Love for Imperfect Things

by Haemin Sunim

  “my thoughts” or “my emotions.”

  They usually linger only briefly.

  If you keep claiming them as yours,

  you will only obstruct their natural flow

  and mistakenly identify with them.

  * * *

  *

  Thoughts are passing clouds,

  appearing in response to an array of factors beyond your control.

  Clinging to a particular negative thought

  can even lead to depression.

  Be careful not to get caught up in your thoughts.

  * * *

  *

  “True freedom is

  freedom from the known.”

  —JIDDU KRISHNAMURTI

  * * *

  *

  Any object that can be observed is not your true nature.

  For example, a cup, tree, or building can be observed,

  which means they are not you, the observer, but objects.

  In the same way, thoughts and emotions can be observed,

  but you still remain even after they disappear into silence.

  The main reason we suffer is because we mistakenly

  equate objects with the observer.

  * * *

  *

  “You find peace not by rearranging

  the circumstances of your life,

  but by realizing who you are

  at the deepest level.”

  —ECKHART TOLLE

  * * *

  *

  Our true self can never be lost,

  even for a single moment.

  Just like the present can never be lost—

  it is always here and now,

  whether or not we pay attention to it.

  * * *

  *

  “True freedom

  is being without anxiety about imperfection.”

  —ZEN MASTER SENGCHAN

  Your life is difficult

  not because the past is holding you back,

  but because you keep thinking about the past

  and lingering there.

  Rather than haggling with your past,

  let it be, so that it can flow like a river.

  Your true self is not the river of memory

  but the one who stands beside the river,

  quietly observing its flow.

  MY SPIRITUAL JOURNEY

  WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL, I didn’t know much about Buddhism, just enough to look forward to Buddha’s birthday every May. I liked having a day off from school at that time of year, when the weather was usually nice. I also enjoyed the sight of the colorful paper lanterns decorating the streets of Seoul. When I walked through those lantern-lit streets at dusk, it was so beautiful that I could almost forget about school or my uncertainty about the future. At this time of year I would often visit Doseon Temple on Mount Bukhan, which was not far from my home. While passing beneath the colorful lanterns and listening on my Walkman to my favorite musicians, like George Winston, Enya, or Simon and Garfunkel, I became peaceful and at ease.

  On weekends, there was one thing I especially enjoyed doing: hanging out with American missionaries. They were in their early twenties, only three or four years older than I was, so it was easy to become friends with them. We would play sports and card games, and teach each other about our culture and language. Our interactions also strengthened my interest in religion and led me to explore questions like “Why are we born, and what becomes of us after we die?” “Who am I?” and “Why is the world so full of inequality and suffering?” I liked being able to discuss these questions in English, perhaps because they were the kinds of questions I wasn’t allowed to ask in school.

  When Buddha’s birthday came around, I persuaded my missionary friends that, since they had come to Korea, they should get to know a traditional Korean religion. At the time I wouldn’t have felt qualified to call myself a Buddhist; I simply enjoyed introducing my foreign friends to a tradition that was an important part of Korean history and culture. Perhaps because they agreed about the value of understanding another religion, or because they just wanted to venture outside the city, late one afternoon, when the lanterns were at their most striking, my missionary friends headed with me up Mount Bukhan to Doseon Temple.

  Upon arriving, we admired the traditional buildings and grounds. Then my missionary friends started asking me questions. For instance, seeing the dignified and yet frightening faces of the Four Heavenly Guardian Kings at the entrance to the temple grounds, they asked, “Why do Buddhists worship gods who look like devils?”; pointing to the people bowing before the carved stone Buddha statue, they asked, “Why are they bowing to a stone Buddha? Isn’t that idol worship?” I couldn’t muster even a lame explanation, never mind an informed one, not knowing enough at the time to be able to answer that, just as in Christianity the archangels Gabriel and Michael serve the will of God and protect the faithful, Buddhism has its own otherworldly beings, like the Four Heavenly Guardian Kings, who protect the teachings of the Buddha and the Buddha’s followers. When I was in high school, I also misunderstood what the Buddha statue represented, simply assuming that the Buddha was like a deity with great powers, granting people’s prayers if they worshipped him sincerely. Thinking back now, I’m struck by how ignorant I was.

