.

  Logra leaned over, pulled an inconspicuous rope beside the doorway, and a chorus of bells chimed throughout the halls. I heard numerous doors swing open, followed by a rush of whores. Immediately after, there was a roar of anger from the men whose paid service was now being interrupted. The whores filtered into the lobby through the beads, clad only in scraps of cloth, as they brushed out their hair with their fingers.

  When all the girls had entered the room, Mr. Bobenas pulled gates across the beaded doorways to prevent the angered customers from interrupting our transaction.

  “Where is Belou? Did she not hear the bell?” Mr. Bobenas questioned a few of the girls.

  “I believe she was probably the one occupying my dear friend,” I assured him. “He never really had good taste in women anyways, so it’s alright. I will make the decision from these.”

  He nodded as he gestured to the half-naked girls packed into the foyer. I clasped my hands behind my back and walked up as I surveyed them. Penny and Dar would only need a few minutes to grab the goods we needed, and then we could leave.

  “No, no, no, no. You stand on the other side of the room,” I gestured to a few of the uglier broads of the group. Then I continued to pace up and down the rows as Mr. Bobenas trembled behind the counter as he waited for me to decide.

  Rap, tap, tap, rap, tap.

  The knock on the door was my signal.

  “Mr. Bobenas, please release all of the girls except for this one,” I said as I pointed at the shortest and scrawniest whore of the lot.

  She shook when my finger landed upon her, and I noticed her body was covered in bruises from the hands of vicious men. She didn’t belong here, and I felt sorry for the poor and abused girl. If I had been a girl when my village burned, I may have ended up here as well.

  “The lot of you, back to your rooms,” the old man barked at his whores.

  They pulled aside the iron gates and scuttered back down the halls. Once all the doors had slammed shut yet again, I opened the front door and granted my friends entry.

  “What do you think your doing?” Mr. Bobenas trilled as my friends crossed the threshold into the foyer.

  Dar smiled wide, and Penny smirked as they entered with cloth bags. Then they unceremoniously dropped it on the carpet, and it let out the ring of coins and stones rubbing together.

  Logra lunged for the rope to sound the alarm, but Penny flicked her hand and pinned it against the wall with one of her throwing knives.

  Then e
veryone in the room froze.

  “I would like the ruby back if you don’t mind,” I sneered at Mr. Bobenas.

  “Yes, sir.” His hands trembled as he pulled the priceless gemstone from his pocket and placed it in my hands. “May I ask what we did wrong?”

  “You stole from Hagan, the leader of the Thief’s Guild branch in the Halfling District,” I growled. “If you ever steal from him or any of our members again, your next visit will be from a member of the Assassin’s Guild. This is your one and only warning.”

  “It-it won’t happen again. I s-swear on the ancients,” Mr. Bobenas reassured us as he raised his hands in surrender.

  “No. It won’t.” I opened the door, and Penny and Dar filtered out. Then I motioned for the girl to follow us into the streets, and she wrapped her arms around herself as she made her way out the door. Tears streamed down her face as she stood in the street and waited for me.

  I tipped the whore’s chin up to meet my eyes. She’d probably be very pretty if she had a few decent meals in her, and she may have even been beautiful if someone combed her hair and put a bit of blush on her pale cheeks.

  “You don’t belong here,” I told her.

  “I don’t have any mon--”

  “Penny?” I asked, and before the thin prostitute could say anything else, Penny had placed a few dozen silver coins in her hand. It was probably more than she would make in a year of work, and her eyes blinked back tears as she stared at the wealth.

  “This should buy you food and shelter as well as time to find a more respectable line of work,” I said. “You understand?”

  “H-how can I ever repay you?” she stammered as she glanced at me and Penny.

  “Never tell anyone we helped you,” Penny sighed.

  “It’s a gift from one orphan to another,” I continued. “Run along now, before Mr. Bobenas tries to catch you in his grubby mitts again.”

  She nodded before she melted into the crowd with the coins clutched tightly in her enclosed fist.

  “She’ll end up right back where we found her,” Penny scoffed.

  “Do you really believe that?” I asked as I turned to stare into her beautiful green eyes.