I sigh, finally slipping into his arms. I didn’t realize how much I needed him here until now. He holds me and takes a deep breath. Judging by the way he relaxes, he needed it just as much.
“So, you want to tell me what happened?”
Frowning, I look away and down at my hands. “It was just a panic attack.”
“Over what?” When I don’t answer, he lifts places his fingers under my chin and lifts my head. “Kayleigh?”
“Bianca.”
He closes his eyes for a second and nods. “That’s what I thought.”
“Did you know she was there?”
“No, not until I was leaving the arena. She found me outside before I got on the bus.” He explains. “I don’t even know why she came. She doesn’t even like hockey.”
“You didn’t ask her?”
He shakes his head. “I didn’t get a chance. Just when she came up to me, Dawson called and said you were in an ambulance. I told her I couldn’t talk and booked it out of there.”
My body visibly calms. A part of me was so afraid that he gave her the tickets. It’s not that I don’t trust him. I know he wouldn’t cheat on me with her, but they’ve been friends for a long time and she knows what buttons to push to get what she wants. She knew what she was doing, and her plan worked.
“Knock, knock.” A woman says, tapping on the door. “I’m here to do your ultrasound.”
Holden goes to stand but she assures him he’s fine where he is. I lay back and lift the hospital gown, pulling the blanket up to cover the bottom half of me. The technician rolls the machine next to me and pours the cold gel on my stomach. Holden and I hold our breath as she places the transponder in the right spot.
The same image we saw last week comes onto the screen - our little perfect baby lying in my stomach. I desperately search for the flickering white spot.
“Where’s the heartbeat?” I question, squeezing Holden’s hand when I can’t find it.
The woman hushes me softly, clicking a couple buttons before it zooms in. “It’s right there.”
She measures the heart rate and plays the sound over the speaker. I exhale in relief and watch Holden do the same. I look over at Dawson and Caleb who appear just as happy as we are.
“Want to see?” I ask them both and they nod, coming over to look at the screen.
Caleb’s eyes widen as Dawson smiles. The tech makes sure to zoom in on the baby so we can see all the little parts that have grown already.
“You’re having an alien.” Dawson remarks.
Holden turns to glare at him. “A perfect alien.”
After a very extensive ultrasound, the technician leaves wishing us luck. I grab Holden’s arm and turn him so he’s lying next to me. I cuddle into his side and close my eyes. Now that I know the baby is okay, I’m drained – even though I’ve been sleeping for hours. This always happens when my anxiety gets the better of me.
THE NEXT MORNING, AFTER a longer than necessary psychiatric evaluation, the doctor finally discharges me. Everything is perfect with the baby and even with me, despite my uncontrollable mental illness. He advises me to stay as stress free as possible to avoid a repeat of this. I promise I’ll do my best and we leave with Caleb.
We’re only home for a matter of fifteen minutes before Bree and Skylar come rushing in the door. I can see the frantically concerned looks on their faces. Dawson must have told them.
“What the hell happened?! Are you okay?!” Bree asks, coming over to check me out for injuries.
“I’m fine.” I tell them both. “It was just a bad anxiety attack.”
“Really? Have you been taking your meds?” I shake my head and my former roommate looks at me like I’ve lost it. “Why not?!”
Pulling away from Holden, I turn to him. “It’s time. Go get Jason.”
He nods and gets up, walking out the door and across to the next apartment. Skylar and Bree are bewildered. They keep looking at each other then back at me. A few seconds later, Holden comes back in with Jason. Caleb follows behind them.
“I just want to see their reactions.” He tells me.
“Reactions?” Sky questions. “Reactions to what?”
I go over to my purse and pull out the ultrasound picture from today, choosing to hand it to Bree first since I’ve known her the longest. She gasps as soon as she realizes what it is.
“You’re pregnant?!”
“Seriously?!” Skylar shouts, ripping the picture out of her hands.
They’re both utterly shocked, but Jason seems unfazed. I start to wonder if Caleb told him already, but even he’s looking at him strangely.
