A Whiskey Sour Wipeout

by Constance Barker

  The nurse turned into a hospital room and Dog saw Slick in a reclining bed that was raised so he could sit. Next to him sat a pretty woman, about the same age as Slick.

  “Dog Breath! You are the last man I expected to see in here today.” Slick smiled broadly.

  “Slick, good to see you, too. But I have to say, you've looked better.” Dog tried to smile but it was harder than he expected.

  Slick chuckled. “I could say the same thing about you. But looks like your sad state got you a pretty lady to push you up here.”

  The nurse glared at Slick. “I’ll have you know, I have two graduate degrees, so watch it.”

  Slick smiled at the nurse, then studied the VA police officer. “Seems like you must be a VIP in here, since you got a police escort.”

  Candy was trying to be polite, but lost her patience and cleared her throat, loudly. Slick took the hint. “Where are my manners. Dog, this is Candy. Candy this is Dog Breath.”

  Candy batted her eyes. “Nice to finally meet you. Slick has talked about you and Lugnut quite a bit.”

  Dog nodded his head slightly. “Nice to meet you, too, Candy. But I must apologize. We don’t have a lot of time for pleasantries. We have too much to talk about, like what happened to you and Lugnut, and me.”

  Chapter Eleven

  “Will you stop. We’re almost there. What is it with older men? They have to go pee every ten minutes.” Dixie rolled her eyes then leaned her head back on the seat. She was sitting in the back of the car, next to Digger.

  “I have had to go for an hour now. And I really, really need to go now.” Digger was sweating from the effort to hold it.

  “Look, there’s the funeral home. We are there.” I was riding shotgun, busy with the GPS and trying to keep the peace. Piper’s driving was more aggressive since we went to one wrong funeral parlor while Digger begged for a bathroom, and Dixie is, well, Dixie.

  Dixie was the first to pop out of the car when we parked. It seemed like it hadn't even stopped when she opened the door. The rest of us unloaded and Piper stared down Dixie. “You needed to get out of the car I guess?”

  Dixie blushed. “With all the pee talk, I have to go now, too.”

  We made for the front door and I was apprehensive about crashing a wake where none of us knew anyone. Once inside, we were greeted by a sign informing us that Lugnut’s wake was in the Monticello Room.

  Dixie and Digger made for the rest rooms. And Piper provided an answer to the question rattling around in my head. How were we going to explain our arrival to a grieving family?

  She was in journalist mode and took control. She led me further into the fancy place and we made our way to the Monticello Room. The crowd was light and most were standing, milling about. After shaking a few hands and introducing ourselves, Piper approached a woman in scrubs, “Hello, my name is Piper. We're friends of Dog Breath and came to help anyway we can. We were hoping to talk with Bianca Howard. Do you know where she is?”

  The woman smiled broadly in reply. “No. But, my name is Linzi. I’m a nurse at the VA hospital where Lugnut was being treated. Maybe I can help you. I have known Lugnut for years.”

  Piper tilted her head back slightly. “Were you involved with treating his heart condition?”

  Linzi nodded. “Of course. It was the reason Lugnut came to the hospital. Other than his ticker, he was in good health. It was so sad to see it fail on him.”

  I couldn't resist participating in the conversation. “My name is Ginger. Nice to meet you.”

  Linzi dropped her jaw and her eyes widened. “You're the one with the haunted pub, aren’t you? The one who solves those unusual murders.”

  I smiled a little to be polite. “Yes, I’m that Ginger.” It was a bit uncomfortable and I caught Piper rolling her eyes.

  “Lugnut and Slick talked about the adventures Dog had with you. So nice to meet you.” Linzi extended her hand to shake.

  To be gracious, I shook it. “Would you know if there were any recent changes in the heart medication for Lugnut? It seemed like something changed according to his family and friends. They all felt it was a shock and kind of sudden.”

  Linzi shook her head no, and the smile on her face disappeared. “Not that I know.”

  Piper was studying the nurse. “Would you know where Bianca is, or if she's coming tonight?”

