I read the message, replied to Jerrod that I loved him too, and contemplated the words before I sat my IPhone back into its dock on the dash and looked over at my sister who had a calm, serene expression on her face. “You will have all of that and more someday big sis, I promise you. You just have to trust me and the other people in your life who want to help. You are a beautiful person inside and out Terricka, and you know that you are. Somehow, you just lost your way and I’m gonna help you find it. You deserve happiness big sis, we all do, but happiness starts within. You gotta learn to love Terricka first, flaws and all. Your happiness is just around the corner sister and soon we will all run through a field of flowers together.” I said to my sister as she smiled and I did too because I had avoided a potential disaster if I had mentioned Rodney. “Running through a field of flowers with a Mandingo bih. Don’t try to leave that out!” Terricka said as we both burst out in hysterical laughter once again and continued to laugh all the way to the grocery store.
Terricka chattered on and on as we rode down Whitney and then turned on Thomas to enter Kroger’s parking lot. I hadn’t heard my sister talk so willingly about change in a long time or look as happy as she did at that moment while she talked about going to school to become a counselor.
“I figure after all the hell I have put people through the past few years and all of the hell we had to live through at the hands of someone with mental illness and substance abuse, the least I can do is give back to the same type of people when I get my shit together. That’s why next week I’m gonna go ahead and do whatever it is you think I should do to get on track. If that means psychiatric help, in-patient rehab or out patient. No matter what it is I’m willing to do it sis because I’m tired of being a prisoner in my own fucking body and mind. I’m ready Tisha. I promise!” Terricka said to me with tears in her eyes as I parked the car before I reached over to hug her.
“No matter what, I will be here to help too sister. No matter what or how long it takes. I love you Terricka.” I said to my sister as I tried to hold on to her promises although there was a feeling in the pit of my stomach that told me otherwise. I didn’t want to listen to that voice in my head or that feeling in my stomach though, just like many times before. Like all those other times I wanted and needed to believe in my sister because that was all I had; her word. Her word and a little hidden hope that one day, one of her promises would be genuine and she would in fact change for the better. After I looked into her eyes when we pulled away from our embrace, I really felt that was one of those times. I saw clarity in Terricka’s eyes I hadn’t seen in years and that made my heart smile.
“Aww, what the fuck happened to us? We a couple of pussies now lil sis always crying and shit.” Terricka said as she reached over to wipe the tears I didn’t even know had fallen from my eyes. “Oh speak for yourself old Charmin ass lil girl. You know I’m gangsta.” I said to my sister as I wiped away her tears in return and then threw up the GD pitchfork I had seen her, Jerrod, and Buddy throw up all of our lives.
“Oh shit. Now I know banging has went out of style when they got the nerds doing it. Stick to your day job sis. You better write about some gangsta shit and leave the real banging to the professionals.” My sister said as she popped the collar on her imaginary collar shirt and we both laughed.
It felt just like old times as my sister and I got out of the truck and walked into the grocery store we would walk to as kids. Our hearts were filled with laughter as we pushed and checked each other the entire time. We quickly filled the basket with things for the kids and steaks for the men along with chicken for the cookout we had suddenly planned. It was almost perfect as my sister gave me the recipe for her famous lasagna and we laughed about which sauce to get. “Girl you better get that cheap shit. We gonna spice it up anyway. Don’t be bougie Tisha.” Terricka said as we continued to laugh, but I could feel slight irritation in her voice.
I walked behind her and held my breath as we continued to shop and I could see her mood become volatile and irritable with each minute that passed. “Anyway, just get the expensive sauce since yo rich as paying for it and hurry the fuck up so we can get out of here. All these bitches looking at me starting to work my nerves.” Terricka said as she turned around to me and grabbed the sauce out of the cart and slammed it back on the shelf.
I watched her in awe, amazed at how quickly her moods had changed as she grabbed up an expensive brand and threw it in the cart before she turned to look at the woman who stood next to her. “Uhh BOO BITCH! What Dafuq are you staring at? Ole swoll neck bitch mind yo business. Ugggghhhh Tisha, see that’s the shit I’m talking about!” Terricka said as she bumped past the woman and almost took her shoulder off while I stood there like a deer in the headlights for a second.
