Praise Him Anyhow - Volume 1

by Vanessa Miller

  Her brother had gotten through high school and college with no injuries, but his first year playing pro ball had just landed him on an operating table. Joy was so worried that this knee injury was about to end her brother’s career just as it was beginning, that she wasn’t even thinking about the concussion he had suffered—that is, until the doctor came out after Dontae’s surgery and put them on notice.

  Carmella and Nelson stood in front of the surgeon, Joy and Tory were directly behind them with Ramsey in between, holding their hands. “I feel pretty good about the knee. He’ll need rehabilitation, but I’m confident that Dontae should be walking on his own in about six to eight weeks.”

  The room erupted in cheers. Then Carmella said, “Oh thank God… thank God. So, everything is okay, then?”

  “I didn’t say that,” the doctor began again.

  “I thought you said that his knee would heal fine. What else is wrong?” Nelson demanded.

  “The Cat scan we did shows that the hit Dontae took on the field today shook his brain in such a way that I doubt he’d be able to sustain another hit.”

  “So what are you saying?” Nelson asked with an edge to his voice.

  “It means that Dontae has a decision to make,” the doctor answered.

  Carmella wanted to know, “When can we see him?”

  “He’s in the recovery room right now, but you should be able to see him in about an hour. However, because of the concussion I would advise that you make it a quick visit and then come back in the morning. He really needs his rest.” After saying that, the doctor excused himself.

  “I don’t like the way he tried to insinuate that Dontae needs to quit football,” Tory said with an exasperated look on her face.

  “Well hon, tackling is part of the game of football and if one more tackle might bring irreparable harm to my son, then I seriously think he might need to find another career,” Carmella said.

  “What other kind of career do you expect him to get? Dontae is a football player and I can tell you right now that I am not marrying no pencil pusher,” Tory declared with hands on hips for all to hear.

  “Who said anything about marriage? The two of you are just dating… slow down,” Joy said as she decided that she didn’t like little Miss Fabulous after all.

  Tory snapped open her purse and pulled out a ring that had a diamond on it that was so big, it appeared more gaudy than elegant. She put the diamond on her ring finger and declared. “I’m Dontae’s fiancée. He wanted to wait and tell everyone tonight. But since he didn’t get the chance, I’m serving notice that I will not allow anyone to go in Dontae’s room and talk him out of being what he was created to be.”

  “Don’t you care about my son’s life at all?” Nelson spoke up.

  “Of course she doesn’t care,” Joy interjected. “She’s just like the skank you left Mama for. Don’t you see the similarities?”

  “Who you calling a skank?” Tory swung around to face Joy.

  Jasmine popped up from her spot in the back. “Nelson, you need to tell your daughter to respect me.”

  “Just let it go, Jasmine. We have other things to deal with tonight,” Nelson told her.

  “I’m not going to let it go. I’m sick of your family thinking they can treat me any kind of way, and you just let them do it.” She angrily swung her purse onto her shoulder. “I’m going back to the hotel. Are you coming or not?”

  Nelson looked as if he was finally getting angry about what life had put him through and he wasn’t about to take one more thing. He stalked over to Jasmine, grabbed hold of her arm and turned her to face him. “My son is facing the most trauma he’s ever had to deal with. I need to be here to support him and I need you to support me. Can you do it or not?”

  Joy turned to her mother and said, “I guess he’s finally seeing her true colors.”

  “Stop it, Joy. Your father is worried about your brother. This is not the time or the place to act foolish.”

  “You are always taking up for him. Why do you do that, when you know as well as I do that he deserves everything he gets,” Joy said to her mother.

  Ramsey stepped in front of Carmella and took his turn trying to talk some sense into Joy. “Stop acting like a child, Joy. We need to find a way to help Dontae deal with the news the doctor just gave us. We don’t have time for all the nastiness.”

  “Yeah, I need my mind together so I can uplift my man. I can’t be spending time focusing on his evil sister,” Tory said with as much venom in her voice as Joy had displayed earlier.

  Jasmine apologized to Nelson and sat back down.

  But Joy wasn’t in the mood to apologize to nobody. Matter-of-fact, she didn’t even want to be bothered with any of them for the rest of the night. “I’m out of here. Tell my brother I’ll talk to him in the morning.”

  Carmella grabbed her daughter’s arm. “No one said that you had to leave.”

  “You want me to be respectful to someone that I have lost all respect for. So the best thing for me to do is to just get out of here and let all y’all become one big happy family.” Joy grabbed up her belongings and left the hospital in a huff.

  Carmella was about to follow her, but Ramsey stopped her by saying, “Let her go, Carmella.”

  Carmella leaned her head against her husband’s chest as a tear fell from her eyes. “She still hurting so much and I don’t know how to help her.”

  “I know you don’t want to hear this, baby, but we can’t help Joy. We are just going to have to pray and trust God.”

  “Looks like we have a laundry list of things to pray for,” Carmella told him.

  Ramsey wasn’t moved by the circumstances. He shrugged and said, “Then let’s get started right now.”

