Fair Catch

by Ruddick, Jessica

  Jake came up behind me. “Rachel, I need you here.”

  Something inside me snapped. I spun to face him. “You keep repeating that, but it doesn’t change the fact that I made a commitment to my brother. I can’t let him down.”

  “But you can let me down?”

  I gasped. “That’s not fair.” I couldn’t believe he’d gone there. That was a low blow and one I’d never expected from him. Adam might have continually blown me off, but at least he’d never tried to manipulate me.

  Jake crossed his arms. “I need you here this weekend. Change the date of your trip.”

  I closed my eyes, furious. He wasn’t even asking me to be flexible. He was demanding it. When I opened my eyes and saw him looking at me expectantly, I could barely contain my rage. “Are you telling me that as my boss or my boyfriend?”

  He considered. “Both.”

  Oh my God. This was wrong on so many levels. Anger licked at my insides. My teeth clenched, and my lips curled. But when I heard Emily’s bedroom door open and her footsteps heading toward the kitchen, I simply turned around to continue cooking breakfast.

  ***

  SATURDAY MORNING, I picked up Eli to head home. When Mom had heard we were coming, she’d arranged for my sisters and their families to come to dinner, so there would be the thirteen of us. No—fourteen. I’d forgotten to include Cara’s new baby in the count. So much for an intimate audience with my parents.

  Eli hadn’t seemed overly concerned, saying, “I have to talk to Cara and Jenna, too, so they might as well be there. A lot of birds and one stone.” I guessed I didn’t have a monopoly on the glass-half-full mentality in the Byrne family. Though lately, I was struggling with it.

  I wasn’t sure how my parents would react, but if they drew a line in the sand, I knew which side of it I would be on—Eli’s side. The impending confrontation made me sick to my stomach. Sadly, that wasn’t the only thing making me feel ill.

  As I drove, Eli stared at me with a concerned look on his face that I was trying to ignore. “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “Nope.” When I’d spoken to my brother on the phone to finalize our plans, I hadn’t been able to hide how upset I was, but I’d only told him the bare minimum about my fight with Jake. That had been all I could manage because I was still processing it. That one conversation with Jake had made me look back at our relationship through an entirely different lens. I’d been nothing but accommodating, going above and beyond to make life easier for Jake. I hadn’t minded because I’d wanted to do it. I liked helping him. Plus, he was paying me well, and I was grateful for his generosity.

  But the one time I’d put my own needs first, he hadn’t supported me. A day had passed, and I was still flabbergasted because I hadn’t seen it coming. Are these his true colors? Have I completely misjudged him?

  I didn’t think so simply based on the fact that he’d turned his life upside down to take in his siblings. But just because he was willing to do that for them apparently didn’t mean he was willing to do it for me.

  Talk about a backhand to the face.

  I hadn’t been overly concerned about the line between employee and girlfriend becoming blurry, but now I realized that might have been naive. I’d let myself be taken advantage of. But I didn’t know if that were actually the case if I truly hadn’t minded doing the extra things. Maybe if I had seen this side of Jake before, I would have minded.

  My thoughts were tangled with my feelings, and I couldn’t think straight. All I knew was that when I thought about Jake, my chest was filled with so much pressure, I could barely breathe.

  So don’t think about him now. I was about to walk into the dragon’s den with Eli, so I had other things to occupy my thoughts. Universe, please do my brother a solid and don’t let this be a total cluster.

  My mom was waiting for us when I pulled in the driveway and rushed out to greet us. Her pale-blond hair was cut into the same stylish bob she’d had my entire life, and she wore her classic summer outfit of capri pants and a button-up blouse.

  “Eli, why don’t you carry in the bags while Rachel and I go make lunch?” she asked.

  Eli and I exchanged a look. Gender roles are still firmly in place. At least she was consistent.

  “I’ll get the bags,” I said, just to be ornery. “Then Eli can tell you about his time abroad while he helps you with lunch.”

