Healing the Lawman's Heart

by Ruth Logan Herne

  Drops of rain fell, then paused. The wind increased, and the trees lining the road’s edge rubbed together, whining.

  His phone buzzed one more time, and he almost threw it. He knew Julia must think he was weak to run off when things got tough. It was what he thought of himself right now, but when he looked at the text, it wasn’t from Julia.

  It was from his sister, Neda. He’d ignored her phone calls at the beginning of the month. He hadn’t wanted her sympathy or her gentle wisdom. Right then, he’d just wanted to be left alone.

  And then circumstances had bombarded him with pregnant women, a women’s clinic, a laboring goat and a tableful of beautiful children, everything he’d avoided for years.

  He opened her text.

  Love you. Miss you. Praying for you every single day. God bless you, big brother.

  His heart went tight again.

  Neda was a wonderful woman. She’d been a great sister growing up, and he stood up at her wedding six years before. Now she had two beautiful kids, and he’d shied away from her and her growing family because he was protecting himself.

  He felt selfish and stupid all of a sudden. And lonely. And cold and wet as the rain started to beat down harder.

  He stood, rounded the hood of his car and settled into the front seat. He turned the key, switched on the heat and let the fan warm him.

  Praying for you every single day. God bless you, big brother.

  He’d let her down. He’d let himself down. And today, he let Julia and Connor down. He drove past the sweet white clapboard church where Reverend Smith and Titus spent their days, past the cute stores lining Main Street, and past the town park overlooking Kirkwood Lake. He didn’t look up, toward McKinney Farm, he didn’t go back to see the three new baby goats and come face-to-face with what a jerk he’d been.

  He headed for the privacy of his condo, where a guy could be left alone with preseason baseball and a cup of fresh, hot coffee, no risk involved. Julia thought he had a chip on his shoulder. That he was a high risk.

  She was wrong.

  He was in the no-risk zone, and he was pretty sure he should stay there if something as simple as goat babies sent him over the edge.

  He was ashamed of himself, not just for the whole barn incident, but for leaving his sister to fend for herself. He’d shrugged off his little niece and nephew, as if his grief was more important than Neda’s joy. He’d been carrying a rock-hard grudge like a badge of honor.

  Are you getting this finally?

  His conscience gave him an extra smack for good measure as he walked into his empty upscale apartment and switched on the television.

  Everybody got their share of hard hits, but then they moved on. It was time for him to wake up and smell the roses. He liked being in the middle of those kids today. He liked being with Julia, hanging with the family. He acted normal—

  Until you didn’t.

  The mental scolding hit home.

  The seventh-inning stretch came on the preseason game, and the chords of “God Bless America” rang through his living room.

  He wanted to believe. A part of him longed to believe there was something bigger and better than him out there, but he’d been wanting proof for a long time, and none came.

  Or so he’d thought.

  He grabbed his phone and called Julia’s number.

  “Hello, Tanner.” She didn’t sound mad, she sounded understanding. Sympathetic. And slightly amused. “So I’m guessing you haven’t had a lot of birthing experiences in your life, right?”

  She thought he’d run out because birthing was a messy process. If only that was the case... “I called to apologize.”

  “No need!” She laughed, and he knew she was laughing at him because she thought he was just another squeamish guy. “All’s well that ends well and the babies are doing fine, Connor is a proud uncle and Miss Daisy is pretty sure she’s the best mom ever.”

  “Good.” He didn’t know what else to say, because he’d expected to be reamed out, but then, this was Julia. She was tough when necessary, but her gentle nature took precedence. And he loved that about her. “I’m on duty the next three days, but I can help at the clinic on Thursday afternoon.”

  “That would be wonderful. And thanks so much for taking time with Connor and Martin today, Tanner. It meant a lot to them.”

  “To me, too.”

  Seconds ticked by, as if she didn’t really want to hang up. Neither did he, but he wondered what she’d think of him if she knew the real reason he’d run away.