“You okay, Jase?” I ask.
He nods and smiles. “Yeah, I just already knew.”
Holden and I turn to Caleb who immediately puts his hands up. “Don’t look at me. I didn’t tell him.”
Jason chuckles. “No one told me. I’m the oldest of five siblings. I know what pregnancy looks like.”
“Why didn’t you say something?”
“Yeah, okay.” He scoffs. “Imagine if I was wrong? No, thank you.”
“Touché.”
Holden laughs and steps closer to him. “Listen, I don’t know if you talk to my sister at all, but she doesn’t know yet.”
Jason’s expression changes at the mention of Jo and he drops his head. “Don’t worry. We haven’t talked except for when she brought me the sweatshirts she had of mine. If I do speak to her, I won’t say anything.”
“Thanks, man. And for what it’s worth, I hope things end up working out for you two.”
He looks up at Holden and smiles sadly. “I appreciate it. That means a lot.”
“Hey Kermit?” I call for Caleb.
“Yeah?”
I have my head half way in the fridge. “Do you have Gatorade at your place? I’m really craving some and we don’t have any.”
“Uh, yeah I think so. I’ll go check.”
He heads out the door and everyone looks at me questioningly.
“Kermit?” Holden finally asks, realizing the nickname.
I smile and nod. “Wait for it. I’ll show you.”
As soon as Caleb comes back in with the blue drink, I thank him and take a sip. When I’m done, I grab a small bag of popcorn and signal for him to open his mouth.
“Ready?”
He nods and gets in position. As soon as I toss the piece in the air, he does the same thing he did the day I came up with the name. His tongue comes out, his eyes close, and his nostrils flair. Everyone chuckles, but this time, he actually catches that piece. He grins triumphantly and I mock applaud him.
“Dude.” Holden snickers. “What the hell is wrong with your face?”
I smile widely and hug Caleb. “He’s Kermit.”
We spend the rest of the day talking with Bree and Skylar about the perfect baby shower they’re going to throw me and how excited they are to be around an infant. Jason and Caleb talk to Holden about hockey. However, I don’t miss the way my fiancé keeps glancing at me. Something is on his mind.
WE’RE LAYING IN BED, cuddling and about to fall asleep, when Holden can’t seem to get comfortable. He tosses and turns, sighing every few minutes. After twenty minutes, I sit up and turn on the light.
“Okay, what’s wrong?”
His eyebrows furrow. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, you’ve been thinking about something since you got to the hospital today. So, what is it?”
He sighs. “You know me way too well.”
“I know I do, now spill.”
“I…” He hesitates. “I think you should come to Boston with me.”
“Okay, when?”
“No. I mean, on a more permanent basis.”
My jaw drops and I narrow my eyes. “What?! Holden, I can’t. What about school? And work? And now that the season started, you’re not even in Boston all the time.”
“Baby, babe. Breathe.” He sits up and grabs my hands. “I’ve already talked to the dean about it. You c
an take your classes online. You’d only have to come back for finals. As for work, well I don’t think you should be doing that right now anyway. And I know I’m not in Boston all the time, but I want you to come with me everywhere I go.”
“Holden, I miss you a lot too when you’re gone, but that doesn’t mean I should follow you around like a lost puppy.”
He chuckles softly and shakes his head. “That’s not why I want you to come.”
“Then why?”
The smile drops off his face and he becomes very serious. “Kayleigh, you ended up in the hospital yesterday because of a dangerously intense anxiety attack. You’re only eleven weeks along and this pregnancy has already been hard on you. I would much rather you be somewhere where I can take care of you.”
“I’m not a baby.”
“No, you’re definitely not. But you are carrying our baby.” His tone is so honest and sincere. “I just need to be able to know you’re okay. The best way to do that is to have you where you belong – with me.”
I look down at where he’s rubbing his thumb over my hand comfortingly. “I don’t know.”
“My flight leaves early tomorrow morning. I’m not asking you to come now. Just, think about it, okay?”
