Relentless - Manhattan Knights Series Book Two

by Parks, Sienna

  “Carter… Oh God… Carter… Fuck… Yes… YES.” As I spill myself inside her, hot spurts straight to her core, she cups my face, kissing every inch of stubble, licking along my jaw before darting her tongue into my mouth. “I love you, Carter de Rossi. I always have and I always will.”

  I gently lower her onto her back, our lips locked in a sweet and reverent kiss.

  “Say it again.”

  “I love you, Carter. I always have… and I always will.”

  “Do you know how badly I’ve wanted to hear those words dripping from your gorgeous lips?”

  She pulls me down onto her. “Yes. As badly as I’ve wanted to say them for two months.” We lie together, our limbs entwined as we enjoy the sound of each other breathing, content in the silence, happy just to be together, until…

  “Carter. Was that safe for us? For the baby? I know you must have been with other women while I was gone, and I don’t blame you, but I’m just worried. Could the baby catch an STD?” My world comes crashing down around me… again. This is what she thinks of me? That I would put the health of my baby in jeopardy for my own sexual gratification? I’m out of the bed, gathering my clothes before she speaks again. “What are you doing? What did I say?”

  “What did you say? This is exactly the problem, Addi, this is why we’re in this mess in the first place. You don’t fucking trust me!”

  She’s frantically scrambling to get to me. “Of course I trust you.”

  “No, you fucking don’t. If you think for a second that I would have unprotected sex with you while you’re pregnant with MY FUCKING CHILD, if I wasn’t 100% sure that it was safe, then you don’t know me at all.”

  “I’m sorry, Carter. I didn’t mean it. Please, don’t go. Stay. We can talk about it.” She’s breaking my heart all over again.

  “What do you want to talk about, Addi? All the women I fucked after you broke my fucking heart? I can’t give you a number this time, baby, it wasn’t fucking seven, that’s for sure. I spent the first month after you left, drunk and banging any woman that wanted me, because I NEEDED to feel fucking wanted.”

  She moves to comfort me, but I recoil from her touch. I just can’t bear it right now.

  “Here’s the ugly truth for you. I don’t remember the names of any of the women I slept with while you were gone. And when I came to Dallas and saw you with that guy, I fucking snapped. I fucked a girl in the alley behind the bar and then I walked away from her like she was nothing. I fucking hated myself, Addi. As soon as I got home, I got tested, I stopped drinking, I stopped using women to try to forget you, and started trying to remember who I am. I never wanted to be that guy. I just wanted to be your guy.”

  I pull her naked body up and into my arms. “Addi. I love you more than you could ever understand. But we are… toxic. You can’t trust me to look after you and do what’s right; and I can’t trust that you won’t run away again. I don’t know if we’ll ever be able to trust each other, and maybe we can do that to each other, tearing each other apart trying to hold onto a love that is so phenomenal, all-encompassing, all-consuming, and that burns so brightly it will become caustic. I would do that for you, Tesoro. I would tear myself apart, and give you my broken heart a thousand times over. But it’s not just us now, Addi, we have a baby to think about; a baby I want so badly it hurts. It’s a part of me, and it’s a part of you. I can’t be selfish. I’ve obviously failed you, or we wouldn’t be standing here, having this conversation that is breaking my heart all over again. I won’t fail our baby, Addi. I can’t live with that kind of failure.”

  Tears are streaming down her flushed cheeks as she chokes out her plea. “Don’t do this, Carter. Please. I can’t do this without you.” I grab her face in my hands, forcing her to look at me.

  “You will never have to do this alone, Tesoro. I will always be here for you and the baby, but the only way I can do that, is if we’re not together right now.” Her face drops to my chest. “We’ll work it out, baby… somehow. I promise. It will take time, and we’ll learn together, how to be a family, but we need to take it slow. Do you understand why I need to do this, cara mia? Why I need this time? Why we need this time? Tell me you understand.”

