Having the Cowboy's Baby

by Stella Bagwell

  He’d meant the words to come out on a light note; instead his throat had suddenly constricted, making them a raspy murmur.

  “Flattery,” she softly accused.

  Her eyes filled with shyness and something else that pierced his chest and forced him to drop his gaze. The urge to set aside the coffee and reach for her was so great that the muscles in his stomach clenched. Yet he couldn’t follow the urges rushing through him. Now that he had to leave, it wouldn’t be right. He couldn’t take her into his arms and peel the yellow dress from her body. He couldn’t make love to her. Not now. Not ever again.

  Oh, God, why was he feeling this way? He prayed for the answer. This awful ache inside him wasn’t supposed to be part of the deal. He was supposed feel happy about kissing her goodbye and riding off into the sunset. That was the way a cowboy kept his freedom.

  “Uh, have you been up long?” he finally asked.

  “Long enough to fix breakfast. Are you hungry?”

  Only for her, he thought. But he’d get over the craving. He had to.

  “Sure. I’m always hungry. Just let me get a quick shower and I’ll be right down,” he told her.

  She leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek, then eased off the bed. “I’ll go put everything on the table,” she said and headed out of the room.

  As soon as the door shut behind her, Cordero swung his feet to the floor and headed to the shower. Hopefully a burst of cold water would clear his head enough so he could see his way back to Texas.

  Something was wrong. Anne-Marie had sensed it when she’d taken coffee to his room and kissed him. A part of him had seemed to be in another place. And now that the two of them were finishing the last bites of breakfast, she could see he was preoccupied.

  Placing her coffee cup back on its saucer, she dabbed a napkin to her lips. “Cordero —”

  “I need —”

  Their words came out together, tangled, then halted in awkward silence.

  Finally, Anne-Marie gave him a palms-up gesture. “You first,” she insisted.

  His face sober, he leaned back in his chair. “I was only going to say that I need to talk to you.” He glanced at her, then rose to his feet and held a hand down to her. “Let’s go outside. To the garden.”

  Anne-Marie’s heart thudded with dread as they walked around the porch and down the steps to Fiona’s rose garden. Whatever was on his mind couldn’t be good, she thought, and she tried to prepare herself for what was about to come.

  As they’d eaten breakfast, clouds had rolled in from the south, blotting out the morning sun and blanketing the plantation with humid heat. Nothing was stirring in the garden. Not even the birds or squirrels. And Anne-Marie wondered if the little creatures were hiding in anticipation of an oncoming storm.

  Once they reached the wrought iron bench that faced the cherub fountain, Cordero suggested they sit. Anne-Marie sank onto the seat and waited until he eased down beside her before she turned her knees toward him.

  “I’ve never seen you looking so serious, Cordero. Has something happened with your family?”

  He looked at her, then turned his head away and wiped a hand over his face. “I got a call from my sister-in-law. A few of the horses have shipping fever.”

  “Is this something serious?”

  Nodding, he said, “It’s like a bad flu and very contagious.”

  “Oh. I’m so sorry.”

  Yes, that would be just like Anne-Marie, he thought. She would always think of others, even animals, before herself.

  “Yeah. I wish all of this hadn’t happened. Juliet says that Dad is working way too many hours trying to take care of the horses. He’s the sort that won’t trust just anyone to deal with his babies.”

  “Except you.”

  She was perceptive. Maybe too much so, because at this moment he wasn’t doing a very good job of hiding the agony he was feeling about leaving her.

  “Yeah. How did you guess?”

  She shrugged one shoulder. “I didn’t have to guess. Horses aren’t just livestock. They’re friends and companions. Your father doesn’t trust their welfare to just anyone.”

  Releasing a rough breath, he reached for her hands. “I should have known you would understand.”

  Anne-Marie watched his mouth twist with regret and she realized he was trying to tell her goodbye. The word was like a stone dropping to the bottom of her heart, weighing it down with a sadness such as she’d never experienced before.

