Never Say Never

by Jenna Byrnes

  His mother slept peacefully, but Mitch noticed the nasal cannula intended to supply oxygen to her lungs lying loose on the bed. He entered the room and set his beer on her bedside table so he could reinsert the plastic tubing back into her nose.

  She stirred and opened her eyes. “Hey, baby.”

  “Hi, Mama. Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you. Your air thing fell out.”

  A wracking cough shook her body, and she leaned up then relaxed once it had passed.

  “It doesn’t help, anyway.”

  “The doctor says it does, so leave it in, please.”

  She gazed up at him with tired, brown eyes. “Not sure why I ever let you go to the doctor’s office with me. I should have known you’d throw everything he said back at me.”

  “Yeah, whatever.” He straightened her covers and glanced at her water glass to make sure it wasn’t empty. In the few weeks he’d been back, they’d been over the same subject again and again. Maria Silver suffered from end stage lung cancer and emphysema. Years of smoking had taken its toll. He hated seeing her lying in bed, helpless and pathetic. All he could do was help make her as comfortable as possible.

  Mitch smiled into her wrinkled, sun-creased face and pushed her greying hair off her forehead. She’d been a bear when forced to quit smoking. Always had been in the dozens of attempts she’d made in the past.

  “Did you see Adam?” She clutched his other hand.

  The image of his old lover, collared and leashed like a dog while the arrogant, black-haired bastard fucked him, hadn’t left Mitch’s mind. “Oh, yeah. I saw him.”

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  Her eyes sparkled. “How is he?”

  I have no idea. He shrugged. “It wasn’t a good time to talk. I’m going to call him tomorrow.”

  “Tell him I’d love to see him. He was always like a son to me.”

  “I know.” Mitch brushed her hair back one more time. Once pure black, it’d grown in almost completely grey after her last round of chemotherapy. “I’ll tell him. Anything you need? I’m going to hit the sack.”

  “No, I’m fine. Tired.” She squeezed his fingers.

  He leant down and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Sleep well, Mama. Call if you need me.”

  “I will. Goodnight.”

  Mitch grabbed his beer and walked out, down the hall to his bedroom. He closed the door and opened the bottle, taking a long swig. Never in his wildest imagination had he pictured himself back here, taking care of his dying mother. There was no one else. His father had checked out years ago, and Mitch had no brothers or sisters.

  When she’d gotten sick, his mother’s church friends had rallied around her, taking her to the doctor and chemo appointments. As her condition worsened, some friends had fallen away. Either unsure about how to help her any longer or uncomfortable with her condition, he didn’t know. But there were just a few people who came and went these days. Mostly it was him and one neighbour seeing to her needs.

  He chugged the rest of his beer, enjoying the cool burn as it slid down his throat. He stripped and shut off the light before climbing into bed. He should brush his teeth, and he needed to release his hair from the ponytail. But he felt heartsick inside and didn’t want to do anything but sleep.

  He reached for his dick and wasn’t surprised to find it semi-hard. Ever since he’d come home and started thinking about Adam, he’d experienced nightly hardons. He’d stroked himself to completion under the sheets, night after night. He’d fantasised about his old lover and how things might be with him again. He’d empty his balls into a towel or T-shirt, suffered a pang of guilt remembering his mother and fallen asleep thinking about Adam.

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  He’d kept his distance like Adam had requested. He’d wanted to give his old lover some time to adjust to the idea of him being back. Unfortunately, it didn’t seem like Adam had been thinking about him at all.

  After tonight, he’d certainly picture Adam in a whole new way. Mitch’s cock twitched, and he grasped it, dragging the skin from top to bottom. Despite the collar and leash, Adam had looked damn good. Sexy and hot, just like I remembered. Watching his former lover being ridden had been interesting but upsetting. The asshole doing the riding had jerked him back and forth like an animal, and Adam had accepted it.

  Mitch’s erection lengthened and hardened. No! He released his shaft and flopped onto his side. I will not let the image of Adam wearing a collar arouse me. It’s fucking sick.

