by Nicole Bea
“Est-ce vrai?” I ask him if it’s the truth, and he nods, placing his hand in mine.
“Oui. Like I told you, I don’t play games. I’ll tell you what I want. And what I want right now is…”
We’re cut off by my phone buzzing. On the screen is Mom’s number. I decide I’ll call her back tomorrow, so I press the ‘ignore’ button and hope that she leaves me a message if it’s important. “You were saying?”
“I was saying, let’s get out of here. Go back to my place. I’ll give you another wine tour of my apartment.”
I lift one leg then the other, pain radiating across my shins from the frequency and duration of the unfamiliar dance steps. I can’t walk to Luckheart Street without having to take a break because my bones hurt. But maybe, instead, we can hang out in my dorm and… I don’t know. Kiss forever? That sounds like the best option to me. “I’m not sure I can make it all the way there. How about you come up to Harris Hall instead?”
Lux smiles, and the expression is contagious. “I’d love that.”
As we exit the student center, Lux holds the door open for me to leave, and then meets me right outside to walk underneath the stars across the campus toward Harris Hall. The night is warm and dark but breezy, the leaves on the trees rustling as we amble underneath them. Lux and I brush our fingers together, gently taking them in our respective hands, and we step across the pathways toward the largest building on campus for some more time to ourselves.
I can’t help but wonder about what comes next, but somehow, I’m able to push the concern and the unpreparedness away, because I’m with him. And that’s all that matters. I’m with him and he isn’t with Jenn and everything’s going to make more sense in the morning.
Chapter 7
Lux’s fingers are tangled in mine as I unlock the door to my dorm with my free hand. I swear I’m able to feel a pulse radiating through my skin, his heartbeat hammering hard against my touch as I tremble while swiping my key pass. I’m not sure why I’m shaking at first because it’s not like I’ve never been alone with Lux before, but then I realize that this time is different. This time there’s an objective that’s not just dancing or talking. This is about the way we feel when we kiss and the way our bodies respond when we touch.
As we enter the room, there are dim stars patterned all over the walls from the desk lamp I remembered to turn on before I left. The glow of the lamp creates a delicate ambiance, and the atmosphere makes me want to move and speak quietly so I don’t disturb it. Lux seems to feel the same way because he doesn’t speak right away when I shut and lock the door.
I place my key and phone on the desk, and Lux lets my hand go as I turn around to face him. As I do, I catch a glimpse of myself in the full-length mirror and spot my messy hair, fresh from dancing. While I thought I probably looked like a mess after twirling around the floor with Trevor and then Lux, I notice that I appear both happy and glowing—pink cheeks, shiny face and all. The realization boosts my confidence, making me feel more in the moment than I expected to be. When I look up at Lux from under my eyelashes, his face illuminated by the speckled lights, the corners of my lips twitch in a smile.
Lux gives me a half-grin; it doesn’t quite reach his eyes, but I can tell he’s pleased by the way his dimple shows. “What are you thinking?”
“I could ask you the same question,” I reply.
“I asked you first.” He reaches up and brushes an errant strand of hair from my cheek, the sensation of his fingers on my skin making me feel the same electric shocks I did when we kissed.
Looking up at him, I reach for Lux’s forearm and wrap my fingers delicately around it. There’s a bit of hesitation in my voice because I’m not used to asking for what I want from a guy. But Lux isn’t just any guy. He’s not Brandon. He’s not any of the other boys from back home. He’s gentle and kind and considerate, and all those things make me want our lips pressed together more than ever. “I-I want to kiss you again.” The start of the sentence comes out with a stammer, but the end is more certain.
“Then kiss me.”
My heart leaps into my throat, and even though I feel anxious about kissing Lux again without the bravery of Moscato, I breathe in the warm air of the bedroom to calm my nerves, slide my fingers up Lux’s arm to meet the stubbled line of his jaw, and then cup my hand around the back of his neck to pull him down to meet my mouth. For a second, we’re both frozen in an embrace, but after the second ticks by, Lux’s hands find my hips, toying with the hem of my shirt as he pulls me close into him. The moment I feel him relax is the moment I relax as well, and I deepen the kiss by licking at his bottom lip to let him know I need more.
