She turns off whatever was playing in the background. “Talk to me.”
“Well, Holden proposed.”
I can hear her gasp through the phone. “He did what?! I thought you two broke up.”
“We did.”
“Oh my god. What did you say?”
“Nothing. I walked away, and then he drank himself close to death and now, he’s in the hospital.”
“What the fuck?! Hold on. Start from the beginning, and explain everything.”
I spend the next twenty minutes going over all the events of the last 24 hours and trying to figure out what to do about it. I mean, it’s not that I don’t want to be with Holden. It’s just, everything he did really hurt me. My guard is up now and I’m not entirely sure how to let it back down.
“You’re just going to have to see how things go, love.” She tells me. “Be honest with him. Tell him how you feel and what’s going through your head. He loves you, so give him the chance to listen.”
“You’re right.” I sigh. “You’re always right. Thank you.”
Just as I hang up, Josephine comes into the waiting room. “I’m so glad he’s alright. Thank you for staying with him last night. I know that couldn’t have been easy for you.”
I shake my head. “Honestly, I wouldn’t have rather been anywhere else.”
She looks at me knowingly and smiles. “Well, I’m heading out, but I’ll be back later.”
After I give her a hug goodbye, I go back towards Holden’s room. As soon as I walk in, he smirks, looking guilty as hell.
“What’d you do?” I ask hesitantly.
“The nurse called you my fiancé.”
“Oh?”
“I didn’t correct her.” He says, sounding ridiculously satisfied with himself.
I chuckle, rolling my eyes playfully and sitting down in the chair. “Well, you can thank your sister for that. They asked for family last night and she told the doctor we’re engaged.”
“She should lie more often.” He quips. “I like the way it sounded.”
“I bet you did, Casanova.”
LATER THAT NIGHT, AFTER they confirm he didn’t do any damage to his liver, I’m finally able to bring Holden back to his house. I’m grateful for Caleb and Jason, who made good on their promise to search his room. They also had someone clean up the vomit off his floor.
I bring Holden upstairs, giving him an Advil for his still intense hangover and a bottle of water. We both change into something more comfortable and climb into his bed. Just before he starts a movie, I think of what Emily said. Be honest with him.
I take a deep breath and pull my hand from his. He looks slightly unnerved as I whisper that we need to talk.
“Please don’t tell me you’re leaving again.”
“I’m not.” I shake my head for emphasis. “I just don’t want to rush back into this. You really hurt me, Holden.”
“I know, and I am so unbelievably sorry for that. You believe me, don’t you?”
“I do, but that doesn’t mean everything can instantly go back to normal. I need some time.”
“How much time?”
“I don’t know.” I shrug. “All I know is that if we leap back into this, it could end in disaster. I really, really, don’t want that to happen.”
He takes my hands back in his and pulls them into his lap. “Baby, it won’t. I won’t let it. I swear, I won’t hurt you again.”
“You said that last time, and look what happened.” I pull myself from his grip and wrap my arms around myself protectively. “I’m not leaving you, and I’m not running away. I just need time.”
He looks hurt, but ultimately understands. “You can have all the time you want. I’ll wait forever if I have to.”
“It won’t take forever.” I promise. “And I’m not going anywhere in the meantime. I need time, not space.”
“Okay, fair enough.”
I feel so relieved by how considerate he’s being. Emily was right. All it takes is talking to him and being honest. Maybe we’ll end up alright after all. I smile happily and settle next to him as he hits play. He grins in return and chuckles softly. Yeah, I think we will.
Chapter 3
The next couple of weeks crawl by. Even though we’re still broken up, I spend almost every waking moment with Holden. However, instead of being all over each other like we normally would be, I avoid intimacy entirely. It isn’t that I don’t want to get my hands on him. I crave his touch almost every second of the day. I’m just afraid that once I let him back in, he’ll think everything is okay again. I’d just rather make sure that it is, before I allow that to happen.