  * * *

  *

  IN COLLEGE I STARTED TO LEARN about Buddhism and read several Buddhist texts as part of my major in religious studies. One of them was the Diamond Sutra, an important Mahayana scripture, which taught me that “the true Buddha has no form and, therefore, cannot be seen with the eyes.” In other words, the Buddha signifies the enlightened mind and has no particular shape or human form. All living beings are said to have “Buddha nature” or “true nature,” and once we become enlightened, we are no different from the Buddha. Although we bow before an image of the Buddha, what we are ultimately expressing reverence to is the mind’s true nature, which exists formlessly in the present moment.

  Later, while I was training to become a monk, I studied Zen Buddhist texts such as the Recorded Sayings of Zen Masters, which contains the sayings of ancient teachers, pointing readers directly to the enlightened mind. For example: “If the stone Buddha seems sacred to us, is it because of the inherent sacredness in the image or because of our minds seeing it as sacred?” Even if two people look at the same stone Buddha, it might feel sacred to one and not at all to the other. Does true sacredness dwell in the stone that bears the Buddha’s image, or in the mind, which knows sacredness?

  The opportunity arose for me to directly experience things that I had so far experienced only through academic study. It was the intensive Zen meditation retreat at Beomeo Monastery, led by the great Zen master Subul. I resolved to do my best and just follow what the master was teaching. And, luckily, I was able to experience various stages of meditation that I had only read about. All thoughts completely fell away, and I was finally able to experience the first taste of the enlightened mind.

  It is difficult to describe the enlightened mind in words, but it is free of thoughts and feels silent, peaceful, transparent, free, alive, weightless, limitless, and indestructible. It exists in its fullness, not only inside the body but also in the outside universe, as one seamless, undivided consciousness. It also has the quality of knowing. Every time we know something, it is with this quality of the enlightened mind; it is not something mystical or out of this world. The enlightened mind exists so closely to us that we have overlooked it all of our lives. Like the empty sky, which allows clouds, lightning, and rain; like silence, which becomes the background to all music and sound; like a mirror, which reflects everything in the world as it is; like a loving mother, who always watches her child, the enlightened mind exists to everyone at all times, including right now.

  * * *

  *

>   AFTER THIS SERIES OF EXPERIENCES, my life changed unexpectedly. Somehow I began to be known in South Korea through my writings. There were many areas in which I was lacking, and with people seeking me out and asking me to teach them about Buddhism when there was still a lot I needed to practice, I felt embarrassed. I decided to deepen my meditation before it was too late and went to Bongam Monastery. I was happy to be back and to spend time with monastic brothers and with Zen master Jeokmyeong, who had dedicated his whole life to study and meditation.

  Zen master Jeokmyeong said to me: “Even if you arrive at just the first stage of the bodhisattva path, you will have enough wisdom to comprehend most Buddhist texts without any problem. But the reason you still need to cultivate nine more stages in order to reach the tenth is because there is a gap between what you know and how you act. Only when everyday people on the street see your compassionate and wise actions and declare, ‘You’re like a living Buddha!’ can you believe that you have closed the gap.”

  * * *

  *

  THE HARDEST THING IN THE WORLD is putting what you know into practice, and making sure your actions do not contradict your words. Looking at myself, the gap between the two still seems very wide. But regardless of the circumstances I find myself in, I would like to stay mindful and continue to cultivate a compassionate heart. Though it may take a long time, I resolve to reduce the gap as much as I can in this lifetime. As I write this, the Buddha’s birthday is only a week away, and the colorful lanterns hanging in the streets of Seoul are as beautiful now as they were when I was a schoolboy.

  * * *

  *

  Your body is older,

  but your mind may not feel that way.

  It is because the mind knows no age.

  It exists in the eternal now.

  * * *

  *

  In contrast to the boundless universe,

  does your mind feel small, locked inside your body?

  The truth is that your mind isn’t locked inside.

  The reason the mind can know the universe

  is that it is as big as the universe.

  If your mind exists only inside your body,

  your knowledge should be limited to

  what goes on inside your body.

  But you know things outside your body.

  Whenever knowing occurs, your mind is there, too.

  * * *

  *

  The knowing mind

  and the space in which knowing occurs

  are one and the same.

  * * *

  *

  When it is rainy and cold outside,

  we naturally seek our warm and cozy home.

  When we are beset with difficulties,

  we naturally become more alert and mindful.

  When things are going well, we don’t meditate much.

