Splintered Memory

by Natascha Holloway

“No,” he said. “But I think with our history, and the way that I feel about you, there’s a chance that we can move forward.”

  Silence resumed, and Matt felt his heart breaking. They were done. There were just too many truths for Charlie to cope with. Yet Bex had been right about one thing, at least now he knew.

  “I love you so much that I was making myself be happy for you and Emily. I wanted you to be happy, and I didn’t want to risk hurting you again. But now you’re here, and you’re asking me if I think we have a future? I’ve been hoping for this every day since my memory came back, but maybe... I think maybe there’s just too much water under the bridge,” Charlie said looking into his face reproachfully.

  “Is it the drugs? Is it the other women? Or is it Emily that you can’t forgive me for?” Matt asked her, but she didn’t answer him. “Charlie,” he said hoping that she’d at least look at him again; “I need to know.”

  “It’s all of it,” she said making him feel like his heart was being torn in two. “It’s none of it,” she said which made the pain immediately subside.

  “You can forgive me?” He asked her hopefully.

  Charlie looked at him and it was clear to him that she was between two minds, but as he sat watching her she shocked him by suddenly getting up and picking up her handbag and walking out of the pub. He grabbed his bag and followed after her, and outside they were right on the riverside and the wind was blowing.

  “Charlie!” He called as he caught up with her.

  She stopped and turned to face him. “Matt, I can’t. I just can’t do this. I’m sorry,” she said.

  He could see that there were tears in her eyes, and feeling braver than he felt he said; “answer me one question.”

  Charlie nodded.

  “Do you still love me?” Matt asked

  Charlie looked into his eyes and nodded again. He pulled her to him and kissed her. He kissed her like it was the last chance that he’d ever have to kiss her, but as she pulled back from him he looked at her with uncertainty.

  “That’s cheating,” she said before smiling at him.

  “I’m never going to beat a solicitor in an argument,” he said smiling.

  This time she pulled him towards her and kissed him, and for just a minute they both forgot where they were and what had happened between them. Yet when she finally pulled away again, and he looked at her with a smile on his face, he saw that she looked anxious.

  “What?” He asked.

  “I have to tell you something,” she said apprehensively.

  “I thought there hadn’t been anyone else?” He asked as he felt his stomach twist into a knot at the thought of her with another man. It didn’t help though, that the man that he was now visualising her with was Rich.

  “One,” she said guiltily; “but let’s just say that it was a terrible judgment call on my part. Damn tequila!”

  She looked at him, and smiled almost nervously. He couldn’t help but smile back at her, yet he also shook his head and said; “right, that’s it. No more tequila for you, ever! It clearly makes you lose control of your senses, and do things that make me feel like shit. First Rich,” he added irritably; “and now whoever this guy was.”

  “No more tequila for me,” Charlie agreed shaking her head from side to side as she spoke.

  “And I swear Charlie,” he said; “we’re going to have what we had before and then some. If our friends thought we were sickeningly perfect before, then they haven’t seen anything yet.”

  “Let’s just take it one step at a time shall we,” Charlie said.

  “I love you,” he said. To which he felt relief run through him when Charlie smiled at him.

  “I never get tired of hearing that,” she said; “and it’s been a while since I have.”

  Matt laughed, and she took his hand that he offered to her. They began to walk together, but instead of returning to the pub that they’d just come from they headed towards London Bridge tube station. They’d decided to go back to the flat that Charlie shared with Claire in Clapham.

  The tube though was uncomfortable, and it was so crowded that Matt was almost on top of Charlie. It was making them both self-conscious, and he knew that their conversation was just the start of them getting their relationship back on track. He knew that he had a lot of making up to do to if he was ever going to get Charlie to feel comfortable with him, and to trust him again the way that she once had.

  Matt knew that it would take time and he couldn’t rush it. He certainly didn’t want to expect too much of her too soon. He knew that when they slept together again, she’d have in the back of her mind everything that he’d just told her. It was likely that they’d both be haunted by his past mistakes for a while to come, but hopefully what they had was strong enough for them to overcome all of this.

  He’d made such a mess of things he thought, and he only hoped that he could make her see that he could be the man that she’d married again. If of course she was willing to let him.

  Charlie

  She opened the front door and called out as she normally did; “Claire, I’m home!”

  There was no answer and Charlie walked into the flat, and she heard Matt close the door behind them. She went into Claire’s room and saw a note on the bed.

  Charlie,

  I’m staying at Adam’s for the night. I figured you guys would need some space. Tell Matt that his bag’s in your room, and remember don’t over think it!

  Love ya,

  Claire.

  Charlie walked out of Claire’s room carrying the note. “Apparently your bag’s in my room,” she said curiously to Matt which made him give her a sheepish smile.

  They sat down on the sofa, but things seemed awkward between them. She was sat at one end and Matt was at the other, but she couldn’t help thinking that the atmosphere seemed strained given their earlier reconciliation. She had hoped that the air between them had been cleared, but that really didn’t seem to be the case.