“You two are the strangest couple I’ve ever seen in my life.” Jason remarks, looking at us like we’re in a circus act.
I’m sitting on the island in the kitchen, waiting for Holden to get done making us an ice cream sundae. We both chuckle but ultimately ignore Jason’s comment. My eyebrows furrow when Holden starts making it wrong.
“What are you doing?! Don’t put the cherries on first! They go on top of the whipped cream. Don’t you know anything?”
He side-eyes me playfully and picks up the can of topping, but instead of putting a big pile of it in one spot, he puts little dots all around.
I throw my head back in laughter before trying to grab the can. “Okay now you’re just ruining it. Give it to me.” Moving like he’s going to hand it to me, he turns it at the last second and sprays whipped cream all over my face. I’m in shock, gaping and wiping it off my eyes. “You’re. Dead.”
The two of us break into an all-out war, with chocolate syrup and other toppings going everywhere. Holden laughs loudly as I chase him around the kitchen, ultimately slipping on the mess we’ve created. He comes over to help me up, but instead, I pull him down onto the floor with me. We giggle like children, lying on the tile floor – covered in a sticky concoction.
Caleb goes to walk into the room, but stops in the doorway. “Oh my god.” He balks. “What happened in here?”
Jason steps out from the pantry, where he ran to hide when the war broke out. “I’m telling you. They’ve both lost their damn minds. I blame the lack of sex.” Holden and I stare at him, wondering how he knows we haven’t been having sex. “Oh please.” He continues like he can read our thoughts. “You two are loud as fuck and it’s been quiet enough for me to hear Caleb lately.”
“I don’t know whether to be insulted or really freaked out.” Caleb looks at Jason, bewildered.
While Holden isn’t paying attention, I reach up and grab the bowl off the counter, flipping it over and putting it on his head. Ice cream drips down his face as Jason, Caleb, and I break out into hysterical laughter.
I PULL THE JERSEY over my head, getting ready for the hockey game. They’ve made it into the semi-finals, and winning this will send them to the finals – giving them the chance to win the NCAA Hockey Championship. To say Holden and Jason are nervous would be a massive understatement.
Holden steps into the bathroom and stops when he sees me looking into the mirror. He comes up behind me and grabs the back, tying it the way that I like. I thank him as I straighten out the shoulders.
“I’m really glad you’re still wearing it.” He whispers.
I turn my focus from myself, to his reflection staring back at me. “I told you I’m not going anywhere.”
“Oh, I know. We’re going to get married. Everyone knows it.” His confidence is overwhelming, and a bit sexy.
I don’t respond, instead choosing to laugh and roll my eyes.
Not saying anything else, he places a quick kiss on my cheek and walks away. I stand there, holding my hand against where his lips just were and basking in the way it felt. I’ll admit, I miss being with him, and every day he makes it easier to let my guard down again.
WE’RE WALKING INTO THE arena, and I can see Holden shaking with every step he takes. Jason’s nervous too, but Holden is the captain – which makes him feel the pressure of all this tenfold. Jos
ephine eyes him carefully as he fidgets with his hands.
“I’ve got this.” I mutter to her, before grabbing one of his hands and lacing our fingers together. He visibly calms as he holds my hand tightly to ground him. “You’re going to be great, and even if you lose, look how far you’ve brought your team. Look where you are.”
He smiles shyly and sighs in relief. “You are my best friend.”
His words make me melt inside, knowing it was his way of saying he loves me without making me feel compelled to say it back. At the same time, I genuinely believe he means it – that I’m his best friend, his favorite person, his other half. My heart melts and I find myself blushing.
“Ditto.” I reply, squeezing his hand three times.
THE GAME IS INTENSE and ends up going into overtime, tied 3 to 3. Jason scored one of the goals while Holden scored the other two. The other team is equally as skilled, though. The puck drops to put it back into play, and Jo and I grip onto each other tightly. We both know how bad they want this, and it would be amazing if it happens for them.