  My mother frowned, seeming perplexed. Eli stifled a laugh as he and my mother went inside the house. I grabbed our small overnight bags from the trunk and carried them upstairs. I dropped Eli’s off in his room then headed down the hall toward my room before realizing that it was no longer my room—it was a nursery for the grandbabies. Unable to disregard my curiosity, I peeked inside. The formerly white walls had been painted a gender-neutral pale yellow. My old furniture was gone, and in its place were a crib, a toddler bed, and a changing table. I’d expected seeing my old room to bother me, but I felt nothing. This wasn’t my home anymore. I shut the door and went to drop my bag off in the guest room.

  When I got down to the kitchen, a sandwich cut into quarters was waiting for me. The plate was also filled with potato chips and a single pickle, like in a deli. My mother might have her faults, but she was an excellent hostess.

  I carried my plate to the dining room, where my brother and mother were sitting. “Where’s Dad?” I asked.

  “He’s watching baseball at Jerry’s. He’ll be home for dinner.” My mother didn’t seem at all bothered by the fact that her husband was choosing to hang with the guys at the local bar rather than come home to spend time with his children, whom he hadn’t seen in months. But why should she be bothered? My father had spent the majority of my childhood at Jerry’s.

  Under the table, Eli patted my knee, which made me feel like a shitty sister. I was there to support him, yet he was the one giving me sympathy as if he could read my mind. The timing of our trip was unfortunate because it was forcing me to take a cold, hard look at the current circumstances of my own life. I didn’t like the similarities I saw.

  Or maybe, I thought miserably, the timing wasn’t unfortunate—maybe it was just in time.

  ***

  Jake

  I WENT TO Emily’s soccer party and stayed long enough to see her get her trophy, which was all she cared about anyway. She beamed with pride as I took her picture, making me glad I hadn’t missed it. Another player’s mom, who turned out to be my freshman English professor, was going to drop her off at home later. It was strange that my former professor was my peer, but I supposed I should get used to it. That sort of thing was bound to happen again in a town as small as Bleaksburg.

  I was only an hour late to the team barbecue, which wasn’t ideal, but it was the best I could manage. The barbecue was hosted by Lyle Rupert, a former VVU lineman from the 1990s who’d gone on to have a successful pro career. He still had a house nearby with several acres of land and had thrown the shindig every year since he’d retired. The only guests allowed were current and former players—no coaches or plus-ones. Sometimes I wondered if bringing the guys together with no one to moderate was a good thing. I just hoped no one would try to jump off the roof this year.

  Though I had a cold beer in my hand and Carson was sitting to my right, I couldn’t enjoy myself. I couldn’t stop thinking about what a dick Idve been to Rachel. She’d been gone when I’d gotten home last night, and we hadn’t talked since. I’d told myself I hadn’t called her because I didn’t want to bother her while she was with Eli, but really, I was being chicken shit.

  I’d fucked up, and waiting to apologize was just another way I was continuing to fuck up. That was clear to me now, but when I’d learned she wouldn’t be here this weekend, I’d been pissed off and overwhelmed. I counted on Rachel to handle the kids’ activities. In fact, I paid her to do it… during the week anyway. I realized later what I should have realized immediately—Rachel was paid to take care of the kids during the week, but anything she did beyond that was out of the go
odness of her heart. And damn, she had a big heart. How many times that summer had she helped me out on the weekends? The days all blurred together, so I couldn’t tabulate an accurate count if I tried.

  “Do you need another one?” Carson gestured to the now-warm can I was clutching in my hand.

  “No, thanks. I’m good.”

  Carson wandered off to the row of coolers to help himself to another beer.

  I didn’t know what the point was of me even being at the party if I was shitty company. I couldn’t enjoy myself until I’d made things right with Rachel. What the hell am I waiting for? When there had been a misunderstanding about the missed text, I’d been all too eager to eat crow, even though it had been an honest mistake. But now after acting like a jackass, I was dragging my feet. I didn’t know what the hell my problem was because the more time that went by, the longer she had reason to continue thinking I was a jackass.