  Getting herself on one accord with her husband, Carmella smiled up at him. This was the man of her dreams… her soulmate. She could get through anything with Ramsey by her side. Her children would be okay, Carmella was sure of it, because she wasn’t going to stop bombarding heaven on their behalves until it was so.

  So much anger and bitterness filled Joy’s heart as she left the hospital, that when she arrived at the hotel her family was staying at, she did something she hadn’t done in over two years. She went to the hotel bar and ordered a drink. And then she ordered another and another.

  On her third drink, Joy received a tap on her shoulder. She thought someone in her family had found her, so her eyes were rolling as she swiveled around in her chair. “What is it?”

  “Dang,” Lance said, “you’re even a mean drunk. What in the world am I going to do with you?”

  “Not now, Lance. I’m not in the mood.”

  “And you think I’m in the mood to watch you drink yourself under the table?”

  Joy signaled the bartender and then turned back to Lance. “I hope you came over here to drink with me, because I’m in no mood to spar with you over anything tonight.”

  When the bartender approached, Lance lifted a hand. “The lady is finished drinking for the night.”

  The bartender nodded. Then Lance pulled his billfold out. “How much do we owe you?”

  “I don’t need you taking care of my bar tab. I’m a grown woman with a j.o.b.” She opened her handbag, attempting to pull out her billfold, but the first thing she pulled out was her praise journal. Time stopped for a moment as Joy looked at the journal that her Mom gave her so that she could communicate with God. The very thought made her laugh. And the more she thought about what a joke the journal turned out to be, the more she laughed.

  “What’s so funny?” Lance asked as he handed the bartender two twenties.

  Joy pointed at the journal and kept laughing. Nothing had gone right for her or her family since she’d started this little journal writing journey. It was a useless waste of time and she was going to tell her mother exactly that.

  Lance picked up the journal and opened it to the first page. He read the words and then gawked at Joy.

  “What?” she demanded, not even noti
cing that he had her journal in his hands.

  “You think I’m hot… and way too fine.” He was pointing at the words in the journal as he spoke.

  “Give me that.” Joy snatched her journal away from Lance and slammed it back on the bar. “You had no right to read my personal business.”

  “Looks like that journal is your and God’s business. I’ve never tried writing my thoughts to God like that. How’s that working for you?”

  In answer, she lifted her glass. It had less than an ounce of her drink left in it. She turned the glass up and drank it down.

  Lance took her purse out of her lap and picked up her journal. “Let’s go. You’ve had enough.”

  “As I said before, I’m grown. I don’t need you coming down here telling me what I’ve had enough of. I stopped listening to my daddy a long time ago, and I don’t need no too-fine-for-his-own-good man to try to take his place.” She was swaying in her seat with each word. At one point she almost fell off the seat, but caught herself and kept on talking.

  “You’re drunk, Joy. I’m taking you to your room so you can sleep it off. We’ll talk in the morning.” Lance put a hand on her arm and helped her get out of the chair.

  “What do we need to talk about?” Joy asked as she allowed Lance to lead her away from the bar.

  “I came to tell you something. But you’re in no condition to discuss it tonight.”

  “What did you want to tell me?”

  “It can wait.” They got into the elevator. “What floor are you on?”

  “Eight.” Joy leaned against the back wall of the elevator and held out her hand. “Give me my purse so I can find my room key.”

  Lance handed it over, then pushed the number eight and stood back while the elevator doors closed.

  As she searched through her purse, Joy began mumbling and angrily shifting things around. By the time they reached the eighth floor, Joy had found her key and stepped out of the elevator, but she was still mumbling.

  “What are you over there mumbling about?” Lance asked as he helped her to her room.

  “I’m just tired. I’m mad and I’m tired,” she said as she stumbled around. “God just keeps letting all these things happen to me and my family and I’m tired of pretending it’s okay.”

  They arrived at her door and Lance said, “I don’t believe that God is letting things happen to you. Dontae’s accident on the field today didn’t occur because God has some secret vendetta against the Marshall family.”

  “Whatever,” Joy said, and then struggled to get the key card in the slot. Lance took the card away from her and opened the door.

  Lance handed Joy her journal. “Get some sleep, Joy. We’ll talk about all of this tomorrow. Okay?”

  She didn’t respond to Lance. Joy stumbled into her room and closed the door behind her. Walking from the living room to the bedroom, Joy threw her journal and purse onto the sofa, lost her balance and then stubbed her toe on the coffee table. She then proceeded to blame God for hurting her toe.

  “Why are You so against me? Why don’t You ever help me with anything? I’m so tired of dealing with all the hurt and pain that I go through.” Joy entered the bedroom and kicked off her shoes. “Everybody wants me to trust You, but trust You for what? You don’t care… You don’t ever do anything.”

  In her drunken state, Joy even told the Lord, “All You do is listen to prayers and then ignore them. I could do that job.” As she thought about her father’s betrayal and the injuries that could end her brother’s career just as it was getting started, she got angry and then swung at the air as if trying to box with God. She lost her balance. Her legs left the ground, her butt landed on the bed, but she was in a free fall that she couldn’t stop, so her head hit the headboard. It felt to her as if her brain had shifted and her body was spiraling down a vortex of some sort. Joy wondered if God had just won the fight, by giving her a concussion, just like her brother. Then she heard a voice speaking to her as if out of a whirlwind.