  The awkward silence continued to linger, and as the minutes passed their conversation remained broken and sparse. Charlie was starting to feel nervous, and a growing sense of unease was creeping up on her. Maybe they couldn’t move forward she thought. Perhaps the revelations that they’d each confessed to one another before they’d come back to the flat had actually ended their marriage, and hadn’t as they’d both hoped re-ignited it.

  “I can’t stand this,” Matt said suddenly.

  “The silence,” she said taken aback, but equally relieved that he was clearly feeling the same way that she was.

  “Yes,” he said looking at her.

  “I know. I was just thinking the same thing. It’s weird isn’t it?” She asked.

  He nodded. “Maybe we just need a drink,” he said getting up and walking over to the kitchen.

  Charlie put her head in hands momentarily when Matt walked into the kitchen, and she felt terrible for not having offered him one sooner. They’d now been back in the flat for about forty minutes. “Sorry,” she called; “I should’ve offered you one.”

  “No worries,” Matt called back. He then called; “Charlie?”

  She got up and walked over to the kitchen. “Yep,” she said as she put her head round the door.

  “Where do you keep the tequila?” He asked with a perfectly expressionless face.

  Charlie wasn’t sure who’d made the first move but suddenly they were kissing, and as their kiss intensified Matt pushed her ruggedly against the fridge. When his kiss moved to her neck she was surprised at how ragged her breath was. She ran her hands through his hair, but as she did she felt his kisses stop. She opened her eyes, and she saw that he was looking at her intently.

  “Are you okay?” She asked him.

  “I’ve missed you so much,” he said. “Don’t ever leave me again.”

  She felt completely overwhelmed, and she took his hand and led him into her room.

  Charlie took off the jumper that he was wearing and cast it to the floor. She then
undid his shirt and threw that to the floor as well. He smiled as she undid his belt and jeans, and he kicked off his shoes. He kept trying to kiss her, but she would only allow a peck on the lips before pulling back from him. She wrenched down his jeans, and then with a lighter touch lowered his boxers to the ground. He stepped out of his pile of clothes, and Charlie pushed him down onto her bed.

  She watched him lying on the bed, and she smiled at him whilst finishing what he’d started. She lowered the zip on her dress to the base of her spine, and then she stepped effortlessly out of it before casting it to one side. Matt smiled appreciatively, and she undid her bra and let it fall from her body before lowering her thong to the floor.

  Charlie walked over to the bed and lay down next to him. His arms were welcoming, and she put her left leg between his. She heard him moan lightly as she kissed his neck and ran her tongue lightly across his collar bones. She gently ran her left hand over his chest and stomach as she kissed him, but as her hunger for him grew her hand soon found its way further down his body.

  When he could no longer bear the excitement that her hand and lips alone were inducing, he rolled her onto her back and she felt the exhilaration of his familiar touch on her body which made her writhe and scream. Yet when she too could bear touch alone no more, she manoeuvred him beneath her and suppressed a smile as she felt him slide inside her.

  She moved astride Matt with increasing vigour, and as the intensity of her orgasm began to overwhelm her he rolled her onto her back again and she felt his weight upon her. She dug her nails into his shoulder blades as she wrapped her legs tightly around him, and she screamed with pure delight as he too let out an intense groan of satisfaction.

  Later, as Matt lay between her thighs with his head the same level as her breasts, they chatted for hours about their lives. Matt told her about what had been going on with Rich and Bex, with Rach and Ben, and with Nick and his new girlfriend. In turn, Charlie told him all about her life in London. She told him about her job and the people that she worked with, and she talked to him about Claire and Adam and about how happy the two of them were together.

  “Look at the time,” Charlie said only just noticing having glanced at the clock on the bedside table.

  “Nearly half two, do you want to go to sleep?” Matt asked moving so that she could get up.

  “No,” she said sounding shocked at his suggestion; “and where do you think you’re going?”

  He grinned at her before repositioning himself where he had been, and she spent the next few hours in complete and utter bliss. Matt re-explored every inch of her body as she did his, and when they weren’t making each other scream with delight they were making each other laugh out loud.

  Matt regaled her with the story of Rich’s stag night, and she cringed when she heard that he’d told the boys about her last minute phone call confession to him before their wedding.

  She told him about the re-discovery of her memory, and he frowned disapprovingly at the part about the games shed and the reason behind her fall from Claire’s window. Yet he also stroked her face when she told him about the image that she’d had of him holding their baby when she’d been trapped, and when she’d started to think that they couldn’t get her out of the car.

  At six thirty she got up to have a shower, and she was still adamant that she was going to work. “I just need coffee,” she said to Matt; “I’ve done all nighters before.” She then laughed at the look on his face. “I was referring to work all nighters,” she added.

  He smiled, but also looked more relieved than she knew he would’ve wanted to let on.

  When she came out of the shower and into the bedroom in just her towel, Matt pulled her back onto the bed and she didn’t care about time. Yet now at 8am she was madly dashing around, whilst Matt sat in her bed looking dishevelled and gorgeous and was openly laughing at her.

  “Charlie. Give me your phone,” he said.

  “Why?” She asked.

  “Phone,” he said.

  She dove into her handbag and pulled it out.

  He indicated that he wanted it, and she threw it to him.