  I stepped away from the gathering to call her. I would prefer to talk in person, but I didn’t want to wait. She didn’t answer. Damn it.

  I hesitated briefly before speaking after the beep. “Hey, Rach…” I didn’t know what to say, so I went with simple. “I’m sorry I acted like an ass. I hope everything is going well with your brother.” I stared at the phone after I ended the call, only feeling slightly better.

  CHAPTER 23

  Rachel

  CARA’S NEW BABY was adorable. I wasn’t what I would consider a baby person, but this one had chubby little rolls on his legs that made him irresistible… until he spit up half his dinner. Then I handed him back to his mother.

  I spent a good deal of time talking with Brooke about how it was going for her at Miss Melinda’s. At one point, she looked around to make sure no one was listening. “After spending so much time with all those kids, I don’t think I want to have more than one. Two tops.”

  I raised my eyebrows at her confession. “Really?”

  She nodded, looking guilty. I fought back a sigh, wanting to explain to her that it wasn’t the Byrne women’s responsibility to populate our small town. That might be a losing argument, though, considering I was related to half the town. It was a wonder my sisters had managed to find local men that didn’t share our gene pool.

  As the evening went on, Eli became more and more tense. I felt for him. The later it got, the more I began to wonder if he’d changed his mind. But when my sister Jenna was packing up her two kids to leave, Eli stood.

  “Jenna, can you wait a minute?” His voice wobbled. “I, uh, want to talk to everyone.”

  Jenna continued tying the laces her of toddler’s shoes. “Okay, as long as it won’t take long. I need to get them to bed, or their schedules will be ruined.”

  Jenna remained distracted, but the rest of us stared expectantly at Eli, who stood in the middle of our living room, looking like he was about to give a speech, which I guessed he sort of was. I got up from my space on the couch, and as I passed him, I squeezed his hand in a show of support. Then I settled on the edge of the fireplace behind him. I had his back, literally and figuratively.

  “I’m gay,” he blurted out.

  I blinked. That was not the approach I’d expected him to take, but I supposed there was no point in beating around the bush.

  Jenna dropped her son’s foot. Her eyes were wide. The only person whose expression didn’t mirror hers was her husband, Mitch. Huh. Didn’t see that one coming. Maybe he was more perceptive than I gave him credit for.

  “I’m gay,” Eli repeated. “I don’t want to live a lie anymore.” To be fair, he’d never lied about being straight. He’d simply never brought a date home or expressed a romantic interest in anyone. Still, not lying was a far cry from being able to be his authentic self.

  My mother’s hands remained folded on her lap, and she stared intently at them. My dad’s stony gaze was fixed on the mantel behind Eli.

  Damn it, Mom and Dad.

  I’d never doubted that they loved him, but now neither of them had the decency to look at him. At least my sisters and their husbands would still meet his gaze.

  Cara passed the baby to her husband and went to Eli. “Thanks for telling us.” She hugged him then sat next to me on the fireplace.

  I blinked in surprise and stared at her, wondering who the hell this woman was and what she’d done with my sister. As the oldest, Cara was most like my parents, or so I’d thought. But the way she’d repositioned herself spoke volumes. Just like me, she was on Eli’s side. Maybe I’d misjudged her. I seemed to be doing that a lot lately.

  Jenna looked up at her husband in disbelief. Mitch simply shook his head with a small smile. He’d known. Jenna was generally clueless, but how many others in this room had already figured it out and simply not said anything? For instance, Brooke no longer wore a look of surprise. Perhaps she’d also already known, and her shock had simply been at his delivery. Hell, I’d known he was coming out, and the way he’d done it had taken me off guard.

  I would venture to guess my parents were not in the camp of having figured it out. My mom looked shell-shocked, and her hands were so tightly squeezed together, her knuckles were white. My dad was harder to read, though. He wore the same expression he did when his beloved Cubs lost a baseball game. He’d never been a warm and fuzzy man to begin with, and all of us steered clear when he looked like that. It wasn’t a good sign, especially because my mother took her cues from him.