  He closed his eyes tight and willed sleep to come.

  Mitch paced around his mother’s kitchen the next morning. I need to talk to Adam, and I don’t want to wait. He’d take care of her breakfast dishes then head over to Full Throttle.

  Adam might not want to see him, but it was time to clear the air.

  A nervous tingle zipped down Mitch’s spine. He needed some answers about what he’d witnessed the previous night. He’d remain calm, choose his words carefully and approach Adam with tact.

  All his good intentions disappeared when he faced Adam on the sidewalk outside the fitness centre. “What the fuck were you doing last night?”

  Adam scowled. “What I do is of no concern to you, anymore. You left a year ago.

  Completely your choice, I might add.”

  “I know, damn it.” Mitch shrugged nervously. “I made some mistakes, no question. But you—”

  “Have moved on,” Adam said firmly, folding his arms across his chest. “I want my key back.”

  Mitch’s mind raced as he made up a lie. “I don’t have it on me. I could drop it by.”

  Adam’s eyebrows rose. “Do you really want to run into Nick again? I can’t begin to tell you what a bad idea that is.”

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  “He doesn’t bother me.” Mitch tried to sound forceful. He couldn’t count the number of ways Nick did bother him. “A man who does that to another man must be a damned insecure pussy.”

  Adam took a step towards him, and Mitch felt the warmth of his breath as he spoke.

  “Nick is no pussy. He’s a wonderful guy, and we’re very close. This has nothing to do with you, so I don’t intend to stand here and discuss it.”

  “He had a fucking collar on you, man!” Mitch muttered in a rush of emotion. “I mean, what’s up with you? You’re not a fucking animal.”

  Adam set his jaw with defiance. “I can be whatever I want with Nick. It’s totally my choice.” He reached under the collar of his T-shirt and pulled out a thick chain necklace.

  “Just like it’s my choice to wear this. Nick and I are in a relationship, Mitch. I like how he treats me.”

  Mitch couldn’t believe his ears or eyes. The chain has a fucking lock on it. He shook his head. “You’ve changed, man.”

  “Yeah, well, getting dumped changes a person. It’s been a long, fucking year since you left. I’m finally happy with someone else. Don’t walk in here and screw this up for me.”

  “No promises.” Mitch shrugged. He fully intended to win Adam back, but had thought he needed to take it slow. Now, he wasn’t so sure. “Look, I just wanted to tell you the reason I came back. Besides you, of course.”

  “Right.” Adam snorted.

  “It’s my mom. She’s sick.”

  Adam’s expression changed. Mitch knew Adam had been as fond of his mother as she had been of him.

  “What do you mean, sick?”

  “It’s the damn cigarettes, man. Her emphysema has gotten worse, and now she has lung cancer.”

  “Oh, wow.” Adam looked at the ground. “I’m sorry, Mitch. That sucks. How’s she doing?”

  He shrugged again. “Not great. Good days and bad.” He smiled. “She’d like to see you.”

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  “Oh, you’re incredible.” Adam stepped back, his face redd
ening. “Using your sick mother to get me to come back around. Really low, Mitch. But I guess that’s about what I’d expect from you.”

  Mitch frowned. “I’m not using her for anything. I’ve been back a few weeks. She’s continually pestered me to call you. She’d like to see you before anything…well, you know.”

  Adam poked a finger into Mitch’s chest. “Low, lower, lowest, man. What a schmuck you are. Mail me back my key. I don’t want to see you again.” He stormed around the corner.

  Mitch watched him return to the fitness centre. He walked back to his Chevy, heart heavy. Not exactly how I pictured the encounter turning out. He’d expected Adam to be mad about a lot of things. He hadn’t expected how raw the anger still seemed to be.

  Mitch crawled into his truck and sat there for a few minutes before starting it up and going home.

  The next morning, Mitch was washing dishes when the doorbell rang. He dried his hands and went to the living room. He opened the door and tried not to gape when he saw Adam standing there.

