Rocks in the Stream

by Lewis Whelchel

  “Then would you be willing to walk out in the garden for a little while?”

  * * * * *

  THE LADIES EXITED THE HOUSE in silence and progressed across the lawn to the back of the garden where they were assured of privacy. Elizabeth was particularly anxious to avoid the notice of her mother.

  “I know that your father has informed you that we have ended our engagement.”

  “He has, but I do not understand why it must end. Why cannot you marry my father?”

  Constance strove to keep her mind busy, for if she thought too much about her feelings, she might begin to cry, and the thought of crying in front of Elizabeth was dreadful. Previously, she would have taken comfort from Elizabeth, but now she felt it would be a sign of weakness. She must be strong for her father.

  “You and I have touched briefly on my relationship with Mr. Darcy, so you may have some idea of my feelings towards him.”

  “I believe that you love him.”

  “When I agreed to marry your father, I thought that I no longer loved Mr. Darcy. I thought that he was out of my mind and heart, but he was not. It is your father’s opinion that if we were to marry, I would not be happy. Your father believes that I could never love him, and that I would soon come to resent both him and you.” Elizabeth wondered why doing the right thing was so difficult and why innocent hearts must suffer.

  “I cannot believe that you would ever resent me. I know you would not.”

  “I do not believe that I would.”

  “So, you do not love my father.”

  “No. It would be very unfair to your father for me to marry him without being deeply attached to him. He is a wonderful man, and I cannot bear the thought of making him unhappy.”

  “Does this mean you are going to marry Mr. Darcy?”

  “Last night I was given the chance to reconcile with him, but I did not. He hurt me very badly, and I was determined to keep my obligation to your father, so I sent Mr. Darcy away without seeing him again. It was cowardly and unkind of me.”

  “Oh, Elizabeth. You will be alone! I was so happy in the thought of us being a family.”

  “I am so sorry. I feel terrible. I have hurt everyone, it seems.”

  “I am worried about you. Will anything ever change between you and Mr. Darcy? I mean, if you love him, should you not be with him?”

  “He has left Hertfordshire, and I do not expect to ever see him again. I cannot imagine that he would want to see me even if he could, not after last night.”

  They walked on a little further until they reached a familiar tree and bench. Elizabeth sat and invited Constance to join her.

  “But, Elizabeth, have neither of you heard of forgiveness?” Constance was incredulous of the idea that two people who loved each other so fervently should not be together.

  “Your father asked me the same thing.”

  “My father was correct. Elizabeth, please promise me, I beg of you, that if you ever see Mr. Darcy again, that you will forgive him, and that you will tell him that you do.”

  Elizabeth smiled at the earnestness of Constance’s plea and was touched by her sincerity. “I will, just for you.”

  “No, do it for you and for him.”

  Elizabeth was struck by a singular thought. Is that all it took, that she seek Mr. Darcy’s forgiveness and grant him her own? Was it that simple?

  * * * * *

  RETURNING FROM THEIR WALK, THE young women encountered Mrs. Bennet in the entryway. Sensing her anger, Constance excused herself.

  “Elizabeth Bennet,” shouted her mother, “There you are! Sit down!”

  Mrs. Bennet pointed angrily at a chair. Elizabeth sat down and prepared for the worst. “Lizzy, you have spoiled your best, your only chance, for happiness! You have ruined everything! You —”

  “Mama, I —”

  “I will not be interrupted! If you go on refusing every offer of marriage that comes your way, you will never get a husband! You will end up an old maid and will die in this very house unless Mr. Bingley turns you out beforehand, and who will take care of you then? I told you I have done with you, and I will be as good as my word! Think of the disappointment you caused Mr. and Miss Grinly. Do they deserve that kind of treatment? No, they do not! Your behavior is . . . ”

  Elizabeth sat patiently while her mother continued to rant. Every reference to the pain that she caused Mr. Grinly cut deep inside her. It was a punishment to listen to her, but she felt it was well deserved.

  * * * * *

  WHEN MRS. BENNET HAD EXHAUSTED her strength for expostulation, Elizabeth sought refuge in the silence of her own bedchamber. The wish of her heart was to speak with Jane. Perhaps Mr. Grinly was correct. Perhaps she should go to Netherfield for a few days.