  For the moment, he’d let her think he was just another guy with a queasy stomach and let it go at that.

  “So...Thursday. Should I bring doughnuts?”

  “No.” Her voice firmed quickly. “I’ve been doing so well, I’m determined to keep up my new healthy choices thing. With my weird schedule, it’s time I started taking simple healthy precautions more seriously.”

  “You’re beautiful, Julia. Just the way you are.”

  She drew in a light breath, and he wondered if she was reaching up, touching her hair, twisting one of the escaped locks around her finger like he’d seen her do before. And was she wearing her glasses or were they tucked into her hair? “Thank you. You’re not so bad yourself, Mr. Tanner.”

  Her sweet reply made him smile, and using Connor’s nickname for him seemed right. “Can I buy you supper after we’re done on Thursday? Take a pretty lady out for a low-carb meal?”

  She laughed out loud, which made the cranky wheels of his heart turn easier again. “Not that night. I have to get stuff ready for the boys’ trip to Ithaca on Friday. And you’re still sure Sunday is okay? To drive to Alfred with me and pick them up?”

  “Followed by two hours of dirt, dust and mayhem, yes. I’m bringing earplugs for all of us.”

  “I won’t say no to that.” She paused slightly, then said, “Thanks again, Tanner. For everything. See you Thursday.”

  Her thanks humbled him. She had no idea why he ran out on her today. She didn’t know what he truly thought about her profession, and she’d probably hate him when the truth came out. That meant he needed to tell her the truth. He needed to take charge of the situation.

  Would she understand his actions? He didn’t know, but he needed to take the risk. Julia had dealt with a dishonest man once. There was no reason why she should ever have to deal with that again.

  Chapter Nine

  “Tanner, you made it.” Marty’s welcome at the front door was loud and clear.

  Julia didn’t look right away. Seeming too anxious was in no one’s best interests, and knowing Tanner had come to help made her feel good. First she finished the coat of primer she was rolling on room one’s back wall, then turned.

  He was watching for her. Waiting. That realization sent her heart tripping into a sweet pattern, and when he reached up and tipped his baseball cap, ever so slightly?

  She melted.

  He moved her way, eyes locked on hers, and when he got to the enclosed room and the fresh paint, he whistled lightly in appreciation. “Nice job. It’s getting there.”

  “It is. I love it,” she confessed. “Sue, come here. Meet Zach’s replacement.”

  Dr. Salinas came their way and stuck out her hand. “Sue Salinas, nice to meet you. You’re Tanner Reddington?”

  He tossed Julia a quick questioning glance. “You’ve been discussing me?”

  “I may have told Sue what a help you’ve been to us here.”

  “We’re grateful.” Sue pulled her hair into a ponytail and pointed to the calendar on the wall. “We want this up and running, ready for a post-Easter opening. We’re already fielding calls at the main office from people interested in using the clinic, so word’s getting out.”

  “Can they come to the main office in the meantime?�
�

  “They could,” Julia replied, “but a lot of these women are in rough circumstances. If we send them to the more upscale environment of the main office, it can make them feel uncomfortable. And then they don’t come back.”

  “When this is done, it will have all the amenities of the main office, but the simplicity of a health clinic,” Sue added. “That way scuffed-up shoes, worn purses and thin-seamed clothes don’t stand out.”

  “You’ve given this a great deal of thought. And I expect Julia shared my misgivings about the location with you.”

  “You’re among friends when it comes to that advice.” Sue laughed. “We’ve taken our share of heat about this spot, and the brick-throwing incident bears that out, but if we’re afraid to go to the streets, how do we expect to help the people in the streets?”

  “It’s a noble gesture,” Tanner agreed.

  “Not noble.” She downplayed that quickly. “Inspired. Miranda, Julia and I all prayed, and after about six months of putting it in God’s hands, this property came to us via the former owner. He donated it for the sum of the back taxes, which were paid by donations, leaving the grant money for the rebuild. I think God’s hand has been on every inch of this project, and I pray every day that we can do it justice.”