  “I’m here to see your mother, not you,” Adam told him firmly.

  Mitch stepped back and motioned him in. “She’ll be happy to see you.”

  “Just so you understand why I came.” Adam’s eyes flashed at him.

  “You’ve made yourself perfectly clear. Come on.” He led the way to the bedroom and tapped on the door. “Mama? You up for some company?”

  “Oh, well…sure,” she answered uncertainly.

  Mitch pushed the door open.

  Adam brushed past him. “It’s not really company, Maria. It’s only me.”

  “Adam!” Her face lit up, and she held her arms out.

  He gave her a hug and sat on the edge of the bed. “It’s great to see you. You look…super.” His voice sounded strained.

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  She waved a hand then covered her mouth as she coughed. “You always were a lousy liar. Now, my son, he lies like a poker player. Never can be quite sure when he’s telling the truth.”

  Adam glanced back at Mitch. “Don’t I know it.”

  Mitch’s heart lurched with embarrassment. “I’ll give you two a few minutes.” He stepped out but leant against the wall in the hallway, listening.

  He had lied to Adam, more times than he cared to admit, towards the end of their relationship. The first few years had been good. Adam had been in college, and Mitch had worked as an over-the-road, long haul truck driver. His job had kept him away three or four nights a week, which had given Adam time to study. Mitch would get home on Friday and do laundry and clean house while Adam finished his classes. When Adam had gotten back from school, they’d had the whole weekend together and had made the most of it.

  Once Adam had finished college and gotten a job, his schedule had changed. Mitch had continued to drive the truck, but the two men had seemed to grow apart. Their sex life had become boring then almost non-existent.

  Mitch had thought about taking solace in the people he’d met on the road. He’d run into a lot of the same guys regularly at the truck stops and had known for a fact at least a few of them were gay. He could probably have managed a few quickies without Adam ever knowing, but it had never seemed right. When the opportunity with the rodeo in Texas had come up, he’d jumped on it. Adam had thought he was crazy, and they’d argued night and day. The relationship had ended shortly after.

  “So how are you feeling, really?” Adam asked Maria.

  Mitch leant against the wall to hear her soft reply. “I’ve been better, kid.”

  “Do you get out of bed at all? You might feel better if you had a change of scenery.”

  “It’s hard for me to get up and down. Anywhere I go, I have to drag the damned oxygen tank with me. It’s just easier to stay right here.”

  “Make him help you. He’s here for you, right?”

  “Mitch? He helps me all the time. You’d be proud of him, Adam. He’s been wonderful.”

  “Good. You deserve it. You’ve always been a super mother. It won’t hurt him a bit to take some time out and repay you, however he can.”

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  “He is. He’s not working, you know. He’s staying here, taking care of me. I know it’s been an inconvenience…”

  “Nonsense. Mitch loves you. He’s doing the right thing by being here.”

  Conversation fell silent, so Mitch stepped back into the room. “Can I get you anything, Mama?”

  She shook her head weakly.

  Adam stood. “I’m going. I just wanted to stop by and say hello.”

  Maria reached for his hand. “Promise me you’ll come back soon.”

  Mitch watched Adam fidget from one foot to the next. “Adam’s busy, Mama. He might not be able—”

  “Of course I will,” Adam interrupted. “I’ll come back next week, if you promise to try and get out of bed. I think you’d feel better if you spent some time up each day.”

  “I will.” She squeezed his hand and released it. “Thanks for coming, Adam.”

  “I’ll see you soon.” He smiled at her and walked into the living room.

  “Be right back,” Mitch told his mother. “I’ll see him out.”

  She nodded.

  Mitch followed his former lover, who had stopped by the front door. “Your coming really meant a lot to her. Thanks, Adam.”

  Adam appeared thoughtful. “There’s no reason she shouldn’t get up, is there? Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything.”

  Shaking his head, Mitch said, “No, she can get up. It just makes her tired.”

  Adam seemed to want to say something else, but was hesitant.

