Change the topic.
“Anna writes in her journals all day.”
“What does she write about?”
I gaped at him. “How would I know?”
He stiffened. “Oh, I assumed you—”
“I refuse to invade her privacy. I’m sure she’s writing about which new hairstyle she wants to try out. I’ve never seen a more girly girl. People nowadays are all about not enforcing these gender stereotypes on girls. But Anna was born a stereotype. I’m not going to change her just so she conforms to neutral gender characteristics other people have deemed ideal for her. I feel like I’m expected to force her into stereotypical boy stuff just to neutralize her in some way. She is who she is. I’m perfectly happy with the way she is.”
“She sounds lovely.”
I saw his sexy smile. The smile I realized I hadn’t seen him wearing on magazine covers. But he had lots of those smiles for Anna and me.
A chilled stiffness shot up my back. “Nothing’s going to happen between us, Jax.”
His smile evaporated. “I know. You look scared of me half the time. Do you expect me to pounce on you or something just because we have a child?”
I gave him a sideways smile. “Are you?”
“Well, if there’s anyone who should be scared, it’s me. You’re the one who pounced on me the other night.”
I fought a nervous chuckle. Heat traveled up my neck to blaze out of my ears. I had pounced on him. But I refused to admit it. “That’s an exaggeration. I did not. I lost my balance.”
“Well, you tried to kiss me. But I was like,” he lifted his hands in a surrendering gesture. “No way, Liv.”
My heart twisted a little. I was making an ass of myself again. Why did I do that when he was around? He clearly did not want me.
You’re losing your mind.
You get upset when he doesn’t want to kiss you back.
You get upset when he mentions returning to Seattle.
You get upset when he’s sweet and sexy and kind.
Do you want him to be interested in you? Or do you want him to reject you and leave again?
Decide!
I jolted in my chair, my reverie stopped short. His fingertips stroked my knuckle, and he pulled my hand into his, clutching it fiercely. I tried to stop exerting pressure to yank it out. I was stiff in his hold.
“I’m just messing with you. I’d have gone for it, but you were married at the time.”
The stiffness evaporated as I laughed. His hand was warm and strong and so familiar. My body responded to his touch. I calmed as nostalgia gripped me as strongly as he held my hand. “I wasn’t really married.”
“I didn’t know you were fooling me. So I was trying to keep my distance from you.”
My cheeks flamed. “Can we not talk about this?”
“Of course.” But he didn’t release my hand and glanced at Anna. I looked at his profile and couldn’t deny the warmth seeping through my limbs. The strong, possessive way he held my fingers in his strong palm felt good. In a way, the unrelenting hold came across like an apology. Even though I had no way of knowing if he felt the need to apologize.
But he was there, and he was trying to be friends. Nothing more, clearly. Even though his touch sent shivers of hot need coursing up to my shoulders and made my breasts tingle, before an angry knot tightened in my navel.
I tore my stubborn gaze off his face. One second, I teetered at the edge of giddy happiness and comfort. The next, I was in the middle of crippling fear.
I didn’t want to laugh with him. I didn’t want to expect anything from him. In doing that, I was allowing him to disappoint me again. But my emotions were haywire. My chest ached at the knowledge that he’d be gone again. Back to the star life of an NFL player. Where I didn’t matter, and neither did Anna.
Why do you care?
I was pretty steadfast in my need to be fine without him.
But the fact that he didn’t even want to stay peeved me to no end.
Clearly, he turns you on like no other man ever could.
Clearly, you’re attracted to him and always will be.
Stop fighting it. Use him as temporary distraction. Flirt. Have fun. Stop being scared. Get him out of your system.
The more you fight your attraction, the more you want him.
Fix it!
I didn’t know if I still loved him. I wasn’t even sure I knew what love was anymore.
But I sure as hell never forgot him.
Is there any harm in enjoying his company, for me? Only for me.
After Jax, there was never another man who made me feel this jittery, shaky want. Or made me feel engulfed in this bursting sense of finally being home again.
Jax felt like home. If I sliced him out of my life, it was like slicing my childhood out of my life.
Sitting across from him, I had my childhood back. My dreams and my hopes and my fearless belief that life would go exactly as I had planned it.
I liked that fuzzy and warm and comforting—and deceptive—childhood.
I hated Jax for making me feel like this pathetic, blubbering mess of emotions. I took a deep, calming breath and finally sipped my coffee. It was lukewarm.
Jax instantly reached for it. “Yeah, that’s probably no good anymore. I’ll get you another one.”
“No, it’s okay.” Biting the inside of my lower lip, I spotted Anna clutching the protective netting of the trampoline right before she called out.
“Mom, Casey’s dad is coming to pick her up. Can you jump too? Hey, Jax!”
Jax looked at me as if seeking my approval to respond to Anna.
I grimaced and made a face that clearly said, “Oh, come on,” and he quickly waved at her.
I was trapped in a daze. I felt too much. A tsunami of raging thoughts caught me in its whirl. It was carting me to places I didn’t want to go.
Make it stop.
As if from an alien land, I heard myself speak. “Do you want to join us in there, Jax?”