  He glanced from one to the other. “Who’s Miranda?”

  “Dr. Matthews,” Julia told him as she tapped the paint can cap into place. “She’s the third corner of our busy triangle.” She set the can of primer down and stood.

  Mixed emotions marked Tanner’s expression. Julia poked his arm in a friendly gesture. “We are guaranteed to fail at one hundred percent of the chances we don’t take. Hopefully this will all work out and the clinic will run peacefully as long as it’s needed.”

  “True enough.” He agreed in word, but his expression looked aggrieved and Julia didn’t know why.

  Sue’s cell phone rang. She scanned the call display and faced Julia more fully. “It’s Southern Erie Women’s Medical. I’m on their expert witness list if a current malpractice suit goes to trial, so I have to take this, and then I’ll be at the office.”

  “Okay. Tanner.” Julia faced him, but paused. “What’s wrong? Are you okay? I promise there are no goats giving birth today. You have my word on it.”

  He frowned. “And again, I’m sorry about that. It was the wrong thing to do.”

  “Oh, please.” Julia shrugged it off and went back to work. “Do you want to do primer on room two or help with the ceiling?”

  “I’ll paint.”

  “Good.” She handed him a tray and roller setup and added, “Dad did all the cutting in with the brush, so this part is pretty easy.”

  “Right.” He took the tools into the adjoining room and set to work rolling primer onto the new wallboard. He didn’t talk, he didn’t whistle, he just walked away, and when he did, Julia’s fairy-tale hope of something new and wonderful growing from their friendship fizzled.

  She’d been unable to make Vic happy for years. Despite her efforts, she’d never been able to inspire the true warmth and joy a good marriage maintained through the falls and foibles of real life.

  She was not about to chance that again, ever. Never again would she jump through hoops to meet someone else’s needs. They’d either accept her for the person she was, the person God made her to be...

  Or she’d kick them to the curb. And right now?

  Tanner’s feet were on the edge of the road, pointing out.

  * * *

  Dr. Miranda Matthews was part of Julia’s practice here.

  How could that be? Her name was on the list of defendants in his lawsuit as a practitioner for Ashley’s OB practice. He’d never met her, he’d only met two members of the staff during Ashley’s months with them, but he remembered the name. And Julia’s other colleague was being called as an expert witness? Was it coincidence? Common practice?

  He had no idea, but the look on the doctor’s face said she’d do what she had to do.

  Were they in collusion? Did doctors cover up for one another to avoid hefty payouts? Or was she sincerely invested in the best medical care for women?

  He rolled primer with a vengeance, got room two done and moved to room three without being asked, and by the end of the afternoon, the three exam rooms and the access hall and blood-draw alcove were primed, as well. He’d done it all without saying a word, so when he discovered Julia had left twenty minutes earlier, he felt like a jerk.

  He pulled out his cell phone and almost hit her number, then realized he had nothing to say. How could he confess that he might be the reason Dr. Salinas was being called to testify on behalf of Southern Erie Women’s Medical? He repocketed the phone and moved toward the door.

  “Tanner.”

  He turned and waited for Marty to catch up.

  “Nice job today, but somewhat quiet. You okay?”

  He wasn’t, but he wasn’t going to talk about it, especially not to Julia’s father. “Fine, thanks.”

  “That was believable.” Marty’s expression indicated it wasn’t the least bit convincing. “You know, when my wife was killed in a car accident, I figured my world was over. We lost a son a long time before, a little boy named Cameron, and that changed me. I wasn’t myself. I was there in body, but not in spirit, and it showed.” He turned the key in the lock, tested the door, then resumed his side of the one-sided conversation.