  “What?” Mitch looked at him.

  “Was saying next week okay? I mean, she’s not going to…” He paused, staring at Mitch.

  “She shouldn’t. The doctor said three to six months, but they never know for sure. She’s doing as well as can be expected…whatever that means.”

  “So you’re going to stay here the whole time? It might be longer, you know.”

  “I know. I’ll stay as long as I need to. She has enough money to keep us going for now.

  I’ll figure out what I’m doing about a job later.”

  Adam frowned. “What happened to the rodeo gig?”

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  Mitch’s heart sank into his stomach. He really didn’t want to talk about that with Adam. “Let’s just say it didn’t work out. Look, I know I made some mistakes. If we could just talk—”

  “Not necessary.” Adam opened the front door. “I’ll call before I come back next week.

  Just to make sure she’s up for the visit.”

  “Adam, wait.”

  The handsome, curly-haired heartthrob didn’t even slow down. He just kept walking down the front sidewalk. “Bye, Mitch.”

  Mitch squeezed the door until his fingertips turned white. He watched Adam go for the second time in two days. It hurt more than he’d thought it would. He’d known for a while he wasn’t over Adam. Every time he saw the man he’d lived with and loved for nearly five years, it reaffirmed the feeling even more. I have to try and win him back. He had no idea how he’d get past the arrogant, well-hung black-haired stud.

  Hopefully, he’d think of something.

  Mitch put the rest of the soup he’d prepared for his mother into the fridge and had just finished wiping off the counter when his phone rang. He grabbed it and was surprised to see Adam’s name on the screen.

  “Hello,” he answered, cautiously.

  “Mitch, it’s Adam. Hope I’m not calling at a bad time.”

  Mitch’s stomach tingled. “No, this is fine.” Why are you calling at all? He hadn’t expected to hear from Adam until next week.

  “Look, calling you wasn’t my idea. I tried to talk Nick out of it, but he insisted.”

  “And when Nick says ‘jump’, you say ‘how hi
gh?’.” He tried to mask the disdain in his voice.

  “I do what Nick asks because I choose to, got it? I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to.”

  “Except phone me, apparently.”

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  “Yeah, well…” Adam couldn’t seem to refute the statement and skipped over it. “Nick wants to talk to you. I told him you probably couldn’t leave your mother on such short notice.”

  “Why in the devil would I want to talk to him?” Even as he asked the question, Mitch knew why. To get closer to Adam.

  “Nick thinks you two should meet more formally. Since you and I were together for so long. He wants to know a little more about you.”

  His stubborn streak set in, and Mitch replied, “Why should I care what Nick wants?

  We’ve already met, remember, and I didn’t think much of him then. Not sure a clothed encounter is going to do much to change my opinion.”

  Adam sighed. “You wouldn’t be doing it for Nick. You’d be doing it for me.”

  Mitch’s heartbeat quickened. An offer he couldn’t refuse. “When?”

  “I know it’s short notice, but tonight or tomorrow night?”

  Mitch glanced at the clock. Nearly 8:00 p.m. His mother’s neighbour, Emma Whitby, would probably be home. “I might be able to make it tonight,” he decided. “Plan on it. If I can’t, I’ll call you back in the next half hour.”

  “Thanks, Mitch.” Adam sounded relieved.

  “You bet,” Mitch replied softly and disconnected the call. Familiar feelings were settling back in. The more he was around Adam, the more he knew he’d do anything the man asked.

  He called the neighbour, who said she’d be happy to be of service and would come right over. Mitch went to his room and changed into nicer jeans and a clean T-shirt. He brushed his long, brown hair and returned it to a ponytail. The doorbell rang, and before he answered it, he slipped into his boots and grabbed his hat.

  He checked his mother on the way out and found her sound asleep. At the front door, Mitch greeted his neighbour and led her into the living room. “I don’t want to wake her to tell her I’m leaving. If she does wake up, could you let her know I’ll be back in a couple of hours?”