Nodding, I turn off the light and cuddle back into his side. I’d be lying if I said the thought of being with him all the time isn’t enticing, but do I really want to be the girl who follows a guy around? Do I want to spend every day in cooped up in a hotel, waiting for Holden to get back from being a hot shot hockey player? I’m not sure.
IT ISN’T UNTIL A few days later, that I finally get Emily on the phone to talk about what’s going on. She’s always been my voice of reason, ever since I can remember. The way she knows me better than I know myself most days – she’s good at steering me into the right direction.
“Okay, shoot. What’s on your mind darling?”
“Well.” I begin. “I ended up in the hospital the other day from a panic attack. I guess not being able to take my anxiety meds mixed with seeing Bianca at Holden’s game, set it off. Dawson called 9-1-1 and Holden flew home immediately.”
“Holy shit, Kay. Are you alright?!”
“I’m fine. They did an ultrasound and the baby is perfect.”
She lets out a long breath. “Well, good. But if that’s not the problem, what is?”
“Holden wants me to move with him to Boston.”
“Hasn’t that been the plan all along?”
I toss myself back onto my bed, still holding the phone to my ear. “Yeah, but not until after I graduate.”
“Would you have to drop out?”
“No. I’d be able to take online classes. I would just have to come back here to take my final exams in person.”
“Okay, so what’s the problem?”
“I’m just not sure if I want to be that girl.” I murmur.
“What girl?”
“The girl that trails behind her boyfriend everywhere he goes.”
A muffled laugh comes through the phone. “Okay, one, he’s your fiancé. Two, you’re pregnant with his baby. And three, who cares? You need to think about what’s best for you and my little niece or nephew. That’s all that matters right now.”
Ugh, she’s right – as usual.
I WALK DOWN THE long hallway, pulling the oversized suitcase behind me. When I finally reach the room, a part of me wonders if he’s already sleeping. I take out my key and slip it into the door. It blinks green before unlocking and allowing me to open it. Sure enough, Holden is lying in bed with his eyes closed and looking like an angel. When he hears the door close, he wakes and sits up.
“Kayleigh?” He asks, confused.
I shrug, and drop my things. “Still want me to stay here with you?”
Chapter 22
Standing in front of the full-length mirror, I turn to the side and raise my shirt. I’m beginning to have a belly now that I’m twelve weeks along. I didn’t notice it until my jeans became a little more difficult to button. Holden comes to stand behind me, placing his hand on my stomach.
“What’re you thinking about?”
I put my hand on his. “I’m starting to show.”
“You’re beautiful, and I can’t wait to watch you carry our baby over the next 6 months.”
“What, do you have some kind of pregnancy fetish?” I quip.
He throws his head back, laughing. “I think I just have a Kayleigh fetish.”
“Creep.”
“Alright pest, enough from you.” He chuckles, pulling my shirt down. “Come on, we’re going to be late.”
I was in Boston for two days before we came back for the weekend. I had my second doctor’s appointment, where they scanned for Down syndrome. I don’t think I’ll ever tire of seeing our baby on the screen. We got to see a little movement and Holden watched in complete awe.
Now it’s Saturday night, and we’re going to Kappa Delta Phi for Bree’s birthday party. I’m nervous because we’ll be telling all our friends about me staying in Boston for a while. I know they’ll understand but I’m going to miss them.
I grab one of Holden’s sweatshirts, not wanting the entire party to notice my baby bump. Once I pull it over my head, we head out to his car. On the drive over, he keeps his right hand on my leg. I’m not entirely sure if he’s aware how much that helps in keeping me calm.
THE PARTY IS ALL high energy and heavy drinking. At first, Holden stays sober with me. However, when I whisper in his ear that being pregnant means he has a constant designated driver, he starts drinking as well. Bree is the happiest I’ve ever seen her, looking at Riley like a loved-up teenager. It’s adorable.
