Mommy
Est. April 2020
I love you, H.
“Holden, it’s beautiful.” I breathe.
He doesn’t respond, instead choosing to just kiss me softly.
“When did you become such a romantic, and where the hell were those attributes when I dated you?” Bree remarks.
We all laugh, and Holden simply shrugs – placing his hand on my knee and squeezing lightly.
AFTER MY BIRTHDAY, HOLDEN has a game in Boston. However, I stay for my doctor’s appointment. He beats himself up over having to miss one, but with the holiday coming up, I couldn’t get one to fit his schedule. I bring Caleb with me for emotional support and the doctor tells us everything is going perfectly. I’m almost nineteen weeks, and unless I’m covered, it’s easy to tell.
Holden comes back to Maine, only to fly with me to Philadelphia. I suggested just meeting him at Philly airport, but he insisted on me not flying alone. He’s even starting to become more protective when it comes to hockey. As of now, I’m still allowed to sit by the glass, but he said once I reach thirty weeks, he’s going to want me in the private box instead. I don’t argue it. Some hockey fans can get chaotic, and it only takes getting out of hand once for something to happen.
“Is Brandon picking us up?” I ask as the plane is landing.
He nods. “Yeah. I think he has Emily with him.”
“She’s spending Thanksgiving with us, too?!”
“She didn’t tell you?”
“No. Our schedules have clashed lately. Haven’t had much time to talk.”
“Oh. Yeah, she is. Your parents are still coming, right?”
“Mhm. I think they said they’ll be there tomorrow morning.” I answer.
He smiles shyly. We’re both really nervous. We invited my parents to Thanksgiving at Holden’s so we can announce the pregnancy to everyone at the same time. He may act like he’s not afraid, but my mother scares the crap out of him. I can understand why. Her judgmental stares are intense.
We find Brandon and Em at the baggage claim. Emily smiles happily as soon as she sees me.
“I missed you so much!” She says, wrapping her arms around me tightly while Holden says hello to Brandon.
I giggle into her shoulder. “I missed you, too.”
Reaching forward, she pulls up my sweatshirt just enough to see my belly. “Aw. Look at the little baby bump.”
“Shh.” I look around us. Thankfully, no one has recognized Holden yet. “The last thing we need is people finding out before we tell everyone tomorrow.”
She nods in understanding and the four of us walk out to Brandon’s car. Em sits in the back with me while Holden occupies the front. Him and Bran talk all about hockey. Meanwhile, I get lost in the way my fiancé’s eyes light up while he speaks.
The ride to his parent’s house doesn’t take long, but I think that has a lot to do with the fact that I have Emily to keep me company this time. When we get there, Heather and Dan greet us at the front door.
“How are you?” His mom asks me, giving me a hug.
I make sure to arch my body to somewhat hide the belly as I embrace her. “I’m great. How are you guys?”
“We’ve been anticipating your visit for weeks now. This one is always too busy with hockey to call.” She replies, nodding towards Holden.
“Sorry Mom.” He apologizes sheepishly.
They don’t know that I’ve been traveling with him instead of staying in Maine. To tell them that, we would have to explain why, or else I just look clingy. I feel like it’s much easier if we just don’t say anything until after the announcement.
THE FOLLOWING NIGHT, WE all sit down for dinner. This table is even longer than last year, with Emily and my parents being added to the group. My knee bounces nervously as I anticipate telling everyone about the baby. Holden places his hand on the small of my back to get me to relax. Thankfully, it works.
We finish with dinner and Heather brings out the desserts. Just as everyone is about to eat, Holden looks at me and I nod.
“If I could have everyone’s attention.” He begins. “Kayleigh and I would like to make an announcement.”
“Oh, did you finally set a date for the wedding?” My mother coos.
“No. Well, yes, but no that’s not what this is.” I tell her. I hadn’t even realized I didn’t tell her about the wedding date.
Holden takes a deep breath and interlaces our fingers. “We’re having a baby.”
Chapter 23
The room fills with gasps. The only people left unsurprised are Emily and Brandon. Everyone beams and starts to congratulate us. Heather is the first to stand up, wrapping us both in her arms.
“I’m so excited for you two!” She says. “How far along are you?”
“19 weeks. I’m due April 24th.”
“Oh! Let me see!”
I unzip my sweatshirt, allowing my baby bump to show. Each person at the table seems cheerful, including Jo who can’t stop bragging about the fact that she’s going to be the best aunt in existence. However, when I look at my mother, she’s the only one who isn’t smiling.
“Mom?” I practically whisper.
She looks up at me and nods toward the other room. “Can I talk to you for a moment please?”
I nod, following her into the living room and sitting next to her on the loveseat. “Are you okay?”
Looking down at her hands, she plays with her fingers – something she does when she’s nervous. “I’m just really worried about you, sweetheart. What about school? What about your recovery?”
“I’m still taking my classes, just online so they’re not so physically demanding. And my recovery is better than ever.”
A sigh leaves her mouth. “I just care about your future. I want to make sure this is really what you want.”
“It is. This pregnancy isn’t a bad thing. It wasn’t planned, but Holden and I are happy.”
“Is he a good support system for you?”