I just couldn’t believe how fast Terricka had flipped. She looked just like Denise; all crazy and out of control and I knew I had to stop her before things escalated even more. “I’m so sorry ma’am!” I said to the 40-something-year-old woman with cat woman glasses on as I scurried past her to catch up with Terricka and she stood in the aisle with a pained expression on her face while she held her shoulder.
I caught up with Terricka just as she turned the corner and walked down the ice cream aisle. I swallowed down the lump that had formed in my throat as I thought about what I could say to diffuse the situation and not set her off. “Terricka? What the fuck going on? You have to calm down sis. It’s like you just clicked for nothing. What we just say about changing and shit? Well, all of that starts here, okay? I’m here to help.” I said as I walked over to my sister and rubbed her shoulder.
I felt some of the tension in her begin to evaporate with my touch and words as her shoulders relaxed and she tried to force a smile at me. “Now how about some Rocky Road ice cream? I know that will make you feel better.” I said as I elbowed my sister and I saw a little sanity return to her eyes.
I did a goofy dance as I reached into the freezer and got a container of Terricka’s favorite. I saw a slight smile cross her lips as I danced and put the container in her face. You still know how to bribe yo big sis huh? Rocky Road does it every time.” Terricka said as she did a flat laugh close to her regular one.
That told me she was willing to fight whatever was happening to her, but that didn’t mean she would win, which is why I decided to wrap up out grocery store, sister bonding moment as soon as possible. “Okay T, I think that’s about it for now. You ready to go?” I asked my sister as she nodded her head and put her head down.
I walked ahead of her as I crossed paths with a tall girl with blonde hair and a cat suit on as she walked up the aisle. She caught my attention because she was so colorful in the bright orange cat suit with bright blonde hair. The fact that she talked loud enough on her phone for the entire store to hear also drew my eyes to her. I rolled my eyes at her ratchetness as she popped her gum and talked to some dude about how she was gonna fuck his socks off. I turned back for a second to see Terricka right behind we as she eyed the girl with the same irritation.
By the time we got to the end of the aisle we were at the end of one of the shortest check-out lines so I decided to just stay there. I turned around to Terricka as she leaned on the ice cream box and the ratchet girl began to rummage through the box right next to her, still engrossed in her conversation. I started to say something to Terricka because I could see the irritation in her face, but my phone rang before I could and I noticed it was my assistant. Against my better judgement I answered the call and turned my back on my on-the-edge sister.
As soon as I answered I quickly got wrapped up in a conversation with my assistant about my top author’s release date and blocked out everything that went on around me. I only noticed something was wrong when I suddenly felt the hair on the back of my neck stand up. In that moment I took the phone away from my ear and tuned back into the world around me as Terricka told the loud girl off. “Damn that’s rude. Right here all loud and in my ear. Step the fuck back.” I heard by sister s
ay before the girl laughed and sucked her teeth.
I knew that was a mistake as soon as it happened so I turned around ready to intervene when my sister snatched her ass up. To my surprise Terricka didn’t say another word, she just closed her eyes and stood there as the girl came to the case directly behind her while she still talked on her phone. I don’t know if it was the fact that my sister remained silent with her eyes closed as her body shook, or because the girl opened the freezer and bumped my sister’s back, but one of those things had me frantic as fuck on the inside.
“Maine baby, I’m in the grocery store and some female trying to beef with me over nothing. Talking about I’m rude cause I’m loud. Hell, I’m always loud. She better ask somebody.” The girl said as I watched Terricka’s body tremble a little more. “I know right bae. She don’t know a bitch can get LOUDER, especially when she taking the dick.” The nasty girl said as she laughed into the phone. “Oh Rodney, you so nasty daddy. I’mma show you how loud I can get tonight.” The girl suddenly said and my fucking heart stopped.