  Elizabeth was many hours lying restless in her bed before she was blessed with sleep. Though finding difficulty in falling asleep, her weariness caused her to remain late abed the next morning. When she finally went downstairs, she was informed by Mrs. Hill that Mr. and Miss Grinly had departed.

  A deep feeling of sadness nearly overwhelmed her as she considered the pain and upset that the Grinlys must be carrying with them on their journey. She felt their loss as much as they did hers. In Constance, she had found a sister and a friend. Although she had been unable to attach herself to Mr. Grinly, it did not mean that she wished for circumstances to turn out as they had. Any woman loves being admired by a kind and generous man, and Mr. Grinly was both.

  Chapter 18

  ELIZABETH REGAINED STRENGTH AFTER BREAKFASTING on toast and drinking chocolate. As soon as she could, she slipped out of Longbourn unnoticed and began the walk to Netherfield. The closer she came to Jane, the closer her feelings moved to the surface of her heart, and by the time she reached the front door, she could no longer hold back her tears. Elizabeth rang the bell and was greeted by Jane herself.

  “Lizzy, I thought I told you I would send the . . . Lizzy! What is wrong? Come here.” Jane pulled Elizabeth against her and held her until she stopped crying. Without a word, she gently led Elizabeth into the small sitting room and placed her on a sofa. “Please tell me what is wrong.”

  “Oh, Jane! I have caused them so much pain!”

  “Who have you hurt? I am certain you did not intend it.” She brushed a curl from Elizabeth’s face.

  “Mr. and Miss Grinly left this morning for Wiltshire.”

  “Were they not to remain at Longbourn until your wedding?”

  “There is to be no wedding.”

  “What happened? Surely you did not quarrel . . . ”

  Again there was a painful pause.

  “We agreed to end the engagement. We . . . ”

  Jane waited silently for Elizabeth to continue.

  “Mr. Grinly persuaded me to believe that because of my attachment to Mr. Darcy, we could not be happy together. He feared that I would come to resent him.”

  Jane’s arm was around Elizabeth, and she continued to hold her. “Why does he believe you would resent him?”

  “I know I do not love Mr. Grinly, and because of Mr. Darcy, I do not believe that I ever could. He is correct. We would not have been happy together.”

  Jane was troubled by one part of Elizabeth’s narrative. “You said he persuaded you. Do you mean to say that you would prefer that he had not?”

  “He felt very strongly, and I could not deny the love I have for Mr. Darcy.”

  “I am so sorry.”

  “It is for the best.” Elizabeth spoke with much more confidence than she felt. “I wish Mr. Grinly every happiness. I feel most deeply for Constance, though. She is so disappointed. We had so many plans for what we would do together. I think that hers is the greatest loss of all.”

  * * * * *

  THE SISTERS’ CONVERSATION CONTINUED UNTIL Mrs. Thomas interrupted them with a tray of lemonade.

  “I beg your pardon, ma’am.” Mrs. Thomas addressed herself to Jane. “But Mr. Bingley insisted that I bring you some refreshment.” She set the tray down
on the table nearest Jane.

  “Thank you, Mrs. Thomas, and please tell Mr. Bingley that we have not forgotten about him.”

  “Jane, you have such a sweet husband.”

  “I love him dearly.” She poured out two glasses of lemonade and gave one to Elizabeth.

  Elizabeth continued. “I knew that the Grinlys were to leave this morning. Mr. Grinly told me so yesterday, but when I came down, I was still bewildered to learn that they had actually left, that they were gone. For good or for ill, they have been such a part of my life these past weeks that I hardly know what to do with myself now.”

  “Lizzy, ever since your fall, you have experienced a tumult of emotions, more so than is natural for any one person to experience in so short a time. You should not feel bad because you do not feel like yourself.”

  “I feel so empty, so hollow. I feel as though my life has no direction or purpose any longer. Despite the fact that ending my engagement with Mr. Grinly was the correct decision, I still miss him and Constance. My heart aches when I think of Mr. Darcy. At the end of my conversation with Mr. Grinly, when all was decided, he said something that has affected me deeply.”