I smile as I think about him being anything but supportive. “He’s incredible.”
“And you’re doing okay?”
“She’s amazing.” Holden replies. My mom and I look up to see him leaning against the wall. “By far the strongest person I know. She will make a phenomenal mother.”
His words make me weak as he comes toward us and sits on the arm of the couch. Instinctively, I move closer to him. He places one arm over my shoulder and kisses my head. My mother watches us before allowing the corners of her mouth to raise.
“Promise me you will always take the best care of her.” She tells him in a tone that’s meant to sound strong but screams vulnerability.
He looks down at me before nodding. “I can’t imagine doing anything else.”
THE DAY AFTER THANKSGIVING, Holden and I unfortunately must leave. He has a game in New York and his attendance is not optional. Brandon and Emily decide last minute to come with us. I’m thankful for the company. As much as my attention is focused on Holden during the game, it’s always nice to have someone to talk to.
On the car ride up, the four of us talk about how well the announcement went. After having the short discussion with my worried mother, she warmed up to the idea and finally showed her excitement. Despite thinking she’s too young, she’s thrilled to become a grandmother.
“So, what are you going to do about the wedding?” Em asks.
My eyebrows furrow. “What do you mean?”
“Well, it’s like two weeks before you’re due. What if you go into labor?”
I shrug. “Then I go into labor, I guess.”
“You don’t want to push it back or something?”
Holden watches me in the rearview mirror, studying my facial expressions.
“No, definitely not. I mean, I’d rather not be nine months pregnant at our wedding, but I don’t want to intentionally have our baby before we’re married.”
She listens intently and then nods. “Okay, fair enough.”
Brandon
shares a look with Holden and then changes the subject. “Do you guys know what you’re having yet?”
My fiancé shakes his head. “The anatomy scan is in a couple weeks, but Kayleigh wants to have a gender reveal party.”
“And when’s that going to be?!”
“I’m not sure exactly.” He chuckles at Brandon’s impatience. “We have to figure it out with my schedule.”
“Don’t make me wait too long. I need to prepare.”
Even Emily becomes confused. “Prepare for what?”
“Either getting beaten up by a miniature Holden, or being tightly wrapped around the finger of a little girl.”
“Ah.” We all understand at the same time.
He’s right – he does need to prepare.
THE BRUINS ARE ABSOLUTELY on fire this season. It’s a couple months in and they’re still undefeated. You can tell it’s something they take pride in. Every time they win a game, the celebration is just as large as their first. Nothing is taken for granted.
I stand close to Holden, finding comfort in the way his arm wraps around my waist tightly. Brandon and Emily are taking shots with other players. Knowing how close Bran is to Holden, the rest of the team treats him like family.
“You ready to do this?” My fiancé asks me.
“Definitely.”
He smiles widely as he climbs up onto the table. “Hey everyone!” He shouts, making everybody stop what they’re doing and turn to him.
“Rivers, what the fuck are you doing?” One of his teammates asks through a laugh.
“I have an announcement to make.” He looks down at me and winks. “This coming April, I’m going to be a father.”
The whole place erupts into cheers. Holden climbs down and stands next to me as people come over to congratulate us. They seem just as excited as we are, though most of them hope it’s a boy. Apparently, the world doesn’t have enough hockey prodigies. Holden responds by telling them a girl would be just as badass of a player as a boy would.
I watch him as he talks to everyone about the baby, and it’s then that I realize – he lights up the same way with this as he does when talking about his hockey career. The reality of that makes me fall for him just a little bit more.
Later that night, when we get back to the hotel, there is only one thing left to do. Holden’s phone rests in front of us on the bed. The twitter app is open and the post is just waiting to be sent. He gives me one last chance to stop him, but I don’t take it. He grins happily as he presses post.
Happy to announce that my family is growing.
My fiancé, @KayleighJacobs, and I are having a baby.
THE WEEK FOLLOWING THE game in New York, Holden and I fly back to Maine. The secret is finally out and I no longer need to hide my belly. It’s refreshing to not constantly have to wonder if what I’m wearing makes it too obvious.
“How was it?” Dawson questions, knowing how nervous I was to tell everyone.
I tilt my head to each side. “Overall, pretty good. My mom was hesitant at first, but she came around rather quickly.”
“Yeah, all thanks to my irresistible charm.” Holden boasts.
“I think it was more because of our reassurance, but sure babe, we can go with that.”
Everyone laughs and Holden playfully sticks his tongue out at me. I wink at him in return.
“You’re having a baby with a man-child.” Sky remarks.
“Hey!” Holden protests.
He looks at me to defend him, but I shrug. “I mean, she’s not wrong.”
His jaw drops. He pulls me into his lap and tickles my sides, not giving in as I thrash around in his arms.
IT SEEMS LIKE NO matter what we do, time will not slow down. Only a couple days after we arrive, it’s time for Holden to go back to Boston for hockey. Reluctantly, he leaves me at home so I can study for final exams while he travels the east coast. As much as I wanted to go with him, I need to be able to pass and it’s difficult to focus when you’re always moving from place to place. I’ve almost lost my computer four times in the past two months.