  Linzi shrugged. “Well, the wake started earlier today, and there was one viewing at noon that lasted until three. But I couldn't make that one, I had to work. So, I came to this one that just started at five. She wasn’t here when I got here, so no. I'm guessing she might show a little later, after a little break. She has been through a lot, including the first viewing.”

  Dixie came bounding into the room and made her way over to us. “That’s so much better. So, what are we doing?”

  Piper frowned at her. “We were having a conversation with Linzi here. Linzi, this is Dixie. Dixie, Linzi.”

  Dixie blushed. “Nice to meet you, Linzi. I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

  I tried to continue. “Do you know what heart medication Lugnut was on?”

  Linzi’s face went blank. “I have to be honest. All these questions about Lugnut’s medical condition are making me uncomfortable. Can we talk about something else?”

  Piper didn't miss a beat. “Sure. Do you know anyone who would want to hurt Lugnut?”

  Linzi flashed a nervous grin. “If I didn’t know better, I would say you are investigating a murder.”

  I knew Piper’s tone was a bit blunt, and jumped in. “Not really. But like I said, it seemed sudden and it surprised everyone. So, we do have questions.”

  Linzi eyed me while she searched for her words. “If you want to investigate something, I overheard Slick and Lugnut mention a top-secret mission they were involved with in ‘Nam. Lugnut even mentioned to me that he needed to keep a low profile, because of it. When I asked what that meant, he clammed up.”

  Piper once again took control. “Well, that is very helpful, thank you. But it seems unusual for a nurse to know all that about a patient.”

  Linzi’s nervous grin became a smile. “Oh, didn’t I mention it? Lugnut and I dated before he married Bianca. Like I said, I have known him for a long time.”

  Dixie snorted. “Well, isn’t that all nice and cozy.”

  As I was about to chide Dixie, Piper stopped me by saying, “Well, that is unusual. Was there any bad blood between you and Bianca?”

  Linzi pinched her lips and quipped. “That’s a bit personal. I think we're done here. You ladies have a nice day.” She turned and strolled off.

  Digger wandered over to us as Linzi walked away. “I see you're already making friends. She didn’t look happy.”

  Piper shot back, “That is just it, Digger. For someone who dated the dead guy, she didn’t seem too interested in him. And she was too perky.”

  Digger pointed to a woman in black talking to two others. “That is Bianca over there. I ran into her by accident as she came into the room. I think that's the woman we wanted to talk to, right?”

  We all looked a Digger in shock. Dixie summed it up. “Well, luck is sometimes better than skill.”

  Piper gestured towards the widow. “Well, we came to talk to her. So, let’s go talk to her.”

  The four of us exchanged quick glances when Dixie spoke again. “Don’t you think the four of us descending on her might be a bit much?”

  My eyebrows spiked. “That is actually a good though. I had no idea you could be so perceptive.”

  Dixie shrugged. “I tend bar. You learn how to read people and how to say hello. It is obvious a grieving widow wouldn’t want to be ambushed by the four of us asking questions.”

  Piper nodded in agreement. “I agree. It’s a good call to split up. Dixie, Digger, you two go talk with the other vets that are here. Ask about what Dog and Lugnut did over in Vietnam. There are a few old army buddies here and they're easy to spot. One is even wearing a VA hospital bracelet. They might know if Dog Br
eath and his friends did more than change oil during the war.”

  Digger grunted. “I never knew you had telescopic vision. How did you spot all that?’’

  “I just paid attention when we came in. Now go on. Ginger and I need to go talk to Bianca.”

  With that we split. Piper and I locked eyes as we approached Bianca, and we both understood this was more complex than we anticipated.

  “Mrs. Campbell. We are so sorry for your loss. We came from Potter's Mill to see if we can do anything to help. We're friends of Dog Breath and heard that he's now missing.” My thin voice revealed how my heart ached for her loss.

  Bianca cracked a small, gracious smile. “Dog seems to have a lot of friends. There were a few of his other friends here earlier. But they're off looking for him now. That Guardrail guy was huge.”