  Her throat grew thicker and thicker until she had to swallow before she could speak. “Yes,” she said quietly. “I understand that you have to go home. Your father needs you.”

  He looked away from her and she closed her eyes as his fingertips made smooth circles against the back of her hand.

  “Normally it wouldn’t be that way,” he said. “But Matt is getting things ready for a televised cattle auction. And Dad isn’t a spring chicken anymore — especially after all he’s been through.”

  What could she say? Think? After all, she’d known this time would come, that his visit here to Cane’s Landing would eventually end. Only she’d believed she would have more time with him, at least until the end of the week. Maybe a tiny part of her had hoped their lovemaking had affected him as much as it had her. Maybe she’d been unconsciously envisioning him telling her that he’d fallen in love with her, that he couldn’t live without her. But that was only the dream of a foolish woman. Cordero wasn’t the loving, marrying kind.

  “So you have to leave,” she said woodenly. “Uh, will you be…going this morning?”

  Nodding slightly, he looked at her with shadowed eyes. “Yes. It’s a long drive back to Texas.”

  She swallowed again, then nodded and rose to her feet. “Well, I’ll help you get your things packed.”

  The moment she turned toward the house, Cordero was right behind her, his hand catching her shoulder. Slowly, her heart daring to hope, she tossed a questioning glance back at him.

  “That can wait,” he said. “Right now I want to —”

  She waited for him to go on. When he didn’t, her heart sank and she forced a smile to her face. “There’s nothing else for you to say, Cordero. I’m not angry with you. Your first priority is with your family.”

  Yes, but she was beginning to feel like family, he thought. She had somehow become a part of him. And when he left for the Sandbur a piece of him would stay behind with her. He couldn’t change that.

  “Yes. But I thought — I was planning on the two of us having a few more days together. I wanted that, Anne-Marie. You believe that, don’t you?”

  She nodded and he thought he saw the glimmer of tears in her eyes. The idea made him sick, so sick that he hurt.

  “Of course I believe it. We — we’ve had a lovely time together, Cordero. And I’m…so glad that you came, that I got to know you. You’ve made me open my eyes. I’m never going back to that person you first met — the woman who was running and hiding.”

  There was something in the middle of his chest spreading and burning, making it hard to breathe or even swallow. “I’m glad, Anne-Marie. And maybe one of these days you’ll decide to come down to the Sandbur for a visit.”

  Her smile was tinged with sadness, as though she already knew that once he left Cane’s Landing they would never see each other again.

  “Who knows,” she said in a strained voice. “Someday I just might surprise you.”

  He touched his fingertips to her cheek and wondered how his life was going to be without her, how it would be not to see her, hold her, hear her lilting voice.

  He tried to smile back at her. “And maybe someday I’ll find an excuse to come back to Cane’s Landing.”

  Her blue eyes clung to his. “You might get a hankering to swim with alligators again.”

  He breathed deeply, hoping the extra oxygen would ease the pain in his chest. It didn’t. Finally he was forced to put his hand against her back and urge her to the house.

  “I’d better
go pack,” was all he could manage to say.

  Thirty minutes later, Cordero’s things were loaded in the truck and the two of them stood on the front porch steps. In the distance he could hear the first rumbles of thunder. The ominous sound matched the turmoil inside him as he turned to Anne-Marie.

  “Well, uh, guess this is goodbye,” he murmured.

  “Don’t say goodbye,” she whispered. “Just say farewell.”

  There was such a shattered look on her face that Cordero had to pull her into his arms. For long, long moments he buried his face in her hair and held her tightly. But after a while he realized he was only prolonging the agony so he placed a soft kiss on her lips and whispered, “Farewell, Anne-Marie.”

  With Lucy trotting at his heels, he walked swiftly to his waiting truck. As he opened the door to climb in, the dog sat back on her haunches and whined. At the last moment, Cordero reached down and gave her an affectionate pat between the ears.

  “So long, girl.”

  Lucy whined again, but Cordero couldn’t linger. He had to leave. He had to go home and forget.