A mixture of terror and gratitude flashed across his devilishly handsome face. “Sure. That sounds like fun.”
I shot up, pulling Jax by the hand with me.
Ten minutes later, I bounced blandly on the trampoline as I reeled from the sight. Jax and Anna, two opposite genders of what seemed like the same person, laughing as they had a competition on who could jump the highest.
What if we could be a family?
I shook my head to clear it.
Do not go there, Liv!
You’ll end up broken.
Don’t give Jax the power to hurt you again.
Making myself vulnerable to Jax was not on my to-do list for the day.
I despised him for trapping me on this rollercoaster of emotions.
I did not like this erratic ride one bit.
10
Jax
My eyes snapped open. My heart raced at the sharp knocks.
I threw my legs over the side of the bed, knowing there was only one person who could come looking for me. Liv.
Sensing an emergency, I hurried over to the front door and peeked through the window.
The tall blonde on the other side was no Liv. She wore bright yellow aviators and a pristine white pantsuit with a bright yellow silk shirt peeking between the lapels of her jacket.
She spotted me at the window and waved with a well-practiced smile. Sometimes, I felt like Diane’s smile had been measured and re-measured with a vernier caliper to ensure it was the exact same every single time.
I yanked the door open and motioned for her to get inside. “What are you doing here?” I snapped.
She pouted. “Hello, Diane. You look lovely this morning. Thank you so much for coming all the way here to check up on me. You’re the best.”
I rubbed my face with both hands, my day-old stubble grating my palms. “I think I’m still half asleep. I thought it was Liv at the door.”
“Who’s Liv? Oh, wait. I can’t care right now. I’m here to do so
mething important.”
She lifted her yellow aviators off her blue eyes, which were full of derision as she leisurely looked from the top of my tousled head to my bare feet. “Who are you? I’ve never seen you like this.”
I glanced down at my naked torso, checkered boxers, and unshowered body. “I was in bed.”
“You look scruffy and normal. Don’t you dare show up in a photo anywhere looking like this.” Her lips parted, the bright pink lipstick slightly drawn outside the border of her lips, as always.
I tried to understand the flickering, unreadable look on her pretty face, and cocked an eyebrow. “What now? This should be good.”
“It is!” She pointed at me, then looked around at the sorry state of my dad’s house. “You weren’t kidding about the place. It’s worse than I imagined.”
“Gee, thanks. Now you know why I wanted to go to a hotel.”
She leaned against the kitchen island. I was genuinely concerned about the pristine white of her suit. I could not guarantee that the island wouldn’t stain it. If anything, I could guarantee the exact opposite.
“Why are you looking at me like I’ve grown a tail? I was sleeping. I don’t have a red carpet to show up to here. So sorry for not wearing a suit to bed.”
“You know what I’m thinking?” Diane said mischievously.
“I never know what you’re thinking.”
She smiled again, the same perfect amount of curve to her lips. “I like being unpredictable. I take great pride in it.”
“Why are you here? Are we going home?” I asked with a flicker of hope. But that died quickly.
Liv. Anna.
I didn’t want to leave yet. I held my breath as I waited for Diane to break the news.
“You should get out of this house, and I’ll arrange for some paps to snap you looking like this.”
I glanced at myself. “Barefoot, shirtless, pants less, and sweaty?”
“No, no, no.” She snickered, a musical sound that seemed practiced. “With this whole I’m-a-normal-dude thing you have going on.” She motioned with her hands around my face. “I’m kind of digging it because it could help the situation you’re in. This is a side of Jax Decker I haven’t seen before. No one has. It’s more homely.”
I glared at her as I got a bottle of water from the fridge. “That doesn’t sound like a compliment.”
“Homely, as in real. Like, you look ordinary.”
The sip of water burst out of my mouth. I wiped my lips with the back of my hand. “You’re shitting me. That’s a compliment?”
“Of course. I mean, there’s nothing remotely ordinary about you. You’re cocky as shit and extremely unmanageable. And stubborn. And an asshole most of the time.”
“Okay, I get it.”
“But I just got an idea. You should show this side of you to the world. People might be able to relate to you. You need to make them believe that you’re like them. Just an average guy who made a mistake and deserves to be forgiven.”
“I’m not sure I’m getting the point of this monologue.”
Diane rolled her eyes, exasperated. “Even when you’re mentoring your beloved teens, which seems to be the only shit you care about, you’re so, well, pretentious.”
“Pretentious? Aren’t you bursting with insults today.”
“I mean you’re cold and unapproachable and larger than life. There’s something about you that quietly screams ‘I’m a superior breed of people,’ even though you’re not trying to be. Are you getting me?”
I shook my head, my brows lifted in amusement.
“You have that quality by default. You come across like an asshole that’s rigid and unbending and thinks he’s above the law or whatever. However, this,” she motioned at my body again. “You looked real and approachable. ‘Hey, people, look! I wake up looking like shit every morning. Just like you mortal souls.’”
Her eyes roved over my face almost admiringly as she said it. “You look kind of cute. I’m digging this look. Totally. It’s freaking me out, though, so I’ll look away now.”