  “Work number? Hmm, under work I take it?” He asked rhetorically, and he was already dialling before she could even nod.

  “Hi. Good morning. I’m calling from Charing Cross hospital. I need to speak to someone about Charlotte Grayson,” he said pausing as Charlie assumed one of the receptionists was talking. “Yes. I need to apprise someone of her medical status, and the fact that she won’t be in the office for a few days,” he added before pausing again as the person on the other end of the line spoke. “Oh I can speak to one of the managing partner’s,” Matt said pulling an oops face at Charlie.

  Charlie was mortified, and she felt like she’d been frozen to the spot. She was also staring desperately at Matt. He was going to get her fired she thought.

  “Yes, good morning, my name’s Dr Richard Taylor,” Matt said smiling at her. She smiled back at him in spite of herself, but this only made him wink cheekily at her.

  “I admitted Ms Grayson late last night with gastroenteritis,” he said pausing as the other person spoke. “I won’t be releasing her for at least seventy two hours, and then I’ll be recommending bed rest for at least two to three days,” Matt said. He then started nodding at whatever the person on the other end of the line was saying.

  “Yes, I can certainly do that for you. I can also fax a doctor’s certificate to you as well if that’s a requirement,” he said and then waiting for the response. “Oh okay that won’t be required,” Matt said winking at Charlie again. She breathed a massive sigh of relief. “Not a problem. Thanks, goodbye,” he said wrapping up the call and handing the phone back to her.

  “I can’t believe you just did that,” she said; “and did you just guess at the name of a hospital?”

  Matt laughed and said; “no, but what I want to know is why you’re still dressed and not naked and back in bed with me?

  Charlie smiled and undressed and got straight back into bed with him, but as she did she said; “you’ll have to be careful with me, doctor’s orders.” She then smiled cheekily.

  “Hey! I’m the doctor,” he said rolling on top of her and kissing her neck; “and I’ll be the one making the orders.”

  “It’s not Ms Grayson in the office by the way,” she said from beneath him.

  Matt looked up from her neck and into her face, before saying somewhat confusedly; “er, okay.”

  “It’s Mrs,” she said smiling and running her left hand softly down the side of his face; “it always has been.”

  He looked into her eyes and then suddenly got out of bed.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked concerned that she’d said too much too soon, and she watched as he pulled some papers out of his bag.

  He began walking back over to the bed with them, and he said; “we’re divorced.” He then handed her the papers.

  Charlie took them, looked at the pages with their signatures on, and then she pulled the papers apart and began ripping them up. Matt watched her with a confused look on his face, but she just smiled. Once the papers were in neat quarters, she threw them into the corner of her room.

  Matt looked at her questioningly.

  “Just because we signed them, it doesn’t mean that we’re divorced. They would’ve needed to have gotten back into the hands of the solicitors,” she said.

  “We’re still married?” Matt asked sounding less than happy about this.

  She felt her smile falter, and she wondered if perhaps she’d acted rashly. Maybe he’d wanted to get divorced.

  Charlie nodded at him and then said quickly; “we can always resign some papers if you want to get divorced? After everything that’s happened, it might still be for the best. Then we can think about starting completely afresh,” she added trying to sound positive and like she wasn’t upset.

  Matt knelt down in front of her, and she could feel his eyes piercing hers and searching for the answer to something that
he was yet to ask.

  “What do you want to do Charlie? I’m the one who’s screwed up. I’m the one who’s broken all of our vows. Do you want to get divorced and then see if you can ever trust me again, or do you still want to be my wife?” Matt asked never once allowing her to look away from his eyes.

  “I ripped the papers up. What do you think I want?” She asked him smiling.

  Matt didn’t say anything in response, but he instead continued to look into her face. She could see that he looked like he was on the verge of tears, and so she gently put her left hand to his face and stroked his cheek with her thumb.

  “I love you so much, that not being with you since I’ve had my memory back has hurt me every day. I stayed away though because I thought you were happy. I hate what’s happened since my accident. I hate what you did after I left, but I don’t blame you. Plus it’s in the past now, and I just want to be with you forever like we always intended. So I want you to stop looking down about the fact that we’re not divorced, okay?” She asked smiling and leaning forward to kiss him.

  He pulled away from her and closed his eyes, and Charlie felt her heart sink.

  Matt opened his eyes and took her hands in his. She went to say something, but he gently put his forefinger to her lips. She looked into his eyes, and she saw the same fiery determination that she’d seen in them when he’d kissed her for the first time.

  “I’ve loved since you were six and I was seven. From the moment that I clumsily stuck that plaster onto your knee I was infatuated with you. I loved you all through school and university, and marrying you was without doubt the best day of my life. But when I saw you in front of me outside the hospital, when I had your chart in my hand, my heart stopped and I could barely breathe. I,” he paused but she knew not to interrupt him.

  “I thought that I was going to lose you,” he said pausing again. “I was so relieved when you finally woke up. But then you looked at me, just like you’re doing now, and you didn’t know me. You looked at me like I was a stranger, inconsequential to you, and I felt like my heart had stopped beating again,” he said.