  “And what is that?”

  “Mr. Grinly told me to forgive Mr. Darcy.”

  “He said that?” Jane was not surprised to hear it. During her conversations with Elizabeth, she had become acquainted with Mr. Grinly and felt that one of the positive attributes he possessed was integrity. Ever since he made the decision to let Elizabeth go, he had promoted her relationship with Mr. Darcy.

  “Yes. He said that only the people we love most have the power to hurt us, but if they do, it does not mean we cease to love them.”

  “I had not thought about that before, but I suppose it is true.”

  Elizabeth was silent for a moment as she focused on Jane’s last words. Yes, it was true, and something else was also true. “I love him, Jane. I love Mr. Darcy.”

  Jane felt responsible for Elizabeth’s engagement to Mr. Grinly and consequent separation from Mr. Darcy. She remembered how she and Elizabeth used to talk about love and marriage, and how Elizabeth had always told her she would only marry someone with whom she was in love. She had persuaded Elizabeth to deny that love, and now Elizabeth was suffering for it. Jane wanted to change the subject to one less tender. “How is Mama taking the news?”

  “Not very well. She blames me and is being rather unpleasant.”

  “Then why do you not stay at Netherfield with us until the storm has blown over. Would you be willing to do that? I will send a servant to Longbourn for your things and to inform Mama that you will be with us for now.”

  “Thank you, Jane. That is most kind. I would like that very much.”

  * * * * *

  DARCY STUMBLED THROUGH THE DOOR of his London townhouse after a slow and difficult ride from Hertfordshire. The silence of the house was deafening. Georgiana was not at home, and neither his housekeeper nor any of the servants were prepared to receive him.

  He stepped heavily through the hall towards the solitude of his library, his body weighed down with grief. He could describe the emotion he felt in no better term than mourning, for it seemed as though someone close to him had died. Darcy sat in silence for hours before he heard a light knock at the door. If he did not respond, he knew no one would dare come in, so it was with no little surprise and quickly mounting anger that he saw the knob turn and someone prepare to enter.

  “Leave me!” He struck the desk with an open hand, the sound punctuating his command.

  The unwelcome intruder was no less startled by his violence than he was by the appearance of Georgiana.

  “Fitzwilliam,” she said in a faltering voice, “I did not mean . . . I am sorry that . . . I . . . ” She turned and fled the room. Georgiana was not accustomed to her brother raising his voice and the prospect was frightening.

  Darcy sprang from his chair and ran to her, gently calling her name. She was reassured by the softened look on his face. Taking her elbow, he led her back to the library.

  “Georgiana, I did not mean to frighten you. I am so sorry. You are always welcome here. Please, come and sit with me. There is no fire, but I have a blanket with which to warm you.” Chastising himself for the bad temper that led him to abuse her, he assisted her into a chair by the empty fireplace. He took the promised blanket and covered her.

  As he sat down next to Georgiana, Darcy realized just how injured he was as a result of losing Elizabeth. If his behavior towards Georgiana was a sample of how he might act in the future, his life was going to be one of misery.

  Georgiana was quick to forgive him. She knew he was suffering and would say nothing to disrupt what she knew to be delicate emotions. Instead, she stated the obvious. “Fitzwilliam, I was not expecting you home so soon.”

  Grateful for her generosity in not mentioning his affront, he quickly answered. “I had not anticipated such an early return, but I found that I had no reason to remain in Hertfordshire. Indeed, I found that my presence was unwelcome.”

  Despite the blanket, a chill passed through Georgiana. She knew why he had gone to Hertfordshire, and if he were back so soon, nothing good could have come of his trip. She pulled the blanket close around her. “I can see that you are not well. What may I do for you?”

  Darcy shook his head with a bitter laugh. “There is nothing you can do. There is nothing anyone can do. I have lost her. Elizabeth is to marry another man.”

  Uncertain how to respond, she gave him a weak smile and a nod as encouragement to continue speaking.

  His voice was rife with frustration. “Elizabeth loves me. I could see it in her eyes, and her sister confirmed it when we spoke privately.”