“You want to intentionally tip off reporters on my undisclosed hiding spot, so they’ll come here and take photos of me looking like a dud?”
“Darling,” she said with a regal wave of her hand, “you never look like a dud. Let me make that clear. But something about this place is changing you.”
I swallowed. That was a clue. I needed to get my shit together fast and forget about Anna and Liv. Get out of here, quick. Before you turn into an old version of you.
Spending any more time with Liv was not wise. No matter how much I wanted that, it was a recipe for disaster.
I was still attracted to her. Madly. Since she was no longer “married,” things could get messy. Next time she leaned up for a kiss, I sure as hell was grabbing her and not letting go.
The only way to keep my hands off Liv? Get out of here.
“Please tell me this is the moment you reveal that I’m coming back to Seattle with you.”
She laughed again. It sounded recorded. “I’m not doing anything of the sort.”
“Then why did you even come here?”
“I was in Medford for a meeting, so I decided to come deliver bad news in person. I know how cranky you get over the phone.”
“Not more bad news. Please.”
“You’re here for a few weeks, and there’s nothing you can do about it. But I think the press should know where you are, and we should get the word out there that you’re back at home. It makes you seem more human.”
“Your devious plans fail to make sense to me.” I spoke coldly, knowing I was stuck here. But now, getting out of Ashland was a matter of survival because I was almost happy that I could spend more time with Liv and Anna.
Diane shook her head as she walked back to the front door. “The only way you can speed up this exile is if you cash in on this real side of you. Just pretend. Find a way to come across as more human.”
I rolled my eyes at her.
She glowered at me. “You listen to me, Jax Decker. I always get you out of your messes, don’t I? That’s all I do most of the time.”
“Sure. I guess,” I said with a bite in my voice.
“You always hate my guts and my plans, but you always say an arrogant thanks with your golden eyes when I turn out to be right.”
“I choose to withhold comment on that.”
“Do as I say. Go out on a date with a sweet, girl-next-door type. Like this Liv you thought was showing up on your doorstep? Better not be paid company.”
“What?” My voice was a low hiss of disbelief.
“That’s right.” Her brows lifted in challenge. “You do it, and I’ll get you out of here in two weeks. Be seen with a girl next door. Make the press believe you’re falling for her. It’s only for a short while. That will divert their attention enough to break the momentum of their slander so we can get you back to working with those teens.”
She stepped out, and I stood in the doorway. I considered her wild plans as Diane strutted gracefully down the drive to her rented Honda.
I called out to her jokingly, “How do you suggest I find a girl-next-door type?”
Diane whirled around, her white suit spotless even though she’d ventured into Dad’s dirty house. She spoke while placing her yellow-lensed aviators back on her dainty little nose. “Don’t know, Jax. Be creative. Look next door, maybe?”
11
Liv
The silence was awkward.
I clutched the steering wheel tighter, growing more anxious by the minute.
Next to me, Jax’s long legs stretched out, his hands resting on his thighs over faded denim. In the rearview mirror, I caught Anna peeking at Jax’s profile as she talked to me.
“Miss Montgomery says I need to work on my delivery of serious dialogue.”
“Why do you even have serious dialogue in the princess reunion play? I thought out was all funny.”
“Mostly.”
Usually, Anna
wouldn’t stop talking once she began. But Jax’s presence was creating a dense awkwardness inside the car.
He sat in the passenger seat like a massive boulder, saying nothing, contributing nothing, looking ahead at the road as if he had a score to settle with it.
“Has Jax moved into Grandpa’s house permanently?”
“No!” I snapped too abruptly, sensing Jax’s discomfort wafting off him in waves. I didn’t get him. And I really didn’t want to engage in an unpleasant discussion with him while Anna sat there.
I’d had a long, therapeutic talk with myself last night and decided that arguing with Jax would get me nowhere. If I truly didn’t expect anything from Jax, I had to make sure I stayed completely detached from everything he did or did not do.
Of course, that decision was being chipped away by my annoyance at being in his proximity. Since Jax had begged to be allowed to spend time with Anna, and then turned into a mute block of ice!
“Jax is going back home soon. He can hardly wait!” I said to Anna, my resolve to stay unemotional dying a swift death.
“Where does he live?”
“Seattle.”
“Is he friends with Grandpa?”
“Oh my god!” I muttered, my spirits lifting as I spotted the auditorium at the end of the street. “Anna, Jax is right here. I think he’s more than capable of answering for himself.”
I sensed Jax’s head turn toward me, but he only inhaled deeply and glanced out the window.
This is it!
I pursed my lips to keep from snapping, as I heard Anna say, “Jax, are you friends with Grandpa?”
“Okay! School’s here. Off you go. You’re running late.”
I unloaded Anna and put the car into gear. My frustration burst out of me before I even hit the gas. “What do you think you’re doing, Jax?” I spoke in the calmest voice I could muster.
“Nothing.”
He kept staring out the window as if he didn’t even want to be there. My jaws grated as I smacked my hand against the indicator wand then pulled over on the side of the road.
Turning off the ignition, I opened my car door.
Baby's Daddy: An Enemies to Lovers Romance Page 7