The puck goes back and forth across the ice, with the teams changing possession every few seconds. I don’t think I’ve ever been so nervous in my life. Watching Holden push himself to levels of complete exhaustion chasing the puck, I feel like I’ll be sick if they lose this.
One of the players on the opposing team goes to pass the puck, but hits it wrong and sends it right to Jason. He acts quickly, passing the puck to Holden. H receives it and makes a breakaway for the other side of the ice. I stop breathing as he winds up to take the shot.
GOAL! THE BLACK BEARS WIN!
Everyone is on their feet, screaming and throwing their hats onto the ice for his hat trick as Holden rips off his helmet. Jason jumps at him and the smiles on their faces could put the sun to shame. Happiness radiates through the entire arena as the announcers shout over the cheers that the Black Bears are going to the finals. Jo and I jump up and down excitedly, hardly able to believe it.
I’m so proud of him.
THE NEXT DAY, BREE, Skylar, and I go shopping for something to wear tonight. There’s a party tonight at Kappa Delta Phi to celebrate the hockey team’s win. It’s a black-tie affair, and the three of us decided that getting something new to wear is a good idea.
“I still don’t understand what’s going on with you two.” Bree remarks as she looks through a rack of dresses.
I shrug. “I don’t know. As of right now, we’re friends.”
“Ha.” Skylar barks sarcastically. “Yeah, okay. Keep telling yourself that babe.”
“What? We are.” I grab one of the dresses and hold it up to get a better look at it.
Skylar pulls it out of my hand and puts it back on the rack. “First of all, no. Second, friends is hardly the word I would use to describe the two of you.”
My eyebrows furrow. “Oh? And why’s that?”
“Well, for one, friends don’t look at each other the way you do.” She starts. “They don’t sleep over every night, even if you’re not screwing. They don’t text each other every second of the day because the thought of not talking makes them sick. They don’t…”
“Okay.” I cut her off. “I get it, but despite what you may think, we’re friends.”
Bree splits the row of dresses so she’s looking at me through the rack. “Alright, but just so we know, how long is this friends thing supposed to last?”
I ignore her, finding that she separated the selection to reveal the most perfect dress. It’s black and looks almost like silk. I grab it and hold it up, falling in love with it immediately.
“If she’s wearing that…” Skylar points to the dress. “I’m going to say, not much longer.”
YOU WOULD THINK AFTER seeing Holden’s change in behavior, I would feel less anxious about him being at a party – but I don’t. It’s been two weeks since the incident, and the thought of him being passed out on the floor still makes me cringe. However, he promised that he will only be drinking beer tonight, and not nearly enough to get drunk.
I finish getting ready, knowing the party is already going on downstairs. Curling the last section of hair, I watch as it spirals down and lies perfectly against the fabric of the dress. I purposely waited to put it on until Holden left the room. He hasn’t seen this dress, and I’m not sure what he will do when he does see it.
Once I deem my appearance good enough, I lock the door behind me and head down to the party. As I’m coming down the stairs, I can see Holden talking to our closest friends. His back is to me, so I’m able to step next to him before he takes in my appearance.
“Hey.” I greet them simply.
Holden’s eyes widen as they rack over my body, once, twice, three times. He bites his lip and inhales deeply before scowling at Bree and Skylar. “Okay, which one of you let her get this, and why do you hate me so much?”
All our friends laugh as I feign sadness. “You don’t like it?”
He turns toward me and puts his hands on my shoulders. “Of course, I like it. You look phenomenal.” He looks me up and down again then up at the ceiling. “Fucking hell, I can’t even look at you.”
No longer able to maintain my façade, my face breaks into a smile – trying hard not to laugh at his reaction. Holden adjusts himself before playfully glaring at me.
“You’re the worst.” He jokes, wrapping his arm around me and pulling me close.
I can instantly feel the hard-on in his pants, and it causes me to giggle uncontrollably. “Okay, I knew it would have an effect on you, but I didn’t think it would be that.” I murmur into his ear, making sure he’s the only one who can hear me.