  “Mom?” Eli asked.

  She finally looked at him, her eyes glassy and her face pale. “I… I need a minute.” She reached over to grasp my father’s hand, but he wouldn’t let her take hold.

  Then without a word, he got up and walked out of the house.

  ***

  “THAT WENT BETTER than expected,” Eli said, his face pressed against the window. It was Sunday morning, and we were driving home. I should have probably said we were leaving home, but Bleaksburg felt more like home than my parents’ house. That was fine. I never planned to live there again.

  I glanced over at him. “Are you serious?”

  He nodded. “Trust me. It could have been way worse.”

  He was right—my dad’s silence was preferable to an angry outburst. He hadn’t come back until late last night, and that morning he’d been like a mute moon orbiting the Byrne family planets. Awkward. But I’d heard horror stories of gay teens being kicked out of their homes after coming out to their parents, so Eli was definitely right. Still, though, it could have gone much better. My dad had yet to say a word to his son… or to me.

  I hadn’t found fault with my sisters’ reactions, except for maybe Jenna, but she’d always been a bit of an airhead. After my mom had recovered from her shock, she’d spent the rest of our visit bustling around the house, eradicating nonexistent specks of dust, washing all the linens, and baking enough muffins and cookies to open a bakery. It was her coping mechanism. At least she’d talked to us. It had been empty, silence-filling chatter, but at least it was something.

  “Did Mom even say anything about it?” I asked.

  “No. I tried to talk to her this morning, but she said they needed time.” Eli sighed. “I’m okay with that. I didn’t expect them to welcome the fact that their only son is gay with open arms. But sorry, Rach, I didn’t get to talk to Dad about giving you my room-and-board money.”

  “Are you kidding me? I don’t care about—” I stopped short when I saw he was smiling. I shook my head. “You are being so calm and reasonable. How can you do that? I’m pissed on your behalf.”

  He shrugged. “Our parents barely finished high school, and they’ve lived in that shitty little town their whole lives. It wouldn’t surprise me if they’ve never knowingly encountered a gay person. Their worldview is about this big.” He held his thumb and finger up, about one inch apart. “But that’s not completely their fault. How would they know different?”

  I’d never thought about it like that. His comment made me realize I’d never thought of them as whole people who existed outside of their
identities as my parents. It was immature thinking. Maybe instead of condemning their way of life, I should try to understand it. It was hypocritical to want them to accept me if I wasn’t willing to do the same.

  But even though I knew I might be judging my parents too harshly, I would still never forgive them if they didn’t get over themselves and accept Eli. They might live in the sticks, but that didn’t excuse bigotry.

  “How did you and I turn out so worldly?” I was partially joking because while Eli had been to Europe, I’d barely been out of Virginia. Still, though, I’d never had my parents’ narrow mindset.

  He snorted. “Hell if I know.”

  My phone, which was resting in the cup holder, rang. I glanced at it then ignored it. Jake had already left me a message, apologizing. While I was glad he’d realized he had acted like an ass, the situation was bigger than that one incident, but he didn’t seem to understand that.

  “Are you going to answer that?” Eli asked. “It’s Jake.”

  “I’m driving.”

  “How convenient for you,” he muttered. At my sharp look, he added, “Have you talked to him since Friday?”

  “No.”

  “Texted?”

  I paused briefly. “No.”

  “Huh.”

  I pursed my lips. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Okay, so don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re acting like Mom.”

  Like I’m not going to take that the wrong way. He knew I feared turning out like her. But what he didn’t know was that I’d just been wondering the same exact thing regarding the situation with Jake.

  “What the hell are you talking about?” I snapped.

  “You’re ignoring the situation instead of dealing with it,” he explained.

  I exhaled. That wasn’t exactly where my thoughts had been. I didn’t know if it was better or worse that he’d found another negative way to compare me to my mother. Poor Mom. She really did have some lovely qualities.