My hips align with his like we’re dancing, only neither of us are taking any steps away from the closed door of my dorm room. We’re just there, surrounded in a good night glow and each other, kissing like we’ve always wanted to. Like Lux is everything I need to breathe in this moment; my air.
He nibbles at the bottom of my lip and the sensation drives me wild, making my heart beat faster than I thought was possible. Where I was under the impression that our kiss after dancing was more intense than any kiss I’d ever experienced, this one, without the influence of wine, rivals the feeling I had that first time, because my senses aren’t temporarily dull from Moscato.
I dig my fingers into his hairline and let out the tiniest sound to let him know I like what he’s doing.
Lux chuckles from somewhere deep in his throat before he gently lifts his face away, his blue eyes illuminated by the desk lamp. Without looking, he runs a hand up my arm, causing a shiver to slide up my spine. I can’t help but peer down at the spot where he’s caressing my skin, and it feels hotter than the rest of my body. I don’t want to stop kissing him, but I’m not ready for it to go any farther than that—and he seems to be more than well aware. But we can’t stand in this entryway forever either.
Still keeping my arms around his neck, I take a step back. Lux follows and we do a little shuffling dance until the backs of my legs hit the bed frame. We collapse on top of the comforter, hands and mouths colliding, kissing deeply and passionately until our lips are chapped and sore and red.
Later, we’re gathered up in my Paris comforter, smushed together on the single bed, staring out the window at the dark and the trees. It’s a quiet sort of moment, one where we’re clearly serving ourselves up some introspection, our fingers wrapped loosely in one another’s. My eyes are half shut when Lux leans over and rests his head on my shoulder, adjusting his body under the blankets and pressing his thigh over top of mine.
“What’re you thinking now?” he asks in a near-whisper.
“Sleep, I think.”
“Do you want me to go?”
I shake my head, pulling the blankets around me tighter. “No. Stay.”
Lux sighs, sinking farther into the bed. I fall asleep while he’s still trying to get comfortable. I’m tangled in him, twisted in the moment, and snarled in the satisfactory feeling that we don’t have to let each other go for the night. It leads me into a deep rest where I’m among the stars with him, walking under branches and looking up at the moon for craters in the clear evening sky.
When I come around in the morning, I blink away sleep to see Lux still in my bed, the blankets pushed away from his broad shoulders, and his dark hair falling over his forehead. I look at him with a small smile for just a moment, but it’s long enough for him to wake as well, looking at me from under his lashes. For a second, I don’t even realize that he’s gazing back at me. That is, until I spot a flash of blue—his half-opened eyes twinkling in the early daylight.
“Hey.” He grins, stretching. “I’ll be right back.”
Lux gracefully rolls out of the bed, disappearing into my small bathroom with a click of the door. I try not to look at him as he walks away, but it’s hard because there’s everything to see with his languid movements. My focus is broken with the sound of the latch and I realize that my hair is probably a disaster and my breath�
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I throw myself out from under the blankets and take a quick peek at myself in the mirror, the water running in the bathroom where my hairbrush is located. I manage to fix my hair up in a slightly less messy ponytail on top of my head. Rummaging around, I find a pack of mints that’s only half empty in my desk drawer.
Just as the water twists off with a squeak, I collapse back into the bed with my phone in my hand, hoping that I smell like mint instead of morning breath.
Lux appears around the doorway, his hair damp from the tap water, the smell of alcohol and green tea surrounding me as he crawls back under the covers next to me.
“Before you ask, no, I didn’t drink from your Listerine bottle, which wasn’t easy considering I needed to get the mouthwash into my mouth.”
I can’t help the laugh that escapes me as I sprawl across his chest, the thrumming of his heart echoing in my ear. " It would be okay if you had. I mean, I’ve been kissing you for a couple of days now. Using my mouthwash is kind of along the same lines.”
