Black Snow

by Lena North

  “I did not get Tommy hooked on drugs, and you know very well where he got it the first few times. You also know why he took them. You know what destroyed him, and it wasn’t me,” Nick retorted.

  He was back to being angry, although not in a furious way. It was in a growly way, which sounded menacing and much scarier because it was so unlike him. Jamie didn’t back down and kept yelling.

  “You made him stay in that program. We were in it to get a free ride at the University, but Tommy never wanted to study. He didn’t want to stay in the program, I heard him say so to Mama, but then he talked to you, and he stayed.”

  “Don’t be an idiot,” Nick said.

  “Later that year I heard the professor talking about kicking a few kids out of the program, and I think that’s why Tommy stayed. He made a deal with them that they’d keep you if he stayed.”

  Jamie looked defiant as he took a step forward.

  Nick moved too, and said gruffly, “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “You were never a real genius, Dee. Not like the rest of us. They were –”

  “I stayed for you, you little fucker!” Nick suddenly pushed Jamie in the chest with both his hands and kept roaring. “Tommy never wanted to go to the University, but I never wanted it either. And they weren’t going to kick me out. They were going to kick you out. When they found Jinx Sweetwater, they didn’t need you, and they didn’t need Cameron. By was losing his fucking mind, and everyone knew it. They were kicking the three of you out of the program.”

  Jamie made a strange, hoarse sound, but Nick was too far gone to hear it.

  “You wanted the University so bad, Jamie.” His voice softened as he kept going. “Tommy and I didn’t, but we knew how bad you yearned for it, and without the program, you wouldn’t have it. The family had no money for that, and if we hadn’t entered that damned program you might have gotten a scholarship, but we signed papers when we started. They made us sign papers that said we were ineligible for other scholarships. You know that.”

  “Nicky,” Jaime whispered suddenly, and when he used that nickname, Nick stopped moving.

  “Tommy thought he could power through for a few more years, and I –” Nick swallowed visibly, and then he whispered gently. “We made a deal, you’re right about that, but we stayed for you, buddy. To give you what you wanted most of all.”

  The anger seemed to simmer down abruptly, and I didn’t dare to move. My brain was trying to process what I’d just heard, and I understood some of it, but so many questions swirled in my mind.

  “You’re lying,” Jamie said weakly.

  “No lies, Jamie. You know how we swore to each other, the three of us, and whatever I’ve done over the years, I’ve always kept that promise. No lies.”

  I was up on my feet again and wanted to take the few steps to them. They both looked sad, devastated, and I wanted to hold… I wasn’t sure which of the men I wanted to put my arms around, but I didn’t have to make that choice. My legs gave out under me, and tiny glittering dots started swirling at the edges of my vision. At a distance, I heard my bird shrieking, and saw her circling in the clear blue sky above. Suddenly strong hands were holding me up, and I heard Joao, although it sounded as if he was far away.

  “Dee, man, we have to –”

  I was in Nick's arms before Joao had finished his sentence and then he put me down in the sand. Our eyes met, and I tried to smile into his worried gaze. Then he turned toward Jamie, who hadn’t moved an inch.

  “Need you here, buddy,” Nick murmured.

  Jamie made a small sound but didn’t move.

  “Snow needs a doctor, Jamie,” Joao prompted. “Get over here.”

  Jamie’s eyes shifted over to me, although fleetingly. Then he clenched his jaws together, and muttered, “Take her to the clinic.”

  “Jamie,” I whispered when he started to turn.

  “You’ll be fine, Snow. You don’t need me. No one does, apparently.”

  Then he walked away. I tried to get up on my feet, and when I’d finally managed, Jamie had disappeared between the trees. Then we heard a car speed away.

  “Let’s go,” Joao, muttered.

  “I’m not going to the clinic,” I said. “I’m fine. Don’t need a doctor, just some water.”

  “Shut up,” Nick said rudely and picked me off my shaky legs.

  He held me in his lap as Joao drove us across the island and handed me a bottle of water, but didn’t say a word. Neither did Joao, and I wasn’t sure where to start, so I didn’t either. Then we drove up in front of Nick’s parents’ house.

  “Papa’s a doctor, he’ll sort you out,” Nick said.

  “You have five minutes,” Joao muttered as Nick hauled me out of the car.

  I turned toward him, brows raised in an inquiry. He grinned back at me and made a goodbye gesture by flicking his fingers in a mock salute. I scowled at him which made the smile widen, and then he reiterated his time limit of five minutes.

  Nick wouldn’t let me walk, and as he carried me through the covered passage and out on the courtyard, he bellowed for his father to come. In a few words, he explained the gist of what had happened, and then I was sitting on a bench while Nicholas went to get his bag. Nick crouched down in front of me and put his hands on my thighs.

  “I know I’m asking a lot, but can you promise to stay here until I get back?”

  “Nick?” I asked, not sure what I wanted to know.

  “Please.”

  The way he looked at me when he murmured that single word undid me, and I swallowed.

  “Okay.”

  His face softened even more, and his hand came up to cup my cheek.