  I smiled back at her. “He is big, but his heart is bigger. They were the ones who called us and filled us in. And asked that we come here to help.”

  “That is so kind of you.” She studied Piper and me.

  “I’m sorry. I am Ginger. And this Piper.”

  Bianca tilted her head to one side. “Lugnut mentioned you. He said you two were very smart and solved some pretty weird murders.”

  Piper looked like she had just learned aliens really did land in Roswell. “He mentioned me? I thought everyone just talked about Ginger and the ghost chicken.”

  Bianca chuckled. “Oh, he mentioned the ghost chicken, too. It's kind of hard to ignore that.”

  Piper regathered her composure. “I was hoping we would run into you. Dog told us that this all happened so suddenly. Did you notice anything unusual with Lugnut before it happened?”

  “No not really. But I wasn’t focused on finding anything. We were just living our lives. But, when Slick got that bad oxygen, that got my attention.”

  My compassion told me to go slow. “That was just awful, but a large coincidence. We can’t help but wonder if something was going on or if someone wanted to harm Slick or Lugnut.”

  Bianca gestured no. “They were both funny, warm men. I can’t think of anyone who would want to hurt them.”

  Piper pressed. “Did Lugnut ever mention a secret mission in Vietnam? Linzi, his nurse, mentioned something about that.”

  Bianca chuckled. “She is a bit odd, that one. I would be cautious of anything she says. And Lugnut didn’t ever mention anything like that.” She turned to glance at Linzi. “I’m surprised she came tonight, she knows the family and I are not real fond of her.”

  The awkward silence that followed was broken by Piper. “So, do you still have Lugnut’s heart pills?”

  Bianca flipped her hands. “I guess. He had multiple bottles of them all over the house.”

  “Is there any way we can take a look at them?” My conscience immediately scolded me for being insensitive.

  It must have showed, because Bianca responded with a smile. “It’s alright, Ginger. I would expect you to be curious after the stories I have heard about you and your friends. Last summer the boys went to see a race, and Dog stayed with us a couple of days. He told us all kind of stories and bragged about stakeouts and taking down bad guys.”

  Humility was not Piper’s strong suit, but she surprised me. “I am sure he exaggerated. We mostly helped the police do their job.”

  Bianca continued. “Is it true your grumpy chicken ghost helps you sometimes?”

  I snorted. “That is true. Although it's not always obvious that she is trying to help.”

  Bianca pointed. “They have a nice little spread put out for us over in another room. I could use a cup of coffee. Please join me. I have a bunch of questions for you, too.

  Chapter Twelve

  “So, what’s with the heat?” Slick chuckled at his own question as he pointed at the hospital security personnel.

  The VA police officer scowled at him and spoke with an annoyed tone. “I think you’ve seen one too many movies. We're vets, just like you, who simply keep the peace here. I would never go so far as to call us heat.”

  “I was just trying to keep things light.” Slick’s voice trailed off.

  Dog said, “Look, Lugnut’s heart attack followed by your accident is too big a coincidence. Something is going on.”

  Slick’s eyebrows rose. “I’ll say. And you forgot to tell me why you’re in a wheelchair.”

  The nurse cut in and turned to Slick, “Did this happen to you right after using your oxygen?”

  Candy responded. “It happened while using it. I found him with the mask still on, pulled down around his neck.”

  Slick nodded. “Yeah, I remember trying to pull it off when my head got real light.”

  Dog resumed. “Look, I think someone might have killed Lugnut. And they tried to kill you, too.”

  The nurse spoke to the officer, “He has been insisting on this story and he was obsessed with talking to his friend here.”

  Slick scanned the various faces in the room. “Alright. You have some valid points. But you still haven’t told me why you're in a wheelchair.”

  Dog sighed and blushed a little. “That’s kind of embarrassing. I took a whiff of your oxygen, too.”

  Slick let out a belly laugh. “You think what happened to me is strange. But you're also in here because of my oxygen? That's so weird it’s funny.”

  Dog mumbled. “I ran into a finicky cabbie and tried to show him the oxygen tank was harmless. But it wasn’t.”