  “Did you meet her . . . her . . . ”

  There was a moment of silence as Georgiana searched for a delicate way to ask the question.

  “ . . . her future husband? Are those the words for which you are searching but will not speak? You will not offend me. I have punished myself enough. No one else can injure me.” His head dropped against his chest. “Yes, I met him. Mr. Grinly is quiet and unassuming, and she does not love him!”

  His words echoed in the quiet room.

  Georgiana was incredulous. “Then why? Why is she marrying him?” From what little she knew of Miss Bennet, allowing for the fact that all she knew of her was from her brother’s report, she did not think that she was the kind of young woman who would marry where she did not love.

  “To escape me. It is my opinion that she wants to leave Hertfordshire and all her friends and go off to Wiltshire with this man in order to free herself from the attachment she feels for me, perhaps even to punish me.”

  “She should marry you! She will only be hurting herself. Does she not see that? How can she expect to be happy marrying a man she does not love?”

  “Georgiana, I do not believe that she expects to be happy.”

  “Are all her hopes for happiness truly that blighted?”

  “Oh, how I hurt her! She does not love Mr. Grinly, and therefore he cannot hurt her. She is safe with him.”

  “That is so sad.”

  He could say no more, but stepped over to the sideboard and poured himself a glass of brandy. The heat of the liquid was like fire in his throat as he quickly drank it down, but compared to the flames burning in his mind and heart, it accounted for nothing. He reached again for the brandy.

  Georgiana pushed her blanket aside and moved to join her brother.

  “Do not be foolish, Fitzwilliam,” she whispered as she took the glass from his hand. “It will only make it worse.”

  For a moment, he was quiet and just looked at her. “You are correct, and you were also correct when you told me to return to her. I will follow your advice because I know the price I am paying for not having listened to you before.”

  She pulled him into an embrace and heard a groan of despair rumble deep in his chest. She could not imagine what he was feeling, but his anguish and raw emotion were painful to wit
ness. She felt helpless. There was little or nothing she could say or do that might console him or ease the burden he carried.

  “It is late. Go to bed, Georgiana.”

  When he was alone, he eyed the brandy and fingered his glass, but thinking of Georgiana, he set it down again and retired to his own bedchamber for the night. He knew he had no hope of sleep, but there was, in fact, nowhere else for him to go.

  * * * * *

  ELIZABETH WAS GRATEFUL TO ESCAPE both Longbourn and her disagreeable mother, and it was with the greatest relief that she found herself installed at Netherfield in the bedchamber she considered to be her own, the room where she recovered from her fall. She chose it as the best place to pour out her heart with thoughts of Mr. Darcy. Jane assumed that Elizabeth was very fatigued, and that it was for this reason that she spent so much time above stairs when she was not out of doors.

  Every day the weather was fine. Elizabeth wandered around the grounds of Netherfield just as her mind wandered through the streets of London in search of Mr. Darcy. One day while walking some distance from the house, she came upon a turning in the path and caught sight of a tree root raised up from the ground. Though she had no recollection of her accident, she fancied that this must have been the spot where she fell, that this was the place where she was unknowingly introduced to Mr. Darcy’s notice, that right here he had come upon her and held her while awaiting Mr. Bingley’s carriage. Perhaps next to that small green shoot was where he found her ribbon. He had kept her ribbon with him from that time forward as an endearment and a remembrance. Now he had no need for it. It was too late. He had returned the ribbon, and at her bidding, was gone.

  * * * * *

  THE DAYS PASSED SLOWLY FOR Elizabeth. Every morning, she walked out, either going past the tree root or sitting on one of the rocks in the stream thinking of Mr. Darcy. The water flowed gently through her fingers. She wondered if he ever thought of her and wondered if she would ever stop thinking of him. She wanted news of him and wished to learn if he were at peace. She harbored no bitterness towards him, only love and longing.

  In the deepest moments of despair, she would imagine him walking into the drawing room while she was at her work. She would look up at him and their eyes would meet. Soon their hands would come together, and then their lips. Sometimes these feelings became so vivid that she was nearly in tears by the time the emotion passed.