Unknowingly that bitch had said the trigger word and reignited my sister’s insane rage in an already volatile situation. In my grandmother’s words, that bitch had stepped on a hornet’s nest with flip-flops on and wasn’t shit anyone could do about it. Before I could get my body to react to the warnings that came from my brain, my sister’s eyes had popped open and she had grabbed the handle of the freezer door in her hand as the girl bent inside and looked for something.
“NOOOOO TERRICKA!” I yelled as my sister slammed the freezer door on the girl’s neck and then her head three or four times before I could even move. “OH THAT’S RODNEY HUH HOE? YOU CAN GET LOUDER HUH HOE? WELL, I CAN TOO BITCH WHILE I DRAG YO FUNKY ASS!” My sister yelled as she drug the dizzy, bleeding girl out of the freezer by her hair.
My moment of paralysis was over as I watched her slam the girl to floor and prepared to stomp her while people yelled out, “World Starrr” and recorded the massacre. I grabbed Terricka in her shoulders and hit the pressure points I knew would break her down as someone called for security over the intercom.
“Terricka what the fuck you doing? Yo ass gonna go to jail. Come on T, RIGHT NOW!” I yelled as I reached down and picked her frail ass up before I rushed out of the store and she fought every step of the way. We barely made it to the car and got in it before store security and cashiers rushed outside to find us or at least get a glimpse of our license plate so that they could turn us in. I instantly crouched down when I saw the snitching bastards come out, but Trricka just continued to sit upright in her seat and curse.
“T, what the fuck you doing, trying to get us flapped?” I whispered as I quickly grabbed Terricka and pulled her down in her seat along with me. I covered her mouth with my hand and hid from the two rent-a-cops who followed us and what would surely be a mean ass assault charge for my sister. I held on to Terricka’s mouth as we laid half way on the seat and half way on the floor for nearly three minutes before the security guards and store manager gave up right at the hood of the rental.
“Them bitches gone maine. Damn they were fast. Good we got the security footage.” One of them said as the other interjected. “No the fuck we don’t. DAMN! The camera been out for a week and I keep forgetting to get the shit fixed. The interior and exterior cameras broke too so we can’t even find out what the car look like. SHIT! If both of them ratchet hoes would have just swiped they cards and got the fuck out of here none of this would have happened. Who gonna be the blame in this shit now, huh? I’ll tell you. Me, Ricky, the fucking manager. Let’s go nigga that big wig bitch better just go home and mend her wounds and hope she never cross lil mama path again.” Ricky said as they both laughed and I listened to their footsteps and laughter fade away.
My heart raced as I waited a few more minutes after their laughter faded just to be sure they were gone. When I felt it was cool and I could catch my breath, I quickly sat up, glanced around, and then laid back down on the seat. I did that shit so fast I was like one of those little toys at Chuck E Cheese that pops up and you have to hit it with the little hammer.
I guess the sight of me all scared and shit hit Terricka’s funny bone because she suddenly began to laugh hysterically behind my hand as I sat back up. My heart raced as I frantically searched the lot then turned around and eyed Terricka with malice as she continued to lay there and laugh her ass off. She was a mused as fuck at the fact she had beat up a girl for shit and almost got our black asses arrested. She found that shit funny but I didn’t and at that moment I could do nothing but tell her that.
“Oh that shit funny huh? It’s funny Terricka? I bet it wouldn’t have been funny if the police would have gotten us. I mean really? What the fuck you on?” I yelled as I crunk up the truck and quickly pulled off the lot.
I was hot as fuck and I sped off and flung the big truck and Terricka’s bitch ass while she continued to laugh. “T, aint shit funny. Ole stupid head ass hoe. Bitch I hope you choke!” I yelled as she continued to laughed so hard she coughed then slobbed and I couldn’t help but to laugh too. I laughed so hard I almost wrecked as we sped towards Terricka’s apartment. I was mad as fuck at the situation my sister had almost put me in, but at the same time I knew that was the most excitement I had in years. I hadn’t felt my heart race like that since Terricka in I had chased our mother down.
