Splintered Memory

by Natascha Holloway

  Emily wiped her eyes and looked straight into Charlie’s big brown kind eyes, trying to asses if she was being truthful or just trying to make her feel better.

  She noticed that Charlie’s eyes were an incredibly rich brown colour, and she saw that they were perfectly round. She thought that they looked almost deer like, innocent and honest, and she felt sure that if Charlie was just trying to make her feel better she would never be able to tell. That must be so frustrating for Dr Grayson she mused absent-mindedly, before returning to the moment and her conversation with Charlie.

  “Dr Grayson thought about quitting?” Emily asked sounding and feeling surprised by this. He was so good at his job, how could he have ever thought about quitting she’d thought.

  Charlie laughed. “Yep, and he’ll probably be mad with me for telling you that. You doctors are all hierarchical aren’t you, and you’re not supposed to see any chinks in each other’s armour are you? Look I know that this will sound clichéd, but you’re probably just way past the point of tiredness,” Charlie said giving Emily’s shoulders a squeeze; “and that makes everyone emotional. I once cried when I missed my train station by one stop. Pathetic, but hopefully caused entirely by the fact that I hadn’t slept for nearly three days.”

  “You’re probably right,” Emily said standing up and brushing down the back of her white coat.

  Charlie stood up too, and Emily noticed that they were roughly around the same height. Yet she also noticed that that was where the comparison between them ended.

  Charlie had long brown hair, and hers was mid length and blonde. Charlie had deep brown eyes, and she had blue eyes that she guessed currently looked watery. Charlie had an obviously toned physique that was very noticeable through the tight fitting jeans and black jumper that she had on, and she was slight and she knew that her white doctor’s coat looked much too big for her.

  She had in the past been told that she had a pretty face, but she knew that recently she had started to look pale and her face had gotten a little too thin. She also thought that stood next to Charlie she must look incredibly plain in comparison.

  “You heading home now?” Charlie asked, and Emily nodded. “Have you got far to go?”

  “’Bout an hour,” Emily said. Yet when she saw Charlie raise her eyebrows she added quickly; “I only came down here a couple of days before I started work, and I’m still looking for a place closer by.”

  “No wonder you’re near breaking point. You can’t have such a big commute when you’re working these hours and are on call all of the time,” Charlie said disconcertedly.

  Emily didn’t answer, but she knew that Charlie was right.

  “Do you have spare clothes in your locker? I’m guessing you do, Matt seems to keep half his wardrobe here,” Charlie said suppressing a smile.

  Emily answered unsurely; “yeah I have a change of clothes, but I can’t afford to stay in a hotel if that’s what you’re going to suggest just because I’m tired. I’m always tired.”

  Charlie smiled and said; “no, I’m not going to suggest that you go and stay at a hotel. I have a better idea if you’re open to it. Matt and I live about an eight minute walk away, and we have a spare room. So you could come and stay with us until you find a place closer to the hospital, if you want?”

  Emily was about to say no when Charlie said; “come back and crash now with whatever clothes you’ve got, and on your next day off go and get the rest of your stuff and then move in with us.”

  Emily was so shocked by Charlie’s kindness that she didn’t really know what to say. Charlie didn’t know her from Eve, yet there she was offering her a room in her and Dr Grayson’s home. Although as she thought about accepting Charlie’s generosity, she suddenly felt very nervous and apprehensive.

  “I can’t,” she said embarrassedly. “I mean it’s really kind of you to offer and everything, but Dr Grayson’s my boss and people at the hospital might talk.”

  What she didn’t say though, was that she wasn’t sure she’d feel comfortable staying at their house. She had after all had a crush on Dr Grayson since the moment that he’d been introduced to her at induction. She just hadn’t been able to believe how good looking he was, and she remembered tripping over her own feet as she’d walked over to shake his hand. It was just that he was the most attractive man that Emily had ever set eyes upon, and she’d been immediately besotted with him.

  Dr Grayson was tall and slender, but not thin. He had short tousled dark hair, which he had the habit of running his hands through distractedly when he was thinking. He had intense rich hazel coloured eyes, which had on more than occasion made Emily lose her train of concentration when she’d been staring into them. But it was his face – his perfectly symmetrical face, which lit up when he smiled that had the ability of making Emily’s heart skip a beat.

  For a few weeks now though she had started to worry that it wasn’t just a crush. She’d thought that had it just been a crush it would’ve passed by now, but it hadn’t and she was still as in awe of him on any given day as she had been on the first day that they had been introduced. She just loved to watch him work, and smile, and run his hands through his hair.

  She couldn’t take up his perfect wife’s offer to move in with them she thought cruelly, but as she looked into Charlie’s kind face and eyes she felt instantly guilty for thinking that about her. Charlie seemed genuinely lovely, and she hadn’t had to take pity on her. She didn’t know what to do, but she was pulled out of her indecision by a voice that she instantly recognised.

  “Charlie,” Dr Grayson said.

  Emily turned at the same time as Charlie did. He calls her Charlie and not Charlotte she thought as she watched him kiss his wife and smile that smile that she loved to see, and even though his smile had not been directed at her she still felt her heart skip its usual beat.