  Who is this that questions me without knowledge? I have let you have your say, now prepare yourself while I ask a few questions of you.

  Joy became frightened at the voice she was hearing. Somewhere within herself, she knew that the voice she was hearing was God’s. Now she was wondering if she had gone too far, and if it was too late to take her words back?

  Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth? Declare, if you have understanding?

  When Joy didn’t respond, the Lord continued His questioning…

  Where are the foundations fastened? Who laid the corner stone there of? Who caused the morning stars to sing together or all the sons of God to shout for joy? Have you ever commanded the morning or caused the dayspring to know its place?

  She lifted her hands to her ears, trying to drown out the sounds of God letting her know just who He is, and who she was not. Hands over ears could not block out the booming voice of God.

  Who do you think provides the raven his food when his young ones cry unto God? Who wakes you up in the morning? Who put the breath of life in your body? If you can do it all for yourself, then declare it.

  Shall you that contend with the Almighty instruct Him? You that reprove God, can you give an answer for yourself?

  What had she done? Who did she think she was to tell God that she could do His job? She was now terrified that because of her arrogance, she would die in this whirlwind and never see her family again. Suddenly, with the thought of losing her life, Joy realized that things weren’t as awful as she kept telling herself they were.

  She wanted to live and she wanted God to forgive her, so she said, “I cannot declare anything. I had no right to speak to You that way. I will put my hand over my mouth, because You are God all by yourself.”

  But the Lord wasn’t finished and the whirlwind persisted. Get yourself together and stand before Me, for I will demand answers of you. Do you cancel My judgments and condemn Me so that you can be righteous? Do you have an arm like God? Can you thunder with a voice like Mine? Deck yourself now with majesty and excellence; and array yourself with glory and beauty if you can.”

  “I cannot do anything unless You allow it, Lord. Please forgive my foolish words and allow me to live with the knowledge of your greatness.”

  After humbling herself, Joy was released from the whirlwind and felt herself drifting downward. She opened her eyes and discovered that she was, once again, on the bed in her hotel room and her eyes were wide open. She had been so wrong to be angry with God, who provided for her every single day of her life. These last few years, she’d felt as if she had been placed in a barren land with no hope of finding the promised land. But at that time, in that moment, it didn’t matter to Joy. She had found God in the midst of a whirlwind and she now knew that He was worthy of her praise.

  With tears streaming down her face, she opened her mouth and began to sing a song that the choir used to sing at her mother’s church when she was a child:

  “I will sing a fruitful song, in a barren land. Although everything seems wrong, I will still sing a fruitful song…”

  She kept singing those words over and over, trying to get them down in her spirit. She wasn’t feeling the effects of alcohol anymore. She was feeling grateful that God had kept her alive all these years so she could come to terms with the fact that God deserved her praise… even when things in life weren’t going the way she wanted them to go… praise Him anyhow. Just because He is God all by Himself.

  She got off the bed and down on her knees. As she steepled her hands to pray, she was reminded of the figurine of a person praying in Lance’s office, and wondered if Lance was praying for her at that same moment. It didn’t matter, because she needed to go to God for herself. So, she began her prayer by thanking Him for who He was. And then she said, “I know I’m not a pleasant person to be around. I know that I have let bitterness get in my way, but I don’t know how to let it go. Prove to me that I’ve been wrong about You… help me.”

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  Psalm 137:5-6

  If I forget thee, O Jerusalem, let my right hand forget her cunning.

  If I do not remember thee, let my tongue cleave to the roof of my mouth; if I prefer not Jerusalem above my chief joy.

  The events of the night before had tired Joy out. So it was 9:00 a.m. by the time she opened her eyes and her telephone was ringing. Joy reached up and grabbed the phone. “Hello,” she said, her voice was groggy.

  “Hey, I was just calling to check on you.”

  She recognized the deep, smooth voice immediately. It was Lance. “I’m much better. Thanks for calling.”

  “Actually, that’s not the only reason I’m calling,” Lance told her.

  She wasn’t thinking about sparring with Lance anymore, she was just happy that he even had her own his mind. “What can I do for you?”

  “One of my college buddies invited me to attend his church this morning and I wanted to know if you’d like to go with me?”

  Joy laughed. “If this is your way of trying to get me on a date, I’ve got to say that you’re losing all cool points by taking me to a place that doesn’t even charge admission.”

  Lance laughed also, then said, “Believe me, I’m not trying to weasel out of paying for a date. I just figured that since we are both in Charlotte, and away from our home churches, you might be in need of a place to worship this morning.”

  “To tell you the truth, I don’t go to church when I’m home… haven’t for a few years now. But I think I’d like to go this morning, thanks for thinking of me.”

  “Okay, be ready in thirty minutes. I’ll drive.”

  “I’ll meet you in the lobby,” she said before they hung up and then Joy flipped the covers back and jumped out of bed. She jumped in the shower, threw on a sundress and then called her mother.