When it starts getting late, they basically kick everyone else out and we go out to the fire pit. Apparently, one of Bree’s requests was that the bonfire was only with her friends and no one else. I sit down on Holden’s lap, sighing happily when he wraps his arms around me and kisses my shoulder.
“Oh, Bree.” Holden gets her attention. “Jo said happy birthday. She would have come but she’s not feeling well.”
I glance over at Jason and see him wince. The topic of Josephine is always a sensitive one. You would think that he’d be over it by now. It was a month and a half ago. Instead, he seems just as hung up on her as always. I feel bad, knowing the real reason she broke up with him, but I’ll never risk Caleb and Jason’s friendship by telling.
“Well, tell her I said thank you.”
“Did you have a good birthday?” Riley asks, kissing her cheek and making her blush.
She nods. “It was perfect. Thank you.”
“You.” I say, lifting my foot to tap Riley’s shin. He turns and looks at me expectantly. “You better treat her right.”
He smiles. “I am.”
“That’s good, because if you don’t, I’m coming after you.”
He chuckles for a moment but then the grin drops off his face when he realizes he’s the only one laughing. He looks around at the rest of our friends. “Should I be scared?”
“Yes.” Everyone answers in unison.
When Riley turns back to me, I smirk and wink at him, showing I mean business. Him and I may be friends, but Bree is so much more than that. Her and Skylar have become just as close to me as Emily is, and I will do whatever it takes to make sure she’s happy.
“So, we have to tell you guys something.” Holden mumbles.
I squeeze his hand, letting him know that I don’t regret my decision. As much as I’m going to miss everyone, this is the best thing for me and the baby. When they all go quiet, he continues.
“Kayleigh is going to be staying with me in Boston for a bit.”
“What?!” Dawson balks. “Define a bit.”
“At least the next few months.” I tell him.
He frowns. “What about school?”
“The dean said I could take online classes. I just have to come back in December for finals. But don’t worry. We still have doctor’s appointments and my birthday we have to
come here for.”
“Will you be here for the Halloween party?” Riley asks. “It’s going to be epic.”
Holden purses his lips as he thinks about it. “I’ll have to check if I have a game that day, but if not then definitely.”
I look at Skylar and Bree to see them pouting. “What’s wrong?”
“We’re going to miss you.” Sky says sadly.
The three of us stand up and embrace in a group hug, crying softly. A wet laugh leaves my mouth as I realize how ridiculous we are. “Okay, I can blame hormones, but you two don’t have that excuse.”
“Fuck you.” Bree jokes.
“Oh, by the way, you can stay at my apartment if you want. It’s going to be empty anyway.”
Her face lights up. “Have you packed yet? Can I help you? Are you leaving soon?”
“Oh, yeah. Look at that. Total different attitude now.”
All of us find the humor in it, knowing she’s only playing. I love my friends.
THE NEXT MONTH BREEZES by quickly. I find myself having to wear Holden’s sweatshirts more often than not. With the way my belly is growing, I need to hide it under baggy clothes so that everyone doesn’t find out through the media or someone else. It’s not as obvious, as long as my shirt isn’t tight against my stomach.
Traveling with Holden to all his games is exhausting to say the least, but being able to spend every night with him is well worth it. The two of us manage to make it back to Maine for the Halloween party. Riley was right – it’s epic. We spend the night with our friends, ignoring the rest of the world around us and just enjoying life.
The next day, however, we get back on a plane for D.C. I’ve gotten used to being alone at Holden’s games, and I’m glad I’m there for them. His image has quickly spread, and now girls who were never hockey fans, suddenly are. Hearing them scream for my fiancé bothered me at first but I know I have nothing to worry about. Now, I’m just numb to it.
My birthday comes before I know it, and Holden and I fly back to celebrate. We decide not to have a party, but rather have a big dinner with all our friends. It seems fitting, being as I would be the only person not drinking at my own birthday. It’s an amazing night filled with laughs and memories. By the end of it, Holden gives me my present – a platinum bracelet with something engraved on it.
Seamless Forever (Sleepless November Saga Book 3) Page 15