  “I promise I’ll answer all your questions when I get back, baby. Let Papa look you over. Eat something. Rest.”

  My hand moved of its own accord and ended up on top of his.

  “Okay,” I repeated.

  I watched as humor crept into his eyes and then he started grinning.

  “I like this Snow.”

  “What?”

  “This Snow agrees with everything I say, so I like her very much,” he teased.

  “No you don’t,” I said.

  We usually argued, and I did in no way agree with a lot of things he said, but I knew he didn’t mind. His thumb swept across my cheek, and then he sighed.

  “Have to go and take care of shit with Joao. I’ll be back tonight.”

  Before I could say anything at all, he got up and walked away.

  “Be careful, Nicky,” I called out.

  I wasn’t sure what they were up to, but whatever Jamie had said, there was no way the man whose eyes I’d just looked into was involved in smuggling drugs.

  “Always am,” he called back without slowing down or turning back to look at me.

  A choked sound came from the door leading into the house, and I turned to find a pale Pauline standing there. She held herself up with one hand on the door frame, and made a small impatient gesture with her free hand when I started to move, so I sat back down again. As I watched, her face just crumbled, and then she started crying. Neither of us moved, except for her lips that quivered a little as tears ran silently down her cheeks.

  Then Nicholas was there, holding her to his broad chest.

  “Paulie,” he murmured hoarsely. “Breathe, honey. It’ll all be fine, just breathe.”

  “He’s back, Nico. I thought we’d never –”

  She cut herself off and started sobbing in earnest. Nicholas made a shushing sound and held her in silence. I wanted to look away because the moment was intensely private, but I couldn’t. They were so clearly a unit, holding on to each other and drawing strength from their togetherness.

  When Pauline seemed to calm down, I got to my feet.

  “Is there anything I can do?” I asked.

  She turned her face toward me and through the last tears a smile built.

  “I think you’
ve done more than enough for this family already, Snow,” she said.

  “I have?” I asked, thinking that I hadn’t actually done anything at all.

  “We lost our boy, but –”

  “Paulie, no,” Nicholas interrupted. “We don’t know what she knows and Domenico should –”

  “Surely she –”

  “You don’t know if –”

  “Although –”

  “Or not, and –”

  “But –”

  My mind started spinning when they kept cutting each other off, and when they didn’t seem to stop the weird half-sided conversation, I jumped into it.

  “Stop,” I said calmly. When the couple turned to me, I sat back down again and raised a hand. “I am totally confused now, and I really need some water.”

  “God, Snow, I’m sorry. What am I thinking?” Nicholas said. “You almost died, and here we are, yapping away like lunatics.”

  He walked toward me, making a gesture toward the kitchen and Pauline disappeared to return with a pitcher of water and a few glasses.

  “I’m good,” I murmured when Nicholas started listening to my lungs.

  “How long were you under?” he asked.

  “No clue.”

  He made me explain exactly what had happened, how it had felt, and how I’d reacted afterward.

  “Huh,” he muttered and speared me with a hard look. “You shouldn’t have tried to take the boat over –”

  Since cutting each other off appeared to be the norm in his family, I didn’t hesitate.

  “We would have been even closer to death if I hadn’t.”

  “But –”

  “They were shooting at us.”

  That shut him up for a second, and then he murmured, “Did you tell Joao?”

  I thought about that and realized that neither Nick nor his cousin had asked any questions at all. They’d suddenly been in the cave to rescue me, brought me back to the beach, and taken me to this house, and they hadn’t asked a single question.

  “There was an altercation on the beach, so there wasn’t really any opportunity,” I evaded, and went on when they kept looking expectantly at me, “Nick had words with his cousin.”

  “With Joao?”

  They both looked incredulous.

  “Jamie,” I murmured.

  The effect of my words was startling. Nicholas’ brows went down so low I could barely see his eyes, and Pauline suddenly looked furious.

  “Okay,” I said. “I am still confused, but I agree with you. Whatever it is that needs to be said should come from Nicky.”

  “Nicky,” Pauline whispered, and her bottom lip trembled again. Then she straightened and said decisively, “Right. Are you hungry?”

  “Yes, starving,” I said with a cheeky grin.

  I wasn’t, but it was clear that she needed to do something and preparing food for me would give her that. She smiled at me and disappeared inside.

  “That was nice of you,” Nicholas murmured as he put his things back in the bag. When I remained silent, he closed the bag with a snap and said calmly, “There’s a small muscle just by your right eye that twitch when you lie, Snow.”

  What?

  “Seriously?” I asked.

  “I’ve got good eyes. Domenico’s are better, though, so I bet he's seen it too.”

  Aha. So that was how Nick always seemed to know when I wasn't truthful. Then I had sandwiches and ice tea that Pauline brought for me. They tried to make me go and lie down on a bed but I was restless, so I refused and helped clean up the kitchen instead. Then Pauline and I walked the dogs, and finally, we sat down by the small statue at the back of the garden.

  “I have to ask,” I said after a while. “Maybe it’s none of my business, but surely you realize that I can see the field of pot you have right there?”

  Pauline started chuckling.

  “It’s part of the memorial, Snow.”