  “I pretty much left Janet to be the caretaker of our kids, so I didn’t have the relationship with them I do now. Once Cam was gone, I got so involved in being the best at everything I did, that I forgot to just sit back and be still. And then Janet was killed, and I didn’t think I wanted to live because everything, and I mean everything, was just plain empty. Who wants to live like that?”

  Tanner didn’t move. No one here knew about Ashley, did they? Except Alex Steele.

  “Then I got sick,” Marty continued. “They thought I had Alzheimer’s, the early kind that messes you up quickly. I couldn’t function on my own and they put me in a nursing home. Sold everything I worked so hard to earn. And I remember being trapped in that body and thinking if this ever gets better, I’m going to be the best father, the best grandpa and the best person I know how to be.”

  “You recovered?”

  Marty stared straight at him. “I recovered because I didn’t have Alzheimer’s. A smart doctor here realized I’d been misdiagnosed and getting the wrong treatment for over two years. I lost my farm, my home and woke up to a totally different existence. It took me a while to get used to things, that’s for sure.”

  “They messed up your diagnosis?”

  “To the max.”

  “And are you suing them?”

  Marty’s look of wisdom said more than his words. “No. And I don’t intend to, either.”

  “Why?” Tanner held his gaze, because either Marty was the nicest guy in the world or fairly stupid, and he’d gotten to know the older man recently. There wasn’t anything dull-witted about Marty Harrison.

  Marty ignored the stinging late-season snowflakes and the sharp west wind. “Mistakes happen. They weren’t deliberately trying to mess up my life, and in the end I learned the most valuable lesson there is—to put my family first. This way I’m here to help Piper develop McKinney Farm to its full potential, I get to help raise my grandchildren and I’m not too old to start all over again, it seems.” He flashed a smile and a wave over Tanner’s shoulder, and Tanner didn’t have to look to know Laura had just pulled into the pock-marked parking lot in front of the women’s clinic. “But it took me a while to get my head in the game.”

  Tanner wanted to know why Marty sought him out and told him all this. Did Marty know what happened? And if so, how? He started to ask, but Marty held up a hand that said he didn’t need to. “I did a Google search, son. Doesn’t take much these da
ys to find things out if you’ve got reason to look, and I saw the way you were looking at my daughter last week.”

  Tanner flushed.

  “She’s been through a lot, and I’m not interested in seeing her deal with another broken heart in this lifetime, so you need to tell her what’s gone on with you, Tanner.” His rock-hard gaze said he knew Tanner’s secrets. “Julia deserves nothing less than your honesty. And it’s up to you to make sure she gets it.”

  Marty turned to go, then swung back, facing Tanner again. “Don’t break her heart. You might be a quarter-century younger, but I’ve been runnin’ and ridin’ herd a long time. I’ve got a few go-rounds in me yet.”

  “I won’t, sir. I promise.”

  “See that you don’t.” Marty moved to Laura’s car, climbed into the front passenger seat, and made no hesitation about leaning over and giving her a kiss.

  Words of wisdom. Sage advice.

  He thought he’d be upset that someone knew the truth he’d tried so hard to put behind him, but the minute he read the sympathy in Marty’s eyes, he felt better. More normal.

  Was he stupid for locking so much up?

  Probably.

  And foolish for wanting justice served?

  He’d gotten an email from the attorney’s office earlier that day, another hopeful post about a settlement. Only Tanner didn’t feel triumphant. He felt guilty.

  He trudged to his car, started to climb in, but a familiar voice stopped him. He turned and saw Gracie Jayne moving his way. She didn’t look good, and her awkward movements said the woman needed help, quickly.

  He grabbed his cell and called for an ambulance.

  She stumbled toward him. Drunk? Drugged? While she was expecting a child?

  He hoped not. He prayed not. When he saw her color under the thin yellow glow from the few unbroken lights above, the gray cast to her skin grabbed him, heart and soul. He took gentle hold of her arm and eased her into his backseat. “Gracie Jayne, you hang on, okay? Help’s coming.”