  “Okay, that's not weird, nooooooo. But I’ll come back to this cabbie thing. The real question is, how did you get my oxygen tank?”

  Dog hung his head a little. “I snuck through a window to take a look around your place.”

  Slick chuckled. “Okay, that's what I guessed. Now tell me, why did you feel the need to snoop around my place?”

  Dog groaned leaned to one side of his wheelchair. “You won’t believe me.”

  Slick’s face became tight. “Try me.”

  “You remember Star? She runs a new age store next to the pub and she sees and hears things. And sometimes she has dreams that come true. Star had a dream about Lugnut and saw his heart attack before it happened. Then Lugnut’s ghost showed up in her shower and said I was in danger. Then you almost get killed.” Dog closed his eyes and drooped his head. “I needed to take a look around for more clues as to what's going on.”

  Candy stared at Slick and went white. “So, all those weird Scooby-Doo stories you told me were true?”

  The nurse held out her hand toward Dog, but spoke to the VA officer. “See why I wanted you here? This is all so bizarre.”

  The VA policeman stared at Dog Breath. “I thought you looked familiar. I saw you on that TV show, The Ghost Hounds.”

  The nurse huffed. “You know him?”

  “Yeah. Him and his friends solved the murder of the show host. He was killed while filming an episode in The Grumpy Chicken Irish Pub.”

  The nurse gasped. “I do remember hearing something about that.”

  Candy started crying. “This is so scary. Someone tried to kill you!”

  Dog cut her off. “Now, we don’t know that. But it is why I wanted to look around your place, to see if there was anything that suggested foul play.”

  The sound carried through the hall and was easily heard in Slick’s room. Dog Breath sat up straight and cleared his throat. “It looks like we going to have a few more visitors. I recognize that voice.”

  Everyone stared at Dog for a few seconds, until the doorway filled with the massive frame of a man. Guardrail spotted Dog first. “What are you doing in a wheelchair?”

  Star and Edith trailed in behind Guardrail. The nurse studied each one as they came in. “We're going to need a bigger room.”

  Dog smiled at his friend. “This has been a long day and it's good to see you again.”

  Guardrail grinned. “Same here. Now what's going on. We came to see your old army buddy, and we thought you might be here, but what happened to you?”

  Dog turned red and pinched
his lips tight. Edith responded, “Looks like he did something stupid. That would be my guess.”

  The VA policeman scanned the new visitors and his face lit up, then he blurted out. “You’re Guardrail, and you’re Star!”

  The nurse shook her head in disgust. “I asked for you to accompany us so you could help me with security. Not to get autographs of reality TV personalities. And why do you know these two?”

  The VA officer gushed. “Guardrail is hard to forget. And everyone remembers Star, she is psychic and so pretty. And she played in a band. Where is Ginger?”

  Edith replied, “She had work to do elsewhere.”

  Dog finally picked his head up off his chest and spoke with a full voice. “I’m sorry guys. I couldn’t let go of this thing that happened to Slick, especially after Lugnut. I had to look around his place to see if I could find something. I guess maybe I did. But it didn’t work out so well.”

  Guardrail chuckled. “I guess not. I see a wrist bracelet and a wheelchair under you. How you got admitted here is mystery to me, but we thought you might come to visit Slick. So, we were kind of right.”

  Edith walked over to Dog’s side. “Are you alright? With your unexpected departure from Dog’s wake, we were worried about you, and from the looks of things our concerns were well founded.”

  Dog waved her comment off. “I'm fine. Thanks for worrying.”

  Star leaned against the wall. “Is there any chance I could get some water. I feel a little ill.”

  The nurse grabbed a water pitcher from a bedside table and a clean plastic cup. She poured some water and held it out to Star. “Are you alright? You look white? Here, let me look at you.”

  Star forced a small smile. “Trust me, it’s not anything you have been trained for. I sense immense confusion and fear in this room. But I cannot discern who it is coming from. And there is another presence, an evil spirit, that I can't explain.”

  The nurse took a step back. “What are you some kind of witch?”