  I blinked. That was a bit strange, wasn’t it?

  “Maddie was in so much pain, and the treatments she had made her nauseous. Chopping a bit of weed up and putting it into her brownies eased her suffering.”

  “Oh,” I said.

  I’d read about how marijuana would be beneficial with certain treatments, but never met anyone who’d actually used it.

  “Do you know about the research program?” she asked abruptly.

  I assumed she’d switched topics and meant the one Nick and the others had been in and nodded mutely.

  “It broke them. I lost my girl from the illness, but I’d already lost my son.”

  “Pauline,” I whispered, and took hold of her hand.

  “I’m not sure what he’s shared with you, or what he’ll tell you, but that’s what happened. Each time he came back from that place he’d died a little, and that final time his body returned, but my boy was gone.”

  I said nothing at all and didn’t understand what she meant.

  “Maddie gave them some of her drugs. They think we don’t know, but I knew, and I didn’t stop her. I hoped that finally being released from that program… If they celebrated, and let go of it… Thought that maybe he’d come back to us, but he didn’t. Then Jamie went off to University, and Domenico left just after that. Tommy stayed, and we tried so hard to help him, but he wouldn’t let us. It was as if he was addicted to pain just as he got addicted to the drugs and the alcohol.”

  “What do you mean when you say that Nicky was gone?” I asked when she was silent.

  “I lost my feelings,” Nick said quietly behind me.

  I turned my head, but he kept his eyes on his mother as he sat down behind me, with his long legs on each side of mine.

  “I need to tell Snow myself,” he murmured.

  Pauline got up immediately, but stopped and said, “Tell her everything, son. Tell her that I lost a daughter, but that losing Maddie was easier for me than accepting what they had done to you. We had a ceremony for Maddie, and a grave. We had this place, and we could mourn. Tell her that we didn’t know how to grieve for you when you were still alive, walking around among us but at the same time dead and gone.”

  “Mama…” he rasped.

  “Tell her,” she whispered.

  “I’m so sorry,” he sighed, but when it looked like she’d say something else, he went on, “Will you call me Nicky again?”

  Her whole face trembled, but she pulled herself together and straightened her back.

  “When we’re sure, son. I can’t give that up one more time, so I have to be sure.”

  “Okay,” he murmured, leaning his head a little on my head.

  I could feel how tense he was and when his mother didn’t move, I said gently, “Pauline? Can we have some time alone please?”

  She twitched, and then suddenly a small smile crinkled the corner of her eyes.

  “I’ll go and start dinner,” she said calmly and walked away.

  We didn’t move for a long time, and neither of us spoke. I had no clue where to start, and Nick seemed lost in his thoughts.

  “Nick?” I whispered after a while.

  “Shit,” he grunted. “I suppose there’s no chance of us just sitting here for a while, without talking about anything?”

  “None at all,” I replied.

  “Thought so,” he said. “Where do you want to start?”

  “Are you involved in anything that has to do with drugs?”

  My voice was barely a whisper, mostly because I was afraid of what he would say, but this was the one thing I needed to know. Everything else we could figure out, but if he was addicted to drugs, I needed to know.

  He was silent for a long time as if he was trying to figure out what to tell me. Then he shocked me to my core.

  “Yes.”

  “What?” I yelped and tried to move away from him. “Nick, you can’t be serious?”

  “Joao asked me, and I can’t say no, not to him.”

  Chapt
er Eleven

  Liaison

  I crawled forward and turned to face Nick.

  “Are you doing drugs? What the hell, Nicky?” His brows went up, and he reared back a little, but I went on, “I can’t believe I haven’t seen it, but we’ll get help for you. Surely there are places, I know people, we’ll figure it out. Are you dealing it too?”

  “Snow…” he trailed off and seemed to find my tirade funny.

  “Are you in trouble with the law? Do we have to –”

  I stopped speaking, mostly because he put his big hand over my mouth. Then he leaned forward until our noses almost touched.

  “I’m not doing drugs. I’m not dealing, or smuggling, or in any way in trouble with the law.”

  “But,” I muttered, although it came out garbled against his hand.

  “I appreciate your offer to find help for me, even though it’s ridiculously clear that you have no clue how to do it. I find it insulting on so many levels that you’d think I was dealing drugs, though, and how the hell you could even think that I’d smugg – ouch!”

  He ended his sentence with a yell when I bit his hand. He snatched it away and glared at me.

  “This doesn’t work for me,” I snapped.

  “Clearly,” he snapped back and surveyed his hand.

  “You need to sit back and let me ask a few questions. Can you do that?”

  He grunted which I took as an affirmative answer.

  “If you’re not doing, dealing or smuggling drugs, then how are you involved with it?”

  He glared at me but I glared right back, and then he sighed.

  “They bring drugs into the country via the Islands. Joao asked me to help him stop it.”

  I blinked. That had not been the answer I expected.

  “Why would Joao do that?”

  “What are you talking about? Joao is the chief of police here, it’s his goddamn job to stop them.”

  Joao was what? A cop?

  “But he’s a fisherman?”

  “Nope.”