  “I understand. I just don’t know how to live without this.” She places her hand on my chest… over my wildly beating heart. “The last two months have been a living hell.” She rests her head against my shoulder. “You’re all I’ll ever want or need, Carter.”

  “Tesoro. You are the love of my life. You will always be everything to me. That’s why I can’t fail you again.” I kiss her head, my chest aching at the sound of her muffled cries. We stand like this until she has no more tears left to cry. “You need to rest, baby.” I lift her into the bed, pulling the covers around her.

  “Please don’t leave. Stay with me. At least until I fall asleep.”

  I can’t deny her.

  “Of course I will.” I lie on top of the covers, her head resting on my chest.

  “Carter…” Her voice is a whisper.

  “Yes, baby.”

  “I noticed the tattoo on your back.” The silence is deafening as I wait for her reaction. “Why would you do that, after I treated you so badly?”

  I stroke her hair as I give her an honest answer. “Because even in my darkest hour, I never stopped loving you… and you never stopped being my Tesoro.”

  She cuddles into me a little tighter. “Ti amo, Carter.” My heart swells in my chest.

  “I know, baby. Now try to get some rest.” She falls asleep almost instantly, but I find myself unable to leave, lying with her for hours, staring at her stunning face, watching the rise and fall of her chest, wondering how the hell I’m going to do this. I’ve never had to put someone else’s wants and needs above my own, but I need to now. Our baby needs to have a stable home, and all the love and attention that they deserve. Addi and I can never be that stable force if we continue to tear each other apart with the depth of our love for each other.

  We were meant to be, but sometimes, love, passion, and a connection so fierce it’s a physical presence in the room around us, just isn’t enough. Especially not when it will affect our baby.

  It is 3 a.m. before I can bring myself to leave her, my sleeping beauty, destined to be mine, but always just out of my reach. I’ll do my best to bring us back together, so that maybe, just maybe, we can have the future together that I so desperately crave with every fiber of my being.

  ADDI

  I open my eyes, slowly coming around from the best sleep I’ve had in months, with the smell of Carter still lingering on my pillow, aware of a presence in the room with me. In my sleepy haze, I remember asking him to stay with me until I fell asleep last night, and I’m so happy he stayed. There was an awful moment when I thought he was going to leave and never come back. I turn to face him, but I’m more than a little surprised by the face staring back at me.

  “Holy shit. Fuck a duck, Lil.”

  “Morning, sunshine.” She’s amused with herself. I’m just confused.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “Em… I used to live here, and you’re still my best friend.” I can see she’s holding something back.

  “Spit it out, Lil, you’re a terrible liar.”

  She gives me a sympathetic smile. “Carter called last night and told me that you might need your best friend today. He wouldn’t tell me anything more than that, said it wasn’t his place, but he didn’t want you to wake up alone. I came over a few hours ago and you looked so peaceful, so I just crawled in next to you like old times. I hope that’s okay?”

  “Of course it is. I don’t deserve you, you know that, right?”

  “You deserve a smack in the face for leaving me without a word. I’ve aged about ten years in the past two months worrying about your crazy ass.”

  I drop my head, completely ashamed of myself. “I’m so sorry, Lily. Truly. If I could go back and change it, I would.”

  She pulls me into her arms.
“Please, just tell me what’s going on, Addi.” Her delicate perfume and the familiar scent of her shampoo gives me so much comfort. I fall apart in her arms. “You’re scaring me. What’s so bad that you had to run away?”

  I take a deep breath and say the words that scare me half to death.

  “I’m pregnant.” She crushes my body against her own, as if somehow, I’ll become a part of her if she squeezes me tight enough.

  “Holy shit, Addi. I can’t believe you’ve been dealing with this on your own. Is it… Carter’s?” I push myself out of her grasp.

  “Of course it’s Carter’s. How could you even ask that?”

  “Because you just packed up your shit and left him behind. Why wouldn’t you tell him?”

  “He knows now. I told him last night.”

  “No wonder he sounded like shit when I spoke to him. God, Addi. You have no idea how much that man loves you. He was a mess when you left.”