  “I’ve invited Emily to come and live with us temporarily,” Charlie said with no indication that she was asking his approval.

  Emily then watched Charlie squeeze his jaw with her hand, before she said to him reproachfully; “how is it possible that you don’t know that one of your staff is within an inch of collapsing from exhaustion, and has a one way commute of more than an hour?”

  Matt turned instantly from Charlie to look at Emily with a look of apology on his face, and Emily felt guilty for making him look like that.

  “Is this true Dr Peters?” He asked.

  “Yes,” Emily said looking down at the floor immediately after she’d answered him. She was unable to meet his eyes for too long for fear of blushing. “My placement came through really late,” she said feeling incredibly embarrassed; “and I couldn’t find a flat at such short notice in my price range.”

  “I wish you’d told me,” he said. “No wonder you’ve been looking so tired. The first year’s always hard, and it’s going to take its toll on you enough without you having to commute that distance. Also,” he added almost sternly; “this is a completely unacceptable distance for you to be from the hospital when you’re on call.”

  “Nights when I’m on call I sleep in the hospital,” Emily said quickly and defensively.

  Matt sighed letting his head drop to his chest as he did, and then he looked up at Charlie.

  “I don’t know about you two,” he said; “but I’m knackered. Dr Peters go and get your stuff, and we’ll wait. You’re welcome at mine and Charlie’s until you find somewhere closer to the hospital. When we’re not on shift and out of the hospital, you can call me Matt.”

  Emily smiled and dashed into the hospital, but as she was going inside she overheard Dr Grayson say to Charlie; “happy?” She assumed that Charlie must often get her own way.

  From that night on Emily was a guest at Matt and Charlie’s home. She stayed with them for three months, and whilst her crush on Matt didn’t abate she did become friends with Charlie.

  Emily learned that the two of them had been together since Matt was sixteen and Charlie was fifteen, and that they’d gott
en married shortly after Charlie had turned twenty one. This had apparently been an age restriction placed on them by Charlie’s father, when Matt had sought his permission to marry Charlie when he’d been just nineteen.

  Emily had loved living at their house. The two of them were fun and welcoming, and they’d let her into their own circle of friends who were all just as charismatic and inviting as they were. They’d all opened up to her and shared stories with her, most of which had seemed to be intended to embarrass Matt and Charlie. Yet they’d never taken the slightest bit of notice which had always made her laugh, and after the first month Emily had felt like she belonged.

  This had been a feeling that she hadn’t ever experienced or known before. At school she’d always been a bookworm, a nerd, a geek, or whatever term had most applied to her wanting to be completely academically oriented and devoted to her pursuit of one day becoming a doctor. She’d never really made the time for friends, and as a result she’d spent most of her time at school and then later at university alone.

  As an only child Emily hadn’t spent much time around other children, and she’d often felt as though she’d missed out on learning the basic social skills required to make friends. Yet by the time that she’d realised that she might have missed out on something important it had been too late. She hadn’t known how to socialise, or how to make friends, and she’d felt that she’d been too old to learn.

  Charlie however was the complete opposite. She was incredibly warm, caring, and fun. She loved socialising with her friends, and she was always chatty and never seemed to be in a bad mood. She was also incredibly perceptive, and she’d seemed to sense Emily’s loneliness from the outset. She’d been kind to her, and she’d gone out of her way to make her feel both at home and a part of her and Matt’s group of friends.

  At times Charlie had even seemed to treat her like a little sister, and Emily had felt privileged to be treated as such. She had after all seen that Charlie was clearly the most popular person in their group of friends. The attention always gravitated to her in a way that made her the centre of attention, even though she never did anything to make this happen.

  The only thing that had made Emily feel a little uncomfortable whilst she’d stayed with Matt and Charlie, had been the fact that she’d felt sure that Charlie and all of her friends had known that she’d a crush on Matt. The issue hadn’t been about them knowing or even about the possibility of them telling Matt, who she’d been fairly certain had had more than a sneaking suspicion by then anyway. It had just been that she’d found it strange that none of them had seemed to mind.

  Emily had always been led to believe that women were supposed to be catty, and that they’d do anything and everything to mark the territory around their men and see off other women who showed an interest. Yet Charlie was different, and so were her group of friends.

  One night when Bex and Charlie had invited Emily to share a couple of bottles of wine with them, which seemed to be the favoured activity between the two of them. Bex had gotten really drunk and had said to Emily; “for as long as I can remember people have always fancied Matt. He doesn’t help by flirting terribly with everyone, but then for that matter she’s no better,” she’d added whilst inclining her head in Charlie’s direction.

  “We’ve been together for so long now that a little bit of flirting isn’t going to bother either of us. We’ve been married for just under ten years and together for five or so before that. God,” Charlie had said laughing as she’d poured more wine; “if we were ever going to have cheated on each other, it would’ve been at university.” Bex had hiccupped and laughed at the same time.

  “Look Emily,” Bex had slurred. “You can’t help who you fancy, and I’m sure you’ll meet someone who you’ll like a whole lot more than Matt. Although don’t go getting any ideas on my Rich okay?” She’d added quite seriously before she’d burst out laughing again.