“You clearly underestimate your power over me.”
A FEW HOURS LATER, I’m talking to Sky and Bree when something catches my attention. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Holden laugh, but it’s who he’s standing with that makes my chest hurt. A girl with blonde hair and a perfect figure leans against the wall in front of him, and it’s clear her intentions are less than pure.
“Who is that?” I question my two friends.
Bree looks her up and down and shrugs. Meanwhile, Sky focuses her attention on me. “For just being friends, you look really jealous right now.”
I roll my eyes as I ignore her and quietly make my way toward Holden. As soon as I’m close enough to hear what they’re saying, I stop. Maybe eavesdropping is wrong, but I honestly don’t care.
“All I’m saying is you deserve better than her.” The girl says, twirling her hair around her finger flirtatiously.
“I’m telling you, Lucy. You don’t want to go there.” He’s trying to be nice, but there is a slight hint of warning in his tone.
She crosses her arms in front of her, showing she isn’t backing down. “No, I definitely do.”
He takes a sip of his beer before laying into her. “You think I deserve better?” She nods. “And I’m guessing you think that’s you?”
A glimmer of hope twinkles in her eyes. “Maybe.”
“You can’t beat her.” He chuckles humorlessly. “You can’t even compete.” Lucy’s smile drops right off her face as he continues. “That girl is single handedly the best thing to ever happen to me, and if you think for some absurd reason that you’re better than she is – you’re probably the most naïve person I’ve ever met.”
“Well then tell me this.” She begins. “If she’s so good for you, why is she stringing you along?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Please. Everyone knows you proposed to her, and yet she’s keeping you on a string under the pretense of being friends. You’re ready to devote your life to her, and she won’t even kiss you. What kind of person does that to someone they love?”
The room starts to spin as my anxiety builds. I’m so caught up in her words that I don’t even hear his reply. My breathing starts to become uneven. Having a panic attack in the middle of this room is the last thing I want right now. To get upstairs, I would need to walk right past Holden. S
till, I know I can’t stay here.
Taking a deep breath, I try to play it cool as he sees me and smiles. The problem is, he knows me better than anyone here. Judging by the look of concern on his face as I start to go up the stairs, I know he didn’t buy it for a second.
I run down the hallway and into Holden’s dark room, not even bothering to turn on the light. The street lights from outside the window illuminate it just enough to be able to see. Once I’m alone, I run my fingers through my hair frustratedly.
She was right. What kind of person does this to someone they love? I’ve been so concerned with protecting myself from getting hurt again, that I didn’t even think about how much I’m hurting Holden. He’s been trying so hard, and even tonight, he defended me.
“What the hell am I doing?” I whisper to myself.
“I was coming to ask you the same thing.” Holden says from behind me.
I don’t move. I don’t even turn around. Hearing his footsteps coming toward me, I stay completely still. When he’s right behind me, he stops. In a tantalizingly slow movement, he runs his fingertips from my wrist, all the way up to my shoulder. With every place he touches, the feeling lingers. As soon as he reaches the thin strap of my dress, he takes it between his fingers.
My breath hitches but I don’t consider stopping him for a second. He bends down and places a soft kiss near my neck, before carefully slipping the strap down. He drags his knuckles lightly against my back to the opposite side. Repeating the same motions, he slides the other strap off my shoulder, and the whole dress glides down my body and pools onto the floor, leaving me in nothing but panties.
Holden leans forward and kisses his way from my neck down across my shoulder. He places his hands on my hips and slowly turns me around. I let him, but otherwise remain motionless. Placing one kiss on each corner of my mouth, you can tell he’s nervous. His eyes gaze over my body like someone seeing color for the very first time.
“You’re so beautiful.” He murmurs, and that’s all it takes for the final brick in the wall around my heart to crumble.
Seamless Forever (Sleepless November Saga Book 3) Page 2