  He put the truck into gear and pulled away without glancing at the house. But once he started down the long, shadowed lane he looked in the rearview mirror just long enough to see Anne-Marie standing on the steps, her hand waving a final goodbye.

  Chapter Eleven

  Two months later a stunned Anne-Marie walked out of the medical clinic and climbed into her car.

  The doctor’s diagnosis shouldn’t have surprised her. In fact, for the past few weeks, she’d suspected that she might be pregnant. But hearing the actual words from her family physician had been sobering, to say the least.

  What was her father going to think? Even worse, how would the local community see her? She’d already had an engagement end in disgrace. Now she would be bearing a child outside of marriage. Maybe that wasn’t a big deal for many women, but to a woman who’d once planned to give her life to the church, it was scandalous. No doubt she would be branded a hussy, a fallen angel.

  And yet she wanted to smile, to kick up her heels and laugh. She was going to be a mother. She was going to have Cordero’s baby.

  Pulling out of the parking lot, Anne-Marie drove straight to St. Mary’s, where she’d been working the past two weeks helping Father Granville organize a charity function that would eventually help rebuild churches lost in Hurricane Katrina.

  When she let herself into the little office at the back of the sanctuary, she found a note from the priest telling her he’d gone home to the rectory for lunch and wouldn’t be back until later that afternoon.

  That was probably a good thing, she thought. At least she’d have time to compose herself. As if a couple of hours could prepare her for the change her life was about to face, she thought wryly.

  Tossing her handbag on a nearby table, she sat down at the desk and picked up a list of names and phone numbers of people who might be willing to work at the charity event. Father Granville expected her to make the calls, to encourage, even plead, if necessary, for the parishioners for help. But she could hardly keep her mind on the task when thoughts of Cordero attacked her from all directions.

  Since he’d gone back to Texas she’d not heard from him. But then she hadn’t expected to. Deep down, she’d known that he was a free spirit, a confirmed bachelor. Their time together hadn’t been meant to be serious. At least, not for him.

  But it is serious now, Anne-Marie. A baby is coming into the world. And Cordero is the father.

  The sobering voice was rolling around and around in her head when a knock sounded on the door. The sight of her cousin Audra took Anne-Marie by total surprise. Even though she’d talked briefly with Audra several times on the phone in the past weeks, she’d not seen her since Cordero had left Cane’s Landing.

  Rising to her feet, she left the desk to hurry over to the other woman. “Audra! Why are you here instead of working?”

  Smiling impishly, the tall, raven-haired woman pressed a light kiss on Anne-Marie’s cheek. “I’m playing hooky. We just wound up a very trying trial yesterday and I needed a break. So I told Jonas to give me a day off or get himself another secretary.”

  “Looks like he decided he’d better keep you happy,” Anne-Marie said wryly.

  She rolled her eyes. “If someone handed Jonas instructions on how to make a woman happy, he still wouldn’t get it. A law book excites him more. Believe me.”

  For a long time now it had been obvious to Anne-Marie that her cousin was in love with her boss, but apparently he didn’t see her in that manner. What surprised Anne-Marie the most about the situation was that Audra didn’t boldly step forward and grab the man by the ear.

  “But let’s not go into that,” Audra said with a dismissive wave of her hand. “I called Cane’s Landing and Uncle Jules said you’d be working here today. I thought since I hadn’t seen you in a couple of months I’d drop by. You’ve been in Thibodaux every day. Why haven’t you come by the house?” she gently scolded.

  The office was sparsely furnished with two metal desks and several gray metal chairs all of which had been donated to the church by a local high school. Anne-Marie gestured for Audra to take a seat.

  “I’ve been busy,” she said as she settled into a chair facing her cousin’s. “And I never know when you’re going to be there. You’re always working late hours.”

  “That’s the story of my life. All work and no play.” Her dark eyes raked skeptically over Anne-Marie’s form, which appeared even thinner than the last time Audra had seen her. “How have you been?”

  Anne-Marie shrugged and found she had to let her gaze drop away from Audra’s penetrating look. “Okay. I’m keeping busy. And Father likes that.”