“Good point. What time is it anyway? It feels early.”
Digging my phone out from under the covers, I press the button on the side of the screen to light it up. The phone reads 7:04 am, and there’s also a voicemail for the missed call from Mom last night that I forgot about. “Seven. Just after. Do you mind if I listen to this? It’s from yesterday evening.”
“Go ahead.”
I hold the phone up to my ear. There’s a little pause at the beginning of the message with what sounds like road noise, and then Mom speaks.
“Hi, Chelsea.” Her voice is wobbly like she’s been crying, and I wonder if she’s upset again about me being gone. “I just wanted to tell you that there’s been an accident.”
My heart immediately flies into my throat and I sit up in the bed, pulling the sheets with me and away from Lux. Mom continues to speak, her tone getting more and more upset as she continues to talk.
“I was… I was pulling out of the driveway and Huxley Barton was racing that noisy Honda down the highway and he mustn’t have seen me. He… the car… can you please just call me when you get this?”
The voicemail ends there, and I look down at the phone in disbelief, holding my breath like something is going to jump from the screen and give me a scare.
“Is everything okay?” Lux asks, his brow furrowed in concern. “What’s going on with your mom?”
I don’t respond right away. Instead, I play the message a second time.
This time I hear an ambulance in the distance as the phone line goes dead. Immediately, I punch Mom’s name in my phone contacts and wait for it to start ringing.
“She was in an accident,” I say to Lux, breathless, as Mom picks up the phone.
“Oh, Chelsea. Thank God. Did you get my message?” She sounds like she can hardly breathe, her voice rushed amid the quiet of what I can only assume is the kitchen or the living room.
“Mom, what happened? Huxley hit the car?”
I barely get the questions out of my mouth before my mother starts sobbing. “It was horrible. So awful. Now there are big tire marks out front of the house on the highway and when I look out the window I just feel- I feel like there’s something in my chest. It hurts. My fingers go numb. They’re numb right now and I don’t know what to do. I’m sorry, Chelsea. I don’t mean to worry you. I just wanted you to know that everyone’s okay, in case you heard about it from a friend or something.”
Thinking back to how I felt over the summer, I know immediately that Mom’s having a panic attack. I had several after Brandon and I split up, and even though I was convinced for a while that I was having a heart problem, when I finally Googled the symptoms on DoctorOnline, it was the very first thing that came up.
“Mom, where are you? Are you in the house? Is Huxley okay?”
“I’m in the kitchen making tea. I thought it might help. Huxley’s fine.”
“Okay. Do you want me to come home? I can find a way to get there if you need me.”
Lux brushes his hand on my arm and I jump, having almost forgotten that he’s squeezed next to me. He points at himself and makes a hand motion for driving a car while nodding.
“Lux—the guy from campus—can drive me. I can be there in an hour or so.”
“I don’t want to be a bother, Chelsea. It’s seven in the morning. He probably won’t even be awake.”
“He said it’s fine.” The words escape me before I can think about their implication. I’m sure Mom can deduce from what I’ve just said that Lux is here with me, and probably that he stayed overnight in my room as well. If the reality of the situation does cross her mind, she doesn’t say anything about it. Instead, she simply hesitates to ask me to come home.
A minute passes by and then Mom finally speaks. “Okay. See you in an hour or so. I’ll unlock the front door.”
“Bye, Mom. Make extra tea for us.” I take the phone away from my ear and hit the ‘call end’ button before turning to Lux. “We’ve got to go to Patrick’s Cove.”
Lux brushes a strand of hair away from my face, his fingers grazing the hot skin of my cheek where the phone was resting. “It’ll be okay.”
“I know. I just- I’m glad everyone is fine. Are you sure you don’t mind driving me there? It’s about an hour away.”