“Maine Tish, I’m sorry. I know I was completely wrong for that shit, but shit just get too much for me sometimes. ANDDDDDD you have to admit that hoe was annoying as fuck and disrespectful.” My sister said as I turned to look at her. “Yea, you right T that hoe needed a slap, but you need to learn to NOT do what you feel needs to be done all the time. I held my peace you gotta learn too because you got too much to lose. You got four reasons why shit like that shouldn’t take you there anymore. Okay? You understand sis?” I asked my sister as we pulled into the apartments.
I waited on her to respond as she sat there with a serious look on her face and I pulled into a space right in front of her door before I turned off the truck. After I turned off the truck I turned to my sister just as she turned to look at me. “I feel you Tisha, I do and I’m gonna try. I tried in the store, you saw me close my eyes and count. I tried but that bitch wouldn’t let me. Her mouth set me off.” Terricka said as the real cause poppe in my head.
I knew just like she did that the name Rodney was what made her click and I was tired of the dance we had to do in order to avoid the subject. “Okay T, yea the bitch had mouth, but you and I both now that is not why you went off. Tell the truth T. You went off cause she said Rodney, right?” I asked my sister as I watched her eyes get big and she quickly jumped out of the truck.
She reacted so fast she totally caught me off guard and I couldn’t get my seatbelt off fast enough to catch her before she ran to the porch. “TERRICKA!! TERRICKAA! STOP, PLEASE!” I yelled as my sister suddenly stopped and turned back to face me. I watched her and paid close attention to the hurt in her eyes as she walked towards me to talk.
“Tish, I love you so I’ll just say I can’t talk to you about this right now. I definitely want to talk to you but I can’t talk about it at all right now. I want to be well and get my shit together like you said and talking about that won’t help me do it. SO let’s just leave it alone for now okay? When I feel comfortable, you’re the only one I will come to. Alright?” My sister said to me with tears in her eyes as I nodded my head and she turned to walk away.
I watched her walk inside and close the door and then the door suddenly popped open again as Jerrod came out. I remained in my seat still in a semi trance as he jumped in and kissed me gently on the lips. “What’s up baby? Why you sitting here looking like you seen a fucking ghost?” My husband asked me as he giggled and I snapped out of the trance I was in.
I looked at Jerrod, at Terricka’s door, and then at the door of the hell we lived in all of our lives before I suddenly crunk up the truck and replied. “I did see a fucking ghost. The ghost of Denise past, b
ut I hope her ass gone.” I said to my husband as I pulled of the lot and began to tell him what happened.
I told Jerrod all about how Terricka beat the girl up in the store, how her moods changed every second, and how I feared she was on the path to being worse than Denise. Jerrod listened intently until we got to the other Kroger on Frayser Blvd., then he told me to just give everything time.
“Give her a little time Tisha. See if she will get in counseling and treatment, then you will know if she really wants help and to change. That shit that happened today was just her ratchet side. I don’t think that was bipolar, just bi-thottish.” Jerrod said as he laughed and we got into the checkout line with a basket full of food.
I laughed and agreed with my husband before we paid for the groceries and then went back to Terricka’s. As soon as we stepped in the door I had de ja vue as I walked in to find Terricka up on her feet as she danced and laughed with the children. I watched as she laughed and kissed each of them while she told them she loved them. It was Dr. Jerkel, Mr. Hyde all over again, except it wasn’t Denise it was Terricka. I almost screamed out for her to stop her shit, but Sha could see it on my face as he walked to the door to help with groceries and stopped me.
“She not mama Tisha, or at least I don’t want to believe it. Give her a chance and see how long it lasts, then we will know.” My brother said as she squeezed my shoulder and I thought about what he said. I decided he was right as my sister looked up and smiled at me and I saw the T that I missed so much in her eyes. I believed she would change and everything would be good, and after that it did. For three days everything went perfect with us all in the house like a family. Terricka talked to a specialist in bipolar about an appointment the next week and she and I became even closer. On that third night Terricka finally told me what happened with her and Rodney and I knew that her mental health was really in trouble.
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