  Audra shook her head with disbelief. “You know, I thought that Texas cowboy had changed you, but I guess I was wrong. You’re still living your life to please others.” She shook a finger at Anne-Marie. “I didn’t ask you whether Uncle Jules was happy. I’m asking if you’re happy.”

  Frowning slightly, Anne-Marie said, “Father’s health is better than it’s been in years. That’s what I’ve been praying for. If he stays on this course, I can go back to Guatemala, or somewhere that I’m needed, to teach. It’s what I’ve wanted for a long time. To finally get back to helping others.”

  Crossing her long legs, Audra studied Anne-Marie for long moments. “Well, I haven’t had the opportunity to have a decent conversation with you since Cordero went back home. Have you heard from him?”

  Trying to push away the weight of sadness inside her, Anne-Marie shook her head. “No. But then I didn’t expect to.”

  “Why not? When I met him at the plantation I got the feeling you two were becoming pretty close.”

  Glancing down at her lap, Anne-Marie smoothed a finger over an invisible spot on her skirt. Audra couldn’t begin to imagine how close. “Cordero lives hundreds of miles from here, Audra. There wouldn’t be much point in keeping in contact.”

  Audra snorted. “There are such things as cars, buses, airplanes. You could be in South Texas in an hour or two.”

  As if that wasn’t something Anne-Marie didn’t think about every day. But as much as she wanted to see Cordero, needed to see him, she would never push herself on him. So what was she going to do now? How was she going to handle the news of her pregnancy? Keep it to herself? Oh God, what is the right thing for me to do, she silently prayed. Why has all of this happened to me when all I had ever planned to do was serve You?

  Anne-Marie sighed. “Look, Audra, I don’t know why you keep harping on Cordero. I’ve —”

  “Maybe because he was the best thing to ever come along in your life. That’s why.”

  Groaning with desperation, Anne-Marie rose from the chair and walked to a window that overlooked the back churchyard. The sagging branches of ancient live oaks spread deep shade across the lawn and a nearby statue of Mary, the Blessed Virgin.

  Normally the peaceful scene lent Anne-Marie comfort, but today she coul
d only wonder about the choices she’d made. At this moment they seemed all wrong. Yet she was glad, perhaps even thrilled, at the idea that this coming baby would always give her a part of Cordero. Was that wrong, too?

  “Cordero is a confirmed bachelor, Audra. And I — I’m not woman enough to change him.”

  “How could you know that until you try?”

  She had tried. In her own way. She’d given him the deepest, most precious part of herself. She’d poured out her heart to him. Maybe not in words, because she’d understood he didn’t want to hear them. Still, she’d talked to him in other ways that had said I love you. None of it had kept him from walking away.

  “You don’t understand, Audra. I did try — I —” Her words choked off as emotions thickened her throat. She was ashamed at the tears slipping over the edge of her lashes. Bending her head, she wiped at the hot moisture falling onto her cheeks.

  Audra placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed. “Anne-Marie, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you like this,” she said gently.

  Lifting her head, she looked at Audra and the concern she saw on her cousin’s face only multiplied her tears.

  “All right,” Audra said firmly. “Something is wrong. It’s the cowboy, isn’t it? You fell in love with him and now you don’t know what to do about it. Am I right?”

  Sniffing, Anne-Marie attempted to straighten her shoulders and dry her eyes. “Yes. I did fall in love with Cordero.” She shook her head in a self-deprecating way. “I’m a complete idiot, Audra.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous! Frankly, I’m glad. I’m thrilled. For once in your life, since that fiasco with Ian, you’ve acted human — no, let me change that. You’ve acted like a woman and fell in love.”

  Tilting her head toward the ceiling, Anne-Marie closed her eyes with humiliation. “Yeah. With a man that I knew wasn’t interested in love or marriage. I wasn’t using my brain, Audra.”

  Her cousin chuckled. “We don’t fall in love with our brains, my sweet cousin. Our hearts do it for us.”