“It’s all good, I promise.” He unravels himself from around the blankets and me, standing and collecting his clothes from dance yesterday as I try to find something of my own to wear. “Take your time, Chelsea. Take a breath. I’ll walk back to my apartment and pick up the car and come back and get you in ten minutes, okay?”
“Okay.” I’m holding back tears as hard as I can, trying to make my worried voice sound confident.
“Okay.” Lux nods before disappearing out of the room with his keys and phone in hand. There’s nothing else to say, no ceremonious goodbye, nothing. We don’t have time for that because I need to get dressed and do something with my hair and go home. My real home. The one with the seawater smell and my abandoned bedroom that I left only a few days ago.
After pulling on a clean pair of leggings and a long, burgundy top, I slip a pair of flats onto my feet and head down to the back of the building to meet Lux, who I spot standing next to a black Hyundai.
“You all set?” he asks, keys jingling in his hands.
“I think so. I don’t really know what to expect.”
“I’m sure she just wants to see you. She’s probably worried and thinking about all the things that could have happened last night. Just you being there will probably make her feel better.”
I plunk myself down in the passenger’s seat and he switches on the ignition. As the engine comes to life, a song from the nineties plays over the speakers from his phone that’s connected to the stereo system. We pull out of the parking lot behind Harris Hall and the Ross Building. There’s only one way to go at the end of the road, so we turn and then turn again before Lux asks me for directions.
“I almost forgot that you aren’t from there. Turn left at the lights and keep going until you hit Connaught Avenue.”
“I know my way around the city, but I definitely don’t know where Patrick’s Cove is.” Lux presses down on the gas pedal and we cruise through the early morning traffic. “I can make it to the end of Connaught before I’ll get lost.”
The statement makes me laugh, but only for a second because then I’m dropped back into the reality that I could have lost my mom last night, and she probably spent the night up worrying about me because I was distracted. It makes me feel guilty and sad at the same time. I should have just answered the phone when she called…
The drive to the ocean takes forty minutes with my directions and traffic, and another five until we get to the old highway that runs in front of my house. By the time we make it that far, the water is sparkling off in the distance, little capsules of sunlight ricocheting off the surface and dancing in front of our eyes. Lux’s gaze flicks back and forth between me and the roadway, seemingly wait
ing for me to say something.
“It’s another ten minutes down the road. Yellow house with a brown roof and an SUV… I mean, well, that’s probably not there anymore.”
Lux nods, and my thoughts drift away on the water as I find myself wondering what kind of shape the car was in when the police and the ambulances showed up. As soon as I start to think about it, a tear slips down my cheek, but I brush it away and pretend I’m sucking the tears back into my eyes so they don’t escape. I focus on the dashboard clock, trying to predict when the numbers are going to change.
Eleven minutes later, I point to the righthand side of the road. “Coming up past this speed limit sign.”
We pull into the empty driveway and come to a stop underneath one of the big, old trees. “Do you want me to stay here so you can have time alone with your mom?” Lux offers, turning off the vehicle and turning to face me.
I shake my head. “I think she’d like to meet you. She’s been asking some questions. I know it’s not exactly ideal circumstances, but neither is you sitting in the car for who knows how long.”
He nods, unbuckling his seat belt at the same time I unbuckle mine and open the car door. We walk up to the front of the house in silence, shoes crunching on the gravel pathway and then clicking on the old wooden staircase to the entryway. I knock twice on the door before opening it and stepping into the house. It’s unlocked, just like Mom said it would be.
“Mom?”
There’s some rustling from the kitchen as my mother peeks around the corner. There’s a yellow bruise forming on the side of her face and a cut across her nose, but other than those two visible injuries, she doesn’t look much worse for wear, considering.
“Oh, Chelsea, honey, thank you. Thank you for coming home to see me.” She rushes to the front door and captures me in a hug, something more common since Dad passed away. When we break apart, she looks me over, one hand on each of my arms for just a second before she switches her gaze to Lux. “And you’re the boy we saw on the first day at Bedford. Thank you for being such a good… for being good to my daughter.”