  Difficulties are blessings in disguise to foster mindfulness.

  * * *

  *

  Mindfulness isn’t something that

  has to be done in a special place.

  That uncomfortable point where

  your mind rubs up against the world

  is the best place to practice mindfulness.

  * * *

  *

  There is no better teacher than the people you dislike

  as they get you to examine your mind more deeply.

  As Zen master Seongcheol said,

  “The greatest learning opportunity is when

  you get blamed for what you have not caused.”

  * * *

  *

  Overcoming the wounds or trauma of the past

  through spiritual practice alone is not easy.

  Physical exercise—like hiking, swimming, or yoga—

  combined with psychological counseling

  can be more effective than spiritual practice alone.

  If you go straight into meditation

  with your psychological wounds left untreated,

  your memory of the pain

  may hold you back from making progress.

  * * *

  *

  Don’t overtax your body and mind in the hope of

  accelerating the progress of your meditation.

  Get enough sleep, eat a balanced diet, exercise regularly.

  Avoid straining your body by sitting for too long.

  Your progress will be quicker when your body and mind

  are in equilibrium and at ease.

  * * *

  *

  You make great efforts to attain enlightenment,

  only to realize that it has always been

  in your hand from the beginning.

  You try hard to obtain God’s love,

  only to realize that there has never been

  a single moment when God has not loved you.

  * * *

  *

  When we are enlightened,

  we realize that the whole universe is also enlightened.

  The Buddha helps sentient beings everywhere,

  all the while knowing perfectly well that

  everyone is Buddha, and everything is in his mind.

  * * *

  *

  The doors to the enlightened mind are reached through the following:

  love, silence, acceptance, the present moment,

  the feeling of aliveness, open awareness,

  the mind with no thought, complete surrender.

  * * *

  *

  Becoming enlightened does not mean

  you immediately become perfect.

  Even after attaining enlightenment,

  you must work to align your new awareness

  with your actions, particularly in human relationships.

  Learn all the mundane knowledge in the world

  but use it for a higher purpose.

  Enlightenment is not the end but the beginning.

  * * *

  *

  The truly enlightened teacher does not ask his students

  to follow him exclusively.

  If there are other great teachers,

  he encourages his students to learn from them, too.

  His primary concern is his students’ spiritual growth,

  not the maintenance of his power.

  If the teacher is worshipped like a god,

  and he seems to enjoy it, be wary.

  * * *

  *

  If there is only intelligence and no sensitivity,

  you won’t know how to empathize

  when faced with someone’s suffering.

  If there is only sensitivity but no spirituality,

  you may lose hope and fall into despair

  when faced with your own suffering.

  If there is only spirituality and no intelligence,

  you may join a cult and come to suffer.

  * * *

  *

  Do not be easily taken in by someone

  who proclaims their own enlightenment.

  Enlightenment is the absence of the “I.”

  According to the Heart Sutra,

  you are liberated when you realize

  that there is nothing to be attained.

  Then who is this “I” attaining enlightenment?

  * * *

  *

  “Strictly speaking, there are no enlightened people,

  there is only enlightened activity.”

  —ZEN MASTER SHUNRYU SUZUKI

  * * *

  *

  According to the sayings of a Zen master from the Song dynasty:

  “When it snows, three kinds of monks can be seen in the temple.
>
  The first kind goes into the meditation hall and sits.

  The second kind debates the nature of enlightenment.

  The third kind chats about today’s meals.

  Who am I, who likes all three?”

  * * *

  *

  When you feel, “I can’t be bothered to do anything today,”

  all your mindfulness goes out the window.

  Be careful not to succumb to inertia.

  * * *

  *

  There is one way to tell whether you need

  to keep doing your meditation practice or not.

  Is there still something you need to ask a teacher?

  If so, then you still have a little further to go.

  * * *

  *

  Being enlightened to your true nature means

  experiencing firsthand what you have known for a long time

  but have not yet managed to experience.

  We have yet to attain enlightenment

  not because we don’t know the path,

  but because we have not yet experienced what we already know.

  The day you become enlightened,

  you will understand why the great teachers

  have said what they have said.

  * * *

  *

  “When the mind is at rest,

  I see the moon rising and the wind blowing gently.

  Then I realize that the world is not necessarily

  an ocean of suffering.”

  —CAIGENTAN

  Chapter Eight