  “I didn’t tell him, because he said he didn’t want kids. I didn’t want to trap him.”

  She’s shaking her head, a sad, disappointed look on her face. “Addi, people say stupid stuff all the time. You should have given him the benefit of the doubt. He loves you more than anything. You should have trusted him.”

  “I know that now. When I told him, he explained the only reason he said he didn’t want kids was so that I didn’t get spooked and run away from him again. I’m such a freaking idiot, Lily. I know I should have trusted him. I’ve ruined everything.”

  “What happened when you told him?”

  “He was angry, and disappointed that I didn’t confide in him. We talked, we made love, I messed things up again.”

  “Wait… what?”

  “I asked him if it was safe for the baby that we had sex without a condom. I know he must have slept with a lot of women while we were apart and I was worried.”

  “Oh, Addi. Come on. You know him better than that. He would never put you or the baby in danger. He might be a man-whore when he’s heartbroken, but you are everything to him.”

  “I know, okay, I screwed up. He said he can’t trust me, and that I don’t trust him. He agreed to try and give us another chance, but he wants to take it slow. I can’t mess this up again, Lil. I want to make it work with him and the baby. I want us to be a family.”

  “Well stop running, Addi. It hurts everyone that cares about you. If you do it again, he’s not going to be so forgiving. You broke him when you left.”

  “What happened?” She takes a moment to think before she answers.

  “Normally I would tell you to ask him, but I don’t think that will help either of you right now. So I’ll tell you.”

  She fills me in on everything that happened while I was gone – the drinking, the women, the complete disregard for his own wellbeing, and even his night in jail. My heart breaks all over again, realizing just how much I’ve hurt him.

  “When he came back from Dallas, he just shut down. He cleaned up his act. There were no more women, and no more drinking, but he was lost, Addi. Really fucking lost. Xander was worried that he wasn’t going to get over you… ever. You know I love you, you’re my family, but I was so damn angry at you for leaving this shit storm behind. You can’t treat people that you say you love, like that.”

  “I’m so sorry, Lily. I fucked up.” She pulls me close.

  “Yeah, you did, but you’re back now, and we all still love you… including Carter. You’re not alone in this. We’re all going to be here for you and the baby. You need to prove to Carter that you can be trusted with his heart, and you need to learn to trust him with yours. He’s completely and utterly head over heels in love with you, Addi. Embrace it and cherish it.”

  “I will. I promise. Thank you, Lil. I love you.”

  “Love you, too, friend.”

  We spend the rest of the day together, catching up on the two months that we’ve been apart. I get to hear all about Lily’s book and what’s been going on with her and Xander. Now that she’s focusing on writing, Xander has finally convinced her to give up the blogging job and he’s planning to take some time off so that they can travel together.

  Lily is already insisting that she won’t be going anywhere anytime soon, especially not before the baby is born. A better friend would argue with her, but I’m selfish; I want her with me through this; and I know Carter will appreciate having Xander to talk to as we try to find our way back to each other and prepare to become parents.

  When I finally curl up in bed, I can still smell a hint of Carter on the pillow. I lift my phone from the nightstand, debating whether or not it’s a good idea to send him a message so soon, but in the end, I can’t help myself.

  Me: Thank you for sending Lily. It was exactly what I needed.

  Carter: You’re welcome, Tesoro. I only wish I didn’t have to leave you lying there looking like an angel.

  Me: Why did you?

  Carter: Because I want this to work. I want you so badly it hurts. I don’t want to ruin it by jumping straight back in where we left off.

  Me: I understand. I just miss you.

  Carter: I miss you, too, cara mia. Now get some sleep, beautiful girl. We’ll talk tomorrow.

  Me: Ok

  Carter: I love you, Tesoro. Never doubt it.

  Me: I love you, too. Night x

  Carter: Buonanotte x [Goodnight]

  I snuggle down into my covers, a smile on my face, and a glimmer of hope in my heart.