Bree stays with me in the apartment. Being as she’s been living here while we’ve been away, I don’t even think to send her back to the dorms. The feeling of being alone in this place has always been too much for me to handle anyway. However, with how rarely I’m here, everyone ends up using my apartment as a hang out.
Skylar is quizzing me for one of my classes while everyone else is playing cards against humanity. I groan as their loud laughter interrupts me once again. I don’t know whether it’s my raging hormones or the stress of needing to do well, but I end up glaring at all of them.
“Do you have to be so loud?”
Caleb seems taken back for a second but then smiles. “Do you have to be so tense?”
I roll my eyes. “What are you even doing? Don’t you have finals too?”
He nods and then shrugs. “I’m just not killing myself over them. You need to give your brain a break sometimes.”
Maybe he’s right. I’ve been studying nonstop for the past two days. It’s at the point now where my head hurts and I feel like nothing I’m taking in is actually sticking. I sigh and close my laptop.
“Okay, what did you have in mind?”
The triumphant look on Caleb’s face is priceless as he grips my wrist and pulls me over to the couch. Sky comes too, sitting on her husband’s lap. It makes me miss Holden, seeing Bree with Riley and Dawson with Skylar. Luckily for me though, both Caleb and Jason are still single so I’m not the only one without someone to cuddle with.
“Let’s play truth or dare.” Caleb suggests.
Bree barks out a laugh. “What are we, twelve?”
“Oh, come on.” He whines. “It’ll be fun. Don’t be scared.”
“I’m not scared.” She scoffs.
“Then why not play?”
“Fine, but don’t try making me kiss Skylar again.” When Caleb and Jason share a devious look, she adds to it. “Or Kayleigh.”
They both pout like little kids being told they’re in trouble. It’s comical to me. Although, I laugh even harder when I see the same look on Riley’s face. When Bree notices, she lightly elbows him in the chest.
AFTER AN HOUR OF watching them dare each other to do the most idiotic things I’ve ever heard of, such as drink a mystery smoothie, Sky, Bree, and I stop playing and leave the game to the guys. Watching Jason pour ketchup and raw eggs into a blender with other random ingredients was enough to make me gag – let alone seeing Caleb drink it.
I’m lying on the couch with my head in Bree’s lap as Skylar flips through the channels. When Holden’s name appears on the screen, my heart skips a beat.
“Wait. Go back to that.” I tell her, and she switches the channel back.
“This just in from TMZ, hockey’s latest heartthrob, Holden Rivers, is expecting a baby. That’s not all though. A source reached out directly to express their concerns for the health and safety of the child, stating ‘I don’t know much, but I do know his fiancé used to be good friends with a known white substance. I would just hate to see this baby come out addicted to coke like their mom.’ Well, I hope that’s not the case, but if it is, I’m sure Mr. Rivers could easily find someone else to help him in raising the infant.”
Everyone in the room stares at me. The sound of Caleb calling my name barely even registers in my mind. I don’t look away from the TV, even long after Sky has turned it off. My phone starts to vibrate on the table but I can’t move. I’m completely numb.
Chapter 24
My head lies on my pillow, soaking it with tears. The large blanket isn’t enough to make me feel comfortable in this awful reality. Every single one of Holden’s million fans now know about my prior drug addiction. It was one thing for all of campus to find out, but for his entire fan base to know? Well, that’s just something I can’t handle. Instead of dealing with it, I’ve stayed in bed – dodging worried phone calls from my mother and fiancé, and trying to forget the world
around me.
Knock, knock, knock on my bedroom door. It pulls me from my thoughts, but I don’t move.
“Go away, Bree.”
“I mean, she’s pretty and all but I’d like to think we’re different.” A familiar voice sounds. I sit up instantly.
Emily stands in my bedroom doorway, looking like every ounce of comfort I’ve needed the past couple days. Tears spring to my eyes as soon as I see her. She gazes over my appearance and frowns, coming closer and wrapping her arms around me.
“What are you doing here?” I ask in disbelief.
She pulls away and smiles. “Holden asked me to come. Paid for my plane ticket and everything. He figured if he couldn’t be here…”
“He’d send the next best thing.” I finish for her and she nods.
“How are you?”
My right shoulder raises in a halfhearted shrug. “Would you believe me if I said good?”
“Not even a little.” She chuckles, climbing onto my bed and sitting next to me. “Who do you think the source was? That Jade bitch?”
“I honestly don’t know. The entire campus knows thanks to her, so it could have been anyone.”
“Yeah, but she’s the only one with a vendetta.”
I look at her knowingly. “I’m a college student and engaged to a gorgeous NHL player. There are plenty of people with vendettas.”
“Touché.”
My phone buzzes on the bed next to me. Holden’s name appears on the screen. I gently press my finger on the ignore button.
“He’s worried about you.” Em whispers.
“I know.” I sigh, running my fingers through my hair. “I’m not mad at him. I just don’t know if I can handle hearing how this affects him, too. I can only imagine what he’s going through.”
She places her hand on my leg and speaks carefully. “Yes, but do you really think not talking to him is making this any easier? He blames himself.”
Seamless Forever (Sleepless November Saga Book 3) Page 16