  Charlie had laughed as well, and had also leant over at the same time to catch Bex’s wine glass before it had fallen to the floor where it would have gone all over the carpet.

  “My advice would be to fall for someone tidy,” Charlie had said as she’d looked around the room shaking her head at the mess. To which Emily on looking had noticed belonged mostly to Matt.

  “Who’s also not married to you?” Emily had asked smiling.

  “That too,” Charlie had said with a little wink and a kind smile.

  By living at Matt and Charlie’s everything had become easier for Emily. The commute had obviously been a bonus. The mere eight minute journey had allowed plenty of time for sleep, and having a social life had also seemed to help.

  Emily felt like her general demeanour had been calmed, and she’d started to worry far less about her social incompetencies at work. In addition, she’d liked being able to come home after a gruelling day at the hospital and moan or chat to Charlie. She’d enjoyed sharing a bottle of wine, for no particular reason other than the fact that Charlie had just grabbed one on her way home from work. She’d also realised that she’d liked having a surrogate older sister in her life, someone that listened to her and occasionally consoled when necessary.

  With her tiredness abated, and her insecurities over her personality lessened, all thoughts of quitting life as a doctor had become a distant memory. Yet on the day that she’d moved out of Matt and Charlie’s home, she’d been sad and genuinely worried that her life would return to what it had been like when she’d first moved to Birmingham. She’d been worried that she’d be lonely again.

  True to form though, all of Emily’s fears had been made redundant by Charlie. She’d not only helped Emily decorate her new place, but she’d remained on call for a chat or a girlie night in whenever. She had also continued to invite Emily round for dinner with her and Matt and their friends, and Matt had even commented to her that he ought to be jealous. He’d said that he thought that Emily saw more of his wife than he did, but she’d known that he’d only been joking.

  Matt and Charlie were like no other couple that Emily had ever seen before. They were perfect together, completely harmonious and always genuinely happy when around each other. They seemed to think and act as one, and the way that they behaved with each other was both sweet and at times incredibly romantic.

  Matt gravitated round Charlie like she was earth and he was the moon, and Charlie looked at Matt like the child who’d been given everything that she could have imagined or wished for at Christmas.

  Emily had been surprised initially at how together they were. It had never occurred to her before that two people could have the kind of relationship that Matt and Charlie obviously had. Yet the more that she’d watched them the more that she’d begun to idealise what they shared, and she hadn’t been able to help but fall in love with some of their habits.

  She loved the way that they left messages for each other on the small blackboard that hung in their kitchen by the back door. She loved that Matt, when he thought that Charlie may have overdone it with the girls on a night in or out, would sneak back to the house from the hospital to wake her with a steaming shop bought coffee. She liked how Charlie would sometimes put Matt to bed when he had been at the hospital for the better part of two or more days, and then come back downstairs to sleep on the sofa so as to prevent her own alarm for work waking him.

  In the time that she’d known them she’d rarely seen them argue, but on the very rare occasions that she had it had always been about the same thing. It had always been about Claire, Charlie’s best friend. Matt didn’t like her, and he definitely didn’t trust. Charlie on the other hand refused to hear a bad word said against her.

  Emily had always struggled to understand how this had happened. She’d struggled to understand how two people so at one in all aspects of their life, could be this deeply divided over one person.

  Matt

  He raced down the hospital corridor towards the ambulance bay, and he hoped that the three incoming casualties could be treated quickly. He wanted t
o get out of the hospital as soon as possible. Not only was he dead on his feet, but he was also supposed to be meeting Charlie at their favourite Chinese restaurant.

  Matt knew that he was going to be late as it had already gone seven, but he was hoping that he could avoid being really late. He knew that Charlie wouldn’t mind or even comment on his lateness, she was after all used to it from him, but just recently they’d been arguing a lot and he wanted to put things right between them.

  On top of this their last fight had been a couple of days ago, and he’d been paged by the hospital right in the middle of it. Since then he hadn’t been able to get away to make it up with her. He hadn’t even had the chance to speak to her on the phone, and he wondered how many missed calls and messages he’d have waiting on his mobile.

  He also had the feeling that tonight was intended to be a celebration. Charlie had been working even longer hours than normal for her recently, and she’d been talking about the possibility of being promoted. He was so proud of her and he wanted them to have a good night, especially if they were celebrating a promotion for her.

  He looked at his watch again, and he really hoped that he could be out of the hospital in an hour.

  Charlie

  She was in a rush to get home and she knew that she was driving too fast, but she hadn’t told Matt that she’d gone to Bath to see Claire and she was hoping to avoid having to tell him. She’d known that if she had or if she did it would only lead to another argument between them, and they’d been arguing enough about Claire recently she thought.

  Charlie hoped that given that Matt had been called into work in the middle of their last argument – also about Claire, and hadn’t returned any of her calls since, this meant that he’d been stuck at the hospital for the past couple of days. If this was the case, then she knew that he wouldn’t have had the chance to notice that she’d been away. Yet as she thought this she felt awful. She hated keeping the truth from him, she’d always hated keeping the truth from him, but she was in an untenable situation. She was torn between her best friend and her husband.