  Carter and I spend the rest of the week speaking on the phone and texting. The day I went to visit my parents and tell them I’m pregnant, he left a package with the front desk so that when I got back I had a box full of my favorite candy and potato chips. I called him as soon as I opened it… well, maybe not right away… I may have wolfed down an entire bag of Hershey’s kisses, like a complete pig, and then I called him! We spoke for hours, and I admitted the Hershey incident, which had him laughing his head off at me and calling me his little piggy for the rest of the night. As long as I’m his, I don’t care if I’m a girl, a piggy or a flying horse.

  He assured me that my mom and dad will get over the initial shock, and be happy for us that we’re giving them their first grandchild. They are idealists and pretty old school. They were hoping I would have the big white wedding, followed by the pitter-patter of tiny feet. I don’t think it was their dream for me to get pregnant by my boyfriend and then dump him and move to another State. My heart constricted in my chest at Carter’s words to me.

  “You can tell your dad that I would make an honest woman of you tomorrow if I didn’t think I would end up like Richard Gere in The Runaway Bride.” He was joking around, but I could tell there was a serious note to his comment, and it made me feel even worse about the way I’ve treated him. All I could do was try to lighten the mood.

  “Wow… did you watch that movie with your boyfriend?” It did the trick and I took advantage of the reprieve, changing the subject. We made plans for Saturday, to go on a second chance, first date.

  I’m nervous and excited at the prospect of seeing Carter tonight; excited to spend time with him, and nervous in case I mess it up. I’m starting to show now; it’s like my belly just popped out in the past few days. I’m blaming the baby, but it could definitely be all the food that I am constantly shoveling into my pie hole! Nothing fits, and I feel disgusting.

  By the time the doorbell rings, I’ve shoehorned myself into a pair of black ¾ length pants and a black lace tank top – mainly because it’s stretchy and goes over my little bump. I’ve gone for some chunky purple accessories and soft waves in my hair. It’s not classic Addi, but it’ll have to do.

  I open the door and the look on Carter’s face is so damn sexy. His delicious chocolate-brown eyes rove all over my body, stopping dead when they reach my stomach. I defensively fold my arms across my front. In a heartbeat, he’s in my space, invading my senses, pulling my arms apart and pinning them to my sides.

  “Don’t hide from me.” I feel shy all
of a sudden as he drops to his knees, letting go of my arms and ever so gently placing his large, warm hands on my belly. His gaze lifts to mine, a stunning smile splitting his face. “You are… breathtaking, Addi.” He presses his lips to my stomach, right on my belly button. “So fucking amazing.”

  I can feel the tears pricking my eyes, and I start blinking them back, annoyed at my new, permanent state of emotional DEFCON 1.

  “Don’t cry, cara mia.” He gets up off his knees and stands in front of me.

  I drink in the sight of him – tall, lean, muscular, and sexy as hell. He looks dangerous tonight, like the bad boy I met in Cube that first night. He’s wearing dark blue jeans, faded in all the right places; a white fitted T-shirt that highlights every deliciously defined muscle of his torso to perfection, and to finish the look, a black leather jacket. His hair looks like he’s freshly fucked, and all I want to do is grab it in my hands and guide his head to where I’m aching for him.

  He wipes the tears from my cheeks. “How can you be crying, and at the same time, looking at me with such wild desire in your eyes?” I feel myself blush.

  “Crazy pregnancy hormones.” I’m expecting a laugh from him, but his eyes are fixed on me, on my lips. I can hear his breath quickening, his tongue darting out to wet his sinfully gorgeous lips.

  “I want to take this slowly, Addi. I don’t want to mess it up.” He runs his hands through his hair, his eyes never leaving my lips. I mirror his action, darting my tongue out to wet my lips, inviting him to kiss me. The groan that escapes his chest, makes me weak at the knees and awakens the fireflies in my stomach, sending them into a frenzy of want and anticipation.

  “We better go before I throw you over my shoulder, take you into the bedroom, and play out every fantasy I’ve had of you over the past two months.”

  “Would that be such a bad thing?” I watch the desire drain from his eyes, and I’m devastated.